15. Micah

15

Micah

D awn was breaking by the time we finally stopped.

I'd gathered the members of the Seraphim at the edge of the cavern the crane had left behind. All of them had come except Noah—he'd asked for a few days leave to resolve something in Canada. The human death toll had been vast, but with our help, the number was lower than it might've been.

Because of Nox, my mind helpfully reminded me. If it weren't for him, none of you would've helped at all.

Shame bit at me, the same way it had all through the night. It wasn't that I didn't want to help, but it was forbidden. There'd be a heavy price to pay for our interference tonight. Not that I begrudged paying it, not with all the lives we'd saved. The pain I'd be put through was worth it.

I just had to hope and pray it would be contained to me. Once again, I'd be throwing myself on the mercy of the higher-ups, pleading with them to punish me alone.

Nox hadn't hesitated to help, and nor had the handful of demons who'd appeared as the night went on. All of them worked by our sides, quickly and efficiently saving as many as possible.

They were with us now, sat slightly off to the side but clearly part of our group. Exhaustion was written over their faces the same way it was ours. One of the demons, the one who'd helped Theo dismantle the crane, was flat out on the ground. Nox was talking to him quietly, his voice too low for even me to hear. His face was hard, but there was no missing the concern underlying the tension in him.

Nox was worried about him.

I didn't think demons cared about anything.

I hated myself as soon as I had that thought. Hadn't Nox proved that wasn't true over and over again?

What was it going to take for me to let these stupid fucking prejudices go?

I wasn't the only one. Ezekiel prowled to my side, openly glaring at Nox and the others. "Why are they here again?"

"Aw, are you sad that you needed our help?" The demon with long blond hair sashayed over, grinning wickedly at my second. "Don't be bitter, hun. We can't be good at everything."

I winced as I realised belatedly who this was. Jeremiah . Nox and I had laughed about how he and Ezekiel shouldn't ever be introduced, because it'd definitely end in a fight.

Taking a casual step in front of Ez, I smiled at Jeremiah. "We're grateful that you helped, thank you."

He eyed me suspiciously. "Why are you thanking us? We weren't actually doing it to help you."

Ez growled from behind me. "It's called manners , dickwad. Maybe you should try learning some."

Jeremiah's smile sharpened into something deadly. He opened his mouth to speak, but a hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him backwards.

"Easy, Jeremiah," Nox said warningly, stepping between us. "We're not here to fight today, we're here to help."

Jeremiah's nostrils flared. "They're the ones being cunts, not me. Treating us like we're nothing better than scum on the bottom of their shoes. Fuckers wouldn't know real hardship if it smacked them in the face."

Was that really how we seemed to them? It was strange, I'd heard almost identical words from Nox before, but they hadn't hit me as hard as they did from Jeremiah.

I knew why, too. I knew all too well why I didn't want them to think of us that way. Well, not them.

Nox.

I didn't want him thinking of us that way. Of me. Nothing could have been further from the truth, especially in terms of how I felt about him.

They were far from scum. Nox especially was nothing like I'd accused him of being.

Cruel. Selfish. Uncaring.

Nox wasn't any of the words I'd flung at him, and from what I'd seen tonight, neither were his demonic friends. He hadn't hesitated to help. He hadn't worried about the consequences, knowing what we were going to do was more important.

But I had.

" You're exactly what I've been raised to believe angels to be. Cold. Ruthless. Uncaring. You just take what you need while never thinking of others. "

What Nox had said to me on that rooftop rang truer now than ever before. It was yet another obstacle in our path; another reason why we'd never work. Because even if Nox decided he wanted me, he didn't deserve me .

He deserved someone much better.

The realisation hit me hard, making me reevaluate everything I thought about myself.

Who am I? What's the point in being this powerful if I'm not using those skills to help others?

That existential crisis would have to wait until later. Right now, I needed to make sure no one came to blows. "Nox is right. We have other things to worry about than fighting."

"Nox?" Ezekiel's voice was low as he crept around me, standing at my side. "That's what you're calling him?"

I rolled my eyes as the demon in question turned to face us. "Well, it is his name."

Ezekiel's gaze flitted between us. Behind Nox, I could see Jeremiah doing the same.

I tensed. Were they working out what we were to each other?

"Do you…do you two know each other?"

