11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Fenella

T he next morning, the sun wakes me in my suite of rooms in the castle because I forgot to pull the curtains again. They're heavy and long and a pain to close, so I'm up earlier than expected this morning.

Gunnar told me Camille stayed in the same room before they married, so I'm a little puffed that this is a room fit for a princess. But would Camille still be considered a princess if Odin abdicated his position in the line of succession?

These are things I don't need to think about. Or do I have the bandwidth to consider because I wake up thinking of Silas?

He gave me his coat.

The thick lump lies on the end of my bed—it's no Moose Knuckles, not even a Canada Goose. Some no-name brand that I would never deign to look at in the regular world, let alone wear.

But Silas gave it to me to wear because I was cold .

Maybe I wake up thinking about him because of the scent emanating from it. It definitely smells like coffee. I lie there for a few minutes until I push off the covers.

The floor is freezing under my bare feet. I need to remember to wear socks to bed, but I was warm last night when I returned to the castle. Overheated, maybe, since I wore the coat in the car, with the heat turned up full.

I pull on the coat in front of the mirror. It's a non-descript grey-brown, hanging almost to my knees. It's huge. Is this what I looked like last night? I zip the coat up and it's all coat—all winter coat and no me. I flip up the hood; my hands have vanished and only my pink satin pyjama pants stick out the bottom.

It smells of coffee and Silas, pine—or cedar maybe. A tree smell. But there's something else, something salty. The sea?

Salted caramel? Does Silas smell that sweet? And why should my stomach give a little lurch that I know what he smells like now?

Did I actually appear in public like this?

No, I wore a beanie. A toque, they call them here, which makes it worse. I have to push back the hood to find the brown knitted hat. It's rough in my hands but once on my head—

I don't look that bad. I'm Fenella Carrington. I can make anything look good. Some of the outfits I've worn modelling were worse than this, and far less warm.

I free my hair from the heavy fabric like Silas did.

No man has ever given me their coat when I was cold. That may be because I live in a warmer climate, but still. Gunnar offered me his suit jacket once when we were out for dinner in London, but that was in the early stages of our relationship and photographers had followed us. We both knew what the optics of me wearing his jacket would be.

But Silas never hesitated or had an ulterior motive. He's a nice guy who knew I was cold, and I never expected him to give me his coat—or insist on I wear it back to the castle.

I didn't expect any of what happened last night. I bought a car and saw some beautiful stars at the edge of Laandia and Silas gave me his coat to wear because it was frigid cold.

I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

When Wyatt told me to make a wish because I saw a shooting star , my mind went right to that mouth, and what it would be like to kiss Silas.

I have kissed a lot of men in my life. Some have meant something. Most haven't.

I have also seen a lot of beautiful things in this world, so a simple shooting star shouldn't have had me jumping like I got a present. Billionaires don't react to beauty—we act like it was put there for our benefit. That view from Lake Como? Of course it's for me. Seeing the northern lights in Iceland? I paid to be there, so it was expected.

But the unexpectedness of the night did something to me. Made me think of Silas in a way that I never really considered him .

He did that for me.

Not that it was planned; it was a random coincidence that I was even there at the same time as he was but still.

Silas is…

Not for me.

Seriously, there's no way I would be good for him. My life would eat him up and spit him out. There's no way sweet Silas could handle the real me out in the real world.

Sometimes I can barely handle myself.

But I still wake up thinking of that almost-moment when we could have—

Yeah. We could have. And it would have been nice.

Maybe better than the shooting star.

I hug Silas's coat and, for the first time in a long time, have that little jump of excitement when I think about seeing someone.

When I get to the dining room where the cook has set out breakfast, that little jump of excitement hops away because Edie is at the table.

I met Edie when I came for Prince Odin's wedding back in June. At that time, Edie was a "friend" of Prince Kalle's. I stress the friend because I had a few moments with Kalle while I was here.

There were a few dances at the wedding, possibly a kiss or two, and then a dinner. That was it. Kalle is Gunnar's older brother, and while I have no qualms about most families, I was not putting myself in the middle of a healthy, brotherly relationship. Plus, things with Tiger were off-and-on back then.

