38. Chapter 38

38

Hope

Elliot is standing there in simple jeans and a white T-shirt with flannel on top. His blond curls fall over his forehead and his brown eyes look soft behind the pair of thick glasses. He looks cute in a nerdy way. Someone who'll understand me, perhaps.

"Hi. You look pretty." His eyes check me out in a subtle way.

I tightly hold the door. "Thank you. You look good too."

He shoots me a smile and it's adorable.

"Are you ready?"

I nod. "Yes."

Just then Marie comes down and wedges herself between the doorframe and me. "It's Ethan, right? Look after—"

"Elliot." He corrects her before I can.

My eyes train on her but she's busy staring at me and avoids my side-eye.

Seriously, what is Marie doing? I thought she was okay with him.

"Ethan, Elliot, same thing, isn't it?" Before he can reply, she brushes him off with a wave of hand. "The point is, look after my best friend and don't you dare try something or I will make sure you don't see the next sunrise."

My lips open in shock, and I grip her arm. "Marie!"

Elliot chuckles and raises his arms in surrender. "It's just a date."

"I hope you remember that." Marie glares at him.

I'm frozen in place by the switch in her attitude. This is the first time I'm witnessing this side of her and God, she is scary when she's acting protective.

Leaning down to my ear she whispers, "Text me when you get home, or I'll drive here to make sure you're okay."

I only manage to give her a nod.

Dragging her bags out of the door, I say goodbye to her as she glares at Elliot before driving away.

Once she's gone, he turns to me. "So, that's your best friend? She's scary."

"I'm sorry—"

"I don't mind."

We walk to his car. I pause, thinking he'll open the door for me, but he strides around to the driver's seat without looking back at me.

My heart sinks. Heath always opens the door for me.

NO!

I can't think about him when I'm on a date with another guy.

Just go with it.

When I get inside he's already started the car.

A country song plays, as he slowly maneuvers the streets to the diner he plans on taking me to.

Silence fills the car, and we don't talk at all which makes me really nervous.

Usually, I don't mind the silence but when I'm with someone—except for Heath—it drives me crazy. I'm thinking of all the topics I should start, that can turn into long conversations and won't end no matter how we talk over it—okay that's crazy but the point is to not be silent.

Fortunately, we soon arrive at a local restaurant that's well-known in Bellmare. People frequently eat here because it serves the best food and has a beautiful setting. The moment we walk inside, I notice the lights that are wrapped around the ceiling and the small origami figures hanging from the ceiling in different colors and shapes. The tables have white cloth, with a vase of fresh flowers sitting on top. It's romantic and a cute place, especially for a date.

Elliot chooses the table by the window, and we sit across from each other. A young waitress asks for our order, and I freeze, much like I do every time. Luckily, Elliot notices and asks for pasta and water.

The waiter goes away, and he turns to me. "So, you don't like to order?"

"It makes me nervous."

"That's odd." He laughs a little as if it's silly.

I swallow. Again, then again. Still, I feel the pinch of his remark right in my stomach.

"Do you have any plans for college?" I change the topic to get over the hurt before I start overthinking about it like I do with most things.

He shakes his head. "I'll be helping my family business." Leaning over the table, he says, "What about you? What are your plans?"

My mother's words come to me and a burden the size of a mountain rests over my chest.

"Med school. I'm going to be a doctor." My tone is detached and empty, even to my ears. Is this what I become once I get there? Someone who's lost themselves?

Elliot leans back. "That's a long road."

"I know." My lips lift in a half smile to uplift my mood. Poor attempt.

"You love medicine?"

"I'm good at science."

He chuckles. "Ah! You're one of those."

"One of what?"

"One of those people who follow a path because they're good at something."

He's not wrong. Mom seems to strongly believe in that idea and won't listen to me if I try. I mean, it's not like I possess the courage to talk to her about it. She'll get mad, so mad. I fear she might disown me.

"Yeah," I whisper and fidget with my fingers in my lap.

My anxiety increases as I think about the future that I don't want for myself, but I can't do anything to change it. People like me, who love stories about adventure and bravery, are the ones who lack it in real life. The reason why we read that kind of book is so we can experience them in the confines of fiction while also feeling like we're that character.

Everything that I'm afraid of—love, friendships, adventure—is what makes me read books.

The waitress from before puts down our food with a lovely smile. I look up at Elliot only to catch him staring at the girl's ass.

My stomach drops ten feet down and tension swirls like a tornado inside of me. This isn't right.

Instead of confronting him, I choose to ignore it and focus on the food that tastes delicious.

Elliot looks back at me. "You told me you like books. What genre do you read?"

