37. Chapter 37

37

Hope

My parents decide to go away for the weekend.

I don't know how Dad managed to save money when he has no job, and he spends every cent of Mom's money on alcohol. The thing that surprises me the most, is how Mom can't see any of this. The empty bottles and the change in his behavior. The telltales are right there. Somehow, she makes me believe it's all in my head and I'm delusional.

Somehow, I still believe, the worst is yet to come. This isn't it.

Friday arrives, and I'm so glad that it's the last school day and a weekend awaits me. At school, Heath ignores me in all our classes together and glares at me whenever our eyes meet. He's mad about the date thing, which I don't understand. He's the one who said we should be friends and has never made me feel otherwise. While I've been feeling anything but friendly toward him lately.

When he simply looks at me, my heart jumps in excitement, literally skyrockets to the sky. When he talks to me—in that soft voice—I feel butterflies fluttering around in my stomach like a field of flowers has grown in there. When he touches me, I forget to breathe.

There are so many other things, too.

His eyes are always gentle when they look at me, like I'm the most delicate thing in the world and he'll never think about breaking me. His big arms wrapped around me make me feel safe. So easily, he manages to vanish every dark thought out of my overthinking brain when he presses me against him and calms me down when I'm having panic attacks.

I like him. I like him so much.

Everything he does makes me feel exactly how it is in books. He makes me believe in all that I've read about.

All my life I've thought what happens in books can't happen in real life. Love is easy in a fictional world but not in reality.

Heath makes me believe in love, that perhaps it can happen to me, too.

However, it's too late now. I have a date with Elliot, who seems too nice to be stood up. He told me I'm the first girl he's ever asked out. I can't do this to him. I know I'd hate it if some guy did it to me.

When I come back from school, my parents leave, informing me that they'll be back the next day.

I hate this new arrangement. I've made my feelings clear on the matter, but Mom doesn't believe me and Dad, well, he'll be staying here for a long time. With how much he's making an effort to swoon Mom off her feet there's no doubt he's staying.

The only silver lining is by next year I'd be out of here. Until then, there's no place of refuge for me.

Around five p.m. the doorbell rings.

Marie is standing on the porch, holding many shopping bags. "You have a date and I'm here to help you."

I lean against the door. "That's nice of you, but you didn't have to."

I'm so glad she's here when my parents aren't home. I'd resent myself if Dad pulled an act in front of her or hurt her in any way. I already know I won't think twice about throwing myself in front of her to protect her.

"C'mon, let's go to your room. These bags are quite heavy."

I notice the five bags she's carrying—all designer brands—and she looks like a model herself. She's so beautiful it amazes me sometimes, that she considers me her best friend.

I let her inside. I think about how my house is nothing compared to the mansion she lives in. Her home is beautiful and safe, unlike mine.

Inhaling a deep breath, I show her my room and she carefully looks around before turning to me with a beaming smile. "I can't believe I'm seeing your room. Heath must be so jealous."

I blush. "Um… he's seen it before."

Marie whips around to me with a shocked expression. "When?"

"It was raining one day, and he dropped me off. Then there was a power outage, so he stayed with me for a while. It's then I told him about the bracelet business."

Marie groans. "I can't believe he has one over me."

I laugh a little as I shut the door behind me. "Is it a competition?"

"Not really," she murmurs and sets her makeup supplies on my study table and all the other things she's brought with her.

"So, what should I do first?" I ask, fidgeting with my hands.

Marie looks at my hair and sighs. "You'll need to take a quick shower."

"Frizzy hair?"

"Greasy hair."

"Yucks."

"Indeed, but don't worry. I'll make it better." She gives me a confident thumb-up.

Taking a towel, I rush into the bathroom, turn the taps, and wait for the water temperature until it is warm. I have to wait for ten minutes because of the broken heating system, but it's better than showering in cold water.

This is happening. I'm going on a date. My first date.

I'm getting all those pre-date sparks in my stomach and I'm nervous.

Elliot studies in another school that's out of Bellmare. It's a bit of travel, but it's fine with him because his friends live here, and he also accompanies his father in dealings.

From the conversations we've had, he seems to be sweet and funny. We talk about studies and bond over movies. But he doesn't make me feel sparks or butterflies like Heath does. With Elliot, it's the comfortable kind of connection, the one I need. But with Heath, there's fire beyond the comfortable connection, the one I want, but I won't get. Because I don't know how Heath feels about me.

I wash my hair and body. I don't know why but I shave too, even though I know nothing of that sort is going to happen between us. I'm not yet ready for it.

When I come out in a T-shirt and shorts, I see Marie has laid dresses over my bed with shoes and accessories.

"Marie—"

"I should have brought more. Don't worry I can call—"

"It's enough. You didn't have to. I've got something I can wear tonight." I cast a nervous glance at everything that's on my bed. Probably worth hundreds.

She grins. "It's your first date and you should look the best."

"We're going to a local diner. Nothing fancy."

" Still, you should look the best. We don't know what might happen."

"What do you mean—"

"We're getting late!"

