Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

THERE WAS A SHORT brEAK in the bouldering competition schedule after Seoul. Elijah spent most of it with Ty.

It should have been fun, a psuedo-honeymoon, now that they'd finally slapped a label on this thing between them. But they trained so hard during the day that by the time they got back to Ty's apartment and crashed in his bed, Elijah was often too tired to do anything about the stunning man beside him.

It was a damn shame, but Ty insisted it was worth it — and that they'd make up for the lost time later.

By day, they used the USA Climbing facility in downtown Salt Lake City. It wasn't simply a climbing gym. It contained everything climbers needed for high- level training: weights, hangboards, treadwalls, spray walls. There was even a place to practice speed climbing, not that Elijah or Ty had any inclination toward that particular discipline. It was hard enough preparing their bodies for bouldering. Ty was also trying out some lead climbing on a rope. Adding a third category of climbing to the mix would have been one thing too many.

Often, Ty worked with his coach or teammates, but they didn't seem to mind Elijah being around. He was an American climber, after all. Generously enough, once he told them he was thinking about coming back for a comp or two, they invited him in like an honorary member of the team.

Elijah was more than happy to train by himself in the mornings. The competition-style problems set in the gym wore him out, to say nothing of all the extra training equipment around. But in the second half of the day, after a break for rest and food, Ty would join him, running him through some exercise devised by his coach.

"He's not going to be mad about me distracting you from your training, is he?" Elijah said nervously the first time Ty joined him for an afternoon session.

Ty had just laughed. "Dude, I'm training with a legend. He's cool with it."

Indeed, no one gave Elijah a sideways look or seemed to find him the slightest bit out of place at the gym. Within a few days, Elijah found himself relaxing into the routine of being around other climbers who were also working hard.

I really did miss this.

The longer he spent working at it with Ty, the more that truth cemented itself in his mind. He'd told Ty back in Seoul that this was all just an experiment, but the longer he spent in Salt Lake City, the more the pain of that loss in Seoul faded, replaced by an unquenchable desire to see just how far he could push himself.

That didn't mean he didn't occasionally question what the hell he was even doing.

A timer beeped and Elijah released the hangboard and dropped to the floor. Weights hung around Elijah's waist, forcing him to carry much more than just his own bodyweight as he hung from a long wooden board with climbing holds carved into it. The hangboard was great for training fingers and forearms. You could hang off holds in a variety of shapes and sizes right there on the board to really target specific grips. It also hurt like hell and left Elijah's skin completely raw.

Elijah shook his hands, but it did little to ease the sting in his fingertips. Holding up his entire bodyweight plus several plates of extra poundage on just two fingers left every vein in his forearms bulging under his skin.

The timer beeped again.

"Time to hop back on," Ty said.

He got right back on the board, zero hesitation, while Elijah regarded the holds with far more trepidation.

Okay, maybe I didn't miss it as much as I thought.

Elijah hurried to keep pace with Ty as they repeated the exercise several more times. Hang for seven seconds, rest for three. Hang for seven, rest for three. Elijah had forgotten just how long seven seconds could feel. By the final set, Elijah was trembling, fingers slowly slipping off the board no matter how hard he gripped at the hold. He fell a second before the timer went off.

Ty came off the board as well and they started unclipping the weights hanging off their bodies. Harnesses kept those weights on their hips, but they had to switch the poundage out every time they changed their grip. After each set, Ty would announce the next hand position and they would alter the amount of weight they would hang off themselves for that particular position.

"Come on," Ty said as they set up for an open hand hold. "There's only this and pinches left."

Elijah managed not to grumble somehow. The next set on the board was some kind of slow torture, however, each second stretching out into an eternity while his arms burned from the strain. By the time he and Ty finished the entire circuit of exercises, Elijah was gasping for breath and wondering, not for the first time, what the hell he was even thinking. He'd done these kinds of exercises a lot when he was Ty's age. He still did some of them even now. But the routine Ty put him through was way more rigorous and regimented than anything Elijah did in service of continuing to enjoy outdoor climbing on his own.

"Good set," Ty said.

He barely seemed tired from all that. Meanwhile, Elijah could only nod in response, afraid he'd choke if he replaced deep breaths with words. He set his hands on his hips and tried to look as composed as possible as Ty described an exercise he had the audacity to call a "cool down."

Elijah shook out his arms as he followed Ty toward a climbing wall to, as Ty said, "burn out." As though he wasn't burnt out already. As though his arms weren't boneless jelly hanging limp from his shoulders. Yet when Ty started climbing, goading Elijah along, Elijah latched onto his infectious energy. Before long, he found himself climbing nearly as enthusiastically as Ty, and surprising himself by more or less keeping up. He wasn't twenty-two anymore, but apparently he still had a little bit of fire left him in.

