25. Xander

25

Xander

“Come on, we don’t want to miss it.” Bjorn turns around and waves us on, as excited as a kid in a candy store. Although, in this case, the ‘candy’ is garlic bread.

Kaino seems to be containing their enthusiasm. “How did you even hear about this event? Better yet, why is this an event?”

I gawp at them. “Kaino, how have you not heard about this? Your client is a student. It’s all over TikTok.”

They eye me skeptically, one eyebrow raised. “You’re on TikTok?”

“I have a TikTok account, but I’m barely on it. Though I did watch several of the videos about the event once I heard it went viral.” And a few doggy yoga class videos. And maybe some of the fitness ones. And the pole dancers.

They roll their eyes. “Yes, but where did you hear about it first?”

“From one of my students. Well, I overheard them making plans, and I knew Bjorn would want to go.” We both look at Bjorn, who is giving us pleading looks and gesturing for us to hurry up. “Bjorn, we’re less than five minutes away. And it’s not like we’re missing anything. The event goes until 10 p.m.”

Kaino smirks. “Why are we going if we’re not missing anything?”

I stop in my tracks. “We’re gay, and we all enjoy garlicky foods. How could we not go to an event called Gays Eating Garlic Bread in the Park?”

“Come oooooon!” Bjorn’s patience is obviously being tested and failing.

“Our boy is going to have a meltdown in a minute.”

Kaino gives Bjorn an assessing look. “When was the last time he ate something?”

“Oh! Do you think he’s hangry?” That hadn’t occurred to me. “I have snacks tucked in with the garlic bread.” Kaino side eyes me. “What? I didn’t know how long we’d be staying, and better safe than sorry. Trust me. When I get hangry, I’m not just an overexcited and impatient toddler. It’s much, much worse.”

Kaino laughs. “Well, at least you know that.”

We turn the corner and see other people heading into the park. It’s a sea of rainbow clothing and hair colors even more intense than on campus. “Wow, this is more popular than I expected.” Everyone is smiling or laughing, greeting people they know. It’s a dreary day, but no one seems to be letting the weather dampen their mood. I glance up at the sky. It’s not raining, though the cloud cover says it might. “Should we look for seats in the pavilion or risk the rain and sit on the lawn?”

Kaino glances at the somewhat crowded pavilion. “Lawn. We can take cover if and when we need to.”

It’s such a Kaino choice that I want to squeeze them. They’d probably allow it, but they’d be happier if I don’t, so I refrain. “Sounds like a reasonable plan.”

We find a spot toward the edge of the crowd, still part of , but slightly apart from , the main group. I hand Bjorn a blanket from my pack, and he grins. “I love a person who comes prepared.”

“What else do you have in there?” Kaino tries to peek into my bag, but I twist, pulling it out of the way.

“You’ll find out soon.”

We settle on the blanket, and I pass out bottles of water. Bjorn opens his and takes a long pull, then puts the cap back on. “When do we get the garlic bread?”

“Patience, sweetheart.” I pass out forks and paper plates.

Bjorn holds up a fork. “Where’d these come from? And why do we need them for garlic bread?”

I know he means whose kitchen, though it must be obvious. They aren’t from his, and where else would I get metal forks from? “My kitchen. Plastic utensils pollute the environment.” I hand him a foil wrapped packet and then give one to Kaino, keeping one for myself. “Your garlic bread. But because it seemed a bit strange to eat it by itself this close to dinnertime, I also got us this.” I hand each of them a small foil takeout container with a cardboard cover.

Bjorn peels back the foil edges and inhales deeply. “Oh my god. Babe.” He pulls off the lid. “You got ziti with marinara and meatballs?”

“And salad.” I pass out the paper containers and the small compostable sauce tubs of dressing. “Kaino, this is ranch. Bjorn, you have Italian.” I keep the balsamic and olive oil combo for myself.

For several minutes, we busy ourselves with organizing our food, and then we dig in. It’s another few minutes before we swap eating time for talking. Kaino lifts their head from their food and glances around the park. “This is really nice. Thank you, Xander.”

The amount of pleasure the comment gives me is embarrassing. It shouldn’t matter so much, but it does. “You’re welcome. But I only organized our little part of this picnic. Someone else did the more involved organization of the entire event, and I don’t envy them.”

Kaino reaches out and puts a hand on my knee, and my entire body lights up. “Xander, you didn’t have to do this. We could have shown up for a bit, then gone home and made dinner, or stopped on the way, or any number of other options for feeding ourselves. But you thought about what we would like. You put effort into making sure we had something nice to eat.” Their eyes sparkle with mirth. “Thematically appropriate food, too. Something we all enjoy, and you even remembered our preferred salad dressings.” They squeeze my thigh. “It’s incredibly thoughtful. So, thank you.”

