35. Sam

Carter’s been in a funk since I got home from my shift this morning. He was withdrawn when we had breakfast, but I chalked it up to him being tired. I suggested we take a nap, hoping it would help.

Instead, he woke up feeling even worse.

I haven’t asked him about it because this feels different from the anger he held a few days ago. I just can’t put my finger on what could be wrong. My hope is he’ll tell me when he’s ready to share. Until then, I’m not going to push him.

“Did you end up having dinner with Nolan last night?” I ask as I set my book off to the side.

He looks away from the Lego pieces in his hand. “Yeah, he brought over Chinese food and stayed until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I didn’t even ask him to stop by. After my meeting, I ended up taking a nap and forgot to text him.”

“I’m glad he was able to keep you company.”

“He’s a great distraction, that’s for sure,” Carter agrees.

“Did you have anything you wanted to do today?”

He shrugs. “Not really. I just want to spend time with you, if that’s okay?”

“That sounds perfect. Oh, what if we run to the store to stock up on candy and popcorn and have a movie marathon?”

For the first time today, Carter gives me a genuine smile. “I love that idea. We could even create a huge bed on the floor to nap on when I get tired.”

“You know what that means…” I draw out.

“Lord of the Rings marathon!” we say at the same time. Our laughter breaks through the room.

Carter’s head lands on my knee, his arms wrapping around my leg. “I’m so glad I met someone who likes all the nerdy shit I do.”

I run my fingers through his hair. “Let’s not go too far. You’ll always be better at the computer stuff than me. And no matter how many times you make me watch Star Trek, I will never understand what’s happening.”

He laughs. “That’s okay. We have to have some differing interests. Otherwise, things would get boring.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with you,” I say.

With a new purpose for our day, we head to the store to find all the junk food we could ever eat. We get candy, snack cakes, and even those popcorn toppers that come in a bunch of flavors.

The entire time we’re picking things out, we’re laughing like kids. It’s the most fun we’ve had since the attack. It’s the exact thing we both needed to remind ourselves that we can make even the bad moments fun.

When we get home, I force Carter to lie on the couch while I get our pallet of blankets made. He dictates exactly what he wants, and before I know it, there’s a massive pile of cushions on the floor, held together by sheets and blankets. It’s more comfortable than I anticipated and will be perfect for our marathon.

I get our snacks together on a couple of trays. One is covered in candy and chocolate. The other has three bowls of popcorn and all the toppings we bought. I carry one at a time over to where Carter has already snuggled into our makeshift bed. He gets the movie cued up as I bring the second tray over.

When we settle in, we chow down on our snacks. I never splurge on shitty food, so I’m taking full advantage of the moment, even if I’ll feel like crap later.

Despite all the sugar, Carter falls asleep within the first twenty minutes. He’s snuggled up against my chest, and I couldn’t be more content.

That is until Carter starts to moan. At first, I mistake it for a sexy noise. Then he does it again, and I know it’s out of fear. His face pinches with pain, and I can’t take it.

“Carter. You’re dreaming. Wake up for me, baby.”

He makes another heartbreaking noise. Words aren’t getting me anywhere, so I attempt to wake him with a gentle shake to his shoulder. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m about to get desperate.

Finally, he gasps awake, his eyes darting around the room for a threat. When his gaze lands on me, he melts back into my chest. I hold him to me. I have no idea how to comfort him right now. What are the right words to say when the person you love most is hurting?

“I keep having dreams.” His words are quiet, and I’m tempted to pause the movie to hear him better, but I think that would make him clam up again.

“Well, they’re more like nightmares. It’s the same thing over and over again. I get home, two guys grab me, and then all of a sudden, they’re beating the shit out of me. I can feel every single strike. It’s as if it’s happening to me over and over again.”

“Oh, baby. That’s awful.” I press a kiss to the top of his head.

“You know, I think it would be different if I could remember the words they say to me while they’re beating me. I can hear someone telling me something, but it’s as if I’m wearing headphones or something. Their voice is muffled, so all I hear is the sound. Figuring out the reason they’re hurting me would give a purpose to the dreams. As it is, I just keep suffering without knowing why.”

“I’m going to suggest something that you can absolutely veto if you want.”

“What? Go talk to a therapist? I’ve thought about it. Honestly, I was hoping the dreams would stop soon, but if they don’t, I think I will.”

“Well, that’s a great idea. One you should really consider, but that’s not what I was going to say. I was wondering if you should get Jeffery to do some extra digging that the police maybe wouldn’t try since they wouldn’t have probable cause.”

“Huh. I guess after he confirmed Chase wasn’t a part of this, I didn’t think about getting him involved.”

“It may not bring up anything more than the nothing we’ve got, but it can’t hurt to have someone looking in places no one else is.”

“Yeah, I’ll send him an email and ask him to meet with us.”

We settled back into watching the movie. I hate that he’s struggling, but his saying ‘us’ instead of ‘me’ helps to calm my fears.

We’re in this together.