I never should have flipped the switch back to on with Tiger. Things shouldn't have continued with Kalle, but I should have shut it right down with Tiger.

I tell myself it won't be awkward with Edie when I find her seated at the table.

"Hey, there," I say.

Since when do I say "hey, there"? Awkward.

"Fenella." Edie smiles, her dark eyes warm and fully awake at this hour. "Good morning."

I pour myself a coffee and survey what's available. Food has been laid out on a sideboard by the door, and the scent of it has my stomach rumbling. Silver serving dishes of eggs and bacon, fresh bagels, and a display of fruit take the centre of the table, with carafes of coffee and hot tea.

I've stayed in more luxurious places and eaten better food, but there is something about the castle that makes me feel at home. When Gunnar invited me to stay, I didn't have to think twice before I agreed. I may not feel like I belong in the small town of Battle Harbour, but King Magnus and his family have always made me feel welcome whenever I have visited .

I ready a plate for myself and sit down across from Edie.

She and Kalle are now more than friends, i.e. engaged to be married—and a real engagement unlike the half-assed one I had with Tiger—and I can't notice much of a change. Edie is still uber-casual, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt that's seen better days. I'd be alarmed at her wardrobe, since by all accounts, she's going to be the next queen of Laandia, but King Magnus dresses worse than she does.

Would I have wanted to be queen of Laandia if things worked out with Kalle? It might have been fun… for a while. But I can't see it happening.

"Is Kalle joining you?" I ask Edie, then kick myself. Is she going to think I'm looking forward to seeing him?

This is why I don't keep in touch with my exes. Gunnar and I figured out how to stay friends, but Kalle and I weren't enough to even call him an ex.

I'm really making it awkward, and I rarely make anything awkward.

Edie shakes her head. "He has an early meeting, which is why we were here last night. It's easier to stay in town when I have to close the pub."

"I'm glad the two of you got together."

"I'm glad it didn't work out with the two of you." Her smile takes any sting out of the words.

"It wouldn't have. I'm not queen material."

Edie raises her cup. "Sometimes I wonder if I am," she says ruefully.

I study Edie across the table. The polite thing would be to reassure her that yes, she'll make a great queen. And she probably will. But if I know anything, it's how important public perception is. And if Edie keeps looking like a contestant from a bag lady competition, no one will think much of her other qualities.

"If you ever need some advice—" I tread carefully. "About dealing with the public or fashion or style, let me know."

"Yeah." Edie winces. "Mrs. Theissen has been trying to work on my image before the wedding. The only problem is I don't like the image she's trying to make. I see Magnus and—"

"Men can look however they want," I point out. "Women are criticized for everything."

"True." She looks down at her sweatshirt. "I need something in between stuffy and just rolled out of bed."

"We could go shopping while I'm here," I offer. "If it's not too weird for you."

Making plans to go shopping with the future queen of Laandia while dining at a castle. This is my life.

"It wouldn't be too weird for me ," Edie says with the confidence of winning the heir to the Laandian throne. "But, sure. That would be… maybe not fun because I'm not much for shopping… but helpful."

"Let me know when. My schedule is open."

"How long are you staying?"

I sigh. Yesterday's text to my father asking that same question came back with at least another week, still showing up in the feeds . But that didn't upset me as much as I thought it would. "I'm not sure," I admit. "Hiding out might take longer than expected."

"That's what you're doing? Hiding out?"

"The board of my father's company sees my actions as an embarrassment," I tell Edie in a cool voice. "And since I'm trying to get on their good side, the less they see of me, the better."

"But you didn't do anything wrong. From what I heard, that Cougar guy cheated on you."

"Tiger," I correct with a smile. "But no one seems to realize that. They see my temper tantrum and that's it."

Edie snorts. "That was no temper tantrum. If Kalle pulled anything like that, I wouldn't throw something at him, I'd throw him out a window of his precious pub."

I've seen firsthand how Edie deals with obnoxious drunks and despite the fact all of the Laandian princes are built like trees, she could do it. "The daughter of the president and CEO of Carrington Toys needs to keep up appearances. Apparently," I say wryly.