Finally, Ty called a halt to the pain. They peeled off harnesses and climbing shoes and gathered their things, but didn't actually leave the gym. Ty plopped back down at the edge of the mats, imploring Elijah to sit beside him. There were still a few people throughout the facility training here and there, but none seemed especially interested in Ty and Elijah.

"So," Ty started.

Something tumbled in Elijah's stomach. He heard the build up before Ty managed another word.

"While we're here," Ty said, "I thought we should take a look at the comp schedule."

This time, the grumble Elijah suppressed had nothing to do with how tired his arms were.

"Before you object," Ty said, "I will point out that we've been training like crazy. And that you promised."

"Actually, I explicitly said ‘no firm promises,'" Elijah said.

"You said you'd try."

"I said I'd experiment and see how I felt."

"Well, how do you feel?"

Exhausted. Destroyed. Ancient.

"Tired," Elijah said.

Ty rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah, sure. But for real, how do you feel? There isn't much time until I have to go to Meiringen. And then…"

He didn't finish the statement, but the words hung between them.

And then you'll be gone. And then we'll be apart. And then I won't get to see you for at least a few weeks.

The opportunity to see Ty, to travel with him from one competition to the next, nearly decided the matter for Elijah. But that was just simple-minded desire speaking. He couldn't make decisions that way. He had to be reasonable. And it simply wasn't reasonable to believe he had any real shot at doing as well as a seventeen-year-old who'd had coaches and training schedules for his entire life.

"I know," Elijah said.

"Villars is after Meiringen," Ty said. "You like Villars."

"I do." What wasn't to like about an idyllic Swiss village obsessed with climbing?

"Just promise me you'll keep thinking about it," Ty said.

"I promise." He could give Ty that much, at least. He owed Ty that much for training with him and encouraging him.

Ty smiled, but Elijah doubted he was fooled by the assurances. He knew Elijah too well to believe the self-doubt had disappeared in the span of a few training sessions.

Elijah really didn't want to waste the time they had left worrying about it though. He patted Ty on the shoulder and stood, trying to look as confident as he could muster.

"Let's get some food," Elijah said. "I'm starving after that."

"Yeah, fine," Ty said. "But don't think I'm going to let this go just because I'm hungry."

"Maybe I'll need some other way to distract you, then."

Ty's smile twisted with mischief, even as he rolled his eyes at Elijah. " That will only work temporarily, too, though you should definitely try it anyway."

Elijah smiled despite himself. He had every intention of thoroughly distracting Ty the very moment they were alone.

GOING BACK TO WATCHING IFSC streams after being in Seoul and with the team in Salt Lake City proved a jarring transition. Elijah was a spectator all over again, an outsider looking in on his sport. It was Meiringen this time, out in Switzerland. Much like Vail, it was a mountain village that climbers periodically took over to host a competition. Beautiful mountains reared up behind the artificial climbing wall set in place for the finals. Semi-finals had taken place earlier in the day, and Ty had qualified in first place.

He jogged out onto the mats now, the final name the announcers called as they introduced the climbers in the men's finals. That German guy, Lukas, stood right next to him, glowering more than smiling as he waved at the crowd. Lukas had qualified in second place, which meant him and Ty would be duking it out from the very first problem. The whole competition could come down to something as slight as which climber got to the top in one fewer attempt.

Elijah yawned and slouched back to his kitchen to get more coffee. He'd had to wake up at some obscene hour to see the semi-finals. Now it was evening in Switzerland but still morning in Colorado and his body was wondering what the hell he was doing chugging coffee instead of going back to bed .

This was simply too important to miss. Elijah felt more personally invested in the result of the competition than he had since he'd been the one on that stage himself. He'd grown so close with Ty that every fall and slip Ty made felt like Elijah's, too. His hands were already sweaty with anticipation and the climbers had only just disappeared back into the isolation area to prepare for the round to begin.

Elijah sipped his coffee while the climber who'd qualified in last place attempted the first climb. He calmed a little as he watched. It was a dynamic boulder requiring multiple flashy jumps, just the kind of style Ty enjoyed and excelled at. Not only should he get the top, but it would probably set a good tone for him too. He'd get to show off on the type of climb he enjoyed most and go into the other three problems feeling strong.

Sure enough, when Ty came out, Elijah didn't get to watch him for long. He flew through the climb, using only two attempts to get to the top. That kept him firmly in first place and allowed Elijah's racing heart to slow down just a little. Had he even been this nervous when it was him competing instead of Ty? This felt way worse than when Elijah only worried about himself out there. If he failed, he could blame himself for slacking off or not training enough; if Ty fell off a hold, however, it was like plunging a cold knife right into Elijah's gut.

