Tenant Three

You are but bones and questions and sins. The merge is your answer.

The merge is my answer. The merge is my answer. The merge is my answer.Words that I repeat in my head over and over again. They're the words that they parrot every morning for the Luminary, so they must be true. So then, it's the merge I seek as my sins threaten to spill out of my throat.

I slip through the trees, searching for the telltale shimmer I know means I've found a merge. Often, the Luminary forbids us from searching them out. He and he alone decides our fate. We should not sacrifice out of turn. He has a plan. The merge has a plan.

The merge appears before me, glittering, unprotected. The Luminary hasn't discovered this one yet. It's fresh, new, promising.

The merge is my answer.

I take a seat far enough away that the merge can't pull me inside. I stare into the glittering air and take a deep breath.

"If I am but bones and questions and sin, you should be my answer," I tell the shimmer. "So then tell me, what am I to become?"

The merge does not answer as I expect. No great realization strikes me. No enlightenment suddenly shines down on me. The Luminary does not appear to chastise me.

I tilt up my chin. "I know my sins. Would you like to know them?" No answer, but I don't expect them. "My father thought me a curse when I was born. When I grew big enough to fight back, I killed him. His body is buried beneath the sycamore tree in my childhood home. My mother still thinks he left her and never came back."

There's no change in the small merge, its swirling colors and sparkles ever constant. I stare into it, watching.

"I once slept with a woman I knew was destined to die. I also knew she was an enemy, but my kind, we don't pick sides. Her brother didn't approve, but I was gone before it became an issue." I hesitate, looking down at my long fingers. "I felt her death and I did nothing. After all, it wasn't my business, and I was already long gone from her world when it happened."

Still no answer. I'm as alone in these woods as I always am. No one will ever understand. No one will ever know me.

I stare into the merge. If the merge is my answer, it's no answer at all. This isn't where I'm meant to be. This isn't where I'll find my destiny.

"I don't believe in the Luminary's bullshit," I say. "I don't believe in the tenants they drill into our minds." I stand. "And I most definitely don't believe you're anything other than a blip in this world, a product of some unstable force, and it doesn't matter. None of this matters. It never has. It never will."

The merge brightens for a moment, swirling rapidly as it swells briefly, the gravity pulling at my clothing like it understood my words. Then it sputters and disappears, taking my sins and secrets with it into the next world.

I blink. I still have no answers.