CHAPTER EIGHT

Noah's whole body fucking trembled. He had to try three times to get the key in the ignition. The second he did, he cranked the engine and sped out of the driveway, as fast as he could. He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was he had to get the hell out of there. He had to fight against every nerve ending, every little thing in his body, that clawed and yanked and pulled at him to go back. To go inside the house and taste Cooper's mouth.

To feel every inch of hard, muscled skin with his hands and his tongue. To fuck him, over and over and over, even if it killed him.

Had he ever wanted anyone with the passion that he desired Cooper? His best friend? The person who helped him get through his pain because of his parents when he was a kid, and who had been ripped away from him? No, Noah hadn't known it at the time. He hadn't realized what Cooper meant to him, but since coming back home, he got it.

He'd probably always wanted Coop. Maybe always would.

The shitty part was, no matter how much that need filled him up, no matter how hard his cock was beneath the fly of his jeans, or how hard his heart slammed into his ribcage, he couldn't touch, taste or have, Cooper. He wouldn't risk losing him, when Coop freaked out about it later.

It didn't matter that Noah saw Coop's desire…his curiosity and maybe even a portion of the same need Noah felt. Cooper wasn't gay, didn't realize he was, or he didn't want to be. And Noah swore he would never hide whom he was with, ever again. Not the way he had with David, only to get betrayed. And what chance did they really have anyway? Coop had told him before that he didn't see himself ever being serious with someone. But hooking-up and then breaking-up risked their friendship.

Christ, he would do anything to have Cooper though.

Noah didn't calm down all night. He drove around for hours before pulling off into a parking lot for a couple more. The sun just started to break over the horizon, his eyes heavy and rough like sandpaper, when he decided to go back home. He couldn't stay away forever. They'd have to deal with this sooner or later, so might as well get it over with. Maybe Cooper slept it off. It could have been alcohol that inspired last night. Fuck, he hoped not. That was probably the stupidest thing he could wish for, but there was now a knot in his gut. It kept twisting and turning, doubled knot after doubled knot, tying him up more and more because of how much he wanted Coop.

As soon as he stepped into the house, he knew Cooper was up. Noah followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen where Cooper sat in the same jeans, with no shirt, like he'd been last night.

L ike Noah still was too.

"Coffee's fresh." Cooper's voice was rough, probably from lack of sleep.

"I smell it. Thanks." Noah walked over and poured himself a cup.

"Of course you do. That was a stupid thing to say. I just didn't know what to say instead."

Sorrow pierced through him. Cooper always knew what to do. He always had the answers or at least, played it off like he did. The only time he was lost, was when he'd have those dreams about his parents. Noah hated that his friend felt that way now.

"It's not a stupid thing to say , and it's okay to be freaked out. No one would blame you." Noah sat across from him and they both sipped their coffee. That ball in his stomach kept getting bigger and tighter. What if Cooper asked him to move out? Told him he couldn't see him anymore? The thought made him want to hit something. One of Noah's hands balled into a fist at the idea of losing Cooper again.

Coop chuckled humorlessly. "Freaked out. That's a pretty safe word to use." He set his cup down and held Noah's stare with his intense blue eyes. "I wanted you last night, Noah. Fucking. Wanted. You."

Noah choked on his coffee, coughing before he found a way to settle down. He didn't know why. It was just like Cooper to spit it out like that.

"Hell, I'm scared as fuck that I still might want you, man. That I have for a while now, and, I don't know what it means. I had a dream about you, Noah. I've never wanted a man before." He shook his head. Noah reached out for him before jerking his hand back. Christ, he didn't even know if he could comfort his own friend any longer. And a dream? Was it wrong that the thought of Cooper dreaming of him made Noah feel invincible?

"How do you feel about it?" As soon as the question fell out of his mouth, he wished he could take it back.

"Confused. How do you think I feel?" He leaned back in his chair. Closed his eyes, as if in thought. Shook his head and then opened them again. "I've never trusted a friend the way I do you. I've never talked to anyone the way I talk to you. Now, I'm all fucked up because you're the one who has me turned inside out, yet you're the only person I can open up about it to."

