14. Kaino

14

Kaino

With more affection than seems reasonable for only a few months of friendship, I watch Bjorn and Xander admiring the photograph of two beautiful red wolf pups playing in a forest. The colors are incredibly vibrant, and the pups’ joy leaps from the picture. It’s typical of the amazing photos my client, Sophia LaCava, takes. Tonight’s event is her first big gallery showing, and so far, her work is being well received. Xander and Bjorn seem to be proof of that. They have their heads close together, glancing from the photograph to each other, smiling like they can’t help themselves. Warmth spreads through my chest as I watch them having fun, not threatened at all. In fact, I want to be part of it, which is not anything I thought I’d ever feel. Probably because it’s been difficult to find one person I want to be with, so I never imagined there would be more than one at a time.

My approach is muffled by the surrounding conversations, and they’re so engrossed with one another that they don’t notice me. “She’s very talented.” I wasn’t trying for stealth, but I suppose I’ve achieved it anyway. Xander practically shrieks, and Bjorn barks out a startled laugh as I try to hide my smile so Xander doesn’t think we’re laughing at him. “You know, a portion of each purchase goes toward conservation of endangered species.”

Bjorn reaches out his hand to me. “Really?”

Without hesitation, I take it and step closer. “Yes, really. Sophia is determined to give back while earning money from her art.”

Xander sips his champagne and looks effortlessly gorgeous in black dress slacks and a long-sleeved, navy blue turtleneck sweater. His long blond hair is loose around his shoulders, and he’s wearing his black-framed glasses. He looks like a model. A drool-worthy one. I must stare too long because the corner of Xander’s mouth turns up and his eyes twinkle. “This is the part where you say something nice about supporting the artist’s generosity. Or at the very least, hello.”

Laughing, I place my hand over my heart. “I apologize. You just… you look incredible. But yes. Hello, Xander. It’s wonderful to see you.” I reach out and take his champagne, our fingers brushing lightly, and sparks race up my arm.

Xander’s eyes darken, and his voice is a bit husky when he replies. “It’s wonderful to see you, too.”

I take a sip, maintaining eye contact before returning his champagne.

Bjorn clears his throat dramatically. “Ahem! And what am I? Chopped liver?” I turn to Bjorn, giving his hand a squeeze. “You look incredibly handsome as well.” And he does, in his black v-neck sweater over a black pinstripe button down, both layers pushed up to his elbows. And the way his gray slacks hug his thighs and ass is almost criminal. When my wandering gaze makes it back to lock with his, he winks, grinning widely, obviously pleased with my reaction. His confidence is so sexy, and my body responds accordingly as a wave of arousal threatens to short circuit my brain. “I’m glad you both came tonight.”

“You asked us to come. Of course we’re here.” He curiously glances between me and Xander, and I can’t blame him. I touched Xander very deliberately. There’s been subtle flirting. And that’s not something I typically do.

Xander gestures to the picture of the red wolf pups. “The photographs are incredible.”

This time, I reach for Bjorn’s champagne with a wink, but he laughs, lifting it out of my grasp. “Hey! Get your own.” One of the servers sees the raised glass and changes course. They hold out the tray of flutes, and Bjorn takes one, thanks the server, and hands it to me. “Speaking of drinks, are you still up for getting a coffee or something after?”

I’m a bit nervous, now that the planned discussion is imminent. But we need to talk about who we are to each other and come to some consensus. The ambiguity is playing havoc with my nerves. “Sure. I’d love to. How was dinner?”

Xander makes an aggrieved sound. “It was wonderful after the twink from hell stopped flirting with Bjorn.” At my raised eyebrow, Xander goes off. “Clearly, Bjorn and I were there on a date, but Gabriel ”—he says the name with what I assume is an appropriate accent—“the Portuguese twinkzilla, all but mounted Bjorn in the middle of the restaurant. You should have seen him sashaying around, wiggling his pert little ass in everyone’s faces.”