After what feels like an hour Marie is done with my face and is halfway through curling my hair at the ends. We don't talk in between because Marie said that she can't do makeup while talking.

"How was your first date, Marie?"

A deep blush covers her cheeks. Clearing her throat, she peeks at me with a smile. "Sebastian took me to laser tag first. It had just opened up. We had so much fun there. Afterward, we went to a diner and had pasta which was the best I've ever had. Then we sat on a roof and talked until sunrise. He kissed me a lot, too."

"What were you like before Sebastian? How did he even meet you? I've always wondered but never asked you."

Marie sets the curling rod aside and adjusts the curls with her fingers. "You know I'm an over-talkative girl, so guys stayed away from me. They thought I ate their brains with my long speeches. I had lost hope that I would ever find a guy who would love me and care for me. I was that girl who had no friends and when she tried to make some, people would just make excuses and leave. I was alone. My parents and Kevin, my older brother, were all I had. I wasn't alone at home, but at school I was. And that made me sad." She explains with a forlorn face.

I take her hand and squeeze.

She squeezes back. "You remember that botanic garden trip?"

I nod. I didn't go because my parents couldn't afford a four-hundred-dollar trip.

"I was sitting alone on the bus. Mr. Nathan was about to close the doors when Sebastian hopped in. The only seat left on the bus was next to me and he took it. I didn't talk to him because I was sure if I uttered a word he would just get annoyed. Also, he was so handsome, and I got nervous. I was hesitant to make any small talk. Out of the blue, he started talking to me. I began to ramble, and you know what Hope? He listened to every word and even smiled. That's how things started between us. One thing led to another, and we became friends who fell in love with each other." She winks.

"Marie." She hums in response. "How did you know Sebastian was the right guy?"

Marie focuses on my hair, thinking deeply about the question. She parts it from the middle with two tendrils on the front. Then, she makes a twist on each side and pins it with some black hairpins. Satisfied with her work, she styles the rest of the strands.

"That's the thing, Hope. I didn't know he was the one, my heart did. When he kissed me for the first time, I got the butterflies . I felt those goosebumps . I still get them. They never go away."

Looking at me in the mirror, she says, "You never know who's the right guy and that's why you have to be careful."

I look at myself in the mirror. A beautiful girl stares back at me, with a face covered in minimal makeup and hair that looks perfect. There's a little blush on my cheeks and a light shade of pink gloss on my lips. My light brown eyes look prominent because of my eyelashes which are coated with layers of mascara.

"Marie," I whisper.

"You look beautiful, I know. Let's get to the dress." She squeezes my shoulders.

I wear a summer dress that I bought a few days ago. Marie hands me a thin shawl as it gets cold in the evening.

"This dress looks beautiful on you. Where did you get it?" she asks, adjusting the shawl on my arms.

"A local shop close to the library. You like it?"

"I love it. Maybe we should go shopping sometime."

"Only if you let me pay too."

She shoots me a smile but doesn't say anything. I already know she won't let me, just like Heath.

At the mention of his name, my insides swirl in an uncomfortable feeling that I can't put my finger on. He didn't talk to me at school or text me. I wish I knew what was wrong with him. The wall in front of his heart is far thicker than me. Sometimes, it's impossible to read him or understand him.

I slip my feet into a pair of pumps because I don't own a decent pair of heels.

"Hey, wear this!" Marie holds a pair of white heels that are just my style if I had them.

I shake my head. "Oh no. It's fine. I can just—"

"C'mon, take them. Shoes are important."

"Are you sure?" I ask in a little voice, feeling like I'm imposing on her.

She nods. "Ten thousand percent. They'll look good on you and go with the dress."

With an uncertain heart, I hesitantly take the heels from her and put them on.

They look amazing.

"Looks amazing, right? I know." Marie reads my mind with a knowing grin.

Grinning at her tactics, I put on some earrings and bracelets that I made myself.

"Let's take some pictures." Marie pulls me against her and starts taking pictures on her phone. In almost every single picture we're smiling or giggling.

Once we're done, Marie peeks outside the window. "He's not here."

"Five minutes are left."

"You're right, but he should be early." She huffs.

"Any piece of advice?"

"Have fun tonight but not that kind of fun. What the hell am I even saying?" She face-palms herself. "Just don't panic and if you need my help either text or call me, and I'll be there in no time. If you want, I can go as an undercover agent and keep an eye on you guys, so he doesn't try anything. Look I—"

Without thinking I hug her, and she stops talking. "If I need you, I'll call you."

She relaxes in my hold and wraps her arms around me. "I charged your phone."

A smile tugs on my lips at the gesture that's so small but means so much.

When the doorbell rings we both pull away.

Marie stares at me with a knowing look that I can't decipher. "First date. I wish it were with someone else, but life is full of experiences."

"You mean Heath?"

She nods excitedly.

I fidget with my fingers, nervously. "He has to ask me out… I mean if he wants me in that way which I don't think he does but—"

"Time will tell."

We get downstairs. I pause at the loneliness and the quietness floating in the space that was here four months ago—I miss it now.

My hand on the handle shakes and my pulse is out of my control.

Taking a deep breath I open the door.