God, was there anyone as honest as Cooper? He went through life, no-holds-barred. Noah always respected that about him. This, it seemed, would be no different.

"You can still talk to me. You always can. I have to admit, I don't know what I'm doing here either, Coop. I'm not in your head , and don't know what you're thinking or feeling. Usually if I want someone and they want me, even if the world doesn't know about it, we fuck and deal with the rest later. I've never wanted someone who wasn't gay before. I—" Noah shifted.

"You want me too?" Cooper's voice was soft…so soft Noah hardly heard him. He sounded so unsure as he asked Noah that question. It ripped his insides to shreds and damned if his cock wasn't hard too.

"I don't know what the best thing to say is, man. I don't want to fuck this up and lose your friendship, but I can't lie to you, either. Of course I want you. I've never wanted anyone as badly as I want you. It's like embers that are always inside me, this slow burn that I can't stop. Hell, I don't know if I want to stop it." His brain knew he should. It was why he kept trying to, but inside? Stopping wasn't at all where his instincts led, when it came to Cooper.

Cooper leaned forward, one of his hands shaking as he set it on the table. He stared at Noah, as if shocked by his words. Struggled a minute before he finally spoke. "I don't know if I want to stop either…but I feel like I should. This isn't something I should want, but never experiencing it—you—that scares the hell out of me , too."

Lust like Noah had never felt , exploded inside him. But it was more than that too. Pride and gratitude that being with Noah sounded so important to Cooper, that he would actually regret walking away. Every little thing inside Noah fought for the chance to have Cooper. "Coop…"

"I've never even touched a man, Noah. I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know how I would react, but I crave it from you at the same time. All last night , I remembered what it felt like to see your hand on me. Jesus. I'm getting all sappy here." Cooper laughed, but Noah couldn't bring himself to do the same. His dick ached. His skin felt too tight. His hands itched to reach for Coop. To show him exactly how another man liked to be touched.

"You're not alone in this. I couldn't get you out of my head last night, Coop."

At that, Cooper's eyes shot toward him. His skin glistened with nervous sweat. Noah wanted to wrap himself up in nothing but Coop er.

"Try it again… Not a lot, just like last night. Go slow… Just…just…touch."

Noah almost came right there. His cock pulsed in his jeans as fear spiked to all new levels inside him. "No. I can't do that, man. I don't want you to hate me for it."

Cooper took another drink of coffee before turning to the side, so he wasn't facing the table anymore. His thumb tapped against the top, as though he didn't know what to do with it.

"I'm asking you to do it. I need you to fucking do it. I have to know, man. I have to feel it to make sense of it." He turned his head to look at Noah. " You know I'd never hate you for anything."

Even if he wanted to, nothing would hold him back now. Slowly Noah pushed to his feet. His legs were weak, but nothing was going to hold him back from going to Cooper. Nothing.

He couldn't explain how his body felt as he moved. Adrenaline ripping through him , begging him to hurry the fuck up, but like lead settled into his bones at the same time.

It was only a touch. He knew that and no matter how much he wanted it, he would never take more than that today, but Christ did he want his hands on Cooper.

When he stood in front of his friend, Coop looked up at him. His nerves showed in the crease lines on his face. Noah almost backed up, but then he saw it. Cooper eyes skating over his bare chest. A chest he had seen hundreds of times before , but never looked with the blaze of desire that he had right now. "Christ, you are so fucking brave."

"You know why," Coop rasped his reply.

"Don't do that. If you tell me to walk away right now, you're not running. You wouldn't be running today just like you weren't running that night with your parents. You did what you were supposed to do, Coop."

He ignored the part about his parents and the fire when he spoke. "I'm not telling you to walk away."

Noah's desire amped up , yet another notch. He went down to his knees in front of Coop, kneeling between his spread legs. "Where?" His voice actually cracked as he spoke.

"I don't know. My arms. My chest. Like last night, just go slow." Cooper closed his eyes.

"No. Open them. I need you to look at me. I need to know you see who's touching you. Or if you want me to stop."

Slowly, Cooper's blue eyes opened. Noah didn't waste any time after that. He reached out, and let his fingers trail over Coop's right shoulder. They both watched his hand as he did it. Noah savored the heat of Coop's hot flesh.