Bjorn leans close, sliding a hand along my lower back and sending shivers through me. “It wasn’t as bad as all that.”

I snort. “It sounds dreadful. Glad I missed it.”

Xander’s whole demeanor changes to full-on excited mode. “But you must come with us next time.”

Bjorn’s eyebrows raise, and he’s obviously fighting a grin. “So, we’re going back?”

“Obviously. How could we not?” Xander all but swoons. “The food was to die for. Bjorn had the pork, and I had the seafood stew. And there were these custard tarts at the end, accompanied by lovely glasses of port.” Some may think his drama is draining, but I love his passion. He feels things deeply and isn’t afraid to express that or have an opinion. “Kaino, you’ll love it.”

Bjorn and I share an amused glance. “It certainly sounds like it. But perhaps we can do without the twink from hell.”

“Definitely.” Xander frowns. “Did you get to eat? I considered bringing you something from the restaurant, but it’s not really the kind of food that keeps well.”

I stare at him, touched by his thoughtfulness. “I had something before I got here, but thank you. That’s very sweet.”

He reaches out and squeezes my hand once, then lets it go. “Well, we can’t have you starving. What kind of friends would we be?”

Warmth spreads up my arm, and my heart beats a little faster. I’ve been wondering about that very thing. “It’s nice to have such good friends.”

Xander leans close, eyes darting around the crowd. “So, how long does this thing go? Bjorn has something he wants to talk to us about, and I’m dying of curiosity.”

“And we have something to speak with him about, too.” Xander nods, his expression very serious. I cup his jaw, letting the tips of my fingers drag through his short beard. “Sophia is taking a quick break, and then we have about another forty-five minutes before the gallery closes. Do you think you’ll survive?”

Xander’s dramatic exhale is comical, and I burst out laughing. Bjorn casually kisses the side of my head, and for a moment, I wonder if he’s laying claim or just being his usual affectionate self. “I’ll do my best to keep him breathing.”

From my periphery, I see Sophia reenter the gallery from the office area, and gesture her way. “My artist is back. I’ll see you both in a bit.”

The next forty-five minutes drag by. I love my job, but tonight, I’d rather be with Bjorn and Xander. There’s a possibly life-changing conversation we need to have, and I’m eager to get to it. After what seems like an eon, I say goodbye to Sophia and the gallery owner, then leave with Bjorn and Xander. “Okay, where should we go?” Both Xander and Bjorn look at each other, then at me, and shrug. With a sigh, I jerk my head toward my favorite coffee shop. “This way. We have time for one coffee at Love ’n Cup before they close for the night.”

Xander’s face lights with interest. “Oh, I’ve heard students talking about that place. LGBTQ owned and staffed, great atmosphere. I’ve been meaning to check it out.”

I place my palm against my chest and gasp. “You actually listen to students when they aren’t talking about the classics?”

“Every once in a very great while, one of them has something worthwhile to share.”

Laughing, I take Xander’s hand and hook my arm through Bjorn’s, tugging them along. When we get to the cafe, I usher them inside. The scent of coffee and pastries swirls around us, and I inhale deeply. “Oh, god, that’s good.” Bjorn and Xander glance everywhere, taking in the LGBTQ flags and portraits of famous activists covering the walls. There’s no doubt this place is LGBTQ friendly. I feel Xander freeze, and then he’s making a beeline for the pastry case.

Groaning, Bjorn follows right behind. “God, Xander, how can you be hungry? We ate so much at dinner. Including dessert.”

Xander glares at Bjorn over his shoulder before turning his attention to the sweets. “Shush. I’m just looking.”

A low chuckle from the back room precedes the appearance of a mountain of a man covered in black ink. “If you have any questions, just ask. I’m Bill, by the way. I baked all of these fresh, earlier today.” He glances at Bjorn and then blinks. “Please don’t think I’m being forward, because that’s not my intent, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and ask if you happen to be an Osouf.”

Laughing, Bjorn nods and holds out his hand. “I’m Bjorn. I take it you know one of my siblings.”

