Chapter twenty-one

Chapter 21: Lexi

Running into my room, I shut the door behind me and start pacing up and down the bottom of my bed. I should have just told him I’ve had a crush on him since the very first time I met him. That I’ve been in love with him this whole time, but now I’ve ruined everything. All because I was too scared to say something.

I’m such a fucking idiot.

I’ve ruined it all.

When I admitted to being in love with him, he just stared at me as if he’d never seen me before. He’s never looked at me like that. I can’t help the tears falling from my eyes. I don’t even bother to wipe them away, knowing they’ll be replaced moments later.

I sit on the bottom of my bed and silently sob into my hands.

It’s all over, and it’s all my fault.

At least I got to be with Ryder for a short time. It was everything I had fantasized about.

My door crashes open. My head snaps up, and Ryder storms in with a wild look. He pauses in his tracks for a split second when he sees me.

And then he’s on me, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my neck.

“Baby,” he says, stroking my back. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I cry harder, but this time in relief.

I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I wish—”

He pulls back to cup my face. “No, you didn’t have to say anything until you were ready. I was just shocked. I’m the only person in the whole world who didn’t know you had this crush on me. I’m so sorry, Lexi. So sorry I was a clueless idiot who didn’t see you properly.”

He brings me in for a kiss.

I love the taste of him. He tastes like Ryder. Delicious and amazing and right. But I can’t relax because I’m scared to hope. I don’t know what kind of kiss this is. It doesn’t feel like a goodbye kiss. But what if it is? I break the kiss.

“Why are you sorry? It’s me that’s sorry,” I tell him, staring straight into his stormy gray eyes.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know. I’m sorry that you dealt with this, and I’ve gone through this. I mean, the thought of you not loving me back, watching you be with other people, not being able to touch you whenever I want…it shreds my heart. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through the last four years, feeling like that.”

Everything he says just makes me fall a little bit more in love with him.

Something he says sticks with me.

“What do you mean if I didn’t love you back? Does that mean you…I mean, what does it mean?” I stutter, my heart hammering so loudly in my chest that I half expect we’ll get noise complaints.

“It means I love you. You’re my Lexi. You’re my everything, and you’re gonna be my everything forever.”

This time, I’m the one attacking his mouth. He loves me. He loves me. He’s not breaking up with me. This is the best day ever.

“You haven’t actually said the words to me,” he says with a cocky smile.

“I love you, Ryder,” I say as intently as possible. I want this man to know I’m not messing around. “I thought I’d lost you. I was so scared when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. No touching. No anything.”

“That will never happen. But I think we need to promise to be open about our feelings.”

“I promise.”

He kisses me harder, and his hands move down to my hips, pulling them against him as he grinds his cock into mine.

“I’m gonna need you, Alexis,” he sighs. “I’m gonna need you.”

“You’ve got me. Always. Now tell me, what are you gonna do with me?” I grind into him, letting him feel my rapidly hardening cock.

“Oh fuck,” Ryder says. “I know exactly what I’m gonna do to you if you let me.”

“Anything.”

“You don’t know what you’ve agreed to, my love.”

He lets go of me but doesn’t go far, grabbing my hand and taking me into the bathroom. He turns the shower on and starts stripping me naked while we wait for it to heat up.

“I love your ass all the time, but especially in these jeans.”

As soon as I’m naked, he works on himself. Stripping out of the long-sleeved tee and black jeans he’s spent the day wearing.

“Get in the shower now,” he says. His bossy voice goes straight to my already rock-hard cock.

I walk past him into the shower, and he slaps my ass.

“Yes,” I moan, and he smacks my other cheek.

“I’m going to mark up this beautiful skin. Cover it in me.”

“Yes.” I put my hands on the tiled wall, arch my back, and wiggle my ass at him. “I want it. Want you. Please.”

“You’re going to get me, but first, I’m going to wash you.”

And he does just that.

He takes his time putting shampoo into his hands and then running them through my hair, lathering me up. I’ve never felt so cared for and so loved. Once he’s satisfied I’m clean, I do the same for him before taking his mouth in a kiss that is meant to be sweet. It doesn’t last that way long. Our cocks line up against each other, and I can’t help trying to get some friction.

“Turn around,” he growls. I do as he says, my hands back on the wall. I look over my shoulder and watch as he drops to his knees and spreads my cheeks apart. “Fuck, I’ve needed this all day.”

Then he’s on me, licking my hole and groaning in pleasure the whole time. He ramps it up a notch, and then I’m the one moaning when he spears me on his tongue.

It feels so amazing. Like, I could probably come from this alone. Ryder groans, making everything sexier. He moves his tongue around, and that’s when I realize he’s not only eating me out. He’s also stretching me. I can’t help but thrust back into his face. I want that. I want to be stretched by his mouth.

“I think I’m gonna come?” I tell him when I feel the tingling at the base of my spine.

He pulls his face back.

“No,” I whine.

He stands, wrapping his arms around me from behind, pressing kisses to my neck.

“When you come, it’s going to be on my cock,” he promises.

He turns the shower off and we get out. He grabs a towel and dries me quickly and roughly before leading me back to my bedroom.

“Wait there, baby,” he says, bending to my bottom drawer and pulling out a bright-blue satin nightie. Just like the one I was wearing the first time

we had sex.

“Arms up.”

I do as I’m told, and he slides the outfit over me.

“On the bed, on your hands and knees.”

I scramble to do what he asks. I’m in position for a few seconds before he’s on me, spreading my cheeks open for a second time, but this time, it’s his cock that plows into me.

I love this.

“I love you,” I whimper, and he pounds into my body brutally.

“Oh fuck, Lexi, yes, you’re perfect. My. Pretty. Fucking. Boy.” He says each word as he thrusts hard and deep into me. “I’m not gonna last long, my love.”

“Yes, yes. Come. Fill me up.”

He keeps one hand on my hip, maintaining the punishing pace, while his other hand sneaks under me and starts jerking me off in quick, rough movements. Before I know it, my orgasm crashes over to me at the same time his does. He flops onto me, pulling me over at the last second so I don’t lie in the wet spot.

I lean in and kiss him.

“I love you, Ryder.”

“I love you, Lexi.”