7. Bjorn

7

Bjorn

Sharp pain lances through my side, and I wince, quickly setting the cast iron lasagna pan on the stovetop. “Bjorn!” Astrid flies across the kitchen and grabs the oven mitts from my hands, glaring at me as she nudges me out of the way. “You’re not supposed to lift more than ten pounds. Especially not away from your body. And this lasagna pan is cast iron and weighs at least eight pounds.” She makes a shooing motion. “Go sit down. You’re still recovering.”

“He’s been an awful patient.” Gunnar walks in from the dining room, Jocelin right behind him. The two have been inseparable since they patched things up two nights ago.

I send my own glare in his direction. “You’re not going to win any caretaker awards. I’m supposed to be getting lots of rest, which is impossible with the racket you two have been making.” I glance at Jocelin and wink, letting him know I’m not really upset. In fact, it’s damn nice to see Gunnar smiling again. But I won’t miss an opportunity to give my littlest brother shit. Though, if his smug grin is any indication, he’s not the least bit fazed by my comment.

“You can’t seriously blame me, when I have this gorgeous man in my bed.” He pulls a blushing Jocelin against his side and kisses his temple. “I love that he’s a bit of a screamer.”

Astrid throws a pot holder at him. “Ewww! Gunnar! TMI! I do not need to know that about my best friend!”

At the same time, Jocelin smacks his arm. “I am not!” His blush is eight different shades of red, but he’s grinning. “Much.”

“Sounds like I’m missing all the fun.” Astrid’s boyfriend, Gary, walks into the kitchen from the living room, slipping his arms around her waist.

She leans down to kiss him soundly on the lips. “You missed grossness and oversharing.”

“Oh, are we talking about Gunnar again?” Jules glides into the kitchen with Pita hot on his heels and Erik not far behind them.

Gunnar lobs the pot holder at Jules, but Erik intercepts it easily. “Quit assaulting my fiancé with random household textiles.”

I snort and lean against the counter. “Now that we’re all here, Gunnar, would you get the salad and the dressings out of the fridge? Joce, why don’t you grab plates and put them next to the stove, then set forks and knives on the table. Erik, you’re in charge of opening the wine. Jules, grab some glasses, please. Astrid can dish out the lasagna, and Gary, would you mind delivering the plates to the table?”

Astrid stares at me, her expression half amused, half incredulous. “And while we’re all running around doing your bidding, what will you be doing?”

Erik kisses Jules on the head as he grabs the wine opener. “Yeah, Dad? What’s your chore?”

“You just told me to go sit down.” I wink at her. “Plus…” I point to my hunter green apron with ‘Mr. Good lookin’ is Cookin’ emblazoned in gold thread. “I cooked. Which means my work here is done.” It’s the first time I’ve felt up to the task in the two weeks since I’ve been home.

Gunnar glowers, but there’s no real heat behind it. Jocelin is so incredibly good for him. “And who came up with that lame rule? Oh yeah, you.”

I cross my arms over my chest and grin. “It’s fair.” I also need the help. Unfortunately, I’m starting to fade. I’ve been on my feet for a few hours, and even though it feels amazing to be back in my kitchen, cooking for the people I love, it takes a lot to pull a meal for seven people together.

If the way Astrid’s watching me is any indication, I’m not fooling her. “Alright, out of the kitchen, then. We’ll get everything plated and bring it in.” She sweeps past me, kissing my cheek before nudging me in the direction of the dining room.

I pull off my apron, hang it on the hook in the pantry, and steal a cherry tomato on my way past Gunnar. “Hey, you know how Vikings like their eggs cooked?”

He shakes his head so fast I swear it’s going to fall off his neck. “Don’t.”

I stop and turn to face him, affronted. “Gunnar.”

He meets my eyes, fighting a smile. “Do not start with the jokes.”

Jules comes to my rescue. “How do Vikings like their eggs cooked?” I knew I liked him.

Beaming, I open my arms to him. “This is why you’re my favorite, Jules.”

“Hey, I already called dibs.” Erik possessively wraps an arm around his much smaller boyfriend, pulling him close while mock-glaring at me, which makes Jules laugh.

“They like their eggs just Odin-ary.” I pause and glance around at the expressions of pain and horror. “Odin Ary. Ordinary. Get it?”

Gunnar lobs the other pot holder across the room at my head and I duck, wincing as my side protests. “Oh shit. Sorry, Bjorn.”

I wave it off with a grin. “I’m good. But c’mon, that one was pretty good.”

There’s head shaking and groaning, and Jules covers his eyes. “No, that was bad.”