They shake hands, Bill’s grin as wide as Bjorn’s. “Two of ’em. Erik and Gunnar stop in now and then. Erik more often, because Jules loves my petit fours.” He glances at me. “And I think I’ve seen you here a few times before, too. With Tadhg?”

“Yes. We meet here a few times a month. The atmosphere is welcoming. And you don’t use coconut in your baked goods.”

Bill nods knowingly. “Allergy?”

“Yes.”

“There’s no coconut oil or shredded coconut in any of our baked goods. It might be considered an uncommon allergy, but no coconut is becoming a more frequent request, and there are alternatives. So we use those instead.”

Xander groans softly and sinks down to his knees, pointing at a pastry in the case. “What are those?”

Bill turns his attention to whatever Xander’s pointing at. “Those are opera cakes. It’s three layers of almond cake soaked in coffee syrup, one layer of espresso-flavored buttercream, one layer of bittersweet chocolate ganache, all topped off with a chocolate glaze.”

Xander turns to Bjorn, eyes wide and pleading. “I need it.”

I bite my lip, my body responding in very inappropriate ways to his comment and his position on his knees. Bjorn doesn’t seem to be immune either, as he gives in almost instantly. “How about we get one piece of cake and three forks? We can share.” Xander’s smile is pure sunshine. His students wouldn’t recognize him right now. Bjorn turns to Bill. “Just one, please.”

“Comin’ right up. It’s just me closin’ tonight, so I’ll ring you up and then bring it over after I plate it. Do y’all want somethin’ to drink?”

Bjorn doesn’t even pause to consider. “I’ll have a black coffee.”

I walk up behind him and lightly place my hand on his lower back. His head snaps around to look at me, but he leans into my touch. We share a smile, and it takes everything I have to pull my attention back to Bill. “I’ll have the same.”

Xander points to the board. “That. The second one down. I want that one, please.”

The drink in question is a caramel latte with brown sugar and cinnamon, and I wince. “You’re never going to sleep. You know that, right?”

“He’ll be hopped up on caffeine and sugar for days.” Bjorn slides his arm around my waist, pulling me against his side. I lean into him, encouraged by the slightly flirty interactions the three of us are having. Maybe we all are on the same page.

Xander pushes to his feet with an indignant sniff. “I’ll be fine. And neither of you has to deal with me, so why are you worrying about it?” He spins around, heading for a comfy-looking loveseat near the small fireplace.

Bjorn sighs and leans close, his breath tickling my ear. “I should go make sure he’s not pouting.” He reaches for his wallet. “Let me get this.”

I shake my head. “Nope. It was my pick. Go check on trouble.” That earns me a wide grin and a peck on the cheek. We stare at each other, and Bjorn gives me one final squeeze, then wanders toward Xander. I step to the counter, credit card in hand, and tap to pay. “Kick us out when you’re ready.”

Bill waves my comment aside. “I’m not too worried about it. We’re open for another hour, and then I’ll still have to clean up, so no rush.”

“Thanks.” I slip my wallet into my pocket, reviewing the conversation I’ve already had eight thousand times in my head as I walk toward Xander and Bjorn. It’s less nerve-wracking since we’ve all been openly affectionate with each other. Here’s hoping it continues. I slide into a leather club chair between Bjorn and Xander. It’s prudent to have my own space for this discussion.

Xander glances at the empty spot next to him. “If you sit way over there, you won’t be able to share my dessert.” He points at me and then at Bjorn. “Neither of you will. And I’m not moving. I’m too comfy.”

Laughing, I settle into my seat. “You can pass the plate.”

Xander’s pout becomes a grin as Bill sets the opera cake in front of him. He hands each of us a fork and sets down our drinks, then wags a finger at Xander. “Make sure you share.”

With an aggrieved sigh, as if the idea is outrageous, Xander nods. “If I must.”

Bill chuckles, his gaze taking us all in. “Y’all let me know if you need anything else.”

