Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Starling

I didn't want to be here. Call it nerves, call it a sixth sense, but I knew the second I stepped into that house, my life would change forever.

Abbot led me into the lion's den with whispered apologies, and like an idiot, I let him. The door closed behind us with an ominous bang, making my heart race and my palms feel sweaty.

When Hudson makes an excuse to leave, Abbot looks at me. "Say what you will about Father dearest, but the man has impeccable taste," he says with a fake British accent.

I offer him a small smile, but he can see right through it.

"Shit, Starling. I really am sorry about before, but there's no way in hell I'm leaving you vulnerable. If you're with me, I can keep you safe."

"Do you really think I should be worried?" I ask, knowing I should run screaming for the hills. But I want him to tell me I'm stupid and overreacting.

"He's as much of a stranger to me as he is to you. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him since he left us. He said himself that he's dangerous, and I think we should listen to him."

Why can't I be that girl? The one who gets to go home and knows that no matter what happens in the big, bad world, home's the one place where nothing can touch me.

Unfortunately for me, home was where my monsters lived. I knew this from the first time I understood the difference between good and evil, so why did I keep expecting a different outcome? New houses, new people, new choices, and yet none of them have ever truly made me feel safe. I should have expected it. But hope is a tricky thing. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Even though I sensed the darkness in Hudson on the day of the wake, I also felt safe in his arms, even if it was temporary.

I guess I haven't had all the stupid beaten out of me just yet.

"Okay. But maybe don't antagonize him. Once we have enough money saved, we can leave and find our own place. Let's not screw that up by taking shots at the one person willing to take us in and keep us together."

He wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple. "You're right. I'll do better, I promise. I have a lot of unresolved issues with him, but if I can't keep my mouth shut, I'll avoid him. It shouldn't be too hard in a place like this."

I smile up at Abbot just as Hudson reappears. "Sorry about that," he apologizes before looking at us. He has an expression on his face that almost looks like anger, but it's gone before I can question it. "Let me show you up to your room, and then I have to leave. I have some business to attend to in the city, so I won't be back until late. I'll leave my card on the counter for you to order some food."

He walks past us and heads for the stairs before I can protest that we don't need his card. Abbot shakes his head at me, so I sigh and keep my mouth shut. I guess I need to pick my battles. Abbot takes my hand, and we follow Hudson upstairs.

Hudson walks us to the end of the hallway and opens the door, revealing a room decorated in blue and gray with oak furniture and navy-blue bedding. The view from the window overlooks the driveway and the tall redwood trees that line it.

"I wasn't sure what you might like, so I left it. We can get whatever you need for it—decorate it however you want."

"It's fine," Abbot says tensely. It's more than fine. It's three times the size of his old room, but he's not going to admit that.

"It's great, thank you," I tell Hudson softly.

He looks at me, his jaw tensing, and motions for me to follow. Abbot comes with me as we all move back down the hallway to the first door on the opposite side.

"This is the room I had prepped for you, Starling. I understand you want to stay with Abbot, and that's fine, but you might as well take this room too."

He pushes the door open, and I can't help but gasp. It's a pretty, feminine space decorated in soft pinks and muted greens with whitewashed vintage furniture, including a vanity with a mirror and a large queen-sized bed.

"If you need space away from us guys or just want somewhere to study or read. Hell, you could turn it into a dressing room for all I care."

I don't have enough clothes to fill the dresser, let alone a whole room.

"It's beautiful," I whisper.

"I had a friend's wife come and do it for me. She filled it with things she thought you might like. There's a bunch of stuff in the bathroom for you, too."

"Wait, did you have this room decorated for me?"

He avoids my eyes but nods. "I wanted you to feel welcome."

I don't know what to say to that. Even Abbot looks shocked.

"I've gotta go. I'll leave my number on the counter with my card. Don't forget to order food. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Feel free to explore. Just stay out of my office."

And just like that, he's gone, leaving me feeling… hell, I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. I've moved way past anxiety and straight into panic territory. Everything is changing too much and too fast.

