5. Carter

The smell of garlic and herbs permeates the room as my sauce simmers on the stove. It’s been bubbling for about an hour now, and it’s just about perfect.

When I first got a place of my own, I could barely scramble eggs. Well, I’m not even sure I would count it as scrambling them. They were mostly just broken yolks with a lot of egg whites.

I finally got tired of struggling to feed myself and asked my mom to teach me how to cook. She gave me some basic lessons and explained how to follow a recipe. Then I was left to my own devices. Over the years, I got better and better until I could look at whatever ingredients I had on hand and create a meal without a recipe.

Cooking became a way for me to decompress after work. Now that I know what I’m doing, it doesn’t take much thought. I’m able to turn off my brain and settle into the movements of being in the kitchen.

Tonight, I’m making homemade pasta and sauce. It’s one of my favorite things to make because I can freeze the leftovers and have homemade pasta whenever I want it.

My phone buzzes on the counter, making my stomach flutter. Ever since I had drinks with Sam a couple of days ago, we’ve been texting just about nonstop. He’s incredibly easy to talk to, which I didn’t expect, and I’ve started looking forward to hearing from him. I’ve even found myself reaching out to him first.

I have no idea what’s happening between us. At the very least, I’ve gained a new friend, but if I’m honest, I don’t want him to just be my friend. I’ve had a crush on him for too long to not want more. But how do I tell him that? I do not have the confidence to come right out and say it.

If all else fails, I’ll just give it some time to play out on its own. If we keep talking the way we are, maybe things will progress naturally. Then I won’t have to man up and tell him I want more. He’ll just know.

Ha. What a pipe dream.

I pick up my phone and grin at his most recent message.

Sam

What lights up a soccer stadium?

Me

What?

Sam

A soccer match. lt;crying laughing emojigt;

Me

lt;eye roll emojigt; You’re ridiculous.

Sam

Tell me you didn’t crack a smile on that one. Go ahead, lie to me.

Me

My lips may have moved, but I refuse to call it a smile.

Sam

That’s okay. I can picture your adorable crooked grin on my own.

How was your day?

The butterflies in my stomach are in full flight. He’s been saying stuff like that to me since we started texting. Everything I do is adorable to him. I’m not even sure why. I’m just being myself. I can’t deny that it makes me preen every time he says it, though.

We text back and forth as I finish making dinner. He continues to make me laugh with his absurd stories of the pranks he’s pulled on his firefighter buddies. My life always feels boring compared to his. It’s made me wonder if I should start branching out a little. I have no idea what I’d do, but I feel as if I’m not living my life to the fullest—even though I’m completely content.

“It smells fucking fantastic in here,” Nolan yells as he comes busting into my house.

My eyebrows raise in surprise as I wipe my hands on the towel over my shoulder. “Did I know you were coming over?”

“Nope. But I’m starving, and I know you eat at six-thirty on the dot every day, so here I am.” He grins as if he’s proud of himself.

I chuckle at his antics. This isn’t the first time he’s used his emergency key to come over for dinner unannounced. It would be annoying if I didn’t secretly love having the company. I pretend as if it drives me crazy because I know that’s the reason he does it. He loves pestering me as often as possible.

I’m only a couple of years older than Nolan, and he was my best friend growing up. We’re still as close now as we’ve always been, but after Nolan went to college, his social circle grew much larger than when we were kids. That’s just Nolan, though. He’s never met a stranger. Within a few minutes of being anywhere, he’ll run into someone he knows.

“Well, come grab some plates, then. It’s just about done.” I pull the garlic bread out of the oven while Nolan grabs plates and silverware. We dish out our food and sit at the breakfast bar to eat.

Our forks clink on our plates as we eat in silence for a few minutes.

“This is fantastic, as usual,” Nolan says, breaking the quiet.

“Thanks. Things going okay with you?” For the most part, Nolan just likes to crash my dinners when he’s tired of eating bar food and takeout. Every now and then, though, he comes over because he needs to talk something out with me. Depending on his answer to my question, I’ll know which way he’s leaning tonight.

“I can’t complain. The bar is practically running itself at this point. If I could keep a steady bartender, that would be great, but turnover is expected around here.”

I guess he was just tired of takeout this time. “Training new people all the time would get exhausting.”

“It’s not so bad. I just wish they’d stick around a little longer. How’s your week been?”

“Pretty good.” I pause. Do I tell him about Sam? I don’t have anyone else to talk to about him. “I had drinks with Sam on Wednesday.”

Nolan’s head whips up, his eyes widening in surprise. “Way to bury the lede, asshole!”

I laugh. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“That’s a straight-up lie. I can see it on your face. It was a huge deal, and you’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

Swallowing my bite of pasta, I try to get my thoughts in order. “A little. We’ve been texting since we got drinks.”

“And?”

I frown. “And what?”

“What’s going to happen next? Are you going to go out again? Do you like him?” Exasperation leaks from his voice.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. And of course, I like him. I wouldn’t be freaking out if I didn’t!”

Nolan’s heightened state makes panic unfurl in my chest.

“Okay, let’s both take a breath. Sorry, I got a little excited there.”

