Chapter 46

29 weeks pregnant

T he words keep replaying in my head: We've chosen to let you go.

I was fired.

Sure, they gave me the option to tender my resignation and step down, which I did to salvage my reputation. If I went quietly, so would they. Pierce can tell me all day long that it's only because of this incident, it's not because of my work ethic or performance, but who the fuck cares when the end result is the same?

I pick up my phone to text Sully, then drop it. Shit, the game . I'll tell him when he returns from Boston. With a fresh box of desserts from Sugar and Ice, I plop myself on the couch and turn on the television to watch the game. It feels weird staying at his house when he's not here.

All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep forever, but it's Sully's first game, and I can't miss it. When I turn it on, they show the players I've come to know over the past few months, and I'm not sure if it's the shitstorm of emotions brewing inside, but I bawl. There's a familiarity in them that I recognize in me. They fought like hell to get there, and they've spent their lives trying to prove themselves. To be good enough. And I'm so fucking proud of them.

Then they show Sully in the box yelling and pointing down the ice. It's not anger, though, it's him in his element. It's Sully coaching. I don't know if he was born to play or coach hockey more, but he was made for this .

About an hour after their win, my phone rings, and Sully's name pops up on the screen. I put a fake smile on my face, hoping he can hear it through the phone. I don't want him to worry.

"Hi! Oh my goodness, the team did incredible! How are you feeling?!"

His relaxed chuckle on the other end turns my smile less fake. "I'm feeling great. I'm so proud of them. They played like champions."

"They did! That save from Timber in the first period? Oh my God!"

"She's been working really hard and putting in the extra time. Her start tonight was earned… How are you feeling? I'm sorry I can't be with you right now."

I trace over the letters on one of my album covers. "That's okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm doing fine. Things are good. Just about to order a pizza and put on some tunes."

"Have you heard anything from Vault yet?"

"They didn't say much." It's not a lie. It was a short conversation.

"That's good, right?"

I shrug, even though he can't see me. "Maybe? Who knows. We can talk more tomorrow."

"Okay, I want you to take it easy until I get back. I know you're bored while we wait this out, but don't try to do any work. Got it?"

That shouldn't be a problem.

"Got it. Why don't you go out and celebrate with the team, enjoy your win."

He laughs. "Nah, I'm going back to my hotel to crash. I hardly slept last night. Besides, I've got a bunch of other stuff to take care of… I miss you. I wish I could be with you tonight."

That wouldn't be fun for him—I'm a mope, but having his arms around me would lessen the sting of today. "I miss you too." I swallow my feelings, then slide the record from the sleeve and place it on the turntable.

"I can't wait to come home. I need to immerse myself in that good Kendra energy for a bit." There's a hint of innuendo, and it gets a sincere chuckle out of me.

"Yeah, I suppose that would be all right."

"Better be…" he says. "I love you."

"Love you too."

After ending the call, I drop the needle onto my Tina Turner album and sprawl out on the rug like I used to do with my mom. Her melodic, raspy voice relaxes me as I think about her. Remembering her and how fun it was to lay on the floor and laugh, I hope I can make the same memories with our baby someday. My mom died too young, and she would have been a fantastic grandmother.

My career might be over, but I still have a responsibility to this baby and Sully. I refuse to lose anything more. They are all I have. Careers can be rebuilt, and our love will weather the storm. Maybe I'll look for a smaller production company this time, one with a focus on documentaries or independent films. Something I actually want to do. Besides, I probably won't be allowed in production of any reality projects. I wonder if it's pointless to try and find work before the baby is here. Maybe I should wait until Bo is born.

My phone rings, I glance at the screen and see Sully's name. I'm working through my feelings, and if I answer the phone, he'll hear right through my fake smile. I can't handle another conversation with him tonight, not without spilling my guts and telling him everything. It has to be an in-person conversation. I stare at the screen and watch it ring and ring and ring before it eventually goes to voicemail.

I glance at the ceiling, then close my eyes and take a deep breath. This isn't the end. Good things will come. They have to, because I need more. I need to be more than a mother. More than a girlfriend or wife. It's not enough. I want to grow, develop my skills, and work in filmmaking. I want to create.

My phone dings with a text message. It's Sully.

Sully

I just got an email from my lawyer. You quit?? What is going on?

Damn. Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Great, now he's really going to go out of his mind. He calls again, I ignore it. I don't have the energy to discuss it.

Sully

Kendra! Pick up the phone.

No thanks.

Who knows how long he'll keep doing this if I don't reply. Reluctantly, I pick up my phone and hold it above my face while I tap out a reply.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm fine, but I don't want to talk about it tonight. Please? Tomorrow we can go over everything. It's going to be okay.

Sully

I will fix this.

I'm okay, Sully. Really.

I'm not.

But I will be.