I stare at my food, ridiculously touched that they’ve acknowledged the effort I put into this. Not that it was a huge undertaking, but it wasn’t nothing. I lift one shoulder in a small shrug. “You’re welcome.” I look them in the eyes. “I enjoy doing things for the people I love.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel like I’ve been doused with ice water. Not because it isn’t true, but I hadn’t meant to tell them like this. Though, now that it’s out there, I won’t take it back. It’s the truth. I do love both of them. Perhaps a more romantic place might have made a better impression. Kaino’s eyes widen in surprise. Or shock. Hopefully it’s not panic. I quickly glance at Bjorn, who is staring at me, mouth open, so I double down. Because why not? Go big or go home. Right? “All the people I love.”

Bjorn practically tosses his container on the blanket and lunges for me, grabbing my food and setting it aside before gripping the back of my head, easing me backward on the blanket, covering me with his entire body. His eyes stare into mine. “Say it for real. You only kind of sort of said it. Say the words.”

The wonder in his eyes, and the… dare I say hope?... in his voice, give me the confidence to speak plainly. “I love you.” I turn my head so I can see Kaino. “I love both of you.” Even covered by Bjorn’s body, knowing he wanted me to say it again, which probably means he liked hearing it, my anxiety kicks in, and I start to squirm. “You both might not feel that way, but maybe you will someday. Or not.”

Before I can say anything else, Bjorn’s lips press against mine, kissing me hungrily as he laces our fingers together, squeezing tightly. I sigh into the kiss, parting my lips to deepen it, so relieved that I’m practically vibrating. Bjorn pulls back to press up on his elbows and looks down at me. “I love you, too. I’ve been trying not to blurt it out for the past two weeks because I wasn’t sure where either of you were with your feelings.” He turns to Kaino. “Get over here. I want to kiss you, too. Because I love you.”

He unlaces one of our hands and reaches for Kaino, who rolls their eyes but scoots closer. “I do love both of you, in spite of your antics.” A lovely pink creeps over their cheeks. “I honestly never thought I’d find anyone who would put up with a gender-neutral, demisexual, touch-averse loner. I was pretty much resigned to growing old by myself. Then I found both of you, and for some reason, you like me in spite of all of that.”

“No.” I shake my head and scowl at them. “We love you. Period. Just as you are.”

Bjorn tilts his head back and forth. “Well, we like you, too.”

Kaino snort. “May I say that this isn’t quite how I thought the ‘I love yous’ would go. I assumed it would be more private. Maybe with candlelight.” They look around at our surroundings and then at Bjorn and me, sprawled over the blanket. “But this is more us, I suppose.”

I start to laugh. They aren’t wrong. And hearing them both say they love me is everything. I’m so happy right now that it’s all but bubbling out of me. I blink away the prickling in my eyes. Someone in the general area wolf whistles, and a few others shout encouraging, if lewd, suggestions. It makes me laugh harder. “God, I hope none of these people are students of mine.”

“C’mon, Doc. It’s not bad to show them you’re human.” Bjorn leers down at me, waggling his eyebrows. “We should go home and get naked.”

Kaino nudges him. “We should finish our food.”

I put my hands on Bjorn’s firm chest and give a little squeeze before pressing him back so I can sit up. “Yes. How about we finish our food and then go home and get naked? And whose home?” I know Bjorn meant his, but I’m feeling a bit sassy. I expect a quick response, maybe something teasing, but there’s silence. As it grows, I glance at Bjorn, worried I’ve inadvertently said something wrong.

He glances between Kaino and me, expression completely serious. “Our home.”

I gape at him like a fish, and Kaino freezes, fork halfway to their lips. “Excuse me?” This afternoon is full of surprises.

Bjorn nods. “Yeah. Ours. You both should move in.”

“Bjorn.” I do my very best to keep my voice level and not let on how much I’m freaking out right now. “That’s a very big step. We’ve only been dating a few months.”

“Seven weeks tomorrow.” My head snaps around to stare at Kaino. They shrug. “What?”

I snort. “You’re counting?”

With cheeks red as cherries, they look down at their now empty container. “Maybe.”

Pushing up onto my knees, I take the container from them and set it aside. “That’s incredibly sweet, if wholly unexpected.” I lean in and kiss them. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Their lips twitch in a slight smile.

Bjorn swamps us with a huge bear hug, and we almost go tumbling over again. “God, you both are adorable. I’m so fucking lucky.” He sits back on his heels. “This is why you should both move in. Really. Think about it. It makes sense. No more rent. Only one set of utility bills instead of three. Kaino, you’d always have access to someone who could drive you wherever you needed to go.”

Kaino interjects. “I’m perfectly capable of taking ride shares.”

“But why, when I can drive you wherever you want? You’d also have access to the pool and the movie room.”

“Bjorn.”

He turns to face me as if I’m an easier audience, speaking faster, trying to make as many arguments as possible before we finally shut him down. “C’mon. We could be together more often.”