"That's bull—a lot of bull stuff. But I guess I need to get used to that. Appearances and all that."

"I think you'll have an easier time. Laandia is a lot more forgiving than the board of Carrington."

Edie grins. "But I could still use some help. So, thanks. Shopping? Tomorrow morning?"

I lift my cup. "I will make the time." It's nice to have a plan. But it's more than that—I've missed having my friends around. Edie and I aren't friends—yet—but it's a start.

"What else have you been doing?" she asks as she sips her coffee.

"Not much of anything," I confess. "I bought a car."

"You bought a car."

"It seemed easier than renting one. It's a Dodge Charger. It's yellow."

"You bought Coy Schmidt's car?"

"Yes, him. Strange name."

"Strange man. Are you sure the car is a good one?"

"My brother isn't the only one who knows about cars. I took it for a drive last night and it runs great. I ended up at this lighthouse." I hesitate for a moment. "Silas was there."

"Looking at the stars." She smiles as she stands to refill our cups. "He's our one-man NASA. He should have been an astronaut but it's not like we have a space program."

"He seems to know a lot about what's up there. He was telling me names—"

Edie's eyes snap to attention. "He took you star-gazing?"

"There was no real taking. I was there, he was there. Nephew Wyatt was there too. Why?"

Suddenly shrewd brown eyes study me. "Silas is a great guy. One of the best." Edie's tone turns cool and cautious.

One of the best . And I'm not. That's what Edie is getting at.

"He seems nice," I offer .

" Very nice. We're cousins, so I'm biased. There's no one to compare to him around here."

"So where's the Mrs. Silas?"

Edie sighs as she adds milk and sugar. "There was someone a few years ago," she admits. "Mia Khan. They were completely and utterly in love, but then she wanted to leave Battle Harbour for some reason. And Silas wouldn't hear about it, and so she left without him."

"Why wouldn't he leave if they were so perfect?"

"Wyatt. And the coffee shop. Silas is extremely loyal. Family is all for him."

More than the love of his life? Hmm… I'd do a lot for Ashton, but not give up on love. And one of Silas's expressions from last night makes me wonder if that's what he's done.

Because look at the man—he's the whole package.

"Wyatt seems like a cool kid," I offer.

"He's more like his son. Have you heard about Silas's sister?"

I'm finished with my bagel but stay put if Edie is about to spill the tea. "Not a lot, but Wyatt made it sound like she took off."

"He was four months old. Emily was seventeen and wanted nothing to do with having a baby. She… I think it's probably better that she left," she finishes. "Silas and his parents gave Wyatt more stability than Emily ever could."

"She's never been back?"

"Never once in sixteen years. And no one was really surprised. Silas was fourteen when she left, and he was just devastated. He adored her. His parents too. She broke their hearts, and never coming home is just cruel."

"Sounds like it." I couldn't imagine abandoning Ashton like that, let alone a baby.

"When Mia left, it was like it happened all over again," Edie continues. "Silas was a mess for a long time. He still hasn't started dating again."

"That's… a long time."

"It is, and he's such a great guy." She looks at me warily. "You're not interested in him, are you?"

"I…"

"Not that you're not a good person, but you'll eventually leave. I don't want him to have to deal with that again."

Edie's concerns are loud and clear, and I get it. She's worried Silas will be hurt.

By me.

While I might not leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake, there have been a few. I have a habit of ducking out of relationships first because if I don't, Tiger happens. As in, I get hurt.

I don't like being hurt. I don't react well, and it makes me look bad.

I also don't like being told what to do, and that seems to be what Edie is doing. "I'm only here for another week or so," I tell her, ignoring the sudden, jangling pang at the thought of going home.

Why wouldn't I want to go home? That's the whole point of me being here—to go home .

"It's not like he'll fall for me in that time," I add, which makes me laugh. Men have fallen for me in much less time than that.

The cousin of the Italian prince spent six hours with me before he proposed. It's very possible that Silas has already fallen for me.

I don't hate that thought. In fact, it makes a cozy ball of warmth in my chest. Silas. And me.

But if what Edie says is true, that puts me in the prime position to hurt him.

And I really don't like that thought.