9. Xander

9

I have been avoiding Father for weeks now.

He is allowing me to do so too, letting me stew in my feelings, only sending me to do light grunt work. Daniel hasn't tried to kill me, so I guess that's great, and my father has not mentioned Melissa, meaning he doesn't know about us, which is also great news.

Melissa has only contacted me twice: first to tell me her family didn't kill her and second to ask to see me. I haven't responded to either text, but it's all I can think about as I wait patiently for my father to finish a conversation with his right-hand man, Lorenzo, in hush whispers in the hallway, of the small house where the Amory family has all its meetings.

Moments later Father enters, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt with a grunt as he throws himself into the chair behind his mahogany desk. He looks worse than before. His skin looks paper thin and gray, with large bags gathering under his eyes as if he hasn't slept in centuries.

"Father, are you—?" he raises his hand cutting me off. I pause, taking a deep breath, falling back into my chair. Father's tired eyes flick up to mine, and a glimmer of weakness passes over his face before he schools his expression into a mask of indifference.

"Are you done pouting?" He turns in his chair, pouring a shot of whiskey into two chilled cups before sliding a cup across the desk to me.

"I wasn't pouting," I respond while taking a small sip of the whiskey.

"Killing does something to your soul. It takes something from you." My father downs the shot of whiskey, grimacing at the burn. "And now that you've mourned that part of yourself, you can become more."

I look at the brown liquid swimming in my glass, a vision of the blood dripping out of that man's forehead flashes before my eyes and I close my eyes tightly, trying to rid myself of the memory. "After your first murder, did you ever feel like yourself again?"

My father avoids my eyes, looking into the distance before shaking his head slowly. "No, the man I am now would have scared the man I was before."

I absorb his words as a shiver runs down my spine and I swallow my fear with the rest of the shot of whiskey I throw down my throat. The fire trails down my throat, and I embrace the flames. Father leans back in his chair, steepling his fingers together as he studies me intently.

"You have a choice now, son. You can let this consume you, or you can embrace the pit in your chest and become who you are meant to be."

I nod slowly, a humorless laugh escaping my lips; who I am meant to be, is a murderer.

I never knew that was who I was meant to be, and the thought makes me feel like I am drowning in blood. The darkness inside me claws my throat raw, but I push it down by mustering the last of the strength I have to look into my Father's eyes.

"The mafia moves in the dark, Xander." My father huffs. "The deeper you are in the darkness, the more control you will have over it." I swallow, giving my father a firm nod, feeling the darkness biting at me.

Suddenly, there's a sharp knock at the door, breaking the heavy silence of the room. Father gestures to the door, and I rise to reveal the frantic eyes of Lorenzo who pushes past me to look at my Father. "Don, I have an update?"

My father flicks his wrist to dismiss me, and I almost scurry out the room as if I can outrun the darkness creeping into me.

I rush back to the sanctuary of my bedroom, the only place besides Melissa's where I feel like myself. I know I do not have to lead like Father. I don't need the force or the bloodshed. I can be a different type of leader, but to succeed I need to balance the ruthlessness with the more strategic, sophisticated approach I envisioned after studying at Harvard.

I want to make my dad proud. I want to be the Don that reshapes our future, but the deeper I get into the dark mafia world, the more I realize that achieving this dream is slipping away faster than I ever imagined. The farther that dream goes, the more I want the dream of Melissa.

I want to climb into her window, pull her in my arms and never let her go, yet I know I can't.

I know Melissa will be better off in life without me. Or at least that is what I am convincing myself of until I see her standing in the middle of my room staring at my little league trophies.

"You were quite the star player," Melissa remarks, picking up my sixth MVP award with a goofy smile.

"That team was like family to me." I stay on the other side of the room, closing the door tightly behind me. Melissa smiles, playing with the trophy in her hand.

"I mean of course you would be MVP then." She looks up with a shining smile. "You'd do anything for your family."

A heavy silence lays over the space, as I stay leaning against the wall just staring at her in the dark landscape of my room. After a moment she takes a cautious step towards me. "You didn't respond to my messages."

"No, I didn't." I look down, and Melissa pauses as a light huff expels from her lips

"I thought maybe something happened or you were in danger, or—" She pauses, when I lightly shake my head no. "Then it is me."

My head snaps up to her pouting gaze. "No, it's not you. It's me."

"Classic," she laughs, rolling her eyes at me.

"I'm no good for you, Sole." I shake my head, but she narrows her eyes at me and cocks her head to the side, leaning on her right hip.

"Who are you to make that decision for me, Xander?"

"It's the right decision, Sole." My voice is sharp, declarative, but I avoid her piercing gaze.

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't call me Sole as you break up with me." Her voice is cold and unsteady, and all I want to do is pull her into me.

"I am no good for you, Sole." I take a step closer, invading her space just to regret the smell of vanilla that pervades my nostrils. She looks up at me with her eyes glazed over and her bottom lip between her teeth. "You are every drop of goodness in the world I can't…I won't?—"

"You are everything to me, Xander," she whispers, looking up at me, cupping my face gently as if I could shatter in her hands. "And if I want to be corrupted by you, you will do so. Do you understand me?"

"That is not your choice to make, Melissa," I remove her hands from my face, moving across the room. "You cannot make me corrupt you. I could never forgive myself if I did."

