Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

Jen

A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had made amends with Mark and the constant anxiety that was ripping me apart had abated. It was nice to be able to relax and enjoy myself again.

He wasn't pushing me, and the last few days had been easy enough. My crew had met with them for chow a few times, and tonight we were heading over to play some card games after both our shifts were over. My heart leapt at the thought of being near him, while a permanent ache took up residence in my lower abdomen.

For now, I decided to try and relax and settle into my shift. We were in our office, our gear staged at the helicopter, the usual. Nick and Sarah were sitting in the corner reading, Karolyn watching a movie. My mind was racing so much I couldn't focus on a book or movie. Instead, I opened my computer and pretended to be working while I let my mind run away with my thoughts.

The mental privacy I'd been hoping for splintered when Brady burst through the door. "Get off your asses, you gotta come check this out!"

I should have noticed the way he was smiling, but his normally high energy combined with the urgency in his tone had all of us leaping up into the air and running to keep up.

"What is it? Are we under attack?" I shouted to him.

"Better!" he yelled over his shoulder.

I came to a brief stop trying to comprehend that. "Better?" They were quickly outdistancing me so I started running again. I picked up the pace as I went out the door onto the flightline, catching back up.

Sheppard, Artie, Laura, and Santos were already out there on the flightline, looking straight up. Brady kept running until he was next to them. He pointed to the sky. We slowed to a walk, but we all looked up. A pair of A-10 Warthogs, the Air Force's primary Close Air Support fighter plane, were flying overhead, getting ready to land.

I brought my head down and scowled. "You brought us out here for an airshow?"

"Airshow?" all five of them responded as one. The look Mark gave me though, was like I was speaking heresy. "Do you have any idea what's going to happen tonight?"

Brady didn't give me a chance to answer. "We're gonna blow some motherfuckers up!" His grin was contagious and I had to bite back an answering smile.

"We have a few hours before the mission. Come on over, we'll have the pilots give you a tour of the aircraft."

"I'm in!" Karolyn exclaimed.

Of course you are. Ever since we had come back from Pamir she had been behaving. I didn't know what had happened, but she was being completely professional around Mark and the others. Maybe she had calmed down. Having some new men on our base might bring her…enthusiasm back. I hoped not.

Nick and Sarah shrugged and started to follow. The overt hostility between Nick and them wasn't gone, but it wasn't so blatant anymore. There was still the underlying resentment, but they were keeping it to themselves.

"You boys have fun with that, I'm going back in." I turned and made it one step before I felt a tug on the back of my belt. "Let go, I'm- Whoa, whoa, let me go!" I cried, as I was dragged backward and rose into the air. Mark had thrown me over his shoulder.

"A-10s don't come up here very often. Might not get another chance to see them. Don't be such a stick in the mud."

Sighing, I knew I'd end up giving in. How could I do anything else when he was physically carting me over to wait on the planes? My lips twitched, but I wasn't about to let him see. Besides, my body was keeping me distracted with the ache that thumped between my legs. His damned muscley arm was wrapped over my ass, I could feel it flex to keep me anchored in place. My arms fell to his back. It was hard and sculpted...dammit. How was I supposed to remain friends with him if every time I was around him this was my reaction? That was the reason I'd been heading back inside. A little thrill shot through me at the thought of getting to see the planes. I'd just figured it'd be best to put a little space between us. Mark had other plans. His hand slid over the back of my thigh and my breath caught. Even through my thick uniform pants his touch sent electricity sparking through me.

Why did this have to be so hot?!

Laura smiled and gave me a quick thumbs up. Like this was part of some plan.

"Put. Me. Down… I'll walk," I conceded. He bent over, dropping me back on my feet. He leaned in and pinned me with those damned smoldering eyes of his.

"See? Was that so hard?"

So hard? It was all I could do not to melt into him, in front of everyone. What had I been thinking? How the hell could I keep my distance from him when every encounter had the promise of being this sexy?

"Here we are," he said.

We stopped next to the runway. I was grateful for the distraction. The A-10s were just pulling into parking and shutting down. The pilots hopped out and came over to shake hands.

"Captain, this is Rage and Hammer. Guys, Captain Walker and her MED team." We shook hands and introduced all the crewmembers.

"Captain, Rage and I-"

"Let me guess, you two flew together in the last deployment, Iraq?"

"She's a quick one," Rage said with a smirk. "But yeah, we flew a few sorties in Iraq. Pretty awesome we get to do another mission together here."

Is there anyone in this country that he hasn't worked with?

The butterflies were back, but this time with admiration. Damn him, it was impossible not to want to be around him. Impossible to keep him at a distance, emotionally or physically.

