34. Alexander

Chapter 34

Alexander

I ’m feeling good after the meeting with Valentin. Instead of going straight home, I take Natalya to Fed Jeweler.

“God, what a mess,” she says as she gingerly steps through the wreckage. The crew is on lunch and it’s quiet for a little while.

The place has been mostly cleared out. Black soot stains the ceiling, walls, and floor, but the workers are in the process of tearing out all the obviously damaged parts. They’ll have to do structural renovations first to make sure the whole roof doesn’t fall in, but once that’s done they’ll start putting Fed back together.

“When was the last time you were here?”

“A while ago. Before I left for Paris.” She pauses where the cash registers used to be. “When I was a little girl, Dad would let me run around the back and put on the jewelry. I’d pretend I was a princess. He loved it.”

“You probably wore millions in diamonds.”

“Oh, absolutely. Imagine a seven-year-old in a priceless necklace. Daddy thought it was hilarious.” She drifts through the room, smiling a little to herself. “He wasn’t the best father, but he had his moments.”

“We’ll have better moments.” I don’t know why I say it, but the feeling rushes over me. “My parents were addicts pieces of shit. They practically dumped me in the streets and left me to fend for myself. I’m not going to do that to my kid.”

She looks at me and puts a hand over her belly. “I know you won’t. That’s the whole point of this, right?”

“I mean it though.” I lean up against a support pillar. It’s not too ashy and looks like it’s in decent shape. “Have you thought about a name yet?”

“Something Russian, maybe.”

“For a girl, I like Sofia, maybe Elena or Tatiana.”

“Do those mean anything to you?”

I shake my head. “I want a clean break. No names from the past.”

“I can get into that.” She comes over and puts her hands on my chest. I look down at her and I know I’m doing the right thing. Even if it isn’t perfect—even if it’s wrong in so many other ways—it’s still right. It’s still what I need. “What about Vera?”

“I don’t hate Vera.”

“We need to start working on the nursery.” She leans into me, face against my chest. I wrap my arms around her warm little body. “Crib, diapers, all that good stuff.”

“Baby books,” I grunt at her.

“You’re seriously going to read them?”

“I already ordered three.”

“Bullshit.”

“I can show you my Amazon account if you want.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “No, that’s okay. I believe you.” She pulls away and starts wandering again. I watch her, unable to look away. I track her like a missile. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Please do.”

“I’m a little scared.”

“For childbirth? You’ll be okay. It’s going to be hard, but you can do hard things.”

She tilts her head side to side. “For that, but also all the stuff that comes after. You heard Valentin earlier. IT’s not easy.”

“I’ll be there. And that’s not an empty promise. Diaper changes, late night feedings, everything. You won’t be alone.”

She seems surprised. “You’re going to do late night feedings?”

“Absolutely I will. I told you, we’re going to do better.”

I stare at her and she stares back. It’s strange, standing here in the middle of our past, in this store that defined so much of what we are. The store that helped to build her family’s fortune, and the store where I learned to be the man I am today. It’s a ruin, a smoking husk. But there are also signs that it’s coming back to life.

Something old turning into something new. That’s how I feel with her.

Our relationship is ancient, but it’s also just getting started.

“We can actually do this,” she says and sounds like it’s the first time she really believes.

“Yeah, we really can,” I say, grinning at her. I laugh lightly, unable to help myself. “We really are.”

“No, but I mean—“ Her cheeks turn lightly red. God, she’s so pretty when she blushes. I can’t look away. “I want to do this with you. I want to co-parent. I mean, I want to be?—“

“You want to be married,” I say for her.

But bites her lip and nods.

“I want to be married too.” I push off the pillar and walk to her. “I want to do this with you.”

“You really mean that?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know, but it’s a big deal. We never agreed to long term.”

“Then we can agree to it now.” I catch her and pull her into me. “ Wife .”

She tilts up her chin and I kiss her.

My lips linger. Her taste is like flowers and a lazy summer afternoon. I don’t want to let her go.

But someone clears their throat and I’m forced to glance up.

Lev’s standing in the partial doorway that leads to the back door. He’s got a strange look on his face.

Natalya jumps away from me. I can tell she’s flustered, but I’m not ashamed of my relationship with her. Lev knows we’re married, and maybe he doesn’t realize the way things have progressed between us, but he’s not a stupid man. He must know how I’ve felt about her all these years.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t know you were there,” she stammers, looking wildly uncomfortable. “We were just taking a look around.”

“No worries.” Lev’s charming smile comes back like slamming a door shut. That emotionless glare disappears as he buries the real him. “Not looking great, huh? But it’s getting there.”

“You’re doing a good job.”

“I’m mostly just getting in the way.” He laughs and gestures for his sister to follow him. They talk about the renovations and I give them a little space. It’s impersonal, but at least they’re getting along. That’s a good sign.

“I was telling Alex about Dad letting me play dress up back here,” she says.

“Do you remember the time you swallowed that diamond?”

She groans. “Not this story again.”

I’ve heard it a dozen times too, but it’s a good one.

He cackles and gestures at where she’s standing. “You were right there. I remember clear as day. You must’ve been like three or four, and Dad let you hold this huge diamond. You were looking at it and letting it sparkle in the light, then before anyone could stop you, you plopped it in your mouth like a grape. I think when Dad lunged forward to get it back, he scared you, and you just swallowed the damn thing.”

Nat rolls her eyes. “Who gives a million-dollar diamond to a toddler?”

