Chapter Twenty

Cassandra

That week, the success rate of the samples treated with venom healed phenomenally. With the venom, they were looking at a flat-out cure rather than a series of treatments. She couldn’t tell anyone. She had to extrapolate the healing agent, synthesize it, and confirm that it would heal with the same statistics. The following week, it was successfully synthesized. She treated the samples with the synthesized healing agent. All that was left to do was wait.

Not much later, and the cure was on its last round of tests before clinical trials, the whole office buzzing.

The day she expected to know whether it was ready for the next step, she ate her microwaved lunch on the patio with Ali, like they’d done since the day Cass took the job. She could almost pretend everything was normal. But that version of normal was outdated, like white noise at the end of a VHS.

“You’ve been quiet lately.”

“Just work.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Cassiopeia.” Ali put their hoagie on the table and leaned into her eyeline. “Listen, even if you don’t want to talk to me, please talk to someone.”

“Look, Ali.” Cass didn’t mean to snap. “I love you. You’re my best friend. But if you still had Champ, you’d be just as empty as I am.”

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Well, you’d know if it were,” Cass grumbled. She dropped her plastic fork and rubbed both hands over her face. “I’m sorry. I want to tell you, Ali, but you can’t freak out.”

“You know I won’t.”

“No, I don’t know that, actually.” She slumped over the tall table. A twinkle of anticipation bloomed in her belly, the kind that comes before secrets are shared. “But I think you’re right, I need to talk about it. It’s making me literally sick to my stomach to keep a secret.”

Ali didn’t speak. They gently touched her elbow and nodded, always the best listener. Cassandra glanced around the empty patio and started spinning her tale in a hushed voice. There was no way anyone—even Ali—would believe her, but at least she knew Ali wouldn’t judge her, and they might have insight into the bits that mattered.

“Is it going to work?”

“The venom? Yeah. It’s going to work,” she replied with absolute confidence.

“And you still want to go back there?”

“Yes. It feels like part of me never left. I just. . .” She gestured helplessly. “It’s complicated. He’s so amazing, and brilliant, and I can hear myself relax around him. Like, my mind, does that make sense? I just don’t want to end up hurting him. Plus, I don’t think I could walk around lying to everyone. You know?”

“How did he respond when you told him all of this?”

“Ummm.” Her flat palm wiggled her thigh.

“You haven’t? Cass!”

“But aren’t I being selfish? Is what’s between us worth forcing him out in the open? What if I fuck it up and let him down. Cass it up, like I always do? Then he’ll be even worse off, just for ever meeting me. There’s no way I’m worth that.”

“First off, I’m still pissed that motherfucker said that shit. You’re driven, and fucking good at what you do.” Al took an audible breath, then spoke in a gentler tone. “Second, you have to give him that choice. Your vampire—which, by the way, I’m surprised to hear you getting so creative in your storytelling—sounds insanely into you. Sometimes people just need a really good motivator to heal. What if he’s been waiting for the right reason?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“If you don’t tell him, you’ll never know. But if he’s actually an elderly man, then seriously you need to stop.”

Cass bit her lip. The memory of his face, crestfallen and defeated, rose in her mind’s eye. She’d left him there. The most gentle person she’d ever encountered had asked her for reassurance, and she’d left him there. She dropped her head into her hands and groaned. “Oh, fuck. I fucked up.”

Her phone buzzed annoyingly loud on the metal table. She gratefully snatched it up, but when she saw the digits, she froze.

“What?” Ali leaned over and peeked at the phone. “What? Why now?”

Cassandra took an unsteady breath that lodged in her ribcage and gave Ali a panicked look. She clicked the green button and hesitantly raised the phone to her ear.

“Hey, sis.”

“Mark?”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um.” Cass glanced at Ali one last time before retreating from the patio, rushing down the sidewalk, and locking herself in her car. “Yeah. What’s up? I mean, how are you? Err, no. What’s up?”

Mark’s laughter was stunted. “I’m doing all right. I’m still in Sweden, working on a renewable energy project. Did you know the prime minister wants to be fossil free by 2045?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t know anything about Sweden.” Because you’ve never told me anything.

“Right.” A pause. “Actually, that’s kind of why I was calling.”

She’d figured as much, but she couldn’t convince her vocal chords to loosen up enough to be of any use.

“When you came out to Mom and Dad, I was so proud of you. And I was also super, super jealous.”

“Jealous of being queer?”

“Jealous of your bravery.” he sucked in a painful-sounding breath. “That religion stuff, our parents. I didn’t know who I really was underneath all of it. But you. You were always so . . . so you. Not me. I had to move across the ocean to finally find myself.”

“Mark.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“I should’ve called sooner. I guess I assumed you were all right because you’ve always been so strong.” Her brother’s voice sounded more foreign than ever. “I’m sorry, Cassie. I know I’m, like, fifteen years too late.”

“Or even four years. They obviously have phones in Sweden!”

“You’re right.”

“I was alone,” she croaked.

“I knew you could handle yourself.” His voice had an identical quiver.

“I waited to hear from you for so long.” She swiped the angry tears rolling off her cheeks. “But I guess I never reached out, either. I just assumed you hated me.”

“I could never hate you, Cassie. I love you so much.”

“Why now?”

“I found an amazing therapist. She helped me through all that bullshit from our parents.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m hoping for your forgiveness, Cassie. And maybe, at the least, to be an acquaintance you’re on speaking terms with, if not your older brother.” He said the last like it was a joke. Cass knew it wasn’t.

She didn’t laugh along. She let the blackness behind her eyelids build until it pulsed.