I tried to shake it off. "So...Rage and Hammer?"

"The Air Force is a lot more serious with its call signs. Once you get one assigned, you keep it for life."

"I see. That raises new questions, I think," I said. My mood improved the longer I spoke to them. The excitement to see a new aircraft was seeping in. Or, maybe my good mood could be attributed to the man standing next to me. Either way, I leaned into the feeling and promised myself that I'd have some fun. It was long overdue.

"Long story, for now why don't I show you the aircraft," Rage responded with a chuckle.

Brady and Artie were practically jumping up and down with excitement. Even Sheppard was excited, though more contained. His eyes were wide and he couldn't stop the smile that was permanently fixed on his face.

Laura leaned in to whisper to me. "Deep down, they're just boys with bigger toys."

She was right. They still had that child-like excitement at getting to play with something new. It was really...heartwarming. I certainly hadn't been that excited about anything in a long time. Even the thought of seeing the jet wasn't affecting me the same as it was the men. I let a smile spread across my face. It was time I allowed myself to enjoy life a little. I turned to Laura and saw her smile transform into an evil grin.

"Don't you dare say anything about Sheppard's ‘Big Toy'," I whispered at her, barely choking back my laughter. "Let's go see what the boys are playing with."

"This here is the centerpiece of the A-10, the cannon, or if you like, the Gatling gun. Seven thirty-millimeter barrels, firing in hundred round bursts." Rage said while patting the gun.

"Doesn't the Apache shoot thirty-millimeter?" Sarah asked Santos.

"Yes, but it's a single barrel, shooting twenty round bursts. And their thirty-millimeter round is twice the size, bigger explosion." Santos explained.

"So...theirs is bigger than yours," Karolyn teased with a grin.

"Shut up, you," Brady said with a scowl, pointing at her, but we all saw the way the edges of his lips tipped up as he tried to bite back his grin.

Rage laughed with them before saying, "If you want to level an area the size of a football field, we've got you covered, but we don't have the surgical precision that these guys do. In an urban environment we cause too much collateral damage. That's why it's so awesome that we get to run some missions together."

I didn't expect that. I expected dick measuring, the usual contest. But these guys genuinely admired the capabilities of the other. It was such a different dynamic than the Black Hawk versus Apache that we constantly had to deal with.

I was starting to understand it. It was the attack culture. When all the joking was put aside, they all admired and respected each other; Green Berets, Apaches, A-10s. They respected warriors. They had no use for anyone else, especially administrators.

It was nice to see the way the guys got along with the Air Force pilots. They laughed and joked together as Rage and Hammer finished giving us a tour of their aircraft. Then we took the party over to the Apache and even to my Black Hawk so the other pilots could check out our helicopters.

"Haven't seen you out here before," Rage said to me, as Mark let Hammer jump in the front seat of the Apache.

"First time," I told him.

His smile was bright in the low light and he rocked back on his heels. "Maybe next time we're flying over I could buy you a cup of coffee."

Rage was a good looking guy. Tall, taller than most of the other guys, his blond hair made him look like a Greek God. The last thing I needed was that kind of trouble. Especially since I already had one guy I wasn't sure what to do with.

"It's free in the chow hall," I told him with a laugh.

He shrugged and gave me a wide smile. "Fine, just get you a cup of coffee then."

I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He seemed like a nice guy, but there was no way I was going to accept that invitation. "Thanks, but I-" I wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. My eyes drifted over to Mark, where he was standing on the side of the helicopter, pointing out different buttons to Hammer.

Rage's eyes followed mine and he made a little humming noise. "No problem. Should've realized a woman like you'd already have a man. I'm glad it's Shep. He's a good dude."

With that, Rage moved closer to the helicopter so he could hear what was going on. He hadn't even given me a chance to explain that Mark wasn't my man. Except he was, I was just in denial. That realization was beginning to sink in.

I sighed and closed my eyes briefly. My thoughts swirled inside my head with the force of a tornado. I was so damn confused. My heart and my mind were battling each other and I wasn't sure what I wanted more, Mark, or to keep myself safe. Except there was no keeping myself safe without him, was there? I was already too far gone. Breaking things off with him permanently would hurt. It didn't matter that I'd been trying to protect my heart. Somewhere along the line he'd slipped past my defenses and wedged himself inside me.

When I opened my eyes again, they landed on Mark. He was still talking to the others, but those mesmerizing eyes were watching me. A shiver skated down my spine at the look on his face. If I had to guess, I'd say he wasn't feeling conflicted about his emotions. I wished I could just make a choice and live with the consequences. Something told me he'd be worth whatever trouble came my way.