"Well, he's still as cuddly as a cactus," Abbot deadpans, making me chuckle despite myself.

"Not sure you should let him hear you say that."

He looks around the room thoughtfully. "I'll admit, the room surprised me. It's very you. I feel bad insisting you stay with me now."

I walk over to the window, look out at the garden and a pond, and sigh. It's peaceful here. For now, at least.

"A pretty room doesn't mean it's a safe room. I'll stay with you, at least until we get a feel for what kind of man your dad is. There's no point in taking unnecessary risks," I say, turning to look at him.

"Smart and pretty. I knew there was a reason I loved you."

I roll my eyes. "You love me because I know too much." I give him my best evil laugh, which has him snorting.

"Please never do that again. I thought you were having a stroke or something."

I glare at him and head for the door. "Let's bring our stuff in and unpack. Then we can order some food and explore a little. I wouldn't mind checking out the cherry blossom tree Hudson said is here."

"I'm down with this plan. I'll even let you choose what we eat as long as I get to pick the movie later."

"Ugh, fine, but I make no promises about staying awake."

He cocks his brow. "Out of the last five films we've tried to watch, you've seen the opening credits of three and the first half of the others."

"I can't help it if horror movies make me sleepy. It's like listening to white noise. There's just something soothing about the sound of a chainsaw."

"You're fucked up, Starling."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I decide to take Hudson's advice and use the pink and green room for reading and schoolwork because studying with Abbot would only result in me stabbing him in the eye with a pencil.

For as much as he plays up the stereotypical jock role at school, the man is fucking smart, and he knows it. It all comes easy to him, but I'm not as lucky. I have to work twice as hard to achieve half the success. And that's okay. I never needed validation when it came to my studies. I'm an average student with average grades. I have no desire to become valedictorian, which is just as well because Abbot is a shoo-in for it.

I hang my clothes in the closet and put my underwear and pajamas away in the dresser. I don't have much, but I make do.

"You ready to order yet?" Abbot pokes his head into the room.

"Yeah, I just want to put some sweats on and get comfortable first. You can order, though. I won't be long."

"Alright. What are we having then?"

"Pizza. I'll have the usual."

"Hawaiian with extra pepperoni," he huffs. "Pineapple shouldn't be on pizza."

"Suck it up. I like it," I reply. It's a familiar argument between us. What can I say? I like the combination of sweet and savory.

"What do you want to drink?"

"I'll have a Coke," I call out after him as he leaves.

I slip out of my jeans and pull on a pair of sweatpants. They're so old they have a hole in the left ass cheek and one in the right knee, and the material is worn thin in other places too. But they're so comfortable that I refuse to get rid of them. I pull a baggy football sweatshirt that I stole from Abbot on over my T-shirt and pull on a pair of fluffy socks to keep my feet warm.

I fold my jeans and leave them on the end of the bed before heading off to find Abbot. I pause in the doorway and gaze around the room once more.

Yes, hope is a very tricky thing. Even with the warning siren blaring in the back of my head, I can't help but think I could be happy here. If I'm good enough, quiet enough, respectful enough—if I'm all the things I've tried to be once upon a time—maybe, just maybe…

I sigh and close the door behind me. I never was very good at being what other people needed. I can't even give myself the things I need. I fuck up way more than I get things right, so at some point I stopped trying. Do I want to go back to being the people-pleaser who tried to earn the love that should have been given to her freely?

No. I refuse. But I can be a good person and a good roommate and still hold on to the scraps of my dignity without snapping myself in half by bending over backward for people who wouldn't do the same for me in return.

But the room… a voice whispers in my head.

Sure, he had the room done for me, but that doesn't mean I owe him anything. A gift should be just that—a gift. So until Hudson asks for something in return, I will treat it like he intended.

I enter the kitchen just as Abbot's hanging up the phone.

"Done. Said they'd be about thirty to forty minutes, which gives us a little time to do some snoop, snoopy, snoop, snoopy, snoop —" I cover his mouth with my hand.

"Pretty sure that's Shoop, ba-doop , but either way, let's leave the 90s anthems where they belong, okay?"