Kaino puts their hand over Bjorn’s mouth and uses their dom voice. “Bjorn.” Inappropriate as it is, my body responds. “Take a breath.” Bjorn stares at them for a moment, and Kaino repeats the instruction. “Take a breath.” Bjorn sits back on his heels and visibly breathes in and out. “Good. Xander and I have heard your invitation, as well as your reasons.” They let that sink in for a bit. “We’ll consider your very generous offer. But if we decide we’re not ready, you’ll have to accept that answer. Okay?” Bjorn frowns, but before he can argue, Kaino shakes their head. “That doesn’t mean never. It means one or both of us may not be ready right now. And you have to trust that we’ll know when we’re ready for that step.” Bjorn’s shoulders slump, and for a moment, he looks like he might try to argue further, but Kaino holds up a finger. “Remember the purpose of the rope and why you wanted that.”

I glance between them, fairly certain I know what Kaino means, and I can’t help the mote of jealousy growing in my gut. “What did I miss?”

Kaino ignores me until Bjorn nods. “Sorry. Old habits.” Bjorn rubs his wrist like it hurts.

“You can do this. I have faith in you. And if it helps at all, we can try another session.” Only then does Kaino look at me. “Bjorn and I did some shibari-assisted meditation last night. It seemed to help him let go of his stress.”

Bjorn nods. “It did. I felt incredibly relaxed. I stopped thinking about anything else but the feel of the rope on my skin and my breathing. It was really nice.”

“Oh.” My brain tries to process a million thoughts and feelings at once, but the negative ones win: jealousy at being left out, at them having something important between the two of them that I wasn’t part of. Did they wait for me to be busy before they tried? Or was it just a coincidence?

“Stop.” Kaino’s voice snaps me out of my spiral. “Stop thinking and start talking. You’re obviously upset, so use your words.”

I collect the empty water bottles from the blanket. “I’m fine.”

Bjorn reaches out and takes the trash from my hands. “You’re not. We’ve hurt you somehow. Please.” He tilts my chin up until I’m looking into his soft gray eyes. “Tell us?”

Sitting up as tall as I can, I try to save the shreds of my dignity that are left. “I’m feeling very left out. Again.” I sigh, exasperated at myself. “It’s ridiculous. But it’s my biggest fear. You two had a moment, and I wasn’t there. And my helpful brain is providing dozens of reasons why you didn’t want me there with you.”

“Oh, baby.” Bjorn pulls me against his chest and rubs my back. I practically crawl into his lap before I remember we’re in public, and it’s a safe bet that some of my students are here. “It wasn’t like that at all. I was struggling with what happened at dinner, wanting to fix everything for Gunnar and Jocelin. Trying to compensate for them shutting me down by organizing the cleanup. You know, basically me being bossy me.” He rests his cheek against the top of my head, and it feels really nice. “Kaino suggested meditation, and I’m sure you remember our attempt at meditation classes when we were together.”

I snort into his pec. Because yes, do I ever. “You were a disaster. You kept wiggling and couldn’t sit or lie still. The instructor finally asked you to leave the class.”

“Exactly. And when I said as much to Kaino, they suggested maybe being forced to be still might actually help quiet my mind. So we gave it a try.”

“And it was a success.” I feel a smaller hand on my forearm, though I don’t look to verify it’s Kaino. That would mean removing my cheek from Bjorn’s chest, and I’m feeling selfish and needy at the moment. “A small one. Bjorn was only tied for maybe fifteen minutes. But he said he got something out of it.”

“I did. And I’d like to try it again.” Bjorn slowly teases the outer shell of my ear with the tip of his nose. “But maybe we can also try it for other reasons.”

My heart thumps rapidly in my chest. “Other reasons?”

“Mmm. Naked reasons.”

Kaino snorts. “We could. Maybe Xander and I will tease you mercilessly while you can’t move.”

That’s intriguing enough to have me pushing back against Bjorn so I can see both of them. “We could do that?”

“As long as we all consent to it.” Kaino moves closer and leans toward me, conspiratorially. “We could strip him naked and tie him in any number of positions. Even with his injury.” They wink at me. “We could also go classic and tie his wrists and ankles to the bed.”

Bjorn’s grin says he’s completely on board with all of these suggestions.

“But I wouldn’t have to be tied, right? This isn’t a tit for tat kind of thing.”

Kaino shakes their head. “Before we do anything, there will be a very thorough conversation about what we all consent to or don’t consent to. Who can do what. Expectations for during and after. We don’t want any misunderstandings. That’s when people get hurt.”

It sounds exciting, but I like the idea of a discussion first. I’m all about the research, and I feel very behind on that front. “Maybe we can talk this week and try some things out this coming weekend?”

Kaino nods, and we both look at Bjorn. “Hell, yeah. I’m game.”

