13. Bjorn

13

Bjorn

I pull into an empty space, and Xander steps out of the Range Rover, glancing up and down the street. “Are you sure you want to park here? There’s a garage just up the way. It might be safer.”

“Nah.” I exit the Rover and lock it with the key fob. Xander meets me at the front of the vehicle, and I hold out my hand. “We haven’t really talked about things , but is it okay if I hold your hand?”

I don’t even finish my sentence before he’s pressing his palm against mine. My heart flutters happily in my chest. “We definitely should discuss things .” He uses the same emphasis on the word, and although I’m not sure what things he means, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.

Over the past three weeks since Kaino, Xander, and I had coffee on campus, I’ve texted a lot with both of them, and we’ve met up. Each time, it’s been in the afternoon, during the week or on weekends, and it’s all been very casual. Physical contact has been limited to hugs between Xander and me, and casual touches to hands, arms, and backs with Kaino.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

I snort and squeeze Xander’s hand. “Does anyone even say that anymore?”

Xander bristles. “Me, obviously. And using old idioms is twenty times better than telling groaner dad jokes, so you have no place throwing stones.”

Laughing, I bring his hand to my lips and kiss the back. “Fair. And sorry. I was just thinking about you and Kaino, and how much I’m enjoying spending time with you both.”

Xander side-eyes me, like he’s not sure I’m telling the truth but he’s willing to play along. “At first, I wasn’t sure what to make of them. They’re a bit prickly and stand-offish. I get the impression they don’t have a lot of friends.”

“They don’t. It’s a combination of upbringing, some situations that happened when they were younger, and probably other things I don’t know about. But none of that’s my story to tell.”

He squeezes my hand. “I wouldn’t ask you to. Slowly but surely, Kaino and I have become friends, and they’ve actually shared quite a bit about their issues with casual touching.” Xander’s cheeks blush, and god, I just want to hug him. “I was incredibly touched when they did. Lord knows I’m not over here wanting to share my history. No one wants to attend that pity party. Boo hoo, poor little rich gay boy with too many smarts, not enough emotional intelligence, no friends, and way too many bullies to go around.” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “No, thank you.”

I pull Xander to a stop and tug him closer. “But look how you turned out. You’re a gorgeous, wickedly smart university professor with a badass cat named Mr. Bingley and at least two incredibly good looking, charming friends who love to hang out with you.”

He reaches out and smooths his palm down the front of my shirt, and electricity lights up my nerves. He’s still interested in pursuing something more with me, again. He’s made that very clear. And I’m on board with that idea. But there’s Kaino to consider. I’m also still very attracted to them. Probably equally so. And I can’t choose. I don’t want to choose. Xander cocks his head to the side, his beautiful blond hair falling over his shoulder. “Are you one of those incredibly good looking, charming friends of mine?”

“Absolutely.” I try to play it off like it’s no big deal, but the way Xander’s pupils dilate, I’m confident he’s feeling the connection, too.

He nibbles his lower lip and fiddles with one of the buttons on my shirt. “Are you sure?” The words could be teasing, tempting me to provide proof in a physical way, but that’s not the tone Xander uses, and his lack of eye contact confirms this is his insecurity speaking. Not arousal.

My insides melt, and I step closer, cupping Xander’s jaw in my palm. “Doc, of course I’m sure.” It’s been forever since I’ve used the nickname I gave him years ago, and I’m fairly certain the butterflies are going to burst out of my chest at any moment. I stroke my thumb against his cheek, and he leans into the touch.

The tense line of his shoulders relaxes, and he looks up at me with a soft smile. “We probably shouldn’t say any more. Our other good looking, charming friend needs to be here for that.”

It takes effort to tamp down the whirlwind of thoughts in my head. I’m certain our third friend is Kaino, but what I don’t know is what Xander wants to discuss. Surely, he’s aware of my attraction to both of them. Does he want me to choose? Is that what we all need to discuss? Have they discussed it already?

Xander slips his arm around my waist, and we walk toward the restaurant. I try not to think about how confusing things are. Dating, in general, isn’t something I’m good at. I can’t imagine what a disaster it would be to date two people at once, so I force the thought out of my mind. That can be a future me problem. For now, I’m going to enjoy my dinner with Xander, and then we’ll see Kaino at the art gallery. I open the door with the Adega logo and usher Xander inside. “After you. Have you been here before?”

“No, but I’ve heard great things. You?”

