18. Nixon

Chapter 18

Nixon

I run a hand through my hair and let out a sigh. I forgot what it was like to hold Savvy in my arms. I forgot how she brings this sense of calm into my world whenever she's around. I forgot how much I missed her.

Tugging my shirt over my head, I toss it on the floor. I fell asleep so much earlier than I normally would, but I'm exhausted just the same. I unbutton my jeans and let them fall to my ankles before I drop down on the side of the bed and carefully remove my prosthesis.

I'm more than thankful I've gotten so used to it that no one really knows I'm missing most of my leg. It's what kept me away from Savvy. It's what made me push away almost everyone I've ever known. I don't want sympathy. I don't want pity. I just want my life to go back to normal.

After I lost my leg, I fell into a deep pit of depression. I was barely nineteen years old when my life as I knew it came crashing down around me. I could no longer do simple things like squat down to pick something up off the floor. I can't just get up in the middle of the night and walk to the bathroom. Everything takes more time; more effort, and it was a lot to get used to.

For so long I wished I had just died when the truck exploded. Knowing I'd have to deal with my injury for the rest of my life was a hard pill to swallow. Looking back, I'm disappointed in myself. I was one of the lucky ones who survived. I might have lost a limb, but in comparison to some of my buddies, that's nothing. I can live a normal life without my leg, I just needed to learn how to cope with my disability and I have.

I'm just as strong as I once was. I'm just as driven to get what I want in life. I'm almost the same person I was the last time I laid eyes on Savannah Catalino.

Sleep claims me once again almost seconds after my head hits the pillow. I slip into a dream about the blue-eyed woman in the room next to me. My dreams are always about her. But I guess that makes sense to dream about the one thing your mind is constantly focused on.

Even if she's been an afterthought for the last few years, somewhere stored into the deep recesses of my brain, she's been my goal. She's what I've been striving for. Without her, I'm not sure I would've gotten through therapy for my leg or depression. I'm not sure I'd be the man I am today. I got better, I trained, I worked my ass off to become a man she'd be proud of. One deserving of the beautiful woman she's become.

My eyes fly open when I hear movement on the patio. I rub the sleep from my eyes and push myself into a sitting position. The sun is just barely over the horizon, casting the world in a soft glow.

I massage the sore muscles of my stump; I normally don't stand for as long as I have been lately. It's not that I can't do it, I just need to work my way up to it.

Getting dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a Marine Corps sweatshirt, I head out on the balcony and smile when I find Savvy bundled up on the couch just like she was last night.

"If I didn't put you to bed myself, I'd think you never moved from this spot." I smirk. She doesn't even glance up at me, she's too engrossed in her studying.

"Don't judge me. You know how I get," she mumbles, flipping the card in her hands over.

"I'm not, just making an observation."

"Well, in that case, keep your observations to yourself. No one cares."

"Scoot over, ya little brat." I nudge her legs until she slides over without a single protest.

"I only have two hours to study before Chad and Devon will be up."

"You know what time they wake up?" I arch a brow. "That's some next level stalker shit."

"Shush. They both text me every morning. They wake up at exactly ten in the morning if they don't have classes."

"Wow, I don't know the last time I slept past eight. In the marines we only slept when we were told to, but most days we were up before sunrise. Now, I work until I'm so tired the screen starts to blur, then I sleep until seven or eight." I rest my arm across the back of the couch. My hand dangles right by Savvy's shoulder. It takes everything in me to keep my hands to myself.

"It must be awesome to have such a relaxed work schedule."

"It is. It leaves me time to have Carla whoop my ass in the kitchen. That woman is a machine. I don't know how she has enough energy to cook so much."

"It's the sugar. She sneaks cookies the entire day." Savvy shrugs a shoulder. "I swear sugar gives her super powers."

"Maybe I'll need to try that. I promised I'd help her make all the food for today." I let my fingers graze her bare shoulder. I don't know how she's wearing a tank top out here, it's incredibly cold, but I'm not going to complain.

"Nix… then why are you out here?" Savannah slowly peels her eyes from her flashcards to stare up at me with wide eyes.

"What? She didn't tell me a time. There's no way she's already cooking… is there?"

"I guarantee half of Thanksgiving dinner is already made. She gets up at like four in the morning on holidays to make everything."

"Shit… I guess I better head down there then, huh?"

"Yeah, I would. She's already going to yell at you." Savannah returns her attention to studying, completely ignoring me.

After a few moments, she glances up at me with a cute little smirk.

"Are you just trying to get into more trouble?"

"Nah, I'm just having trouble finding the will to leave. This couch sure is comfy."

"It is not!" She throws her head back and laughs. "I think this is the most uncomfortable couch in the world. I only sit out here because I like watching the world fall asleep and wake up. It's peaceful. I have no idea why you chose to be out here."

"It's the closest I've felt to home in a long time." I stare out at the yard as one memory after another assaults my brain, but I fight to stay focused on the present.

"What are you talking about? You've been home. You're literally living in your childhood home." She motions in the direction of my house. I slowly turn my gaze on her, surprised to find her already staring at me.

"Home isn't about a place, it's about the people. It's about coming back to the people who mean the most to you," I whisper. We stare at each other for a few seconds. Savvy opens and closes her mouth a few times, she's searching for something to say, but I don't need her words, I just need her in my life.

I press a soft kiss to her forehead before I rise from our little slice of heaven and begin making my way to my own version of hell for the day.