I froze, not knowing what to do. Nox, however, smirked. "No. I have better things to do with my free time than hang out with angels."

My hand touched my chest. Ouch. Was that how he really felt? Was spending time with me a burden? Was he only doing so because of the bond?

Deep down, I think I knew that wasn't true. But exhaustion was riding me as hard as the others, making my insecurities rise to the surface as my logic receded.

I should've known Ezekiel wouldn't leave it there, but again, let's blame the exhaustion. "Oh, really? So you won't have a problem if I do this…"

Yeah, I was exhausted.

Which was why I didn't even realise Ez had raised his blade before it sliced across my throat .

I died with the faint sound of roaring in my ears.

I don't know how long it took for me to reincarnate, but apparently it was long enough for Hell to break loose.

And when I say Hell, I mean, Hell . Nox was standing over me, flames wreathing him. All the other demons were on their feet, positioned between Nox and the rest of the Seraphim. Most of them were fighting, trying to get to me. Not all of them though; Benji and Grace were trying to be the voices of reason.

Oh fuck.

I looked around for my second. Ezekiel's body lay a few feet away, his throat missing. I reached out with my power, relieved when it told me he was only temporarily dead.

Great. Just fucking great. Did Nox not realise that Ezekiel had been trying to get a rise out of him? That he'd killed me just to see how Nox would react?

Well we all knew the answer to that now. He'd reacted poorly. And, from the power radiating off him, he was going to continue reacting poorly for the foreseeable future.

Part of me wanted to tear a strip off him for losing control. For those paying attention, Nox might as well have planted a flag in me that declared me his property.

A much bigger part of me was…touched. No one had ever defended me before. Well, my unit had. Some of them were trying to do that right now. But that was because I was their leader. They were honour-bound to defend me. To fight for me.

But no one had ever fought for me outside of that .

No one except Nox.

A few feet away, Ezekiel let out a small groan as his vocal cords regrew. Knowing I needed to put a stop to this before he reincarnated, I pulled my power in tight.

When I had it all in my grip, I released it in an explosion.

Light as bright as day illuminated the street before rolling away. Everyone, demon and angel alike, was knocked from their feet. They weren't hurt, just temporarily dazed.

"Enough." My command was firm as I stood, glaring at them all. "Seraphim, stand down."

Theo and Nate snarled, while Rami glared at Quill. My temper licked at me, and my voice dropped an octave. "That's an order, Seraphim. Fall in."

I didn't pull rank often, but when I did, they knew I meant business. They quietly got to their feet, shuffling over to stand behind me in formation.

Jeremiah helped Nox to his feet. Nox shoved him away, taking a step towards me.

I shook my head sharply. Now really wasn't the fucking moment. I didn't have time to be Micah right now.

I had to be the leader my unit needed.

Nox halted, his amber eyes almost black. His hands curled into fists, and I held my breath. Was he going to fight me? Fight for me? For us?

Was that something I wanted?

Before any of that could be answered, Nox's attention was diverted by Ezekiel stumbling to his feet.

Nox's lips curled back in a snarl. I thought he'd hated me before, but he'd never looked at me the way he was at Ezekiel.

"No." I threw a shield up between the two of them, my power lighting up the shock on Nox's face. His eyes slid to mine, his brow furrowed.

"Please," I whispered, all too aware of the attention on us from every direction. "Please, Nox. Just go."

His spine stiffened. He didn't answer me.

Just opened his wings and launched into the sky.

The rest of the demons followed, shooting after him like wraiths, leaving me behind with my unit.

Ezekiel's glare pinned me in place. "I think you've got some explaining to do."

A n hour later, the Seraphim were gathered around the conference table. Fresh from showers, none of us carried any trace of what we'd seen that night.

There was no erasing it from our eyes though. From the stiff way we held ourselves. What had happened today would linger for centuries.

It always did.

Hopefully the burden would be easier to carry, knowing that we'd helped. Normally we stood to one side, silent witnesses to whatever tragedy was unfolding. Knowing we couldn't help, but wanting to all the same. Our souls had been torn so many times, yet not once had it occurred to us that we could just ignore our orders. That saving innocent lives should come above what we'd been instructed to do.

We'd been operating as a unit for millennia, and not once had I questioned whether that was a rule we should break. It said a lot about my character that the only times I had disobeyed orders were to fight for Dimitri .