Turns out, having a PI on retainer means you can get a meeting set up the next day. When Carter emailed Jeffery yesterday, he told us he was already in town and could meet today. We were both surprised by his willingness to schedule something on short notice.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want to mess up the police’s investigation.”

I haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly where Carter’s anxiety is coming from about this meeting, but he’s asked me that question three times since Jeffery confirmed.

“I’m positive. Jeffery is a seasoned professional. He wouldn’t do anything to interfere with your case.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know why I’m so anxious about this.” Carter grabs a glass pitcher from the cabinet and fills it with water. He’s also put sparkling water on the table for the meeting. I doubt any of it will even be touched, but I know it makes him feel better to have a task.

“Do you think you’re worrying about this being unsuccessful or having to talk about the attack again?”

Carter sets the full pitcher on the table. “Probably both. I still don’t remember much. Not even the dreams have jogged anything, and now I have to tell another person that I don’t remember a single thing about the attack. It makes me feel worthless.”

His shoulders are slumped in defeat, and I can’t stand seeing him this down. I stride across the kitchen to wrap my arms around his waist. My chin rests on his shoulder while Carter’s hands rest on the counter.

“You’re the furthest thing from worthless. It doesn’t matter what your brain does or does not remember. The fact that you came out on the other side of something this horrific is all that matters—especially to me.”

Carter turns in my arms to hug me back. “Logically, I know what you’re saying is true. It’s just not that easy to make my brain believe it.”

“Then I’ll keep telling you until you’re so sick of me saying it, you’ll have to believe it.”

Carter chuckles. Before he can say anything more, the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get the door. You go sit down at the table.” I rub Carter’s arms before I step away to let Jeffery in.

He’s exactly what I pictured. His hair is closely cropped, with more salt than pepper sprinkled in there. He’s as tall as I am but not quite as broad in the shoulders.

“Jeffery, it’s good to meet you in person. I’m Sam.” I step back from the doorway, letting him walk inside.

He holds his hand out to shake mine. “Please call me Jeff. It’s good to meet you, too, Sam.”

I lead him into the dining room. Carter starts to stand, and Jeff stops him. “Please, don’t get up on my account. It’s good to meet one of Adam and Matthew’s brothers. You look incredibly alike. It’s a little weird.”

Jeff’s joke takes the tension out of Carter’s shoulders. “We get that a lot. Our teachers in high school always got us confused.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Jeff sits down at the table, placing a tablet in front of him. I sit across from him, next to Carter. “Okay, your email mentioned you wanted me to dig into the attack a little more. Do you have anything specific you want me to explore, or am I looking at everything?”

“Unfortunately, I think it’s the latter. I don’t remember much about the attack other than the guys feeling like hired thugs.”

“Well, that’s something to look into. That type of list isn’t as long as people would believe.”

“What about your job?” I ask.

Carter cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Remember when you told me about the woman on your team who got the weird vibe from that researcher? I’m just wondering if it’s something Jeffery could look into.”

“I’m able to look into anyone you want me to. That’s the beauty of being a PI.”

“Except, I wasn’t a part of that interaction. Why would it connect back to me?”

“It’s pretty easy to create a link with just the fact that she works with you.” Jeffrey opens his tablet to take notes. “What’s your coworker’s name, and who was bothering them?”

“My coworker is Inez Kilpatrick, and Dr. Richard Hutton is who was behaving oddly. He’s the lead researcher for our lymphoma team.”

“Got it.” Jeffery asks several other questions similar to what the detectives asked. We also send him the security footage and explain what the security company found.

“The alarm was turned off as if I’d entered the code into the pad. Assuming these guys are the same ones who broke into my house the first time, there’s no way they would’ve known the code. I didn’t have the system installed until afterward,” Carter says.

“Could it have been hacked?” Jeffery asks.

“Potentially. It’s running on my Wi-Fi, so someone with the proper skills could probably turn it off that way.”

“Then I think it might be prudent for you to send me a list of your team members, as well.”

“I’ll get you whatever you need.” Carter nods. His phone rings, and when he looks at the caller ID, he frowns. “Sorry, I need to take this.” He answers the call. “Hey, William. Everything okay?”

Jeff and I sit in silence as we watch his concern morph into confusion.

“Hang on a second.” Carter turns to us. “I’m sorry. This is a bit of a work emergency. I need to deal with this right now. I can email over anything else you may need or answer any further questions we didn’t get to today.”

Jeffery waves him off. “I’m good. I’ve got a starting point. I’ll let you know if I need anything else from here.”

Carter shoots us both an apologetic look and then walks toward his office.

I lead Jeff back to the door. “Sorry about that. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy to be off work for this long.”

“Not in the slightest. Thank you very much for helping us out.”

“I’ll let you know when I’ve got an update.” Jeff walks out to his car with a wave. I shut the door behind him and plop down on the couch. I set a timer for four hours just to make sure Carter doesn’t overdo it. It’s probably overkill, but whatever that phone call was about sounded serious. I don’t want him to backslide in his recovery because he worked for too long.