"Xander," she whispers looking up at me with those big green doe eyes. "You already have."

Melissa's hands slide down my body as she sinks to the ground. I look up at the ceiling trying not to get lost in the way she looks at me. I almost succeed, but then she undoes the loop of my belt and I look down at her licking her lips staring at me.

"Melissa, what are you doing?" I whisper, reaching to stop her fingers but she smacks my hand away with a cute pout on her lips.

"I am showing you that I want you, Xander. I need you."

Gently, she grips the waistband of my pants, her emerald eyes sparkling with desire as she gazes up at me. My heart pounds in my chest. Is she really going to do what I think she is? I want to stop her, tell her for her sake and mine this can't go any farther. Her wide eyes and sultry smile only draw me in like a moth to a flame.

Melissa pulls me closer, her fingers tracing up my abdomen before snaking down to pop the button of my jeans. She teases me, her mouth hovering over the bulge growing in my jeans. I am expecting her to stop, but then she gazes up at me licking her pink, plump lips. "Xander, do you want me?"

My eyes land on her chest, how it rises and falls dramatically with every breath. I want to rip her top open and wrap my mouth around her nipple.

Without meaning to, I nod, and she smiles at me knowingly. "Use your words, Xander."

I swallow and bite the inside of my cheek. "Yes, Sole, I want you."

Her fingertips run lightly over my erection, pulling my cock out with drunken eyes as she smiles. "And do you need me, Xander?"

She looks at me through her eyelashes and I fucking shatter, "Cazzo, Sole!" Her tongue flicks over the tip of my cock and I hiss, "Yes, Sole, I fucking need you."

"Well, that's all you needed to say, Xander." Her eyes glimmer with satisfaction as she leans forward, taking my cock between her full lips, sucking lightly before releasing the head with a pop.

"Don't tease me, Sole," I growl, and she giggles, her tongue flicking across the sensitive tip. I groan softly, my hands finding their way into her hair. I massage her scalp firmly.

She begins to slowly take me into her mouth, her lips stretching around my throbbing erection, and I have to bite my knuckles to keep from moaning too loud. I thrust forward slightly and Melissa moans, fidgeting as if she is looking for friction. "You like that, Sole?"

I thrust again a little harder this time, and she relaxes around my cock, her moans creating the perfect vibration. "Fuck, mia tenrazione, just like that." Her warm, wet mouth envelopes me, and her skilled tongue swirls around my shaft, teasing me. Her eyes are closed. She falls into a rhythm taking me a little deeper each time.

I rub my thumb across her chin. "Look at me, Sole."

I watch as her eyes meet mine, as she starts to stroke me and wiggle her ass a bit. I dig my hands into her hair, pulling on it gently, and she groans.

"You getting wet, Sole?" As I thrust into her mouth and go down her throat, tears prick at the corners of her eyes, but she nods yes, swallowing me deeper. "You want to touch yourself?"

Melissa moans, her eyes pleading with me. I pull out of her mouth, and she takes a deep breath, poking out her bottom lip. "Please, Xander. Please."

"Well, since you asked so nicely, yes." Her fingers fly underneath her dress, and I pull the front of her dress down, releasing her plump breasts from the flimsy yellow dress she is wearing.

She mewls against her hands, and I stroke myself while watching her rub her clit frantically. I tap my cock at her lips with a lazy smile. "Open up, Sole."

She opens her mouth greedily and takes my entire cock down her throat. Her head bobs rhythmically as her lips wrap tightly around my cock, as if she never wants to let go. As she swallows me into her throat, I feel like I'm being consumed by the heat of her mouth, and it drives me insane.

"God, Sole. You're such a good girl." My thrusts follow the rhythm she sets by bobbing up and down on my cock.

I don't know if I can last much longer with the way she is moaning and grinding on her hand. She slides her fingers inside of herself and starts bouncing on her fingers, and I lose my shit. "Sole, I want you to cum with me, baby."

My voice is strained and heavy, and with each stroke of her mouth, my balls get tighter. Her moans grow louder, only muffled by the stroke of my cock down her throat.

She pulls herself off of my cock, and whimpers, "Fuck, Xander! I'm going to come."

I am not far behind her, gripping the base of my cock, I stroke myself, my come shooting out in ribbons across her breasts. She throws her head back, raising her hip to meet her own touch, but her eyes never leave mine as she moans my name, "Xander!"

Melissa's breath catches in her throat as she looks me over again, and my mouth speaks before I can catch up and think, "Stay with me, Sole." Her eyes widen as she looks around the room like someone will jump from underneath the bed and grab her. "Please, Sole."

She licks her lips, a small smile on her face. "Of course, Xander."

After cleaning her up and getting her to wear one of my T-shirts, Melissa falls asleep nuzzled into my chest.

My eyes are wide open staring at the ceiling, and I methodically rub her scalp in the small circles she calls her melatonin. I can't believe this girl is mine.

Melissa shifts, moving closer to me, and I inhale her vanilla scent. I can't believe she would crawl into the depths of my darkness and pull me out. I can't believe I ever thought I could easily let her go, as if she weren't the air I breathe.

I lean down and kiss her hair, hoping she can hear me through her sleep. "I love you, Sole, and I will never let you go."

The devil himself could never stop me from chasing her, let alone the mafia. I will tell Father tomorrow. I will embrace the darkness and take the light with me.