Once he wanders away, Xander takes a bite of the cake and closes his eyes, moaning in pleasure. Bjorn attempts and fails to adjust himself discreetly. Our eyes meet, and I smirk. “Problem?”

“Nope.” He sits up and, with zero shame, adjusts the growing bulge behind his zipper.

Xander is paying no attention to either of us. His entire focus is on the cake in front of him. “Oh my god. This is an orgasm on a plate.”

Bjorn’s laugh fills the empty cafe. “Better than a solo and very public orgasm in my pants. Stop groaning like that.”

Xander doesn’t seem to hear him. Or he’s ignoring Bjorn for the cake. “Neither of you are getting any of this.” He looks like he’s going to wrap himself around the plate, but before he moves, I lean across and snatch it from his hand. “Hey!”

It may be childish, but I truly need the distraction. My mind is very much in step with my body, both desperately aching for these ridiculous men, and so close to getting what I want. If I don’t focus on something else I might initiate inappropriate activities in public. And that’s not something I’d have considered before tonight. Would it be bad to bypass my carefully planned argument and blurt out our proposal in short, sexually graphic detail? Probably. “Bill said to share, brat.” I point at Xander. “Behave, or else.”

Xander licks his fork seductively. “Or else, what?”

I consider for a moment as I watch his tongue do naughty, naughty things to the tines of the fork. “Or else no dessert for you for a week.”

Xander’s mouth drops open as his eyes go wide, and I almost laugh. Just as quickly, he composes himself, his body language screaming indignance. “You do realize I’m a grown adult. How are you going to keep me from eating whatever I want?”

I stare into his eyes, seeing the brat gaining strength. Without raising my voice or moving, I cut him off. “If I say so, you won’t. I know you want to be good for me.”

It’s clear the moment when Xander remembers our conversation from the restaurant. His lips part in a silent ‘O’, and he glances at the plate in my hand, debating his next move. With a harrumph, he capitulates. “Fine. I’ll share.”

I smirk and take a small bite of the cake. It’s a delicious blend of nuttiness and rich, dark chocolate, combined perfectly with an espresso undertone, and it’s truly heaven on a plate. I hum my approval, then pass the dessert to Bjorn. “It’s good.”

He takes his own small bite and groans, all but killing what little composure I still have. “Oh, this is good.” His fork poised for another bite, Bjorn glances at a pouting Xander, then passes the plate back to him. “All yours, Doc.”

Xander snatches it quickly, settling into the corner of his loveseat, humming happily.

Bjorn all but sprawls across his club chair. “So, you mentioned wanting to talk to us about something. Is now good?”

After this little exchange, I’m even more certain we’re all on the same page. We just need some clarification. “I’d like you to hear me out before saying anything. And if you want to take some time to think about things, that’s fine. It’s probably wise.” If I thought I had Bjorn’s attention before, I was wrong. Both Xander and Bjorn are staring at me with such intensity that I’d laugh if I wasn’t so sure this conversation will be incredibly important to us.

“I don’t think any of us is much into labels. They add unnecessary rigidity to things that are naturally fluid. So I won’t use them. But if they make you more comfortable, that’s fine.” Curiosity lights Bjorn’s eyes. “These past weeks, it’s become abundantly clear why I was attracted to you the first time around. It’s also become apparent that nothing’s changed.” A soft smile curves his lips, and he nods but doesn’t interrupt. I turn to Xander. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you as well. It’s been more difficult for me to make a connection with you since we hadn’t known each other before. But I feel it now. I enjoy being with you.” Xander’s gaze softens. “With both of you.” Something sparks behind Bjorn’s eyes, and he leans in, gaze locked on mine. It makes it challenging to think, but I keep going. “I’m attracted to you both. Intellectually and sexually. I genuinely like both of you. And I’d like to explore what this could be. With both of you. Together.”

