6. Rebecca

6

REBECCA

How? The question ran rampant in my thoughts all night, to the point that sleep turned impossible. I called Lily.

"This can't be good." Her groggy tone said I'd woken her up. She yawned into my ear. "Was it horrible sex?"

"No." Anything but horrible. Probably the best of my life. I almost admitted that to her, but when I opened my mouth, another truth came spilling out. "He's a professor. My professor, apparently."

"Holy shit. No kidding?" Lily was wide awake now, her voice shooting up several octaves.

"I didn't know," I wailed into the phone like that would make everything better. "How did I not know?"

Silence from Lily, and then, finally. "Oh, that was a serious question? Okay. Well. Did you memorize the faculty at campus so this wouldn't happen? Had you seen him in the lecture halls? Was there any indication at the coffee shop or at the bar that he was a college professor?"

"Okay. Fine. There's no way I could have known. But still…" I flopped onto my back in the middle of the bed. It still smelled like him. Like us. Sex. God, what great sex. A slight ache throbbed between my legs when I moved. I'd carry that with me for a few days, a lingering echo of our beautiful night together. Ugh. I sounded more and more like a Nineteenth-Century romance novel. Then again, that wasn't such a bad thing. David had given me plenty of inspiration for a classic bodice ripper romance. I'd given Ethan hell about Romeo and Juliet, but the truth was, I loved all the classic literature. Something about the way the characters spoke, the longing and yearning that built up delicious tension.

David had shown me what that felt like in real life.

"If you're going to daydream, I'm going back to sleep." Lily yawned again. "Are we complaining or what?"

"The only complaint I have is that it can never happen again." I sighed into my pillow before hugging it to my chest. Fitz hopped onto the bed, circled three times, and lay down with his back to my hip. I stroked him absentmindedly. "It was really good sex, Lily."

"Sorry, babe." She grunted, and something thudded through the phone, followed by her footsteps creaking in her hallway. I'd heard that sound too many times not to recognize it. Knowing me so well, Lily understood that when I said great sex, I meant it. "Guess I'd better make it to class tomorrow. I need to see these professors of yours."

"You don't have to do that." I wanted her to, but Lily chose the online option for a reason. She could sit at the coffee shop, working and attending class at the same time.

We both needed the income, but unlike me, Lily hadn't qualified for the highest amount of financial aid.

Lily's warm laugh made me smile. "Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." She ended the call, leaving me with my own thoughts and the thick silence of my apartment.

It wasn't really silent. Fitz's snores snuffled out, and the steady drip from my kitchen sink melded into a sweet symphony that lulled me into sleep with my phone in my hand and my head buried in the comforter where David's scent remained strongest.

True to her word, Lily met me outside Ethan's lecture hall. She marched in ahead beside me, her calculating gaze sweeping the room. Ethan walked in seconds behind us. His mouth tightened when he saw me, and I couldn't stop a slight shudder dancing down my spine. Why did he look at me like he knew what I'd done? He couldn't possibly. No. That was my guilt. I'd flirted with him days ago, then slept with his colleague. No wonder I felt uncomfortable around him now.

Lily and I made it through class without any drama, though she elbowed me in the ribs every time Ethan looked my way. By the time we made it across the quad and into Cole's class, my nerves were on fire. I'd see David after this. Every part of my body sizzled to the point that Lily handed me a bottle of water from her bag and raised both eyebrows. "I see why you're having trouble." The joking in her voice kept my face from flooding with heat. She waggled her eyebrows and lowered her voice. "I'd be across that desk, ass in the air, asking for a spanking if I thought they'd give me the time of day."

I spat water halfway across the table. "Lily!"

"What?" She tossed napkins at me, laughing the whole time.

Cole marched in, shot a look at me that could drop planes from the sky with its laser focus, and clicked on the projector. "If you'll all focus. We have a lot to cover today."

Lily jabbed me again, then leaned her shoulder hard into mine. "Girl, you are in so much trouble."

"I know," I hissed back.