"Spoilsport." He pouts, and I shake my head.

"Come on, let's check this place out."

We check out the rooms on this floor first. The large living room is decorated in creams and whites. The huge cream sofas sit opposite each other, separated by a large oak coffee table that matches the wooden floors and the bookcases that run along one wall, filled with an array of neatly stacked books. It's modern, clean, and tidy. Too tidy. It doesn't look like the room gets used at all. The throw pillows are all perfectly plumped up and arranged to mirror the other sofa. Call me crazy, but Hudson doesn't strike me as a throw-pillow plumping kind of guy.

As pretty as it is in here, I don't see myself using it much. I'd be too worried I'd spill something, which I don't want to do, knowing I can't afford to replace any of it.

We move on from there to the dining room. It has the same color scheme as the living room, with white walls and twelve cream fabric-covered chairs arranged around a long oak dining table. There's no other furniture, but a massive fireplace dominates one wall, and when I say massive, I mean big enough for me to step inside of it. I wonder what it would look like decorated for Christmas…

"You have a really weird look on your face," Abbot says, making me jump, and I realize I was lost in my own little world and forgot he was even here.

"I was picturing this room decorated for Christmas. Stockings hanging from the mantel, pine-scented garlands, and candles placed around to make it look festive. The table full of food and pretty place settings with…" I drift off when I see the look on his face. "What?"

"You're such a girl," he teases.

I look down at my boobs before cupping them. "Oh my God, I thought these just came with the outfit."

He snorts and shakes his head as I laugh at the idiot.

"You know what I mean. Men don't walk into a room and imagine it decorated for Christmas. That shit is weird."

"Oh yeah? And what do you picture, hmm? Empty beer cans and a tower of pizza boxes."

He looks off wistfully and sighs, making me laugh again.

"You're such a cliché," I joke as he grabs my hand and leads me out of the room to the next one.

"Just doing my part to represent the youth of today. Besides, what you described doesn't actually exist. It's Hallmark movie bullshit that influencers on Instagram try to recreate for likes."

"Wow, tell me you're jaded without telling me you're jaded."

"I'm not jaded, just a realist. It's funny to think that you, of all people, buy into all of that commercialized bullshit. Especially given your history."

I freeze, his words catching me off guard.

"Shit, fuck. I didn't think. I'm sorry, Starling. Apparently, my big dick comes with a big mouth. A sort of buy-one-get-one-free deal."

"You should get a refund."

"I would, but like I said, the big mouth comes with a big dick, and well?—"

I hit him before he can say anything else and leave him chuckling to himself as I make my way back to the kitchen, just as the doorbell rings. That must be the food. I hear Abbot at the door, and I take a moment to look around.

The kitchen is clean and modern, and though the fridge and pantry are fully stocked, the stove still has the stickers on it. I wouldn't be surprised if I found a whole drawer of takeout menus in here.

"Pizza's here." I turn at the sound of Abbot's voice as he walks into the room with the food and drinks.

He sets everything on the island, opening the boxes and pulling the drinks and napkins from the bag. We both sit down and dig in. I grab a slice of cheesy goodness and take a bit as Abbot shakes his head in disgust before taking a bite of his own pizza.

We talk about nothing while we eat, and once we've had our fill, we clean up. Abbot puts the leftover pizza away, while I toss the cans in the recycling and the used napkins in the garbage.

Once we've finished in the kitchen, we continue to explore the rest of the house. Next is the family room. This room looks way more lived-in than the living room, which doesn't surprise me when I see the oversized sofa and huge TV on the wall across from it.

Towards the back of the house, we find a locked door, which I assume is the office Hudson was talking about, before finding the door to the basement and checking out the fully equipped gym, game room with a pool table and bar, and home theater.

We head back upstairs and make our way to the top floor. I don't know what I was expecting. I mean, I knew logically that Hudson's room had to be up here, but I wasn't expecting this.

"Wow," I gasp at the view. "If this were my room, I don't think I'd ever leave."

"It might seem amazing to us, but to my dad, it's probably no big deal. I don't remember him ever being excited about anything."

