7. Xander

7

Melissa.

My sunshine. My light in the dark stares at me with her doe-eyes and concern, wrinkling her forehead.

I want to kiss the worry away and tell her I am okay. But I can't lie to her.

Why did I do this? Why, when I feel myself being pulled to depths of hell, do I want her?

Her eyes are trained on the red splotches across my collar shirt, and I curse myself for letting her see me like this. Mafia women are sheltered from the darker aspects of this life, but Melissa makes me want to pour all of myself into her.

"Xander," she whispers, approaching me as a wounded predator.

"I did it." That's all I know to say. I did it. The devil came, and I did his bidding.

Melissa's sweater slips down her shoulder as she kneels between my legs. I want to run my teeth across her collarbone, but the concern in her eyes makes me keep my hands to myself.

"You did what?" Her hands shake as she slides her hands into mine.

"I killed the mole." The air becomes dense with silence, and I hold my tongue between my teeth. Her breath hitches in her throat. She nervously covers her shoulders.

"Oh." If I were a better man, I would apologize and leave her alone. If I were a better man, I would not subject her to being with me, but I am not. I want her.

"Are you okay?" Her eyes lock with mine, and she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth.

"I want to be."

Melissa's hand reaches up as she wipes her thumb across my cheek, leaving a trail of fire in her wake. When I think she may pull away from me, I grab her wrist, holding her soft palm to my face. "I don't want to corrupt you, Sole."

A knock interrupts our moment, and Gianna's voice rings from the other side: "Mel! Dinner's ready."

Mel calls back, not taking her eyes off mine, a sly smile on her lips as she responds "I'm nauseous again, so I'll eat later."

"Okay! Do you need anything?" Gianna jiggles the door handle.

"No. I am going to take a shower."

"Okay!" Gianna calls back. We sit in silence, listening to her footsteps slowly getting farther away.

"Xander," she whispers, rising on her heels and scooting closer to me. "There is a reason that the moon comes with the sun."

She pulls my face closer and lightly brushes my lips with hers. I pull her closer into my chest, allowing her to breathe into me. When she pulls away, I almost chase her lips, but she smiles at me softly instead. "Come take a shower with me."

She doesn't wait for my response; instead, she starts to unbutton my shirt with a shaky breath. I stare at the way she furrows her eyebrows in concentration and how her sweater refuses to cover the top of her breast.

Once my shirt is unbuttoned, she moves to my pants, speaking softly. "I don't like the color red."

"Why not?"

She slides my belt from the loops with a huff. "That's all I remember from when I found my mother."

I remember the day we all found out Mama Sedric died. Father sent us away for months; tensions were so high I would check in on my mother every night to make sure she was breathing.

"You found your mother?"

I think back to the red rose I gifted her, how stupid was I to think that would be romantic. How fucked up am I to come to her with a man's blood splatter across my skin? How is she tenderly catering to me as if I don't disgust her?

"Yes," she pauses, her hands torturously hovering over my zipper. "But when my father killed the man who killed her, he visited me that night looking like you. He told me to look at our vengeance, and instead of feeling pride, I offered to wash his shirt." She laughs humorlessly.

"I don't feel pride, Sole. I feel numb, mechanical, but I don't feel pride."

Melissa pushes my unbuttoned shirt down my arms. "There is no pride in vengeance, but there is in protection. You protected your family. You should be proud."

She unbuttons my pants and zips down my jeans, rising before me and whipping off her shirt in one motion. I pull my eyes away from her bare chest. I don't deserve her. I can't force her to continuously live a life of death and vengeance.

"After everything you have been through, you should be disgusted by me."

She jerks away from me, her eyes widened in confusion. Like the person she's watching isn't who she thought he was. I lower my head into my hands, refusing to look at her and seeing her slowly hate me. "Are you disgusted by me now?"

"Do you want me to be?" Her voice cracks, and I shoot my head up, meeting her with her glassy eyes. "I know who you are, Xander. I'm not that stupid."

She pulls away, undressing as she goes to her private bathroom. I shamefully watch her greedily as she shimmies out of her spandex. She steps out of it, bending so the globes of her breasts heave as she rises again.

Then she walks away without a word. The bathroom door closes gently behind her, and the whoosh of water from the shower soon fills the bedroom. I shake my head at her even as the ghost of a smile snaps across my face. I finish the job she started, ripping off my undershirt and pants.

I drop them to the floor and, step out of it, push my underwear off and open the door. She's got her back to the door, her face turned away as though she has no expectation I'll join her in the bathroom. I watch her briefly and then step into the glass with her.

I'm hit by a blast of heat so strong that I slap the water nub off. She giggles gently. "Don't tell me a little warmth is too much for you?"

I raise a brow at her. Her hair looks beautiful, matted to her head by the water and her eyes are clearer now. "What warmth? That shit was hot enough to scald my skin. And yours."

She turns it on, and warm water washes over us both this time. "If I can stand it, then you can. Stop being a big baby."

I pull her into my arms and drag my lips against her throat. "If it means I'm your baby, then I don't mind."

"You are mine," she whispers, running her hand through my hair.