Xander untucks himself from the corner of the loveseat and places a hand on my knee. “When we first met I disliked you. But that was before I got to know you, even a little. And when we finally got a chance to talk and learn things about each other, I was blown away. I wasn’t expecting intelligence, and thoughtfulness.” He squeezes my thigh. “I wasn’t expecting you. You’re amazing. So smart, and handsome.” Xander’s smile turns wicked. “You have that whole dom thing going on that curls my toes.” Bjorn twitches in surprise, but he doesn’t say or do anything else. “I’m very attracted to you. And Bjorn, you’d have to be oblivious to miss my attraction to you. I love being with you, too. You’re sweet, and fun, and drop-dead gorgeous. Honestly, I genuinely like both of you.” He glances between us. “I want both of you.” He turns to Bjorn. “Can we have that? Do you want that? Could you want that?”

“Wow.” Bjorn’s body language is open and relaxed, and I take a breath, allowing myself to hope. “I… wow. Okay. I’ve tried dating each of you before, and it didn’t work. But what we lacked as individual couples, I’m pretty sure we have with the three of us together.”

Xander nibbles his lower lip. “But together how?”

“Together as friends, as lovers, as romantic partners. Whatever you want to call it is fine. We definitely have the friendship thing working. And, god, I’m so fucking attracted to both of you. I’m pretty much in a constant state of arousal whenever you’re around.” Xander snorts, and he relaxes even as my own concerns fade. This could actually happen. “See, here’s what I’m thinking. I need affection. Xander loves affection. Physical, emotional, verbal, all kinds of affection. We’re very compatible in that area. Kaino, you need much less, but we could give you however much you want to whatever extent you’re comfortable, whenever you need it. But you wouldn’t have to be part of that when you aren’t feeling it.”

I’m relieved he’s voiced that since it’s been my biggest concern. “That would eliminate so much pressure.”

“And Xander needs all kinds of attention.” At Xander’s squawk of protest, we both look at him. “Seriously, Doc. You know you do. And it’d be fine, because there would be two of us to give you all the attention you could want. It wouldn’t be all on one of us to be everything in that regard. And you two match intellectually. Not that I’m dumb, but you both love to go off on scholarly discussions, and let’s be real. They can get esoteric. I have zero interest in being part of that, and if the three of us are together, I don’t have to be.” I’m not sure if Bjorn’s trying to convince us or himself, but he’s making my arguments for me, so I don’t interrupt. “I’m not sure what to think about the dom comment, but hey, no judgment.” He grins, taking any sting out of his words.

Xander winks at Bjorn and jerks his head in my direction. “Ask them about watching, though.”

Bjorn’s head snaps around. “Excuse me?”

I raise an eyebrow at Xander. “Behave.” I turn to Bjorn. “We can discuss that later.”

“Yeah, I think we definitely need to have that conversation. But you’re right. Later.” Bjorn pulls his fingers through his hair and flops back into the chair. “I’m saying yes. I want the three of us together.” There’s a kind of happy shock on his face. “I’m in.”

Xander glances at me and then at Bjorn. “Just the three of us, right? No one else.”

I nod in agreement. “No one else.”

“Just us.” Bjorn’s laugh is a little wild. “That’s enough.”

Xander grabs my hand and reaches for Bjorn’s. “I want this, too. Please believe me. But I know myself. And I am the jealous type. So, I’m not sure how well this will work. Take tonight, for instance.” He looks at Bjorn. “You and I had a wonderfully romantic dinner once twinkzilla left us alone. And while I did wish Kaino was there, I very much enjoyed spending time with you by myself. But if I had to grade papers and miss a similar date that you and Kaino went on, I would probably be imagining all kinds of wildly romantic conversations and gestures of affection and end up feeling very left out.”

