Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Hudson

T he service was simple. The attendees were all people who had superficial relationships with Eloise, whom the boys had invited. The kind of people who never really bothered with you in life, probably even talked about you behind your back. But in death, they had the audacity to stand there and cry their fake tears and act like she was the second coming.

I didn't give a fuck about any of them. I watched my boys, feeling like a spectator to their grief and having no words to console them that wouldn't sound cliché or ignite their anger. They stood tall, their faces forward, ignoring the dramatic sobs and whispered comments, instead focusing on the priest's words about love and loss.

Through it all, my eyes kept drifting to the small figure standing beside Abbot, her head hung low under the weight of her grief. Unlike the others, her heartache seemed genuine. No matter the circumstances that led the girl into their lives, she loved Eloise, which means my ex must have done something to deserve it.

Now I was expected to pick up the pieces and act like a temporary parent? I didn't know how to be a dad to my flesh-and-blood sons, so I sure as hell didn't know how to help her. But when she walked away from Abbot during the wake, I followed her.

I told myself it was a safety thing. I still didn't know if Eloise had been a target because of her ex-husband or if Starling would be one too. And maybe that was partly the truth, but it wasn't all of it.

There's something about this girl that intrigues me. Landon was right when he said she seemed fragile. She reminds me of those delicate figurines you see made from spun glass. She looked like she could shatter at any moment, and right now, I didn't know if I wanted to push her to see what would happen or stand in front of her to protect her.

I don't know how long she stood there watching the water, and I don't know how long I watched her, but I knew I needed more. I needed to hear her speak, even if it was just to shatter this weird spell I was under.

What I didn't mean to do was scare the girl half to death.

That was the first time I got a proper up-close-and-personal look at her face, and fuck me, what a face it was. Aside from the pale skin, she has thick blonde hair, full lips, and eyes that are a startling shade of midnight blue. I ignore the rest of her, reminding myself that she's only seventeen and there might very well be something going on between her and Abbot.

But then she stops breathing for a second, her fear palpable, and I swear to God, my heart skips a beat. Before I can question my actions, I have her in my lap, and I'm breathing for her, with her .

The light floral scent of her hair draws me in as my hand wraps around her throat. I forget myself for a second and feel my cock begin to harden. Unwilling to scare her any more than I already have, I get her to stand up and will my hard-on to calm the fuck down.

For a man who prides himself on his willpower, mine is shot to shit the second my eyes drop from her face to her body. Her slim frame is poured into a dress that does nothing to hide the fact that she might be young, but she is not a child.

I look away and force myself to walk when she does. Just when I think I have myself under control, she says something reckless—something she should never say to a monster like me.

See, I don't just hunt my prey and kill it; I like to play with it, too. And something about Starling makes the predator in me react. I leave her to walk back to the hall alone, knowing she needs a moment to get herself together.

She's not the only one. While she's probably thinking of all the ways she can make herself fade into the background, I'm thinking of all the ways I can see her, watch her, and observe every nuance. It's the best way to make me lose interest. What Starling needs is for me to get bored. If I can't now, then in two weeks, when her age isn't an issue, she'll wish she took her chances with CPS.

I stand on the front steps; security having alerted me to the approaching vehicles. I'm surprised Landon followed them here. We said our goodbyes after we sprinkled Eloise's ashes. I thought that was the end of it. Maybe he wants to scope out where his brother will be living as I only led them around the side of the building to the back yard before.

As the cars park beside mine, I walk down the steps to greet them and scan the second-hand vehicles in need of some work. I might not be able to get Landon to take my money, but I'll work on Abbot. When I was in high school, I would have killed for a new car. So, I doubt I'll have to push too hard to convince him to get one.

I wait as they all climb out, Abbot and Starling from one car, Landon from the other. As Landon walks over to his brother, Starling moves to Abbot's other side, putting distance between herself and Landon.

So, it's not just me that makes her nervous. Is it men or all people? She seems fine with Abbot, but thinking back to the funeral, I didn't see her interact with anyone else all day, not even Landon.

What happened, little birdie, to make you so wary of the world? I muse as I watch them.

Landon turns to me. "I have a few of their things in my car."

"I'll grab them."

"Thanks. As much as I'd like to help them settle in, I have a long ass drive home. And if I don't leave now, I'll be driving through the night."

"No problem."

He pops the trunk and passes me a large box before stacking a second one on top of it. I take the boxes up the steps into the house, leaving the three of them alone for a minute. I'm sure they have things to say they'd rather I not hear. I set the boxes on the floor in the dining room before heading back outside.

Starling stands a little behind Abbot, who's hugging Landon goodbye. Landon pulls back and offers me a nod.

"I'll let you know when I get home."