I press my hand over my heart and gasp in fake pain. “Now I have to reconsider your standing as my favorite.”

Erik hands me a glass of wine and pushes me toward the dining room. “It was awful, like all your jokes. Go sit.” But they’re all grinning, and the warmth in my chest threatens to leak out of my eyes. How long has it been since we were at peace with each other, no tension simmering under a happy veneer? Jesus, maybe we’re all going to be okay. I blink rapidly and wander into the dining room to take my usual seat.

With things going as well as they are, I try not to spend the entire meal waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. Our conversations are positive, the laughter outpaces the wine, and I think we might all be better than okay this time around. Taking a deep breath, I exhale and clear my throat. “So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something.” The table goes silent, and all eyes turn toward me, expressions ranging from mildly curious to barely masked fear. “Um, I’m thinking about retiring from the force.”

Silence hangs in the air for another second before there’s a collective exhalation of breath. Astrid is the first to find her voice. “About time.” She’s pretty much the only one at the table who could get away with saying that without pissing me off. “Why now?”

I shrug. “I almost died. It kind of has a way of reprioritizing your life.”

Gary leans back in his chair, his hand gently stroking Astrid’s arm. “Any ideas what you’ll do instead?”

I shake my head. “No. Any suggestions?”

He shrugs. “International spy? Wait, that’s even more dangerous. How about action hero? Nah. That’s no better.” He laughs. “Sorry, I’m not sure I’m going to be any help.”

Erik drapes his arm over Jules’ shoulder. “You could always come work with us.”

I’m pretty sure he’s offered knowing I’m not going to take him up on it, but it’s still nice that he did. “Nah. I love hiking, but I don’t want to be responsible for a bunch of people with varying degrees of competency making it off the mountain.”

Gunnar snorts. “Who are you kidding? You’d be all over that. You could dad everyone and get paid.”

I chuckle and shrug. “What do bears call campers in sleeping bags?”

Gunnar shakes his head. “Stop.”

“Soft tacos.” Everyone groans.

Jules snuggles into Erik’s side. “What about something with animals? You’d love that.”

I would. And I’m not sure why I haven’t considered it before. “Like what?”

He shrugs. “You could work at an animal shelter? Become a vet tech? Dog training?”

I could see myself doing any of those things and loving it. Working with Pita has been fun, if only moderately successful. But that’s not too bad for someone with no formal training. “It’s a great idea.” I glance around the table. “I’m open to other suggestions, too, so if anyone has any, let me know.”

“You like to cook. How about something along those lines?” I consider Gunnar’s suggestion, surprised that I didn’t think of that option either. “I saw this advertisement for a cooking class. It’s one night and you make the whole meal from starters to dessert.” He seems awfully excited about it. “What if we do one of those together?”

I blink, shocked that he’d ask me to go and not Jocelin. “That sounds like fun. But, are you sure you’d want to do that?”

It’s clear in his expression that he knows I mean is he sure he wants to do this with me. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll send you the link to the class. You can check it out and let me know what you think.” Then Gunnar clears his throat, excitement pouring off him in waves. “So, while we all pondering Bjorn’s future career…” He glances nervously at Jocelin, who grins encouragingly. “ We also have an announcement.”

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant!” Astrid gasps dramatically and presses her hand over her mouth.

Gunnar throws his napkin at her and glares. I need to put a stop to that before it becomes a habit. “Hey, quit with the throwing things. Eventually someone’s gonna get hurt.”

Gunnar snorts. “Okay, Dad.” He turns back to Astrid. “No. We’re not pregnant.” The way he looks at Jocelin, with so much love, makes my chest ache, and not from my injury. “But we are moving in together.”

The table bursts into happy clapping, and Gary gives a loud whistle. Astrid jumps up and runs around to hug Jocelin, then Gunnar, and the whole scene is a mass of happy chaos. I’m so proud of him and thrilled for them both. But when I glance around the table at my siblings and their partners, I’m also a little sad. How can I be lonely in a room full of the people I love most in this world?

A slender arm slips around my shoulders, and Jules leans into my good side. He gives me a gentle squeeze before dropping his arm. “It’s tough. Watching them all grow up and not need you anymore. At least, that’s what my mom says. And Ma McDougal says it a lot, too. Especially now that Quinn and Tadhg found each other and got their shit sorted.”

I blink and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Is that what this is? Empty nest feelings?” My chuckle is a little bitter. “All my little chicks have grown up and started families of their own.”

