34. Carter

“It’s not too late. I can call in sick.” Sam looks at me with hope in his eyes. He’s standing in my living room, hesitating to leave for his first shift since I was assaulted.

“As much as I would love to stay home with you another day, I don’t want you to use every day of PTO you have. What happens if you get sick?”

“I’ll push through it like I’ve done plenty of times before.” His childlike grin makes me laugh.

I shove him in the shoulder to force him toward the door. “Go. I swear I will be fine.”

“And you promise not to spend too much time on the computer?”

“Pinky swear. I’m meeting with my team to get an update on their projects and then spending an hour on my email. That’s all I’ll do today.”

He sighs. “Okay.”

“Kiss me and then get on the road. You don’t want to be late for your shift.”

Sam’s kiss is steamier than it’s been in the last week he’s been staying with me. It gives me hope that he’s not going to see me as a patient for too much longer. While I’m not quite healed enough to get dirty, I need this connection with him more than anything else.

The second the door closes, my stomach drops.

“You’re going to be fine,” I say to myself.

It’s not like I remember anything that happened. But it’s the idea that it happened at all that’s freaking me out a bit. It could easily happen again. Given that I have no idea why I was assaulted in the first place, I’m not sure how to stop it a second time.

If all else fails, I could ask Nolan to come spend time with me. The bar is closed on Mondays, so he could bring us takeout tonight. Then I won’t have to spend the evening by myself.

It’s early still. I’ve got hours before I’m supposed to meet with my team. I haven’t decided if I’m going to be on camera or not. My bruises are that yellowish-green color now. I’m glad they’re healing, but they’re still pretty ugly.

My team knows I was attacked; they just don’t know how bad it was. I’m not sure I’m ready to get into it with them either.

I grab the puzzle book Matthew got for me when I got out of the hospital and plop down on the couch. It’s been a lifesaver when my head is hurting too badly to watch TV. Knowing I’m going to be on my computer some today, I figure this is a better use of my time than watching a show.

I blow out a breath that vibrates my lips.

I’m fucking bored. This is awful.

What the hell am I supposed to do all day by myself? Even when I was a giant asshole, Sam still made the day more fun.

Breakfast is the only thing I can think of doing right now. I don’t have the energy for an elaborate spread, but something easy might not be too hard.

A quick look through my kitchen gives me the idea for blueberry muffins. Then I can make an omelet to go with them.

Plan in place, I get busy mixing my batter. When the oven is preheated, I slide the tins in to bake. These will be perfect for Sam to snack on when he gets off shift in the morning, too. I sit down while the muffins are baking to give my body time to rest. When they’re ready to come out of the oven, I’ll start on my omelet. Easy-peasy.

My doorbell rings, and I stiffen. Who the hell could be at my house right now?

I pull up my camera only to see a guy walking away from my house. There’s a box sitting on my front porch. I wait until the Amazon van drives away before I go grab it. It can’t be anything too scary if it’s from Amazon, right?

I grab the box and bring it inside.

When I open it, a laugh bursts out of me. Someone sent me a Star Wars Lego. When I get it out of the box, a piece of paper floats out, as well.

Thought you might want something to keep you occupied. Have a great day. I love you. -Sam

I grab my phone to call him. If he can’t talk, I’ll send him a text instead.

“Miss me already?” he answers.

“Of course.” I laugh. “I just got a package on my doorstep.”

“You did? What was it?”

I can hear the smile in his voice. “My ridiculous boyfriend sent me something to keep me busy today. Thank you.”

“I just figured you wouldn’t want to watch TV since you had a meeting, and this way, you have something to focus on.”

“It’s perfect. How the hell did you get it timed perfectly?”

“Luck.” Sam laughs. “Honestly, I thought it would get there this afternoon.”

“Well, I’m going to start on it now.”

“Good. I’ve gotta go. Tucker wants us to run some carry drills.”

“Love you, Smoky.”

“Love you back.”

Nothing could wipe away the smile on my face right now. I got incredibly lucky to find a man who loves me the way Sam does.

