10. Melissa
10
Xander snores softly in his sleep, his nose lodged in my hair. It takes me forever to unwrap his arm from around my waist without him mindlessly pulling me back in.
I had to exchange my waist for a pillow, but even now I watch the small furrow growing on his forehead, knowing sooner than later he will realize the pillow he holds tight to his chest isn't me.
The sun peeks through his gray curtains and I imagine in another life that I would make him put some color in here. Would he let me change his curtains to green, or yellow? Would he let me change his bedding from black to cream or ivory?
In another life would he let me in?
I shake my head, crawling over to his furrowed brow, kissing the unease out of his forehead because none of that matters in this life. I need to put our baby above us. In this life Xander being the love of my life doesn't matter. The way he peacefully sleeps nuzzled into me doesn't matter. The baby, our baby, comes first.
I slide back on the yellow dress he discarded across the room, but I keep his T-shirt wrapped in my hands as a keepsake.
The last thing that I will take from him. I move the loose curl from Xander's face, whispering, "I love you, Xander." Kissing his cheek one more time before turning to leave.
I tip-toe out of the room, but before I can close the door, a throat clears. I bolt up straight looking over my shoulder, and Xander's father sits in a chair in the alcove across from Xander's room.
"Mr. Amory," I whisper politely, giving him a tight smile.
"Melissa." He beckons me over with two fingers and I politely follow, sitting in the chair across from him. "Your father called me."
"Oh," I fidget, avoiding his eyes.
"I know about the baby." My eyes snap up and I look wide-eyed at Mr. Amory.
"Will you tell Xander?" I look back at his door as if I could summon him, a mixture of happiness and fear surging through me.
"No," he waves off looking in the direction of his room as well. "You going away is the right thing. He needs to focus on the family, and he can barely focus with you here. He'll be worse with a baby that looks just like you."
"I know. I just wanted to say goodbye," I whisper, looking down at my nails. "Will we ever tell him?"
"When the time is right…when the Russians have backed off, and he is secured as the head." Mr. Amory nods as if these are the conditions he has just come up with. "We will tell him then."
I nod as if I agree, but all those stipulations seem so far away. The baby could be twenty by the time Mr. Amory wants to tell Xander. It could all be too late. "But until then, the entire Amory family will support and protect you and the baby."
I don't look at him, but I say what I am supposed to say. "Thank you, Mr. Amory."
He nods tightly before weakly pushing himself up out of the chair. "Your father says to go home as soon as you can to start packing. It'll be a long trip."