“Dad was freaking out and cursing for hours .”

“He made me drink like a gallon of apple juice and he was digging around in my diapers for a couple days. It was so awful.”

“Got it back though, cleaned it up, and set it back into a necklace. Nobody ever knew.”

“That poor rich lady walking around with a stone that was in my small intestine.”

“Just think. Somewhere out there, that stone’s still getting passed around.” He pauses and beams. “Just like it passed through you.”

“Okay, this is gross,” Nat says, laughing despite herself. “Why can’t you tell nice stories about me?”

“Because there are none. Remember Mrs. Meyer?”

She glances at me. “My evil piano teacher.”

“Nat hated Mrs. Meyer. That poor old lady. You tortured her until she finally quit on Dad. He was livid.”

“She was the worst.” Nat’s smiling and getting into it. “But that’s not as bad as you and that math tutor.”

“Don’t you dare bring Mr. Gupta into this.”

“You stole his wallet!”

“He called me lazy and dyslexic.”

“Okay, he might’ve deserved it a little bit.”

The siblings fall into an easy rapport sharing old childhood stories and I sit back to listen. I’ve seen this a hundred times before and usually I get bored to tears, but right now it feels good. After losing Step, after eloping, after the pregnancy, after Lev hating Nat, it’s just nice to see them acting like themselves again.

It couldn’t last. Once the stories taper off, Nat gives me a look, and I know what she’s going to do. I should take this on myself, but she doesn’t give me the chance.

“We talked to Valentin Zeitsev earlier today,” she says.

Lev seems caught off-guard. “Really? You met with the Pakhan? What about?”

Natalya glances at me. I look back at her and raise my eyebrows. If she gives me the sign, I’ll tell him.

But she pushes forward, and I’m proud of her for it.

“We know how to end the war with the Italians, and you’re involved.”

Lev looks between us and he’s clearly suspicious. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about it, except let them kill me next time.”

“Adriano wants you to marry his cousin.”

There’s silence. He stares at Nat then looks at me. A smile breaks out across his face like he’s struggling to keep his mask on. “That’s funny. Real fucking funny.”

“Lev—“ Natalya starts, but he cuts her off.

“It almost sounds like you’re asking me to do the one thing you refused to do twice . The one thing you nearly got this family ruined over, twice .”

Natalya goes white. “I’m sorry. It’s what Adriano wants.”

“You’re sorry? Is this real?” Lev looks at me and I stare grimly back.

“It’s real,” I confirm as gently as I can.

He howls with laughter. It’s scary and unhinged. Natalya flinches back like he’s about to strike her, and I step forward just in case he really is losing his mind.

But Lev only staggers sideways and doubles over with laughter.

“You two are fucking ballsy, I’ll give you both that.” He manages to get himself under control, but the grin splitting his face is terrifying. It’s like he’s using that to keep all the darkness on the inside.

I’m not sure what’ll happen if Lev decides to really let loose, and I don’t want to find out.

“I know this is messed up, but it’s our only option,” Natalya says, struggling to keep herself composed. I can tell that she’s cracking though. “Believe me, I don’t want this. If there were another way?—“

“You fucking marry him,” Lev roars at her. “Like you were meant to from the start.”

“Careful,” I say, hands turning to fists.

“Oh, fuck off, Alex. Like you have any moral standing here. You fucked my sister when you knew she was supposed to marry someone else and then you stole her away on her god damn wedding day.”

He’s not wrong, but that’s only looking at everything in the worst possible light. I take a deep breath to steady myself.

“It wasn’t a god damn whim. Don’t you get that?”

Lev cocks his head like a bird trying to understand graffiti. “Explain.”

“I’ve been into Natalya for a very long time. I’ve wanted her since we were kids. We’ve always connected, and what happened in Paris was just inevitable. We couldn’t have stopped it even if we wanted to, and trust me, I don’t think either of us wanted things to go as far as they have. But I don’t regret it one tiny bit.”

Natalya stares at me. She seems at a total loss, and I don’t blame her. I should’ve told her all this a while back, but it’s been inside of me and I haven’t been able to put it into words.

Now I understand. I’m in love with her and I have been since we were kids. I fought against those feelings because giving in would’ve made me a failure, and I couldn’t live with that, not back then.

I’m older and I know better.

There’s no such thing as perfection.

But life with Natalya is the closest I’ve ever gotten.

“Do you think I give a shit about that?” Lev asks. He backs away toward the door. “You’re asking me to marry a strange. You want to make me do what you couldn’t do.”

“I know it’s wrong.” Natalya’s crying now. Tears stream down her face and I fucking hate it. I want to comfort her, but that will only piss off Lev even more. “We both know it’s totally fucked up, but Lev, this is how you can end the war before it gets out of control. You can save lives.”

“Fuck saving lives.” His mask is totally gone now. His face is emotionless and flat, and the dead look he gives me sends a chill crawling down my spine. Lev is a terror, pure and simple. “And fuck both of you.”

He turns and goes. I start after him, but Natalya stops me. He clings onto my arm and buries her face in my shoulder, and I turn to her instead.

Her cries are wordless. She sobs and I hold her. I can’t tell her everything will be okay and I don’t pretend like I know how things will work out. But at least I hug her close and kiss her hair and stay with her, because in all this fucked up world, she’s everything to me now. Wife, mother, much more than that too.

I don’t know how we’ll get out of this fucked situation, but I know I’ll find a way so long as I’m with her.