My eyes roll over her skin to her breasts, and I cup them. They fit into my palm almost perfectly, her cleavage spilling between my fingers.

Oh lord. How the fuck can she scramble my brain this way? I've been in a bad mood since the murder, and she manages to have me all wrapped up in her with one look at those eyes. Manages to drag the words from my throat.

She turns away and picks up the shampoo bottle. She points at the floor. "Sit."

I wince and then frown, but I find myself going down to my hunches and sitting on the floor. I lift my head to see her squirting the shampoo into her palm and lathering it up. She pushes her hands into my head and scrubs at my hair, the sharp scent of the shampoo filling the bathroom.

I wring my hands around her waist and hold on while she runs her hand over and over my scalp until my shoulders slowly unlock. My breathing evens out, and I relax into her.

The water pounds down on my back from the shower, and she rinses my hair. She pinches my chin between her fingers, and I look up at her as she leans down to kiss me gently.

"You can stand now." I chuckle at her command. "Turn around."

She waves away from me, and I turn and give her my back. Her hands slide over my back, soft and tender as she washes my skin, soaping and sponging.

Her voice is oddly calm when she starts the conversation from the bedroom as though it has never ended. "I could never be disgusted by you, Xander. I could never hate you."

I release a knot of tension I didn't realize was forming in my chest as I place my head against the tile and close my eyes, focusing on the feel of her hands working out the kinks in my shoulders. "I don't think I could live with myself if you did."

For a moment, all I hear is the sound of the scrub dancing against my skin and the beating of the water against the tile and our bodies. "Xander, do you want to talk about it?"

Yes, but she shouldn't know how the mole's face, with his eyes rolled back and a leaking red bullet hole, haunts me every time I close my eyes. "Not now, maybe one day."

She places her hands on my arms, turning me around to look at her. "Okay."

She pushes up on her tippy toes and presses a kiss to my lips. She scrubs at my front with the sponge, her eyes locked on the body part she's cleaning with laser focus.

"I don't want to do it again." She pauses on my chest. "I don't know if I can continue to do this, Mel."

"Xander, in our world?—"

"I know," I pause. "But it's important you know I don't just want to kill, to kill."

"Xander, you are not a madman." She smiles, giggling softly. "I mean, you are, but you are not a bad man because of what you do for the survival of yourself and your loved ones."

"Maybe you're just na?ve…seeing the good in me."

"Maybe." She turns, ushering me deeper into the water to wash away the suds. "Or maybe I just know who you are, even if you try to hide it."

"I will always protect you, you know?" This is the closest I will get to her. I can't tell her how much I love her, but the way her softened emerald eyes lock on mine, I know she knows what I mean to say.

"I know," she whispers. "And I will love you for it and through it." My chest tightens, and I turn her around, flush against me. My hard cock poking into her ass.

"Don't I have to clean you now?" I whisper against her hair.

She nods slowly, and a devious grin spreads across my face. My hands cup her breast from behind. Melissa gasps, her body tensing as I pinch her hard nipples between my fingertips.

"Xander, that's not cleaning," she moans, leaning back against my shoulder.

"Are you telling me how to clean my woman?" Her body trembles against me as I continue to knead her soft breasts. She presses back against me, her ass grinding against my growing erection.

"No, but?—"

"Shhh, I just want to hear you moan, Mel. Can you do that for me?" I slide one hand down her stomach, my fingers tracing down to the apex of her thighs.

"Yes." Melissa obeys, spreading her legs wider, giving me access to her center.

I groan into her ear, "Fuck baby, you're soaked." My finger slid easily into her pussy as if she couldn't wait for me to be inside her. "You can take more, can't you, Sole?"

She nods, leaning deeper into me as I add a second finger and cup both of her breasts in my opposite hand. I fuck Mel, pressing my thumb into her clit, and she mewls as I keep her pressed against me.

"Xander—Oh god, Xander," she gasps, her body trembling as I work her, her pussy clenching around my fingers as I increase the pressure. She grinds against my palm, forcing herself closer.

"Good girl, make yourself come on my fingers, Sole." I roll her right nipple between my fingertips, and her pussy clumps around my fingers.

I fuck her harder, faster, and add a third finger that makes Mel's knees shake. "Xander, I?—"

"Come for me, Melissa," I growl through my grit, feeling her walls tighten around me. "Come for me now."

Her body shudders at my command. Her pussy clenched around my fingers as I continued to fuck her through her orgasm.

I hold Melissa against my chest, allowing her to catch her breath. "Now, where's the sponge so I can clean my dirty girl?"

We leave the shower, and I idly sit on a towel on the edge of Melissa's bed, staring at my bloody clothes. She comes out of the bathroom in a satin short set and a towel wrapped around her head.

"Xander?"

"Hmm?" I respond, not moving my eyes off the clothes.

"Stay the night."

"What?" I look at her, concern drilling wrinkles into her forehead.

"I'll steal some clothes from Daniel, but I want you here tonight." I look at her the way she nervously chews her bottom lip. Her eyes glass over, and she stares at me as if I'll shatter. "Please?"

It's the way she whispers please as if I can break her by saying no. Against all better judgment, I agree. "Of course, Sole."