"Romance." I try to be honest. He should know the real me, even though it makes me nauseous when I tell people that I love reading about love.

Elliot laughs. "Love. You believe in that?"

"I do," I reply in a strong tone instead of feeling insecure. I won't let him make me feel that way.

"Seems boring to me. How uninteresting is it to read about characters falling in love? It's like watching a cheesy movie but with words."

Only one thing is true out of all that he said.

It is cheesy reading about characters falling in love. But to me, it's magical and sweet.

All my life I've seen the uglier and messier side of love. The side I shouldn't have seen because it's altered my opinion on the matter. Despite reading so many romance books, the foundation my parents have laid in my head is unmovable.

The truth is, I'm scared of falling in love. I don't want to fall in love knowing the other person won't have the guts to catch me. And if he does, someday his mind will change, and he'll let me go.

I've seen people fall out of love over time. It's only in books I see people falling in love more each day. It's fiction and it doesn't matter. But something heals inside of me when I read that fake reality.

Books are the best escapism. Only those who escape in its worlds would know.

I hold my head high. "It's interesting to me."

"That's the reason why you have a book in your satchel right now."

I put it there to show him some of my annotations, in case he was interested in me and wanted to know me more.

"I carry a book with me everywhere," I say.

"Why?"

"It's a habit."

We talk about other things including family, siblings, friends, and summer break.

Elliot seems polite, but some of his comments set me off. I endure them and counter back when necessary, but I don't feel great. He and I share different opinions on things and that can only go a long way. I respect his perspective, but his point of view on my choice of books isn't something I can ignore.

I love books and if I ever fall in love with a guy, I want him to understand how much I love them. Maybe it's too much to ask for when guys don't like romance books and steer clear of girls like me because we have high standards. In reality, we don't. We ask for care, attention, love, and understanding. Aren't those very simple things to be able to give?

On the ride back home, we don't talk except for the occasional glances we throw at each other.

My neighborhood is dark and quiet at seven p.m. The lights are off in almost every house and an eeriness wanders the street like a ghost.

Elliot walks me to the porch steps and lingers as if he's got something to say.

I turn to say goodbye, but instead, I find him standing close to me. His mint breath caresses my skin, and I quickly step back.

"Thanks for tonight." I smile.

I turn around to go back inside when his hand clasps around my wrist. Before I can think, he pulls me back and I stumble into him.

"What are you doing?" I ask in a shaky voice as I look into his eyes.

Elliot looks down at me. His eyes are filled with a strange emotion that doesn't make me feel good. I want to move away from him, but my body won't move.

Touching my cheek with his warm fingers, he leans down, and whispers in my ear, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Without waiting for a reply, he leans closer. Just an inch more and his lips will be on mine.

His lips on mine?

I don't think I'm ready for that.

Not with him.

I start, "I don't think—"

"Shh. I need the kiss," he murmurs in a raspy voice that raises goosebumps on my arms.

"No," I manage to say and try to move but my body won't cooperate with my plan.

What is wrong with me?

Why does this always happen to me?

Why can't I move?

Anxious thoughts start pouring into my head. My breathing drops to shallow breaths.

"Stay still," he warns me.

"What are you doing? I don't want it," I remind him again.

Before I know it, he's moving in my direction.

Suddenly he's ripped away from me. "She said fucking no."

Heath punches Elliot straight in the jaw and he stumbles back and hits the nearby tree.

Elliot glares at him as he holds his jaw. "Who the fuck are you?"

Heath looks murderous as he glares at him. "Someone who'll beat the shit out of you if I see you near her again."

"She doesn't have a boyfriend."

"She doesn't want one."

"We went on a date. She owes me a kiss." Elliot looks at me as if I'm his prey.

Heath steps in front of me, blocking his view. "She owes you nothing, asshole."

Elliot tries to hit Heath, but he easily dodges him and lands three more hits on him with a precision and strength that can break bones. When he stands straight, he isn't even breathing hard.

With a groan, Elliot backs away from him in pain. He has a bleeding nose and split lip.

"Fuck it. It was a stupid bet." With that, he's out of sight while I'm standing there thinking about his words.

Heath faces me and his sharp eyes lock on me before moving down my body, looking for an injury. Taking long steps, he reaches me. "Are you okay?"

I'm so stunned I can hardly speak a word.

His eyes narrow as he searches my eyes. Taking my hand, he says, "Rose, you need to tell me. Are you fucking okay? Did he do something?"

I shudder. "No…he…didn't do anything," I finally answer.

His thumb rubs circles over my wrist, exactly where my pulse is strumming at a rapid speed.

"Good," he whispers.