I'd hesitated, but Nox hadn't.

How was it that they were supposed to be the evil ones?

Ezekiel, unsurprisingly, was the one who kicked off the interrogation. "Why did you call us to help?"

I fixed him with a steely glare. "Are you saying we should've let the humans die?"

His cheeks flushed. "Of course not, but that's never been a consideration before."

Rami cleared his throat. "I think what Ezekiel is trying to say is that we're…confused. We're happy to help, and we'll always follow your orders, but we don't understand why."

Theo added his thoughts. "Like, whenever we went into Hell, that was to help Dimitri in some way, so that made sense. And I'm happy that we did help. It's always sat wrong with me that we're supposed to just watch humans die when we know damned well that we can help them."

"Preach," Nate said. "We're all down to assist in situations like this, but maybe you should tell us why. We especially don't know why there were demons working alongside us."

I sighed. They were right, they deserved to know.

I thought for a long time before I spoke, choosing my words carefully. "Someone told me it was the right thing to do. That sometimes we have to disobey orders and choose to do what's right. And I looked in their eyes, and realised I couldn't disagree. Helping is always going to be the right path to choose; standing by while others suffer isn't. Humans would be cast to Hell for doing what we do, so why are we expected to do it? It doesn't make any sense."

I bit my lip. "As for why the demons were there? They wanted to help. Unlike me, they didn't question whether it was right or not, they just jumped right in to do what needed to be done. Given the scale of the disaster, I'm nothing but grateful that they were present."

A stunned silence went around the table. Only Benji looked unsurprised, tapping his fingers against his thumb in a quiet rhythm.

"Okay." Ezekiel rubbed his forehead. "Ignoring the fact that what we did today is bound to result in some sort of punishment?—"

I cut him off firmly. "That's not something you need to worry about."

"But is it something you need to worry about?"

I frowned down the table at Rami. "What do you mean?"

Rami pursed his lips. "Well we've broken the rules a lot lately. After each time, you disappear for a few days."

My heart leapt into my throat. "I've had to explain the reasons why we've done what we have, but it's always fine. So long as they know the motive behind our behaviour and can understand it, they let it pass."

Rami wasn't done. "Maybe I'd believe that if you weren't so quiet whenever you come back. I know we've all noticed it."

A quiet murmur went around the table. Nate spoke up. "Is there something going on, Micah? Something you need to tell us?"

"Because if there is, we want to help you," Theo added, clenching his fist on the table. "We look after our own, and that includes you."

The murmur of assent was louder now, making fear flood me. There was nothing they could do to help me except get themselves hung beside me in those cells. Or worse, executed. There was no fucking way I was allowing it .

I smoothed my emotions away, pulling on the persona I knew they'd respond to. "Nothing is going on. If there's something to tell you, then you can trust that'll happen. Thank you all for your assistance. You can rest assured that nothing more will come of it."

My hard gaze swept over my brethren, noting every emotion there. Confusion. Irritation. Doubt. Annoyance.

None of them believed me, but they knew better than to push me. One by one, they left the room silently, until it was only me, Ez, and Benji remaining.

Ezekiel waited until the door closed behind Rami before speaking. "The someone who told you it was the right thing to do…was it Nox?"

My shoulders slumped. "Yes."

Ez sighed, once more rubbing at his forehead. My lips twitched. If my second continued this way, he'd be as big a bag of nerves as I was. "I thought the two of you were just fucking."

My brows shot up. "What?"

"You're not exactly subtle, Micah. You've been disappearing for hours every day and you asked Benji to cover for you. He's a terrible liar."

Benji nodded. "He's not wrong there."

I was speechless. I'd had no idea that any of the others suspected a thing.

"But with how Nox reacted earlier…" Ez shook his head slowly. "This isn't just about sex."

I stayed silent for a long time. "No. It's not."

"Then what is it?" Ezekiel's voice dropped to a whisper, like he was afraid of being overheard. "You can't be serious about him, Micah. They'll never allow it. You have to know that."

"I do. "

"Then what are you doing?" Ez asked desperately. "Why can't you keep away from him?"

I didn't know what to say. How could I answer him when I didn't know the answer myself?

"Well it's obvious if you ask me." Both Ez and I twisted to stare at Benji. "Nox and Micah are fated mates."