"Both hands," Cooper whispered, so he did. His hands ghosted down each shoulder, to his chest. Fuck he wanted to run his thumbs over each nipple. To get them hard, and see if Cooper liked it, but he held back.

Noah explored his stomach, his sides, traced the muscles in each section of his six-pack.

Cooper hissed. "Your hands are rough."

That was one of Noah's favorite parts about being with a man, the roughness. "Do you like it?"

Cooper's eyes left Noah's hands and met his state straight on. "I like knowing it's you."

His already hard cock swelled even more. "You're testing me. I don't know how much I can handle."

Urgently Noah Jerked to his feet.

"Where are—"

"I'm not leaving." He stepped around the back of Coop, knowing he would lose it if he didn't try. Noah started by massaging Coop's shoulders, digging his fingers into his hard muscles, as Cooper sat in the chair.

"Fuck, man. That feels good."

Noah wanted more. He ran his hands over Coop's pecs. Brushed his thumbs over each nipple. When Cooper froze, so did he, but when his friend moaned out, "No. Don't stop," he started moving again.

He alternated between massaging his shoulders and playing with his hardening nipples. Noah breathed deeply, and so did Coop.

He plucked each nipple between his thumb and finger, making Cooper groan a sexy fucking groan, before his head dropped back against Noah's bare stomach.

Noah had to fight everything inside him not to take Cooper's mouth. That's when he knew to pull the breaks. "No more. Not right now," Noah told him , even though he thought the words could kill him. "If you decide you want to try more, I don't want it to be a rash decision."

Coop still leaned back into him and rested his head against Noah's abs.

"I know it wasn't much, but I liked it. I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but damn did I fucking like it."

"Me too," Noah replied, running his hand through Cooper's hair. Like wasn't a strong enough word. "I don't want to push you but I have to tell you, it feels good seeing you like this. Touching your hair and feeling your head lean against me."

Coop paused before replying. "My...my dick's hard."

All that fucking honesty again. Noah moaned and for the second time that morning, almost came in his pants. Damn, did he want to make his friend come. To open Coop's pants, pull out his cock and take it deep to the back of his throat. "You're making me crazy, man. I am so fucking hard for you," he growled out.

Cooper pulled slightly away from him. "I can't..."

"I know. We go at your pace or if you don't want to, not at all."

"I know."

With that, Noah forced himself to step away. "You need some space. I'm not going to crowd you. I'm going to my room. Might be there all day, but if you want anything, you come to me, okay? I don't want to fuck this up, but I also know your head has to be a mess right now. Take however much time you need. You work tomorrow, right?"

Cooper stood and faced him. Noah didn't let his eyes travel down, knowing if he saw the bulge in his friend's pants , he wouldn't be able to walk away, but wishing he would've taken the time to kiss his injured hand again.

"Yeah." Coop shook his head. The look on his face told Noah everything was coming back to him. "I need to go to my room. We'll talk later."

"Hey," Noah grabbed his arm as Coop started walking away. "Are you okay? Tell me I didn't screw-up."

There wasn't a pause before Cooper replied. "It's scary how okay I am. I just need to think. You only did what I wanted."

Noah let go , and Cooper walked away. As soon as he heard a door shut, he went to his own room, stepped out of his pants and wrapped a fist around his cock. The whole time he saw Cooper, and hoped like hell his friend was in his room, doing the same thing while thinking of him.

***

It had been a long ass couple of days. Cooper had done his twelve-hour shifts plus extra because of a fire. He loved his job and loved saving people but it took a lot out of him—both physically and emotionally.

Half the time spent not fighting fire , he was thankful as hell to be at work. He dreaded seeing Noah, because…well, he'd asked the man to touch him. He'd had another man's hands on his chest and leaned his head against his stomach, and it had made his dick hard.

He'd enjoyed it, and he'd wanted more.

It helped that it was Noah, though. That fact made it easier to deal with, which led to the other half of the time, when he wanted his shifts to be over so he could go home and…he didn't know what yet.

It was a strange thing to even have to consider. Cooper wasn't sure exactly what he should be thinking about, or why he'd asked for time. What did it mean? That he wanted to fuck around with his best friend? That he wanted to fuck his best friend?