I offer him a nod in return. I don't bother with goodbyes or offers for him to visit whenever. That's not us, and though there has been a change in our circumstances, they were born from tragedy, not evolution. You might be able to grow seeds from fertilizer, but you can't just throw shit around and expect flowers to grow. Too much damage has been done. What grows from here could just as easily die here. I am a killer, after all.

I stand quietly, my hands in my pockets, as Landon climbs into his car and drives away. Once he's out of sight, I turn my attention to Starling and Abbot, who are now holding hands. I frown but bite back the question on my lips, knowing it's not the right time.

"Let me show you where your rooms are."

"Oh, we can share. We usually do," Abbot throws out, making me pause.

Alright, maybe it is the right time.

I turn, and Abbot looks at me, daring me to say something. Starling keeps her head down, avoiding any kind of eye contact.

"That won't be necessary. I have plenty of room."

"Oh, I can see that you "—he spits out you as if were venom— "have plenty of room and money. Congratu-fucking-lations. Nothing like leaving your kids to struggle while you live the high life, huh?"

"Abbot," Starling scolds as I take a step closer to them.

"You hardly fucking struggled. You want to talk shit, fine. Say whatever the fuck you want. I probably deserve it. But guess what, Abbot? It won't change shit. Nothing I say or do will change the past, but that doesn't mean I can't stop you from having a fucked-up future. You want to go to college? Fine, I'll pay for it. You need a new car? I'll take you tomorrow to get one. Clothes, phones, computers—you name it, it's yours. But none of it will make me your dad or bring your mom back. I'm sorry."

His chest is heaving as if he's gearing up for a fight, but when Starling lays her head on his shoulder and whispers his name softly, he closes his eyes, and the anger drains from him.

"I'm sorry, too. I just…" He sighs before he opens his eyes. "I thought you were done with me. I'd made peace with that, kinda. No kid likes knowing they weren't worth sticking around for. But now mom's gone, and you're here instead. And I don't know what the fuck to do with that."

"I get that. Can't say I have any clue what I'm doing either." I take a step closer. I could reach out and grab him if I wanted to, but I don't. "Know this, though. I didn't leave because of anything your mother did. We just grew up and grew apart. And I never stayed away because I felt like I was better off without you. I stayed away because you were better off without me. I was barely older than you when I enlisted."

I blow out a breath and shake my head."One minute, I was a boy on top of the world, and the next, I was a man carrying the weight of it on his shoulders. I'm not sure I ever really figured out who I was before I became a soldier, but it sure wasn't the fucked-up man who came back. So I stayed away, got into some sketchy shit that only reinforced my belief that you were better off without me, and before I knew it, the boys I'd left behind became men."

"We needed you. I needed you." He juts out his jaw, and I see the little boy he was all those years ago.

"If I had stayed, I would have buried more than just your mother. I know you don't get it, Abbot, but I left to save you, and I stand by that decision even if it hurts. Because you standing here arguing with me means I made the right call.

"You're here. You're alive. Every hateful word you spit at me is said with a breath from your lungs that would be nothing but dust if I had stayed."

I see a thousand questions swirling behind his eyes, and realizations dawn on him. He might not understand everything, but he's figured out there's more to it than just me being a deadbeat dad.

He grits his teeth as my eyes move to Starling.

"You two are together?"

"And that's your business because…"

I look back at Abbot.

"If you're planning on fucking your stepsister in my house, it's my business."

Starling pulls away from Abbot, who curses at me. She hurries around to the passenger side of the car and climbs inside.

"I asked you a question, Abbot." I grab his arm and stop him from following her. "Is she your girl?"

"Yeah, she's my girl."

"And your mom was okay with that?"

"Jesus Christ, we aren't related, and we didn't grow up together. Mom loved Starling and was happy we were together. Happy? You think I can check on Starling now?"

I blow out a frustrated breath. "Let me."

"She hates confrontation. And strangers freak her out. Just let me deal with her. I think you've done enough."

I release his arm, and he hurries over to the car. He pulls the passenger door open, crouches down, and quietly talks to Starling. I watch, feeling like an intruder. By the time he coaxes her out, I'm two seconds away from pulling her out of the car and into my arms.

Instead, she walks over to me with Abbot's arm wrapped around her, not mine. I have to resist the urge to rip them off and beat him with them. I fight my irrational anger and bury the arousal this woman stirs inside me. She's seventeen, and she's my son's girlfriend.

She is about as off-limits as someone can be. The fact that it's the ultimate taboo has my dick as hard as a rock. I turn and head inside, and before things get awkward, I excuse myself to make a phone call.

I head out the back door and walk down to the pond, staring out at the water like it might hold the answer to all my problems. If I were a good man, I'd leave—better yet, set them up in their own place and stay the fuck away.

But I'm far from good, and I fear the only way this is going to end is with either my cock in Starling's pussy or my gun in her mouth.