"That's kinda sad."

Abbot laughs, but there's a hint of anger to it. "Don't feel sorry for him, Starling. I don't see him crying while he sits on top of all his money."

"It is his, you know."

"Huh?" He turns away from the view to look at me. "What is?"

"The money. He earned it. It's his. I hate that he hurt you by leaving, but from everything I've heard, he did that to keep you safe. And he didn't leave you penniless. Far from it. Derek wouldn't have targeted your mom if she didn't have money," I admit with a swallow. "She told me about your and Landon's college and trust funds and how he bought the house for her. He paid more in child support than most movie stars. And he, of all people, could have gotten away with paying nothing. Because you all pretty much admitted that whatever he does is less than legal, so I doubt he's declaring all of his earnings to the taxman.

"Your clothes were all designer. Your car was brand new before you traded it in to help your mom. Hudson didn't know about what happened over the last few years. And yeah, if he had come around more, he might have figured it out. But phones work both ways, Abbot. Your mom could have called him and explained what was happening. Derek took everything she had. I get that, but he only had access to it because your mom gave it to him. It's easy to make Hudson the bad guy here, and I get it. Hell, it would be easy for me to write off all guys as bad. But in this case, I'm not sure it's justified."

I can tell my words have pissed him off. I'm not sure if he's pissed at me or himself, so I leave him to stew. I reach the door but stop when Abbot grabs my wrist. He doesn't hurt me, but he stops me from leaving.

"When did you suddenly become my dad's biggest defender?"

"I'm not going to fight with you, Abbot. I think you're too wrapped up in the past to look at this objectively."

I turn to look at him, and something in his gaze makes me tense.

"That all it is?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Let's just say I'm not the only one with Daddy issues."

I jerk back like he slapped me, then lift my hand to return the favor. He catches my wrist and pulls me to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His lips are on mine before I can say anything. I fight against him, but he holds me close.

After a while, I give in. My brain flashes up messages, keeping my panic at bay.

Abbot won't hurt me.

Abbot has never hurt me.

Abbot protects me.

Abbot loves me.

I melt into him, surrendering control. He growls with approval. His hands move to the hem of my sweatshirt. He pulls it up over my body and tosses it aside before doing the same with my T-shirt.

"Abbot," I protest as he picks me up and carries me over to the bed. He throws me on it and looks down at me, licking his lips.

He leans forward, placing his hands on either side of me, and presses a kiss between my breasts and down my stomach. Standing up, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my sweats and drags them down, taking my underwear with them.

"Oh God, Abbot, stop," I cry out, but he just spreads my legs and presses a kiss to my pussy, looking up at me with an expression of pure satisfaction.

"I need this," he murmurs against me, flicking his tongue over my clit before nipping it lightly with his teeth, making me shudder.

I grip the sheets. My body and brain at odds with the urge to run and the need to grip Abbot's hair and hold him against me. He kisses his way back up my body before his mouth takes mine in a searing kiss. By the time he pulls away, I'm a writhing mess.

I watch as he pulls a condom from the wallet in his back pocket. He opens his jeans and frees his cock before tearing the condom open with his teeth and sliding it on. He leans down over me and braces his weight on one arm as he lines himself up and thrusts inside me.

I gasp, my fingers twisting in the sheets.

"Fuck," he hisses, not giving me time to adjust before pulling back and thrusting inside me again.

He pounds into me hard, over and over. My toes curl as pleasure courses through me. I whisper his name as he leans down and buries his head against my neck. He groans as I feel him shudder and come.

My eyes slip closed in disappointment, but I quickly plaster on a smile when he lifts his head.

"Did you come?"

I didn't even have a chance to fake it, but I nod. "Yeah."

"Good. You are so fucking sexy." He grins as he pulls free and pulls the condom off.

"I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll meet you downstairs in the family room to watch a movie."

I stare up at the ceiling and nod. "Sure."

I look down when I feel his lips on my thigh.

"Thank you." He smiles before walking out, leaving me to deal with myself as usual.