Chapter 14

T he day at the arena was great, we captured excellent footage. Even though I was fighting off a stomach bug, I still had fun. It was one of those days that reminded me why I love this job so much. But now, while watching him stare into another woman's eyes, I'd rather take a cooking class from Jeffrey Dahmer. Dissociate from the subject matter . I cloak the jealousy with my producer mask and shut down my attraction to him. I'm here to do a job. The time he and I had is over. Focusing on my goals should be my only priority. I'm young, and now's the time to grind and prove I've got what it takes to get my own show. My love story will come, but for now, his is more important.

Today's shoot isn't going well. He's uncomfortable, and it makes me feel terrible. It's rare to film someone so uninterested in being in the spotlight. Most unscripted cast members can't wait to get their fifteen minutes. Sully continues to look in our direction. We need to get out of his line of sight and away from their table.

"Let's pull the camera's back," I say into my headset. His body language tells me he's feeling cramped. We've got both of them mic'd up. We can add subtitles later and get a zoom shot from a distance. "They're too stiff, let's give them a little privacy."

"Thanks, Kendra," he says. His eyes are apologetic, but I give him an encouraging smile. "You're doing great!"

The beautiful brunette across from him smiles in our direction. "Sorry, I'm not doing a good enough job at distracting him." She laughs. "I think we might need more wine." She holds up the bottle in my direction. One of the production assistants, Rachel, hustles over to the bar and gets a new one sent to their table.

Should have had her grab me a bottle too.

"It takes a little getting used to. Totally normal to have some first-date awkwardness. No worries. Just focus on each other." I try to hype them up. This is his third first date. I thought that last one would get a second date, but maybe third time's the charm.

Staying in the hotel with him that night was a bad idea. I think Rachel had a spare bed, I could have crashed with her. But no , I had to stay up almost all night with him talking and joking and discovering how great we are together. We bonded, and it was more intimate than any sex could have been. It went so much deeper than physical attraction. It laid a fucking foundation.

But, ugh, the sex. The sex is so good too.

My thighs clench at the memories. Before Sully, I'd only ever slept with guys my age. The only time I'd get off— if I got off—was during foreplay and usually after a lot of instruction. When it was time to have sex, it consisted of them rutting into me at the same pace for five minutes, or however long it took them to blow their load. Hands were shaky, every touch was cautious. It's not their fault, they simply don't have the experience yet. They're boys.

Not Sully.

He knows exactly what he wants and doesn't hesitate to take it. Hard . He goes after it like a predator stalks their prey. He earns the Daddy title. When I'm with him, he dominates me, tosses me around like I weigh as much as a loaf of bread, and whispers dirty things in my ear until my mind goes blank. I've been sleeping with boys all these years, but what I needed was to be fucked by a man, by Sully.

Having sex with that man altered my brain chemistry. I don't know if I'll be able to date in my own age bracket ever again. Maybe it's time to find my own date, someone older and more experienced. Maybe it's not Sully, maybe it's older men.

Shaking the thought from my head, I focus on our shot. I wonder if we'll be filming him taking a date home. Candace is funny, sweet, and intelligent. The other men in the restaurant haven't taken their eyes off her. She's beautiful. However, I can tell he's got a wall up. He's friendly with her. Laughs and makes jokes when he's supposed to. But it's all surface level, like he's going through the motions. That doesn't stop my mind from imagining him with her. Him grabbing her body the way he grabbed mine. Kissing her the way he kissed me. My thoughts are interrupted by Candace's laughter.

She whispers something to him, and the mic didn't pick it up well. The editing team will decipher it later. I'm not sure what she said, but the way she's looking at him with fuck-me eyes tells me it was suggestive.

He chuckles and looks down to his food, nodding and slicing into his steak. He pops the bite into his mouth and leans back in his chair while he chews. They aren't saying anything, just staring at each other. It's exactly the footage we want and full of sexual tension. They're having a conversation with each other without even saying a word. We've reached the point where he's forgotten about the cameras.

Forgotten about me.

I swallow, immediately feeling sick to my stomach, then ask Rachel if she can run out to the van and grab me the antacids from my bag. She nods and heads toward the exit. All of the food aromas are blending together. I'm not sure what it is, but I find the smell offensive and overpowering. I don't know if we're under some vent or something, but the scent is repulsive, and I need to find a bathroom.

"Be right back."

I hurry to the restroom and immediately heave. Despite not eating today, my body is determined to empty its contents. What the hell is wrong with me? I lean against the wall and take a few deep breaths.

When I feel well enough to move, I rinse the taste of bile out of my mouth at the sink. Fuck. It's a strange feeling between hunger and nausea. Do I eat something and risk it coming back up? Sully would chastise me if he knew how many meals I've been skipping. It's not intentional, nothing appeals to me lately. I think it's this stomach bug. The only thing that sounds appetizing is a long nap. I'm not a person who naps, but lately, the idea of stretching out like a cat all afternoon and sleeping sounds fantastic.

When I exit the bathroom, I startle at the massive, unexpected wall of Sully blocking my path.

"Are you okay?" he asks, looking down at me.

"I'm fine. Why aren't you with Candace? Do you need something?" Shit, what did I miss because of this stupid nausea? My salty feelings breed jealous, impulsive thoughts. It's unfair to both of the cast members. Grow up, Kendra .

"You're ashen."

"Uh, thanks?" I say, brushing past him back to my post in the corner of the restaurant. Then I spot Lance at the end of the hallway with his camera trained on us. It doesn't look good with the way Sully was standing so close to me.

"When was the last time you ate something?"

It pisses me off. I've already been kicking my own ass about it, I don't need his help.He has to stop checking in on me, it's none of his business. I grit my teeth and spin to face him. "Sully, I need you to sit down at your table so I can do my job. Do you understand me?" My voice is stern.

He glares at me. His jaw tics, and the anger comes off him in waves. I'm acutely aware of the camera fifteen feet behind me. Sully rubs the back of his neck, and his shoulders relax. His gaze drops to the floor when he realizes this isn't something we're going to argue about.

"Yeah. I understand," he says.

"Good. Is the date going okay?"

His eyes find mine again. "Well, she's not you."

The words make me want to throw up all over again. I'm well aware that woman is not me. The reminder is cruel. I scoff and turn around, putting on a tight smile for the camera as I find my place next to the crew, not looking back.

After a few seconds, he strides back to his seat. Rachel hands me the antacids, and I pop them in my mouth. It takes the edge off some of the nausea.

"He's good now," I say to Rachel. "Growing pains, ya know?" I want Rachel and Lance to believe our close conversation was simply a pep talk from me, rather than the awkward confrontation it was.