Cooper's whole body tensed, and not in a good way. How could he even think those words? He'd never wanted another man in his life. He slept with women and he enjoyed the hell out of it. But damn, the feel of having Noah's hands on him. It had been electric and dangerous and…strong? That didn't sound right, but there was a hardness there that sent heat shooting through his body, that he didn't understand.

Hell, he didn't get any of it.

But, he couldn't deny that part of him who wanted Noah. Wanted to explore this attraction, and to do those same things with Noah that he'd witnessed with the other man.

How can I want a man? How the fuck can I want a man?

Those questions hadn't left him alone since he'd seen Noah with that guy, so when he pulled his truck in front of his house, he almost wanted to drive back out again and never come home.

But the truth was , Cooper didn't let himself run. He hadn't since that night when he'd woken up to his lungs filled with smoke, and there had been red all through his house. When he'd run outside, as his mom had told him to.

When he'd left her and his father to die.

After that day, even when something scared the fuck out of him or it was dangerous , or even if he just knew he shouldn't be doing it, Coop charged forward. He'd never again let himself be so weak that he took the easy way out.

Could he do that here? Could he really just forge ahead into a sexual relationship with Noah?

As weak as it made him, he didn't know if he could.

He still couldn't believe how bad he wanted to, however.

Before he sat out here all night, Cooper killed the engine and climbed out of the truck. Regardless of what happened, he wasn't going to be a pussy and hide. He'd say whatever came out and then he and Noah would deal with it.

Yeah…too bad his insides didn't get that. His heart collided with his chest and his hands actually fucking shook.

"Hey," Noah was sitting on the couch, a boxing match on the TV. The volume was down and Cooper knew it was a fa?ade. Noah was waiting for him.

Jesus Christ, I started this and now I'm going to pull the brakes.

Guess there was his answer.

"Noah…" He dropped his gear by the door, which he never did and slowly ambled into the living room.

"It's okay." His friend stood, obviously knowing what Cooper had been going to say before he said it.

"I'm sorry, man… Is this even something I should apologize for?" Without giving Noah time to respond, he continued. "This is such a fucked up situation. I know it…" He didn't even know what to say.

"It's okay," Noah said again. He rubbed the back of his head, like he always did when he was nervous. Holy shit. How did I know that? It wasn't the type of detail Cooper usually paid attention to, but here, he just knew .

"I want to…God damn, do I want to but…I just can't." It didn't make sense. Whatever he was feeling right now would pass. People didn't suddenly turn gay.

"Then, we shouldn't. I think I knew that from the beginning. I know how you are, man. You don't back down. You don't want to seem scared and you're always looking for the next adventure. I can't be your adventure, Coop."

He shook his head. "That's bullshit. I wouldn't. Not with you—"

Noah stepped closer. Close enough that Cooper could see the outline of those fucking nipple rings through his shirt. He wanted to grab them with his teeth.

Coop stepped backward and Noah said, "You w ouldn't mean to. And…hell, I just got out of a relationship with someone who wasn't ready for the world to know who he was."

The words hit him straight in the chest, reminding Cooper that this wasn't new for Noah. He'd been with men before. Fucked them. If Cooper were to be with him, would Noah expect to fuck him too?

The shaking came back, rocking more than just his hands. His chest, head, heart, world, and anything else. No. He'd made the right decision. There was no way he could do this.

He studied Noah's hands. Imagined them on himself.

Then why do I still want to…?

"So…we're cool? I don't want to lose your friendship, man." Not after how it'd felt all those years ago.

"Yeah. We're cool. I'm going to head out for a few hours, okay? I have some stuff to take care of." Noah headed for the door.

"Where—" Cooper cut himself off. It didn't matter where Noah was going. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teased. Noah looked over his shoulder and grinned at him, before walking out. Christ , that fucking grin. But it hadn't been completely right, had it? It hadn't taken away the sadness in his eyes.

Cooper stood still, closed his eyes and breathed, trying not to wonder where Noah was going. Trying not to imagine him with another man. Trying not to remember the feel of his calloused hands rasping across his skin.

Trying not to miss it.