"Problem, Miss Roberts?" Cole's lazy tone belied the tension in his shoulders. His gaze flicked from me to Lily, and when it came back to rest on me, there was a challenge there.

Heat raced into my cheeks. "No, Professor. I was simply helping Lily find the right page in her textbook." I poked her leg beneath the table and shot a look at her closed laptop.

Smirking, she opened it and tapped a few keys. "Sorry, Professor."

"As I was saying, we'll be focusing on the data analysis and probability of success, with a breakdown in genre based on writing careers and the stability of the market." Cole had turned away, but I felt each word like a stab straight to the heart.

I'd known this was part of the curriculum thanks to the syllabus he provided, but seeing the graph flash on the screen–with a wide margin of failure evident–curdled the coffee in my stomach. "Is this really necessary?" The words were out before I knew it, hurtling toward Cole and everyone else in the classroom.

He pivoted in slow motion, and my heart hammered so fast I thought I might pass out. "Excuse me?"

"Never mind." Challenging Ethan about classic literature was one thing. I had some ground to stand on there. But not here. Here, I didn't have any ground. Not even a grain of sand. I waved for him to continue and prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me. Or for a time machine so I could whisk myself back to five minutes ago and stop this from ever happening.

Lily watched the exchange with her mouth hanging open. I'd never been assertive. Something about these classes lit a fire in me and I said things I'd never, ever consider saying if I could control my mouth. They took that control away, and I had no idea why or how it happened.

"Please, continue." Cole crossed his arms and leaned a hip against his desk. The pose was supposed to be relaxed, but it had the opposite effect. He reminded me of a tiger preparing to pounce. "I'm curious how you don't see the benefit of this section in the curriculum. Since everyone in this room is a creative writing student, I would think this is especially critical."

Well, damn if he didn't just call me out. Fine, then. "I think the lesson is entirely necessary. Valuable, even. But do you have to start off making us all feel like shit failures before we've even started? That graph makes me want to puke. I get that we need to face reality, but we all already know that writing is fucking hard enough already without having the percentage of failures thrown in our face our first week."

The entire class cheered, and damn if I didn't smile at having their support.

Cole stood quiet and motionless until everyone calmed down. "See me after class, Miss Roberts."

Lily winced while patting my shoulder. Her voice barely reached my ears. "You are on fire, girl." She shot a look at Cole. "And he is fully prepared to stoke it."

"Shut up," I hissed back while burying my nose in my notes. The rest of the class passed in a blur of noise and motion that I could neither concentrate on nor write down. Was Cole going to throw me out of his class?

When he dismissed us, Lily squeezed my shoulder in support before slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you in Professor Stanley's class." My dear, sweet, maniacal best friend made sure her voice carried to Cole.

A muscle feathered his jaw, the quick tick a sure sign that he'd heard her. Why did the comment bother him enough that he ran a hand over his jaw and across the back of his neck? I'd never seen him as anything but calm and collected. This sudden change turned my heart into a drum that banged on my ribs until nausea rose.

He waited until the room cleared before walking over to the table and planting his palms on either side of my laptop. "Do we have a problem, Miss Roberts?"

I shook my head, my tongue too thick in my mouth to speak.

"I need a verbal response." His voice held a note of amusement. "I'm finding it contradictory that you can call me out in front of an entire class but not speak to me one on one. Why?"

Oh, he really didn't want me to answer that.

"Follow me." He pushed off the table and made his way into the small office I'd noticed earlier. Waiting for me at the door, he held out a hand. "Well?"

"Are you sure that we should be in there? Together. Alone." I emphasized the last bit even as I stood and made my way toward him.

This time, his smirk held a hint of naughtiness. "I'll do my best to restrain myself."

"I could do it for you." Me and my damned mouth. It was going to get me into trouble.

Cole's bark of surprised laughter rolled through me with the rumbling power of thunder during a storm. "I knew you were trouble." He followed me into the office and closed the door. "Tell me, Rebecca. What do you want from your degree?"

My lips parted, but all that came out was a whisper of air.