Time passes fast now that I have things to do. The second I finish cleaning up from breakfast, I fall into building my Lego. It’s way more detailed than I expected it to be. I’m also having more fun than I thought I would. It seemed like this could get tedious, but each page is different, which keeps my attention from wandering.

My alarm surprises me out of my focus. I blink to reorient myself to my surroundings. Three hours have passed by in a blink. I’m not even finished with the Lego yet.

I head to my office and boot up my computer. It feels like it’s been a year since I was last in here. When I’m logged in, my email program flashes with over three hundred emails. Okay, maybe an hour was a bit of an underestimate of how long it would take me to get through them.

The meeting is in ten minutes, so I go ahead and pull up the video call app. Usually, when I’m running behind for a meeting, it chooses that moment to update. I’ve learned to get it pulled up a few minutes before I’m supposed to join, just in case.

A few minutes before everyone is supposed to join, I start the meeting. My camera is off for now. I’d rather talk to them with my camera on, but I don’t want to freak anyone out.

The first one on the call is Eliza. “Carter! I’m so glad to… oh. You’re not on camera. Are you here?” Her laugh is self-deprecating.

“I’m here.”

“Okay, good. I was worried I was talking to no one there for a second.”

Inez and Paul are next. They’re sitting beside each other in front of the camera. William joins in at the same time, and I start the meeting.

“Hey everyone. Sorry, I’m off-camera today. I’m looking a little scary right now.”

“Is anyone squeamish? ‘Cause I’m gonna be honest, I need to see your face to make sure you’re actually okay,” Eliza says.

“I’m good to go and agree with Eliza. We need to see you to make sure you’re not faking how healed you are.”

William and Paul add their agreements, so I click the camera button. As soon as my video pops up, Inez and Eliza gasp.

“Told you I’m looking a little scary.”

“Jesus, Carter. Are you sure you’re okay?” William asks. “We can postpone the meeting if you need more time.”

“No, I promise I’m good. I’m not going to be on the whole day, but I need to get an update on everything.”

“They did a number on you. God, I’m so sorry,” Inez says.

“Do know anything about who did this to you?” Paul asks.

I shake my head. “I have no memory of it. It’s both a blessing and a curse. I can’t help the cops find who did this, but I also don’t have the ugly images in my head either.”

“How horrible. I’m sending you a care package right now. You deserve all the pampering, and I know just the thing,” Eliza declares. Her eyes focus on her computer, and I want to laugh at her determination. Then she demands to know my address, even though she could easily find it in my employee file if she wanted. I reluctantly give it to her only because I don’t want them to spend money on me.

“That’s not necessary, Eliza. But thank you. Let’s start with project updates. Any major hiccups you guys need my help with?”

William tells me his tracking program is complete.

“That’s fantastic. Let’s do a trial run on the database to see what it picks up. How customizable will it be?”

“Completely. Right now, I have some basic settings created, but I can edit and add whatever we might want.”

“Amazing. Let’s get it set up to track any edits we make on the coding first. Hopefully, it’ll streamline any updates we make.” My stomach knots up as if I just made a major mistake. Anxiety over what I could’ve done wrong takes over, and I don’t hear the next few comments. What could I be worried about, though? It’s all blurry.

“Carter?”

“What? Sorry, my brain checked out for a second.”

“I was just asking if you wanted to still meet with Tom about RetLab.”

My anxiety starts to get worse. “Um…” I swallow hard. “Have you talked with him about it?”

“No, after what happened to you, I just figured we’d leave the block up to keep it from impacting the data entry.”

“Okay, uh… yeah. I guess we still need to talk to him. Can you get a meeting scheduled with him?”

“Sure thing.”

Paul and Eliza give us updates on their projects. Thankfully, they don’t require any problem-solving. I’m not sure I have enough brainpower to work through any issues. I didn’t think I’d tire out this quickly, but I’m ready to lie down. I end the meeting as quickly as I can without cutting anyone off.

I don’t know what was with my anxiety there, but I’m exhausted. I’d rather take a nap than do literally anything else.

Maybe I’ll leave my emails for another day.