I keep a firm grip on his hand as we descend the narrow stairs into the wine cellar restaurant. The last thing I need is for one of us to trip on the way down, sending us both sprawling to the floor in front of the host area. “I’ve been here once. For lunch. And it was incredible. But I’ve wanted to try their dinner menu. I have no idea what they’ll be offering today, as they change the offerings based on what they can get fresh from the markets.”

We make it to the bottom of the stairs in one piece, and I give my name to the ma?tre d’. “Reservation for two under Osouf.”

“Good evening.” The ma?tre d’ looks up from his reservation screen and his eyes go wide, giving me a once over before smiling flirtatiously. “Welcome to Adega , Mr. Osouf . ” Xander’s hand grips mine tighter, and if looks could kill, the man would be bleeding out on the floor. Xander’s always been a bit jealous, though I don’t really mind. It’s kind of nice knowing someone likes you enough to want to keep you. And it’s never resulted in anything a little attention and kisses couldn’t fix. But now, it has me wondering why he’s never shown jealousy toward Kaino. Well, not since that day in my hospital room. But since then, Xander’s never given any indication he feels threatened by Kaino. Even though it’s been obvious there’s interest there from both of us. At least I think it’s obvious. Maybe I’m the only one who can see it.

“If you’ll follow me, please?” The ma?tre d’ flashes us a brilliantly white smile and flips his thick, black hair over his shoulder before leading us to our table.

I pull out Xander’s chair, and as he sits, I lean in and place a lingering kiss on his cheek. “You look very handsome tonight. I love the sweater. The navy makes your eyes so blue.” I brush my hand down his arm, feeling the slight shiver as I do. “Cashmere?”

Xander preens under the attention, and all his animosity melts away. “Yes.”

“It’s lovely.” I walk around the table and seat myself, then turn to the ma?tre d’, who hands me a menu and wine list.

“Our sommelier will be by shortly to review the daily offerings. I’m certain there will be something to your liking.” He stares into my eyes, and it’s all I can do not to chuckle. The young man is clearly trying to get my attention, but he’s way too young for me and no competition for either Xander or Kaino. “We’re very versatile here.” I almost choke on the sip of water I’ve mistakenly taken. Xander’s hand slides toward his steak knife. “I’m Gabriel.” He says it with a beautiful Portuguese accent. Xander’s hand wraps around the hilt. “I hope you enjoy your meal, but if there’s anything I can do to make your evening better, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

I somehow manage to keep a straight face, reaching out for Xander’s unoccupied hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. It distracts him enough that he doesn’t stab Gabriel. Two points for us. “Thank you. I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Gabriel shrugs one shoulder, spins on his narrow boot heel, and flounces off. Xander scowls after him.

I chuckle. “He has balls. You have to give him that.”

Xander clearly disagrees. “I don’t need to give twinkzilla anything. Except maybe the pointy end of this knife. And he’s more likely to give you something you’d have to take an antibiotic to get rid of.” He peruses his menu, pretending he doesn’t care and failing miserably. Which only makes me grin. He’s so adorable. “Who does he think he is, walking us over here with far too much sass in his hips?”

“There’s nothing there to interest me. He can’t hold a candle to you.” Or Kaino. I realize by saying that, I’ve tipped my hand for sure, letting him know I’m definitely interested in restarting something. Which isn’t a bad thing. I’ve been planning to tell him. But it means we should probably have that discussion about what’s been happening between the three of us over the past few months. Xander’s face and neck turn a light pink, and his gaze softens. I lace our fingers together and smile, giving him my full attention. “You are incredibly smart, handsome, and sexy.”

A smile tugs at his lips. “Did you know that phrase, can’t hold a candle, has its roots in the 1600s? An apprentice for a master craftsman would need to hold a candle to provide illumination for close work. And someone not skilled enough to stand there and hold a candle for his master was pretty worthless. Hence, he can’t hold a candle to you.”

“You, my beautiful professor”—I lift his hand and nibble on his thumb—“are far from worthless. In fact…” I press a soft kiss to the knuckle of his index finger. “You are quite precious.” I move to the knuckle of his middle finger, repeating the gentle kiss, and his lips part. “And anyone who can’t see that—” One last kiss to the knuckle of his ring finger has his pupils expanding, sending sparks of electricity up my spine. “—is blind.”