I follow Nolan’s lead and inhale a lungful of air. We both exhale, and he turns his body toward me. “Now that we’re both centered, let’s talk this through.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What’s with the yogi mentality? Not that I’m complaining. This is probably a good thing.”

Nolan rolls his eyes. “I’ve been taking yoga classes. No big deal. Let’s get back to the point. You and Sam have been texting since you went to get drinks. Have you been flirting?”

“I… think so?”

“You think so? How do you not know?”

I cringe. “I don’t know! All the guys I’ve dated before have been very straight to the point. They asked me out, we dated, we broke up. That was it.”

“That’s so sad. You deserve a fuck-ton more than that, brother.”

My shoulders slump. I do have a habit of dating assholes. They always come across as knowing what they want and going for it. That trait is attractive to me. I never have the confidence to go for the things I want without some form of lead-up. Dating someone who does makes me feel like I might learn how to from them.

But as I get to know those guys better, they turn into controlling jerks who only want me because they thought I’d let them steamroll me. What’s worse is I did. I always tried to change who I was to fit what they wanted. I thought maybe if I was better, different, someone else, those guys would love me more.

After I found out Chase was cheating on me, it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I shouldn’t have to change any part of myself to please my partner. They should love every broken piece of me, no matter how sharp or jagged that piece may be.

The downside to that revelation is I’m not entirely sure who I am anymore. I’ve spent so much time trying to fit someone else’s mold, I have no idea who I am on my own.

“I know I do. And because of all of that, I’m totally out of my element here.”

“Can I… If I read your conversation, I might be able to tell…”

His offer is hesitant. Probably because I normally keep my dating life to myself. But this situation is different from anything else I’ve experienced. I truly like Sam. If he is flirting and is potentially interested in more, I’ll feel way more confident in myself.

“Go for it. I’ll take all the help I can get.” I hand over my phone and watch Nolan read through my texts to Sam. His lips twitch several times as if he’s laughing at whatever we said, but he doesn’t say a word until he passes my phone back to me.

“Okay, first of all, Sam is hilarious, and I want to hang out with him now.”

“No, if you hang out with him, he’ll realize how boring I am.”

Nolan scoffs. “You are not boring. You’ve just created a life you’re comfortable in. That’s beside the point, though. Sam is 100 percent into you.”

“You’re sure?”

“Without a doubt.”

My eyes bug out. “Then what the hell do I do now?”

Nolan laughs at me, and I find myself giggling with him. “Just be yourself. It looked to me like you’re not struggling to find things to talk about. He likes you, so maybe flirt a little harder and see how he responds.”

I turn over what Nolan said while we clean up dinner. If I take a step outside of my anxiety, I know Sam has been flirting with me. He’s been flirting from the moment I sat down beside him at Donna’s. Now, I just need to shore up my confidence a bit to start flirting back.

Nolan leaves soon after dinner is put away, and I go through my typical evening routine. I watch the news for a few minutes—just long enough to stay up to date, but not too long that I end up depressed. I do a quick workout with the little bit of equipment I have in my office, and then I shower before bed.

I’m wrapping a towel around my waist when my phone vibrates on the vanity with an incoming call. I swallow hard at seeing Sam’s name on my screen. Why the hell would he be calling me at this time of night?

Well… it’s only nine-thirty, so I guess it’s not technically that late.

“Hey…” I clear my scratchy throat. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey, Carter. Is this a bad time?”

“No, it’s fine. I just got out of the shower.”

It’s Sam’s turn to clear his throat. Is he picturing me in my towel? What does he look like when he gets out of the shower? I can imagine the water droplets running between his pecs. I’d give anything to run my tongue along his abs to lick every drop.

Fuck, why did I have to imagine that right now?

“Oh, good. Um, that’s hot. I mean,” he says loudly, trying to cover his slip, “I’m glad I’m not interrupting your evening. Anyway, I was calling because I wanted to ask you something.”

My smile is wide at his stammering. His awkwardness has given me the confidence boost I needed. It’s nice to know he doesn’t have any more cool than I do.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“We’ve got our annual fundraiser tomorrow afternoon, and I was wondering if you might want to come. We’ll have food and games, and I’ll be showing off one of our obstacle courses. It should be fun.”

The annual firefighter fundraiser. I completely forgot about it. The whole family went last year to support Tucker. We had a great time. I’m surprised Nolan didn’t say anything about it while he was here. He may not have remembered it’s tomorrow either.

“I’d love to come. You’re going to do the demonstration again this year?”

“You remember me doing it last year?” The surprise is evident in his voice.

Deciding to take this opportunity for what it is, I leap out into the unknown. “Of course, I remember. I haven’t been able to look at suspenders the same ever since.” The image of Sam yanking his suspenders off his shoulders when he finished the course and the way his chest heaved while he caught his breath… I swear it was practically pornographic.

Sam busts out laughing. “You like the suspenders, huh?”

“Name someone who doesn’t. But on you? They’re even better.”

His voice grows husky. “Well, I’ll make sure to wear them tomorrow, then.”

“Good. I’ll be there.”

“It’s a date.”