“Good.” Kaino picks up their food container and tosses it into the paper bag I kept for trash. “Now, minds out of the gutter. Xander, what’s going on with the university? Any word on tenure?”

I shake my head. “Not yet. It’s usually late May or early June, so I have at least two weeks left before I know. Dean Koontz is still being an ass, but the provost assured me that sexual orientation doesn’t weigh in on the decision. I’m hoping she wasn’t just saying that to appease me.”

Bjorn rolls onto his side, pushing up on an elbow. “Koontz better never run into me. That’s all I’m saying.” Kaino and I exchange a look and a smile. That is most definitely not all Bjorn has to say on the subject. “Who does he think he is, anyway? Does he realize he’s playing with people’s careers? That we don’t live in the Dark Ages anymore? He better never run into us at a university function.”

Oh god. I hadn’t really thought about that. I mean, I have, but not more than in passing. Mostly because I don’t know what I’ll do when confronted with the situation. Which I will be, at some point. “About that.” My voice sounds tentative, even to me. “What are your thoughts?”

Kaino frowns. “Thoughts on what?”

I push my glasses up my nose and give a little shrug. “University functions. Holiday parties. Fundraisers. Faculty events.”

They look confused. “What about them?”

“Any university function that faculty must attend usually involves inviting a plus one. We’re a plus two. How do we navigate that?”

Bjorn takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Any way you want. I think I can speak for Kaino on this.” He looks at them as he continues talking. “We’re not going to be selfish about this. It’s your job, and you know how to navigate that arena best. We’ll defer to you on how to handle it.”

I smile, grateful that they’re being so sweet, but it isn’t helping me come up with a plan. “But what are my options?”

Kaino jumps in. “Well, I think there are a few. You can always go alone, which is what I’m assuming you’ve been doing so far since you said you haven’t dated in a while. Or you can alternate taking one of us with you to events. Though that might be calling more attention to our situation. Which, for the record, I have no problem with. I just point it out for full disclosure. You can also decide to take the same person to every event and never mention the other person. I won’t speak for Bjorn”—they wink at him—“but I’m fine with that, too. If you always want to take Bjorn, or always want me to go with you, that’s what we’ll do. And if someday they allow a plus two, we can all go to whatever it is.”

“I hate all those options except the last one.” Am I pouting? Maybe a little. But this situation sucks.

Bjorn chuckles. “Well, I’m pretty sure the university isn’t there yet. So we have to come up with a solution that will work within the current parameters.”

“I came out of the closet in my teens. I’m certainly not going back in. I’m gay and polyamorous. They can suck it up.”

Kaino raises a brow. “And what if it costs you tenure? Maybe we should wait to see the outcome there before we go making big decisions.”

I understand what they’re saying. And there aren’t any upcoming events between now and then. “But that feels like cheating.”

Bjorn shakes his head. “It’s not, though. It may feel that way, but it’s a smart move. I’m not saying hide who we are. Or proposing we stop meeting at the cafe on Tuesdays or avoid going out together. I’m saying maybe don’t bring it up with the school if it isn’t relevant to a discussion.”

It’s a fair point, but I still don’t like it. It feels disingenuous. “Okay. I won’t go borrowing trouble, but if someone asks about it, about either of you, I’m not denying you. I’m not denying us. We’re together. We just said we love each other. That’s beautiful and important. You both make me incredibly happy, and I’m sorry, but the university can go stuff it if they think they can bully me into dumping one or both of you. Fuck them.”

“You tell ’em Professor Neilson!” The voice comes from a group of college-aged people sprawled on blankets several yards away. The rest cheer, and a few wave fists in the air.

I blush to the roots of my hair. “Oh dear god.” I’d cover my face with my hands but that would alert the students to my massive mortification, and you never let students see you squirm. Instead I wave and offer a polite, “Thank you.”

“They’ll think you’re cool now. I bet none of them has any other out, poly professors.”

Bjorn’s grin is annoying and incredibly comforting, even if I’m struggling to believe him. “Do you honestly think that?”

“What? That they think you’re cool? Or that there aren’t any other out, poly professors at the University of Washington?”

“Cool. I’m sure there is at least one other. It’s a huge school, and this is Seattle. But I’d lay odds that none of them have tenure.”

I startle as Kaino takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Then you’ll be the first. The trendsetter. You’ll show them all that it doesn’t matter who you love, or how many. Teaching excellence has nothing to do with gender or sexuality.” They lean in and kiss me softly on the lips. “And you are an excellent professor.”

I look at these two incredible people who’ve stolen my heart and wonder how I could ever deny either one. “I love you both. I choose to love you both. And I refuse to be ashamed of that. If it keeps me from tenure, I’ll find another university where it doesn’t matter.” The thought is daunting. I don’t really want to start over. But for these two beautiful people, I would do that and more.