He paced his living room while the next few climbers tried the second problem. The combination of too little sleep and too much caffeine had him so jittery he couldn't sit still until it was Ty's turn again. Then he perched at the literal edge of his couch, gripping his coffee cup like he meant to shatter it in his hands. But Ty couldn't have been calmer. He fell off the tough balance section required for the second problem, but popped right back up and waved at the crowd to get them to cheer him on. Elijah's whole chest clenched when the cameras zoomed in on Ty's beaming smile. This comp would be the death of him.

Some part of him wondered if it would be more bearable if he was there with Ty in person. Ty had asked, and even offered to talk to the team to see if they could make some accommodations for Elijah to help defray the cost of things like hotel rooms and airport shuttles. Elijah had insisted it was better for him to stay back in Colorado. He'd barely been home since Vail, it felt like, constantly chasing Ty to Seoul or Salt Lake City. He needed to go home and just be with himself and figure out where his head was at.

Except that as Elijah watched the competition in Meiringen, it seemed that his head was at freak out over every single one of Ty's climbs . Still, if he'd followed Ty to Switzerland, he'd probably be sitting in the audience just as nervous as he was here on his couch.

You could have registered for the competition, too.

He wasn't sure if that voice in his head was himself or Ty. Ty hadn't pushed when Elijah said he was skipping Meiringen, both as a spectator and a competitor, but their unfinished conversation about Elijah competing hung between them, even while they were thousands of miles apart on different continents.

Villars is after Meiringen. You like Villars.

He did say that. To Ty. One night while they lie in bed wrapped around each other and chatting idly as their bodies cooled. But that didn't mean Elijah wanted to go back to Villars and compete.

Seoul sat on Elijah's shoulders like a weight hunching him forward as he watched the comp in Meiringen. He couldn't go back to another legendary climbing location and fail again. He'd already tarnished his legacy irreparably. Every single time he showed up and didn't even make it out of semi-finals he only made a bigger fool of himself.

Plus, these were the guys he'd be up against. Currently, Lukas was battling the third boulder problem, pulling himself up a strenuous move that made every muscle in his back and shoulders stand out. Elijah couldn't possibly hope to compare to these kinds of guys. Except … Lukas missed a foot, an obvious foot. He tried to get the next move with power alone and fell instead. So maybe this wasn't a game of pure youth and power.

Ty came out next and all but cemented his win by getting the top in fewer attempts than Lukas. There was still one more boulder problem, but the competition was basically over barring some unforeseeable disaster.

Elijah finally relaxed, reclining back on his couch. As the nerves seeped out, exhaustion replaced them. He struggled to keep his eyes open, eventually wrapping himself in a blanket and watching the end of the comp half asleep and lying on his side.

If he went to Villars, he'd have to make the call soon. He couldn't afford to be as jet lagged as he'd been in Seoul. The exhaustion had clung to his muscles like sand bags weighing him down, making every movement more strenuous than it needed to be. He wouldn't let that happen again.

The final problem had a little dynamic jump in it, not an especially hard one, but the route setters might as well have been giving Ty a victory lap by planning out the climbs that way. Lukas flashed the problem, getting to the top on his first try, but so did Ty, and that was the end of Lukas's thin hopes of catching him.

Elijah smiled to himself, lowering the volume to muffle the commentators as they recapped the competition and interviewed some of the climbers. Elijah could hardly pay attention during Ty's interview. He was flushed with victory, his smile even more blinding than usual and brown skin slightly rosy from exertion and excitement. Gazing on that victorious glow, Elijah's whole body ached to be in Meiringen with Ty. All the worry about his legacy and looking like an old, washed up fool quieted, pushed to the back of Elijah's mind by the sheer joy on Ty's face. Even if Elijah was only there as a spectator, he struggled to imagine anything better than traveling the world with Ty for climbing. He only wished they could do it a bit more privately, but that was probably something that would have to wait for after the peak of Ty's career.

This musing might have alarmed Elijah if he had the energy to be alarmed. Instead, he let the fantasy play out: Ty, a successful, retired climber with every medal and award to his name; Elijah, his companion as they explored real rocks, big walls, all the beautiful, untouchable places in the world that only climbers could reach.

They would still be strong, Elijah knew. Maybe Elijah wasn't at peak fitness for competitions, but that training he'd done with Ty was some of the toughest workouts he'd done in his life. And he'd managed to keep up with a twenty-two-year-old through it all. He was strong. He was potentially stronger than ever. And with each passing second, the urge to test that strength grew in him.

Maybe it was just Ty's victory. Maybe it was the exhaustion making his mind loopy. But the last thing Elijah thought before he drifted off on his couch was that he needed to text Ty and figure out a plane ticket to Villars.