Xander stares at me, stunned, for several long seconds before finding his voice. “Then there are a lot of very blind people wandering around. Most of them under the age of twenty-one, with a penchant for forgetting assignments and the proper use of English.” A laugh bursts out of me, and Xander’s brilliant grin makes me warm all over. He’s incredibly sweet, and I find myself more attracted to him with every moment we spend together. And yet, I’m drawn to Kaino as well. I’m really not sure what to do except be honest with them about it. Xander squeezes my hand. “You’re deep in thought. Where did you go?”

I shake my head, refocusing on the handsome man who’s with me. “Dwelling on what ifs and possibilities.”

Before I can say anything else, our server arrives. “ Boa noite . I’m Daphne, and I’ll be taking care of you this evening. Have you been here before?”

I smile at her. “I have. For lunch. But Xander hasn’t.” I gesture to him.

“Welcome back.” She turns to Xander. “And welcome. Since we have a new diner, I’ll cover some quick points, and then we’ll get to the good stuff, like drink orders.” She takes us through the menu and the à la carte options. “Personally, I love everything on our menu, but tonight’s grilled porco preto with roasted potatoes and sauteed greens is a personal favorite. And if you’re in the mood for seafood, try the cataplana de marisco .” As she finishes, the sommelier appears. “Perfect timing. This is Pietro, our sommelier. He’ll answer any questions you have about pairings, and he can help choose something for you if you’re unsure.” She gives us all one last smile and walks away.

Pietro is a handsome man somewhere in his early fifties. There are small smile lines at the corners of his eyes, and his black hair is starting to show streaks of silver. “Good evening. I am here to be as helpful as you’d like. If you know what you want, you may tell me. I’m also happy to walk you through suggestions and answer any questions.”

I glance at Xander, who has admitted he knows nothing about wine, and in the past has deferred to my judgment. He gives me a nod, and I take one last look at the offerings. “Xander prefers white wine and will probably go with the seafood this evening, so I’m thinking a glass of the vinho verde alvarinho for him.”

Pietro nods. “An excellent choice.”

“And I’m going to have the pork, so I’ll have a glass of the Baga.” I hand him the wine menu. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome, sir. I’ll be back with your wine in a moment.” Pietro smiles, then turns and walks away.

“I can’t believe you remember so many little details.” Xander reaches across the table and takes my hand. “It’s incredibly sweet.”

I shrug. “I’ve been a cop for too many years. It’s been my job to remember the details.”

Xander shakes his head. “Don’t do that.”

“What?” I replay what I’ve said, but can’t find any fault in it. “What did I say?”

“You minimize the things you do for the people you care about. Remembering details like what kind of wine I like, or what my favorite coffee is, aren’t things just anyone, even a police officer, would remember. Especially after two years. I remember, for one of Astrid’s birthdays, you gave her the exact Prada purse she mentioned wanting. In the exact shade she loved. And she hadn’t given you birthday ideas, or a list, or anything. Not even Gunnar remembered her saying she wanted it. You remembered because it’s important to you to make everything special for everyone.”

I’m not sure what to say to that. “If it’s important to people I care about, then it’s important to me.”

He nods. “Exactly my point. It has nothing to do with being a cop and everything to do with being an amazing human being.” He squeezes my hand. “And I appreciate it. So does everyone else in your life.”

I snort. “Probably not Gunnar.”

Xander scowls. “Then he’s an ass.”

“He’s still my brother.” It comes out sharper than I intend, and I wince. “I’m sorry.”

Xander’s cheeks redden, but he shakes his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was out of line. I just hate seeing you downplay everything you do for everyone else.” He looks into my eyes, and his sincerity steals my breath. “You’re an amazing human being, Bjorn. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

I want to argue because he’s not unbiased. But I can’t deny how good it feels to hear him say that, or how full my chest is when he looks at me like I’m special. And yeah, I know I am. Everyone is. But not in the same way. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And you probably still don’t agree with me, but please think about it. You should know your own worth outside of being a caretaker. You’re a loving, kind man, and I see you.”

I have no idea why his words hit me so hard. I’ve spent my entire adult life being the reliable, steady, parental figure. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It was what my siblings needed. But I gave up a lot for them. I don’t begrudge doing it, and I’d do it all over again, given the same circumstances. There isn’t one decision about that situation I regret. But I don’t have to do that anymore. I look into Xander’s beautiful eyes and find myself falling hard for the handsome, nerdy professor. Again.