21. Nox

21

Nox

T he sun was low on the horizon while I waited for my fate to be fulfilled. I watched it touch the waves, casting ripples of pink and orange over the sea. It was calm.

Just like me.

I wasn't scared. I wasn't preparing to fight.

No. For the first time in my existence, I was completely at peace. I'd avenged my mate. A message had been sent to hopefully remind the higher-ups that they weren't above judgement.

I'd even made sure I was spotted leaving the scene. I wanted them to know it was me. To know that an arch of Emilio's stature could be bested by a mere demon.

Mostly though, I wanted to ensure there was no way it could be pinned on Micah. It wouldn't take a genius to put the marks I'd left on Emilio's back together with the punishments Micah had been sentenced to recently. I didn't want them to think it had been him. For him to be made to suffer more than he already had.

To be honest, I'd expected to be caught within minutes. But when those minutes stretched into hours, I realised I had time to choose where I wanted to die. The place where I'd take my final breaths.

It had been an easy choice to make.

That was how I came to be experiencing my final sunset on Brighton beach. It'd been here that Micah and I had opened up to one another, peeling back the layers of armour to discover how alike we truly were.

With memories of him surrounding me, I wasn't worried about the upcoming pain. I didn't need to fear what was about to happen.

All I had to do was to focus on Micah.

He'll be safe now. With me gone, there's a chance he'll find happiness.

I hoped that was true. I'd told him once that if the person I was in love with didn't want me, I wouldn't be gracious about it.

Looking back now, it was laughable really. That was back when I believed love to be selfish when, in reality, it was the complete opposite.

All I wanted was Micah's happiness. If he found that with someone other than me, well…it wasn't like I'd be here to see it.

He'd be happy. How I felt about it didn't matter.

Besides, it wasn't that he didn't want me, he couldn't have me. They were two completely different things.

It was why this was for the best. This would be a clean break for Micah. Even though I knew this would likely hurt him in the short term, he'd get over me and find someone else. Someone he loved who loved him back. Someone who deserved him.

Someone Heaven would allow him to accept as his partner.

The sound of wings echoed in the distance. Finally. I'd been on the brink of setting the pier on fire, just to try and get them here quicker.

It wouldn't have been as dramatic as it sounds—there were no humans up there right then. Thanks to the compulsion net I'd cast over the whole area, there were none within a half mile radius. It had taken most of my power to throw it that wide, but that was okay. It wasn't like I needed it now anyway.

I had no intention of fighting. If my fate was to die on this beach for my sins, then so be it.

I was dying for the most honourable cause imaginable.

Love.

The beats on the wind grew closer, and the hairs stood up on my arms. The pull in my chest eased the way it only ever did when Micah was here.

It can't be.

But as I stumbled to my feet, turning my head in the direction of the approaching angel, my fears were confirmed.

It was Micah. Tension lined every magnificent inch of his body, his power surrounding him like a storm. Fuck . Did he know what I'd done?

He hit the sand at speed, sending it spraying in every direction. Agitation rolled off him, more fierce than the waves against the shore. Fierce was also an apt description for how Micah was looking at me.

Like he was torn between needing to kiss me or throttle me.

It took me right back to those first few encounters between us, when we mistook our intense chemistry for hate. How could we have been so blind?

My throat was tight as he drew near. "You shouldn't be here. "

"Me?" Micah grabbed the collar of my shirt, hauling me forwards until we were toe to toe. "You think you can lecture me about anything right now?"

That answered my question about whether he knew. "I can when I'm trying to keep you safe."

"And what about you?" Micah said between gritted teeth. "Don't you care about your own safety?"

I shrugged. "Not really. Doesn't seem much point sticking around if we can't be together."

Horror rippled over his face. "You can't be serious."

I wrapped my hands around his wrists, trying to calm his trembling. "I am, Micah. We both know we can't be together. With me out of the picture, you'll be free to pursue whoever or whatever will make you happy. Truly happy."

Micah's throat bobbed. "But what if that person is you?"

My breath left me in a shudder, but that was the only outward sign I gave of how my heart was breaking. "It can't be, Micah. You know that."

I released his wrists so I could pull back, but Micah grabbed them in his, holding firm. He blurted out the last thing I'd been expecting. "Run away with me."

"What?"