She pictured Mark as a sixth grader. He was two years older than her and went to the same school. Whenever they would pass each other in the hallways, Mark would smile at her from over his book. In many ways, they were similar, but Mark had never been good at blending in. He was always at the end of the line, always reading books above his grade level, always raising his hand in class. Maybe Cass had subconsciously digested the results of her big brother’s difference, because she hid her extra textbooks and never raised her hand, not even in science class and especially not in math. She played volleyball and made the right friends.

The mental image of little Mark, cross-legged under a tree at recess, made her chest ache. Their parents had been so trusting of him. She’d assumed the three of them were best friends because that was how their mom portrayed it. Cassie blended in at school, but she could never appease her parents. While Mark went with them to every single extra activity put on by the church, Cass would come up with excuses. Volleyball practice. Track meet.

Which meant Mark had gone with them, alone, and listened to those insane sermons, possibly internalizing every syllable.

She was unsure if it was her emotions or the blinding reflection off the building that brought more hot tears to her cheeks. “I’ve already forgiven you, Mark. I’m sorry, too.”

An audible sigh, then a heavy silence, only broken by sniffles.

“I’m glad you called,” she said when she could speak again.

They talked for a few minutes longer. When they hung up, she returned to work with a fresh well of energy in her heart center. Mark was right. She was courageous and strong. Always had been. She knew who she was, what she wanted. She was capable of having uncomfortable conversations. Obviously.

When Cass reached the level of her lab, there was a gaggle of people with all different colored badges crowded in the hallway. Her fellow techs were in tears, holding each other, while her boss wiped tears from smiling cheeks.

“It worked,” she said under her breath. “It worked, didn’t it?” She shoved and elbowed past the crowd, smacking her hand on the glass. “It worked! Did it work?”

She had no other words. By the time she made it through the doorway, she was drowned out by her peers, who rushed to hug and high-five her.

“It worked!”

“Dr. Billing, you did it. You did it!”

“Cassandra! We’re so proud of you,” Layla, her boss, joined in. “Come on. There’s someone who wants to congratulate you in my office.”

Dazed, Cass followed her. The corner office was lined with windows on two sides, the sun glaring in from the west. The room smelled like vanilla. Cass took a seat in the plastic-feeling arm chair, her focus drifting to the dusty pink macramé hanging behind her boss as she clicked around on her laptop.

“Mr. Manaham, she’s here. I’m turning you around.” The laptop turned and a wrinkly, white-haired man beamed at Cass from the screen.

“Mrs. Billing! You’ve done it. I hope you’re proud!”

Cass smiled. She didn’t correct his improper title. She couldn’t think of anything to say. His polite chuckle died off and then he clapped his hands once.

“How ‘bout you take tomorrow off. There’s still a road ahead. Assuming it withholds in the clinical trials, you’re going to be a very popular person soon. So rest up, and then Layla will contact you with the next steps. Don’t worry, we’ll write your speeches, when it gets to that point. Take a breather, you’ll need it! Hey, you did it! You did it!”

You did it. She endured the praise, but her stomach flipped into knots like the bohemian decor in Layla’s office. You did it. If she hadn’t cried her heart out a little bit ago, she would definitely be crying now. She gave her best smile and nodded at the corporate man until the laptop closed.

“Oh, Cassandra,” Layla said fondly. “I know you’ve been so worried. Take your time, okay? I can handle things for a while. As much time as you need.”

“Thanks, boss.”

Layla squeezed her shoulder before slipping past and calling everyone into the conference room. She winked at Cass as a flood of her peers shuffled around her excitedly, an uncomfortable amount of hands touching her as they passed. When the flow of people ceased, Cass watched the blinds of the conference room close. She tiptoed to the lab, casting a nervous glance around before sneaking inside.

Trials would take months. Everyone was acting like she’d singlehandedly saved the dogs, but what they weren’t saying was that it might still be weeks before a household dog received the cure. Luckily, she knew what was in those vials. She knew what that synthesized compound derived from. There wasn’t a chance in hell she would sit around and wait.

She nabbed the extra vial and syringe she’d set aside for Zero.

Still in a trance-like state, Cass made it home as the last vestiges of sunlight painted the sky an enchanting purple. It”d been a short autumn this year. When she reached the driveway, it wasn’t the bitter cold that made her goose bumps rise. She left her case in the backseat and sprinted to the front door, where a pile of glinting objects almost made her slip onto her ass.

Silver, gold, crystals, minerals, jewelry, coins; it spilled from the stoop onto the step and off the sides. She caught herself on the railing, her quickened breath coming out in little puffs of white. She pushed the door open and stepped over, dropping to her knees to scoop it all inside.

Zero was curled up in his doggie bed, which he’d only recently been lying in because everything else was too high. Cass roused him with a scratch under his ears. His bloodshot puppy eyes were full of love, and this time she told him the words she’d been longing for ever since this journey began.

“We did it, Zero. Let’s get you better.”

She administered the shot and disposed of the evidence.

By the time she’d collected a duffel bag of things and some food, Zero was sitting in his bed. She paused at the decorative mirror by the door to adorn the emerald hair piece, then proceeded to toss her things in the car. When she returned, Zero was on his feet, tail wagging.

“Holy fuck!” she exclaimed, dropping down to give him a thorough petting. She sniffed back tears and laughed as he licked her neck. “People are going to absolutely freak! If only they knew, right?”

“Arruff!”

Cass laughed harder. Zero rose, pawing at her chest until she fell over, then promptly licked her face. People were certainly going to lose their shit at how quickly this stuff worked.

“Okay, okay. You ready, goofball?”

You did it, Dr. Billing.

No, she hadn’t. She’d never used someone else as a stepping stone for her own gain. She’d never accepted credit where credit wasn’t due. She wasn’t about to start now.

“Let’s go get our man.”