“It’s a real issue, and one that does cause problems in poly relationships.” At their surprised looks, I shrug. “I may have done a little research on the subject. And the answer is simple. Open communication.” I look pointedly at Xander. “No pretending everything is fine. If there’s an issue, we talk about it.” I shift in my seat and take a deep breath. “Since we’re talking about possible issues, I might as well bring up the biggest one for me.” I glance between Bjorn and Xander. “You won’t feel rejected if you want intimacy, but I don’t? Bjorn wasn’t wrong about that being an issue for us in the past. My sex drive isn’t high. It never has been. I enjoy being physical now and then, and I get aroused, but I don’t always need or want to act on it.”

Xander quirks an eyebrow. “What about when you dom?”

I laugh. “I prefer the term rope top. But yes, shibari can be quite intimate, and it requires complete trust in your partner. Many shibari pairs end up in romantic or sexual relationships. But I’ve never had the urge to be sexually or romantically involved with my models.” I wink at Xander. “I have been known to wrangle a brat or two in my time, though.”

“Speaking of feeling left out and slightly intimidated.” It’s said with humor, but there’s a truth to Bjorn’s tone. “I’ve never considered myself into much BDSM, past the occasional handcuffs or blindfold. Shibari seems daunting. I don’t think I’m into being dangled from the ceiling.”

I proceed cautiously, unsure of his preconceptions. “Shibari is something I enjoy, but that doesn’t mean you have to be involved.” I glance between them. “Either of you. But I’d ask that if I choose to find a new model to work with, you won’t object.”

“Of course not.” Xander seems offended that I’d suggest it.

Bjorn looks more thoughtful. “I’d need to know more about it, to be honest. Why you felt the need to get back into it.” Xander seems ready to come to my defense, but Bjorn holds up a hand. “If you get back into it because something’s lacking in our relationship, I’d want to know that. If it’s for some other reason, the discipline of the practice, or for artistic purposes, I could be okay with that. It’d depend on the why. I’m sorry if that sounds ridiculous. I don’t know much about it, so I could be completely talking out of my ass here.” He leans over and takes my hand. “I want to give you what you need. But I want the three of us to be enough.”

“That’s fair.” I grip his hand tightly. “And I’m happy to help educate you.” Xander and I have had more conversations about my shibari than Bjorn and I have, and he’s probably making some wild assumptions. “Initially, it was a way to help me work through some of my touch aversion. It’s mentally soothing. But I fell in love with the artistry and focus required.” I grin at him. “And to your earlier point, there can be suspension involved, but that’s not a prerequisite of shibari. There are also varying degrees of binding. It can be something as innocuous as a reminder knot around the wrist or ankle, all the way through full body ties and, yes, suspension. As with any part of kink, it’s whatever works for the people involved. There are no hard and fast rules. No must or must nots. It’s whatever the consenting adults involved want and agree to. And that can change as the participants become more comfortable with the practice and themselves.” I wink at him. “Plus, being tied is not a prerequisite for a relationship with me.”

Bjorn looks thoughtful. “Okay. That’s fair. And we’re not even sure we’ll work. Right? I’ve never dated more than one person at a time. But I damn well want to try. I don’t want to give either of you up, and I’m not interested in dating anyone else.”

Xander, possibly feeling left out, adds his two cents. “Same. As long as it’s a closed, consensual, clearly defined relationship.”

Bjorn glances between the two of us. “We should give this serious consideration. Take some time, and get back together with ideas, things we want, things we need, and things we’re worried about. What if we meet at my house?” He glances around. “I’m not sure we’ll luck into a cool place like this again, with zero other customers. But if we meet at my place, I could cook, and we’d have privacy to discuss things without worrying about people listening.”

Xander rubs the bridge of his nose and sighs. “I do have questions, and maybe a few other concerns. So I think that sounds like a good idea.”

If I learned anything from my research, it’s that this kind of relationship isn’t easy in a culture based on monogamy. But I still want it. “I’ve never been in a poly relationship before either, but with the right combination of people, they can work. Maybe that’s us. Maybe it isn’t. But I’d be willing to discuss the possibility. And dinner at your house sounds great.”

“So, next Friday?” Bjorn claps his hands. “How do you feel about paella?”