"Run away with me," he repeated urgently. I searched his azure eyes for any sign of uncertainty and found none. "We can leave now and find somewhere secure. Somewhere where they won't find us."

"Have you gone mad?" I whispered. "Micah, there's nowhere on Earth we could hide for longer than a few days."

"Then we'll keep moving," he said, his fingers tightening around my wrists to the point of pain. "We can stay ahead of them."

I eyed him sadly. "And that's really how you want to spend the rest of your days? Living on the run?"

"If it means I get to be with you, then yes."

"What about the Seraphim?"

Micah's eyes flicked to the side briefly. "They'll be fine without me."

"But will you be fine without them?"

Micah faltered. It confirmed how right I was. Micah wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to have to leave the Seraphim.

I didn't blame Micah for it. They'd been his family for millennia. Leading them was his purpose.

Just as mine was protecting him.

Micah's shoulders went down, his chin lifting. "It's the right decision. You're worth it. Being with you will be worth it."

No, it really wouldn't. With time, Micah would come to long for his old life. He might have hated the pressure on him, but he loved everything else, especially his brethren. That longing would fester between us, poisoning whatever love we might share.

I wasn't prepared to put Micah in that position.

Cupping his jaw with my hand, I kissed him sweetly. "If I thought that was the case, if I thought there was even a slim chance we'd survive, I'd take off with you right now. This isn't about me not choosing you, it's about me saving you."

"I don't need saving," Micah roared, his temper breaking free as his power hummed louder around him. "I need to be loved, damnit! Why is that so much to ask for?"

It was like he'd stabbed my heart. I couldn't stand the agony on his face. I deserved his fury. I'd happily accept every drop of it.

But his pain? I couldn't stomach it.

I caught him by his shoulders, hauling him to me roughly. "I do love you, Micah."

He froze, his breath catching. "You do?"

"Yes," I said passionately. "Why the fuck do you think I killed Emilio, Micah? I did it for you, because I love you."

For the first time, there was a glimmer of my little angel shining through. His shoulders relaxed, a small smile playing on his lips. "That's a pretty fucked up way to show you love someone."

I chuckled, leaning my forehead against his. "I'm a demon, Micah. What did you expect?"

"You shouldn't have killed him," Micah said heavily, the tension returning. "You had to know they'd execute you in return."

"I know."

"Then why'd you do it?" The frustration was back. "For fuck's sake Nox, I'm fine."

I pulled back so he could see how much I disagreed with that statement. "Fine? Wanna show me the scars on your back and tell me that again?"

"Scars are nothing. I'd go through it time and time again if it meant keeping those I love safe."

"News flash, Micah—you're not the only one prepared to risk themselves to protect those they love. That's the whole point, don't you see? I did this to protect you. Because I love you."

"No, you're the one missing the point." Micah was shouting again, more agitated than I'd ever seen him before. "I need to protect those I love as much as you do, and now I can't do that. "

I squinted at him in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for you to do some self-sacrificing shit to protect your unit."

"I'm not talking about my unit, you fucking idiot, I'm talking about you!"

Oh.

Oh.

"You love me?"

His head fell back in defeat, his eyes closing. The setting sun caught the lines of his neck. His jaw. His cheekbones. I committed them to memory, carving them in place on my black heart.

"Yes, Nox. Once again, I've given my heart to a man who can't return my feelings."

It was one thing suspecting he returned my feelings, but it was something else hearing it from him. "I do return them, Micah. I love you."

He didn't move, keeping his eyes closed like he was trying to guard himself from this moment. Selfishly, I didn't want him to. I needed him to hear me. To understand just how much I loved him. How much he deserved to be loved.

I grabbed him loosely by the throat, squeezing gently. His eyes flew open in surprise, fixing on mine instantly. The depth of sadness swimming there threatened to take me to my knees.

"I love you, Micah." I repeated slowly, making sure there was no room for misinterpretation. "I won't tell you I love you more than anything I've loved before because, if I'm being honest, I've never loved anything or anyone before."

"You haven't?"

I shook my head. "No, little angel. I didn't believe I was capable of it until I met you. "

A single tear slid down his cheek.

"You are more worthy of love than anyone else," I continued. "You're loyal. Honest. Kind. Caring. You're everything I never knew I needed in my life, and I'm so happy to have had a taste of it."