“Maybe a bit.” Jules hip-checks me, which, given he’s standing and I’m sitting, doesn’t quite work, but it’s sweet. Then, in a sneak attack I don’t expect, he brings out the big guns and hits me between the eyes. “And maybe you’re just a teeny bit jealous?”

Denial is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say the words. Probably because he’s right. “Maybe. A little.”

“So do something about it.”

I shake my head. “Not like I can will a relationship into existence.” If it were possible, I’d be in so deep that there’d be no extracting me. “You have to have someone to be in the relationship with, Jules.”

He turns to face me. “Seems like maybe you have your choice of potential someones. What about one of your visitors from the hospital?”

“You mean the guys from work?” I know who he means, but I can’t quite bring myself to consider that outside of my own head. “They’re great guys, but every one of them is straight as a razor’s edge. Besides that, I’m not particularly interested in any of them. They’re not the kind of guys who like a quiet evening snuggling on the couch, reading, or playing video games.” Then I reconsider. “Okay, maybe yes to the video games, but you know what I mean.” For being the sweetest person in the room, when Jules cops an attitude, he picks a sassy one. I blame his sibling, Stef, for that. “Jules, I didn’t know your eyebrow could go that high.”

“So, are you purposely being obtuse, or are you just trying to divert the conversation from the incredibly attractive twink with the white-blond hair and gorgeous eyes, or the equally handsome naughty-professor guy with the willowy frame and allll those blond tresses tied back in a man bun?”

Laughing loudly, I sling my arm around Jules’ shoulders and hug him. “Thank you. I needed that. And don’t let Erik hear you talking about anyone else’s blond tresses or sexy man bun.”

He gasps. “I didn’t say anything about a sexy man bun. But now that you have—” He glances across the table to where Erik is laughing with Gunnar. “Erik’s is sooooo sexy.” As if on cue, my brother turns and looks right at Jules, mouthing, ‘you good?’ Jules nods and Erik winks saucily at him before going back to his conversation. Jules presses his hands to his heart. “ Swoon . Not even a bit embarrassed about that, either.”

“You two are adorable. You all are. I’m so happy you all found someone.”

Jules crosses his arms and looks me right in the eyes. “Don’t think I missed that you haven’t answered my question.”

When did Jules get so bossy? I give him my most innocent puppy eyes, but it’s obviously not working tonight. “How do you even know about them?”

“I was at the nurses’ station when they showed up. And I happen to know one of them. I had no clue that you also know Kaino. And who was the man bun guy? They each said they were old friends of yours, but that doesn’t quite fit with the vibe they were giving at the hospital.”

The desire to deflect is strong. But the pull to finally talk to someone about those visits wins. “Jules, you see too much.”

His eyes lose some of their sparkle. “It’s a skill honed from a lifetime of observing from the sidelines. Now spill.”

Before I have to come up with an explanation, everyone stands and starts clearing plates, moving into the kitchen to clean up. I do the same, stopping to hug Jocelin, then Gunnar. “I’m so happy for you. Let me know when you need help moving, and I’m there. I’ll be on leave for a while, so I have lots of free time.”

“Thanks, Bjorn. It’ll be relatively soon, so maybe you can supervise or something.” Grumbling, I nod. I won’t be much help with my current physical restrictions. “It’s what you do best, anyway.” With a cheeky grin, Gunnar hugs me and grabs more plates, heading into the kitchen.

Jocelin watches him go, then hugs me carefully. “That means a lot. Thank you. I’ll let you know details once we have them ironed out.” He pats my shoulder, and then he’s off into the kitchen, too.

I reach for my plate, but Jules grabs my arm, tugging me toward the living room. “Nope. You cooked. Remember? Let’s go sit.” My very petite not-quite-brother-in-law is a lot stronger than he looks. Not that he could budge me if I resisted, but I’m not, so he’s able to gain some traction. Like a reluctant teen, I follow him into the living room and plop onto the couch with only the slightest of winces. Pita, seeing we’ve left the dining room where he’s not allowed to be while we eat, takes his usual place draped over my feet. Jules turns toward me, tucking one leg under himself. “Now, who was that, and why don’t you want to talk about them?”

With a sigh, I give in. There’s no denying Jules. “Fine. They’re both exes.”

Jules’ eyes go wide, and he sits up. “Oooh! I didn’t know you had exes! Were they bad breakups?”

“No. Neither of them were. We were just busy. I was always busy.” Busy trying to keep a lid on Gunnar, and everyone focused on graduating. “I had no real time for relationships. And it seemed like they didn’t either. We parted on friendly terms, though.”

“Were you all friends?” He leans even closer, grin mischievous. “Was it a throuple thing?”

