6. Jane

CHAPTER6

JANE

I moved to this smaller bedroom months ago when Grant mentioned retiring. I’ve stayed in here night after night and have slept just fine, but it feels different tonight. It feels good knowing that Grant is here in the bedroom right downstairs. I don’t have to worry about where he is or if he’s okay. I know he’s safe and that he’ll be here in the morning.

I roll to my side and close my eyes, waiting for sleep to come, but I know it’s going to be awhile. My body is still tingling from being held in his arms and that kiss. Wow, that kiss. I turn to my back and look up at the ceiling. I’ve dreamed about having Grant home, and now that he’s finally here, I’m wondering if maybe dreams do come true.

There’s a part of me that fell in love with him that first day he asked me to marry him. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the fact he wanted, or as he said, needed to know I was safe, made me fall for him. I may have only seen him in person once since then, but we’ve gotten to know each other on the phone, and even though we’ve been thousands of miles apart, he still goes out of his way to take care of me.

It’s the little things like sending me flowers on a random Thursday. Or the times he knew it snowed and he had people come to clear the sidewalk and driveway. Or when I was sick, he had food delivered and had his friends check in on me. Over and over, he’s gone the extra step, letting me know that he’s thinking of me and even though he’s so far away, he’s still going to take care of me.

I force my eyes closed, and when I do, I hear a thud from somewhere in the house. I sit straight up in bed and listen, wondering exactly what it is. Maybe instead of going to bed, Grant is walking around the house. Or maybe he’s having trouble going to sleep.

I hear a noise again, but this time it sounds like a moan and yelling. I think about it for a split second and then jump out of bed and go out into the hallway. When I hear it again, I jog down the stairs and stop outside Grant’s closed bedroom door.

Knocking softly, I call his name. “Grant.”

The scream is louder this time, and I open the door to see him on the bed, thrashing around. I’ve read about this and know that the absolute worst thing I can do is wake him up, but I can’t just stand here and do nothing.

I move closer to the bed and say his name louder. “Grant!”

He’s screaming at this point, and I can’t stand to see him like this. The guttural sounds coming from him are a man in pain, and I can’t just stand by. I put my hands on his shoulders. “Grant!”

It all happens in an instant. I’m on my back on the bed and he’s hovering over me, his hand around my neck.

He’s covered in sweat, eyes bulging and muscles straining. I grip on to his hands, trying to get him to let go.

When he finally realizes what he’s doing, he’s off the bed and across the room staring at me as if I have three heads.

I gasp for breath as tears stream down my face.

“Jane.”

I hold my hand up to stop him, and he shrinks into himself. As he turns away from me, he says, “Leave. Please go.”

I sit up on the edge of the bed. Panting, I tell him, “Grant, it’s okay….”

He has his arms crossed over his shoulders, and he’s staring at the wall. He doesn’t even sound like himself. “Please, Jane. Please go.”

I get up and slowly walk out of the room. When I get to the hallway, I run the rest of the way to my room as my tears continue to flow.

Sitting in the middle of my bed with my legs drawn up under me, I let it out. I’m crying so hard I don’t even hear Grant come into the room until I feel the bed shift under his weight.

“I’m so sorry, Jane.”

I gasp and raise my head to look at him. “You’re sorry? I’m the one that’s sorry.”

He’s shaking his head and looking at me with a tormented look on his face. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He takes a deep breath. “Let me look at you.”

I shake my head. “I’m fine.”

“Please,” he says.

I lift my chin up and move my head side to side. “I’m fine.”

He puts his hands on my shoulders and surveys my neck. His voice is deep and thick with emotion. “I hurt you.”

I try to pull away, but he doesn’t let go. “You didn’t hurt me.”

His thumb trails over my skin, and I can feel goosebumps forming on my arms. When he leans in, I suck in a breath as his lips touch my neck. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Jane. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything.”

“I know that.”

He leans back and searches my eyes. “I should have talked to you about this. I’ve been having nightmares.”

I put my hand on his knee between us. “Oh Grant, I’m—”

He interrupts me. “I’ve talked to a therapist, and I’m working on it, but I need you to do something for me.”