He was frozen. I kept going, praying he was taking this in. "For millennia, I've felt this pull to the surface. It was what kept me going every day. Through the tortures, punishments, and hate, it was my tether. I didn't know what it was, but I clung to it. It kept me alive, Micah.

"When I realised what it was, that it was you… well, I was pissed." Micah's eyes narrowed, making me laugh darkly. "Don't pretend you were happy about it, little angel. You fought this thing as hard as I did."

Micah rolled his eyes but didn't disagree with me.

"All this time, I thought I'd been duped. That it was some cosmic joke being played on me. How could the thing that'd kept me alive all this time be someone I'd been raised to hate?"

Another tear fell down Micah's face.

"Turns out it was a cosmic joke, but not in the way I thought." My thumb stroked over his chin. "Not because we couldn't fall in love, but because we could. We have. But it doesn't change anything, does it, little angel? Because they won't let us be together."

"We could be," Micah said hoarsely. "If you'd just give us a chance, we could —"

I covered his mouth with my hand before he could try to paint a future I knew we couldn't have. "It's not about giving us a chance, Micah. Even before today, they wouldn't have allowed it. Your role as leader would've been at risk. Hell, your whole unit might've been. And now I've executed an arch…they'll never stop hunting me. "

"You're a fucking fool," Micah muttered as I removed my hand, but he didn't disagree with what I'd said. "How could you have been so stupid?"

I smiled, trying to ignore the sheen covering my vision. "Love, I guess. Isn't that what they say? Love makes fools of us all."

A shadow passed over his eyes. "Maybe I'm tired of letting love make a fool of me."

"That's why this is for the best. With me out of the way, you can find someone who makes you happy. Someone Heaven will let you love."

Micah was frowning over my shoulder, staring off into the distance.

My chest threatened to cave in on itself, but I knew I had to do this. "You need to leave now, little angel. They'll be coming for me. I don't want you here when that happens."

Micah's eyes slid back to mine. "They aren't coming."

"What?"

His chest expanded rapidly as he elaborated. "They aren't coming, because they've sent me."

It took a few devastating moments for me to understand. "They've sent you to execute me?"

"Yes." Micah wasn't looking at me again, his eyes focused back over my shoulder. "If I had to guess, they've known about us for a while."

The sand around my feet began to crackle as glass formed from the heat rolling off me. "Those bastards. Those fucking bastards. They could've sent anyone else. If it's because they know about us…" I shook my head in disbelief. "It's evil. Pure evil."

Micah seemed distracted, still not looking at me. "Apparently it's a test of my loyalty and honour. "

The true meaning sank in. "So, if you don't follow through, they'll execute you too."

"Yes. I imagine they will."

That decided things for me. Dropping to my knees, I raised my chin. "Okay. I'm ready."

That had Micah's attention snapping back to me. The blood drained from his face as he took in my position. "You can't be serious."

"I'm deadly serious," I said. "Don't worry, I've cleared it with the demons. The deal won't kick in because I don't want them to protect me from this."

"That's what you're worried about right now?"

"Yes, I don't want them arriving and stopping you doing this."

Micah's nostrils flared. My little angel was beyond fury now. "That's what you're focusing on? Not me executing you?"

I smiled up at him sadly. "At least I know you'll make it quick and painless, Micah. It's far more than I deserve."

"You're serious," he whispered in disbelief. "You actually expect me to execute you and walk away happily."

"Yes. It's the only way you'll keep your life. I'm damned already—I'm not taking you with me."

Micah's gaze flicked to the skies. Was he praying for a last-minute miracle we'd never get?

"It's okay," I said gently. "I want you to do this. You're not to feel guilty either — this is the only path for you, and I'm happy for you to take it. I executed Emilio knowing this would be the outcome. I'm sorry you're the one they're making do it, but please don't torture yourself over this. I forgive you. I'd forgive you anything, little angel."

Micah finally looked back at me. Tight lines framed his thinned lips. "Anything?"

"Anything," I promised, relieved to see him pulling a dagger from his belt. "I'd always forgive you, because I love you."

His lips thinned. "Let's test that theory, shall we?"

He struck like a cobra, his dagger piercing my throat like butter.

Micah was shaking, the blood leaving his face as easily as it left my throat. He didn't move to catch me, just let me collapse sideways onto the sand.

He doesn't look scared, I realised as the life leeched from me. He was shaken. Upset. But not scared.

No. Micah was determined.

It was the final thought I had before death claimed me.