I bark out a laugh. “Oh my god, no. Those two are far too alike and yet so completely opposite. I can’t imagine them meshing well, even as friends.”

Jules tilts his head a bit and frowns. “What do you mean?”

I’m really not sure where he’s going with this whole conversation, or why I’m humoring him, except he’s Jules, and we can’t say no to him. Not that any of us minds. And what else am I doing? Not a thing. And I kind of like having someone to talk to about Xander and Kaino. I hold up my fist and start ticking things off with each raised finger. “Both are blonds. Both have light-colored eyes. Snark. Sooo much snark. Both are incredibly intelligent. Neither has any patience for stupidity, and I’m not talking about lack of education. I mean people who are willfully ignorant and proud of it. They both have opinions about everything and firmly believe they’re right about whatever it is.”

I can feel the grin on my face, and the melancholy from earlier fades, replaced by an unexpected excitement. “But Kaino is an observer, like you. They enjoy people, but on their terms, if that makes sense. They’re a quiet well of power. Calm on the surface, but thoughts and beliefs run deep.” I laugh, remembering that Jules said he’s met Kaino. “But I suppose you know that about them.”

Jules nods, considering. “And what about man bun guy?”

“Oh, Xander is irreverent, funny, and caring. But where Kaino is calm, Xander is drama. He can also be a bit pompous and a little full of himself. He’s an English professor and thinks anyone who hasn’t read the classics,”—I make air quotes around the words—“has been failed by society and higher education. He can be prickly and defensive, but he’s incredibly passionate about teaching and loves to talk about books.” I wink at Jules. “Even the non-classical ones.”

“So why not ask one of them out? Better yet, no one says you have to be exclusive. Ask them both out.” He points at me with a very stern look on his face. “But be up front about it. No one likes a player.” I blink, stunned. Is Jules giving me dating advice? I almost laugh, but then I consider the suggestion. I could do that, couldn’t I? Would either of them want to reconnect that way? Like he’s reading my mind, Jules answers. “If they didn’t want to reconnect, they wouldn’t have come to the hospital. And asking them out would determine if they want to be friends.” Jules leans in and waggles his eyebrows. “Or something more.”

Dammit, he’s right. Why hadn’t I put that together? I’m blaming the pain medication. “You think?” Okay, now that he’s said it, it’s obvious. But I’m feeling needy and will take all the reassurance I can get.

“Yeah. I do. And maybe you’ll hit it off again with one of them. Or maybe you won’t, but it’ll get you back into that mindset, and you’ll find someone else to date.”

Out of nowhere, Gunnar appears on my other side and hands me a steaming mug of coffee. “Or at least help you get laid. God, how long has it been?” Before I can say a word, he holds up a hand. “Don’t actually answer that. I don’t want to know. But get the fuck on Grindr and lose some of that tension you’re holding.”

Astrid comes in from the kitchen and sits near Jules, wrinkling her nose at me. “I don’t want to know about your Grindr plans, thank you.”

“Good, because he wasn’t going to tell you about them. Right?” Gunnar nudges my side, and I wince. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”

I suck in small breaths and pat his leg. “It’s all good. Just need a sec.”

“A sec for what?” Jocelin joins us, sitting on the back of the couch and swinging his legs over to slide down next to Gunnar.

Gunnar kisses his cheek. “Bjorn was going to tell us about his Grindr adventures.”

“I was not!” Sweet Jesus. “ Ever .”

“Thank god.” Erik leans down and kisses the top of Jules’ head before tucking himself in behind him on the sofa. “Because I love you, man, but I don’t need to hear that kind of thing from my older brother.”

Gunnar seizes his opportunity like all youngest siblings do. “So I can tell you about my Grindr adventures?”

Erik mock-glares at Gunnar. “Absolutely not. I don’t want to hear about any siblings’ hookups. Period.”

Jocelin turns to face Gunnar. “Wait, you have Grindr adventures? What kind of Grindr adventures? How old are these adventures?” We can all see the potential disaster in the making and rush to assure Jocelin that there are no Grindr adventures.

Gunnar ignores the rest of us, taking Jocelin’s hands in his, reassuring him in several different ways that it’s been years since there were any hookups of any kind that didn’t involve Jocelin, and it’s at that point that I stop listening. I certainly don’t need to hear about any of their antics.

I squeeze Jules’ arm. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He looks genuinely unsure why I’m thanking him.

“For distracting me. And getting me out of my head. For letting me talk about Kaino and Xander.”

Jules grins. “That’s what family does. And you should totally call them both. See if it leads anywhere.” He waggles his eyebrows again. “You never know.”