I nod my head. “Anything.”

His hands go to the sides of my neck, and he’s looking at me intensely. “When I’m having a nightmare, don’t wake me up. Just leave me alone.”

I shake my head. “No, I can’t do that. Grant, you were screaming like someone was torturing you. I can’t just stand by while—”

He interrupts me. “You have to. I don’t want to hurt you, and when I’m like that, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I let my hands slide up his chest, and the muscles under my palms contract. “I’m sorry. You can ask me anything, but I won’t just leave you to suffer. I can’t.”

He leans his forehead against mine. “Baby…”

I can tell by his tone he’s going to try and talk me into it, and I do the only thing I know to shut him up. I press my lips to his, and he seems stunned for just a second, and then he goes into action. He leans toward me, and I unfold my legs to lie on my back, pulling him with me. Our kiss is everything, but feeling his body pressed against mine makes everything even more intense. I feel like I’ve held this in forever, and I take this opportunity to show him how I feel about him.

He pulls away, searches my eyes, and then leans in, wrapping his arms around me.

He holds me close, and I match my breath to his. When he pulls back, we’re looking at each other. He starts to talk, but I put a finger over his lips. “You can ask anything of me, but I won’t just let you suffer. I’ll be smarter about it from now on and make sure I’m safe, but I won’t just let you suffer in a nightmare.”

He shakes his head. “Jane—”

I stroke my fingers along the hair on his chest. “I’m not giving in on this, Grant.”

He blows out a breath, and I know he wants to argue with me, but at least he’s not going to try to do it now. “I should probably go to bed.”

I hold on to him. “Stay with me.”

He wants to say yes, that much is obvious, but he shakes his head. “I don’t trust myself to sleep near you—”

I cut him off, feeling the heat rise on my face. “I’m not talking about sleeping.”

His mouth drops. “Jane, baby…”

I shake my head to stop him. “No. For seven years, I’ve thought about this, and I know we’re doing everything backwards, but I want you…” I suck in a breath. “And I thought you wanted me too.”

He’s struggling with all of this. He is a good man, I’ve known that all along, but even now after all this time, he still feels like he’s pushing this on me. The only thing I know to do is to prove to him that I can handle it and he is what I want.

I run my hands across his muscled chest. “Do you want me or not, Grant?”

He smirks in the darkness. “You know I do.”

Taking a deep breath, I reach for the hem of the tank top I’m sleeping in. Without any hesitation, I raise up to pull it over my head. He tries not to look, I’ll give him that. But when he finally lowers his eyes to my bare breasts, he grunts as if he’s struggling for breath.

I barely recognize my voice. “Touch me,” I plead with him.

He brings his hand up and presses his palm to my breast. His touch causes my body to jerk, and I’m not prepared when he brings his other hand up and squeezes me too. My head falls back with a groan.

The bed shifts, and he moves toward me. First his lips are on my neck, and then the swipe of his tongue caresses me, and my whole body feels as if it’s on fire.

“Have you done this before, Jane?”

I barely hear him over the ringing in my ears. “Yeah, once in the back of a car. My boyfriend at the time thought sex would make me feel better after my parents died.”

His hands tighten on me. “You deserve better. Fuck, you deserve better than what I have to offer.”

I can feel him pulling back, and if he does, I don’t know if we’ll ever come back from it. I grab his hands and put them back on my body. When his thumbs caress over my hard nipples, I reach for his hips and pull him down to lay his weight on me.

His cock is thick and hard, pressed into the opening of my thighs. “I want you, Grant. Please don’t tell me no.”

He starts to mutter nonsensical things about temptation and giving in, but I can’t make sense of any of it when his hands are on me.

He reaches between us, sliding his hand between my legs. He uses his legs to widen mine, and this puts his palm at my pussy. His long, thick finger slices through my wet slit, and my hips jerk. He moans. “You feel so good. You’re so wet.”

All I can do is mewl as he presses his finger into my honeyed depth. Over and over, he pumps into me, and when he pulls his finger out, he spreads my wetness along my swollen slit. With one touch against my clit, I’m moaning his name.