"Why did you do that?" A gush of cold wind sweeps past us. I withdraw my hand from his and wrap the thin shawl around my shoulders.

Heath stares at me but doesn't answer. He has this hard, cold look on his face that reflects how angry he is.

"Why are you even here?" I ask.

He frowns hard. "Because he doesn't deserve you."

"And you do?"

For a long moment, he just stares at me and then shakes his head. "No, I don't."

I step back from shock or hurt—I don't know exactly.

"So, I don't deserve anyone," I murmur, feeling awful.

Stepping forward, he places his index finger under my chin and tips back my face. "I don't deserve you, but I'm too selfish and obsessed with you to not become the person that you deserve."

Oh my God.

Heath Travon wants me.

My breath hitches.

I don't know what to do next.

Should I inhale or exhale?

He gets closer, and just like that he manages to suck all the air around us.

I've never felt like this with anyone. There has always been something about him. That first meeting changed everything. He's changed everything.

I trust him. The thought scares me, but my heart says it's okay for me to take the leap if it's him I'm falling into.

"Breathe, Rose. You need to breathe," he says softly.

"I'm…breathing," I pant.

A smile appears on his lips. "Not like this."

"Then…how?" I speak between quick, short breaths.

Lifting his hands, he cups my face and looks deep into my eyes. "Take a long, deep breath then slowly let it out."

Keeping my eyes locked on him, I do as he says.

"Good girl," he rasps.

My insides melt.

Then, he cups the back of my neck and slowly leans down as if allowing me time.

Anticipation and surprise curl my toes in a delicious manner.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you."

"R-right now?" I whisper.

"Right fucking now."

Before I can ask him more questions, his warm lips meet mine.

A gasp leaves my mouth, and I stiffen.

Pulling back, he leans his forehead against mine and breathes out, "What's wrong?"

"I've never been kissed before."

Moving his hand to my lower back, he pulls me flush against his body.

"You'll learn with me." With that, his lips are on mine again.

Sparks explode into fireworks that warm my body.

The butterflies in my stomach flutter around urging me to lean more toward his body. His tall, strong build presses against mine, and I feel like I can hold onto something as gravity begins to loosen its grip on me.

Only one thought crosses my mind. Heath is kissing me.

Once the initial shock dissolves, my lips start to move along his.

We find a rhythm.

Heath kisses exactly like himself. Confidently. Every stroke of his mouth brings me closer to the edge. Before I know it, I'm falling into him.

Pulling away, he lets me suck in the air, then attacks me again. This time he takes the lead with possessiveness as if he can't stay hungry any longer.

I can't either.

I want him.

His kiss is not at all the same as those I've read in books but laced with a passion that ignites every inch of me. There's sweetness, but also the primal affection that he wants me badly.

Heath bunches up the material of my dress to bring me closer to him.

Wait. What are my hands doing?

I realize they are limp against my sides.

I'm such an idiot.

Lifting them, I place them over his chest where I can feel his racing heart.

I smile into the kiss, realizing I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Heath tugs on my lower lip before backing up.

I open my eyes and find him already looking at me.

"We kissed."

"We fucking did."

A smile hangs on my lips. He leans down and pecks me which isn't what I wanted.

I want more from him.

My heart is racing too fast, and my head is spinning with thoughts.

We kissed. Twice. Thrice if you count that little, short kiss, too.

Happiness sinks in, just as a wrecking ball hits me with a memory.

Whoever it is, stay away from him, or else you won't like the consequences.

My smile drops.

An abyss of sadness grows in the pit of my stomach, swallowing every bit of emotion I was feeling a second ago.

"I…" I step back from him like he's fire and I'll burn. Only it's the other way around. He'll get burned if he gets closer to me. He'll get hurt because of me.

Heath frowns and reaches for me, but I flinch.

"Hope, what's wrong?"

"Everything," I whisper.

He frowns harder. "What do you mean?"

Shaking my head I start to back away from him. "I need to go."

"Wait. Talk to me!"

I run inside, lock the door, and lean my back against it. I place my hand on my stomach and try to contain the ball of anxiety that is a second away from rolling down and taking me with it.

Sometimes, we don't get what we want, no matter how much we want it. It's painful how much life is different from the fictional world.

I go to my room and curl up on my bed in a ball.

My body shakes with tremors as Dad's warning loops my brain on repeat.

That's how much he's ruined me. I've had my first kiss with the guy I like, and I can't even relish in the joy of it because he'll find him and hurt him.

In the middle of the chaos, I see that pair of blue eyes staring at me, and slowly the feeling of his lips on mine takes over.

My first kiss was perfect.