6. Melissa

6

Xander disappears again, but this time I know it's coming. He sends me chocolate-covered strawberries under the alias of a secret admirer. Lilies after I tell him they're my favorite flower. He texts me good morning, and I send him pictures of me goofily smiling in the morning. Things are not perfect, but they are sweet until they're not.

This morning marks the third day of me vomiting at the smell of eggs, but this time Gianna doesn't let me ignore the obvious sign. "Mel are you?—?"

I reach up, wrapping my hands around her mouth. "Don't even say it."

I've been thinking the same thing, but I am too afraid for it to be a reality. I have university to finish. I am barely an adult. Xander can never be my true boyfriend because he is the enemy. A baby would only make matters worse, but the idea of a blue-eyed copy of Xander looking up at me causes my stomach to flip.

"At least go to a hospital, Mel."

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and look down at the bathroom tile. Since this is the bathroom I kissed Xander in, it's only right I find out here. I place a palm over my belly and look at Gianna. "I'll even come with you."

I sit in the waiting room of the hospital hand in hand with Gianna. She squeezes my clammy hands.

My mind runs over all the symptoms I've been having. The nausea, dizziness, sore breasts, and feeling off-balance. I might as well have pregnant on my forehead.

"Melissa Sedric!" a nurse calls, opening a small door to the back of the hospital for Gianna and me. Gianna squeezes my hand as we walk down the hallway.

The nurse stands with a huge smile on her face and baby blue scrubs. "Right this way, Miss. Sedric." Gianna and I follow the nurse over to the doctor's office. We stop for the dreadful weight and height check, and I notice I've lost five pounds before she ushers us into a small consultation room. She opens the door, a small smile on her face that only shines brighter once the door is closed. She sits in front of the computer swinging around to greet me, "So, Miss. Sedric, what brings you in today?"

My palms are sweaty, and my heart races in my chest as I respond, "Just experiencing some nausea, dizziness, backache and wanted to take a pregnancy test just to be sure."

She listens, taking notes , then she checks my pulse and blood pressure. I can feel the tension building within me, a knot forming in my stomach and I just want her to get to my pregnancy test already. I just wish mama was here, to come and kiss my head as she hums, soothing all my anxiety.

"Okay, let me get all your results in and then the doctor will join you shortly." She leaves with a pep in her step.

The doctor, a short woman with curly red hair and thick black glasses, enters the room with a large smile, a chart, and a warmth that reminds me of my mother. I give her a small smile, and she asks in a sweetly-calm voice. "So you said you are experiencing mild pregnancy symptoms, and I'm guessing you are sexually active?"

"Yes," I whisper at the same time Gianna says very. The doctor and I laugh.

"How many partners have you had?"

A blush creeps up my cheeks as I answer, "Just one."

"Okay, so when was your last menstrual cycle?" My heart skips a beat.

"I haven't seen my period in a while," I reply, my voice shaking slightly.

The doctor opens a small drawer and pulls out a test kit, placing a small sticker with my name on it before handing the cup to me with a reassuring smile.

"Just use the bathroom right there and follow the directions on the cup." I nod slightly, looking over at Gianna who gives me two thumbs up.

As I follow the instructions, my hands shake nervously. I almost drop the cup three times while peeing. After I am done, I place the cup into a plastic bag, seal it, and place it on the window for collection. I wash my hands and exit the bathroom, and the doctor turns and smiles.

"Okay, give me three to five minutes." She nods sharply as she walks away, exiting the room.

I sit back on the patient's table, and Gianna squeezes my hand again. "I wish Mama was here G," I whisper.

Gianna leans closer to me, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "No matter what it says, I got you."

Her expression is uncharacteristically softened with empathy, and I give her a tight smile as the longest five minutes of my life pass. When the door reopens my breath catches in my throat.

The doctor reenters with a light smile spread across her face. "I don't know if this is good news but Melissa, you are pregnant." Gianna gasps, looking at me, but my emotions swirl in a tumultuous whirlwind of shock and disbelief.

I am stunned into silence, my mind racing a mile a minute. I never planned on getting pregnant at this point in my life, and the news feels like my life is being turned upside down.

I try to hold back my tears and force a smile. "Thank you, doctor."

"Can you give us a moment?" I don't realize I am holding onto Gianna's hand for dear life. The doctor nods, a tight smile on her face, and leaves.

Gianna turns to me, her eyes boring into mine, a serious look on her face. "Mel?"

"How do I tell him, G? How do I tell Papa? Daniel?" I am wringing my hands in my lap, unable to keep the tears from spilling.

Gianna pulls both of my hands into hers. "Look at me." I force myself to look at her through my tears. She wipes my cheeks and smiles. "No matter what Mel, I got you. Forget about everyone else, okay?"

I nod silently, "Okay." A knock breaks the silence. I say, "Come in."

The doctor enters with worry creasing her forehead. "Are we okay? We do have options."

I nod my head no, placing a protective hand over my stomach. "No options. I am keeping the baby."

She smiles again, clapping her hands together. "Okay, Mama, let's talk about prenatal meds and get you a referral."

The ride home with Gianna is silent. My mind is consumed with the word "pregnant."

I'm pregnant.

I can't believe this is happening. I'm hardly twenty years old, still trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life. What was I thinking of, not using protection?

Not being on the pill? Letting him stuff his cum back into me? How could I do this to myself?

Fuck me.

Now I'm pregnant with a child that I don't think I am ready for—in fact, I know I'm not ready for. I never even imagined at this point in my life this would ever happen.

But the worst thing I keep thinking about is Xander. I need to tell Xander, but how? When?

The thought of confronting him with this news makes me want to hide underneath my bed and never come out. Xander and I had only been intimate twice, and we've never defined our relationship.

I imagine how Xander will react when I tell him. Will he be angry? Confused? Will he even want to be a part of this child's life?

These thoughts run around in my head, and I don't even realize we made it back to the apartment until Gianna squeezes my thigh with a lazy smile on her face. I sigh, looking down at my flat stomach on the verge of ballooning with a child.

Gianna whispers, "You don't owe anybody anything." I nod as if I believe her, but that's a lie I am willing to tell. I don't know if I am ready to tell Xander, but I know I can't lie to his face.

When we enter the house Gianna kisses my cheek. "I'll bring dinner up to you in a bit. A big helping of rigatoni."

I nod mindlessly walking up the stairs. All I want is my bed and to forget for a moment, but when I open the door a gust of whiskey and leather washes over me.

Xander sits on my bed in a wrinkled suit staring at his hands. "Xander?" I slam the door behind me. "What are you doing here?"

He doesn't answer, instead he slowly looks up at me. His hair is covered in sweat, his palms are open and facing up, but my eyes stay connected to the red splotches drenching his shirt, and then the familiar harsh metallic smell of my mother invades my nostrils.