He stood inches away from me, boldness in his eyes and a hint of a smile playing around his lips.

Did I dare tell him my hopes and dreams? Would he laugh in my face? I scoured his expression for any hint of malice and found curiosity as he stared back. "I want to be a romance author."

"I figured as much. I'm sorry my graphs upset you. It wasn't my intention to make writing seem like a fruitless career. It can be quite lucrative. My intention was to light a fire under your asses and make you want to succeed despite the potential challenges. I can see where I went wrong with today's presentation. I'll work on correcting that."

"Seriously?" I gaped. Like seriously, jaw unhinged, fish out of water, gaped.

He ducked his head so we stood eye to eye. "Seriously. What you want out of life is important. Never let anyone tell you otherwise."

A moment of charged energy passed between us. One move and I could kiss him. Just a slight shift in weight and he could kiss me. I'd let him, I realized with a split second of panic. Despite last night and all the potentially terrifying ramifications, if Cole made a move, I wouldn't stop him. Fuck that, I'd be willing to make the first move if I weren't so worried about him losing his job. "Thank you."

I felt a tug on my hair and looked down. Cole had a strand of my loose curls wrapped around his finger. He stroked his thumb over the bit of hair, his eyes turning molten. "Romance is one of the most important aspects of our lives. People underestimate its uses. Don't let that slow you down. You're passionate and dedicated." Another tug on my hair, and he released the strand with a shake of his head.

I walked from the office in a dazed state that even seeing David didn't dispel. It wasn't until later that night, home with Fitz and spending time with Lily after our shift, that it all sank in. I had the hots for three of my professors, had slept with one, and the other two gave all the signs of being into me.

I couldn't keep going to classes with them distracting me and making me burst out with random arguments. I had to do something to distract myself.

Lily threw a popcorn kernel at me. It hit me in the forehead, bounced, and landed on Fitz's head. He snapped his head, trying to catch the kernel, then followed it under the couch.

"Fitz." I snapped my fingers for him to come to me, and he bounded over, jumping onto my lap. "Do you want to show Lily your new trick?"

"Oh, Lord. What have you taught him now?" She acted like she didn't care, but the spark in her eyes said differently, especially when she set the bowl of popcorn aside and paused the replay of Cole's lecture we'd both been pretending to watch. She was really waiting on me to talk to her about what happened with Cole, but I wasn't ready for that.

"Come on." I stood and carried Fitz to the kitchen. He wriggled and twisted until I let him down. Holding up one hand, I made a circling motion with my finger. "Spin."

Fitz stood on his back legs and pawed the air with his front.

"Fitz." I laughed at his antics and twirled my finger again. "Spin. Come on. You were doing it the other night."

"I have one." Lily crouched down and patted the floor. "Fitz, get the paper."

Fitz yipped and spun in circles, raced to Lily, then zipped around the kitchen in a fit of tiny zoomies.

"He doesn't know that one." I chided Lily for confusing him, but she grinned.

"I've been teaching it to him when you bring him to my place. Go on. Fitz, get the paper." She pointed into the living room, and Fitz zipped off in that direction as fast as his legs could go.

Seconds later, the sound of shredding paper came our way.

"Fitz, don't tear it up." Lily stood and rushed out of the kitchen. "I said bring it, not… Oh. My. Word. Rebecca, you'd better get in here."

"What?" I ran for the living room, heart in my throat. "What happened?"

Lily held up my notebook, the one I'd spent years jotting down all my random ideas for book scenes, characters, and possible outlines. All the things I kept telling myself I would type into the computer but never bothered because the notebook was so much easier.

The weight of losing years of tidbits drove me down onto the couch. Maybe it wasn't much to some, but that notebook represented the beginning of my career. I'd planned on keeping it forever to remind myself of how far I'd come. Now it was nothing but dog slobber and paper shreds.

Was I kidding myself about the whole thing? What did I know about romance and writing? I couldn't even keep a relationship going longer than a month. Maybe this was a sign that I should take another look at my career choice.