18. Natalya

Chapter 18

Natalya

“ I t’s fine,” Alex says, waving me way as I prod at his nose.

“It’s definitely not fine. God damn it, you and Lev are like two stupid children.”

He grunts and pushes me away. “I told you, it’s fine.”

“You need a doctor.”

He stands in front of the mirror and grabs his nose with both hands. “I can handle it.”

My eyes go wide. “Hold on, Alex, don’t?—“

He wrenches his nose back into position with a sickening crunch. I step back, hand flying to my throat. All he does is let out a soft grunt of discomfort before prodding at himself.

“Better,” he says, gesturing at himself.

“You’re a fucking maniac,” I mutter and storm down to the kitchen to get him some ice.

I start carrying boxes up to the guest room, but after the first few trips I realize everything’s missing. I could’ve sworn I put my sweaters right there on the bed, but suddenly they’re gone.

I find Alex in his room. Along with my stuff.

“What are you doing?” I ask him as he gently folds one of my dresses, unpacking a box.

“You’re not staying in the guest room.”

“Sorry, but from what I can tell of your admittedly very nice apartment, there isn’t exactly another bed for me to stay in.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“Then where do you think I’m sleeping?”

“In here with me.”

I burst out laughing. He doesn’t smile, just keeps unpacking me. When he reaches in and takes out a pair of pinky lacy underwear, a very revealing and sexy thong no less, I storm over and snatch it from him. He only raises one perfect eyebrow at me as my cheeks burn red.

“I’m not sleeping with you in your room,” I tell him, shoving the thing in my pocket. “And stop touching my things.”

“I’m helping my pregnant wife unpack.”

“I’m not your—“Although, technically, I guess I am. “Can you just stop?”

He faces me, arms crossed over his chest. There’s the barest hint of a playful smile in his eyes. “What’s wrong with this room? It’s not big enough for you?”

“It’s actually bigger than my place in Paris, but that’s not the point. This room’s like… a hotel.”

His smile falters. “What do you mean?”

“There’s no personality. Everything’s set out just so. Your wallet, your keys, even the pictures on your walls. It looks like someone staged this place and you just kept it that way.”

“That’s because they did.”

I stop short and narrow my eyes. “Excuse me?”

“I hired a decorator when I first moved in and haven’t changed anything.”

“My god. You’re a robot.”

“We both know I’m not a robot,” he says and there’s a hot undercurrent to his voice.

I shiver slightly at the memory of his hands on my hips.

“Okay, and none of this matters, because I’m not sleeping in your room.” I grab my box from the bed.

But he pulls it from my hands. “Yes, you are. I thought hard about this, Natalya, and this makes the most sense, at least so long as the Italians want us both dead. I need to be able to protect you.”

“What, being down the hall is too far?” I grab the box right back from him, glaring up into his annoying as fuck face. “That’s stupid, you’re stupid, and stop touching my stuff.”

He takes the box back. “Or else what?”

“Or else—“ I don’t know what. I’ll yell at him? Kick him in the balls? I try to take the box but he moves and I run right into him, knocking him off balance. He teeters, drops the box, and falls onto the bed.

And I fell on top of him.

For a moment, his hands are on my body again. He’s holding me against him and looking down with this fiery stare, and I remember that look from back in Paris. IT’s the same look he gave me when he walked into the room and I was playing piano without my clothes on.

“Careful,” I whisper, not sure who I’m even talking to at his point. I’m so fucking annoyed with him, but my pulse is racing out of control at how close we are right now.

“I’m being very careful with you, printsessa .”

A thrill runs into my stomach at the pet name, and for one stupid moment neither of us moves. I stay on top of him, and he keeps his hands on my hips, inches from my ass.

Until I realize how stupid this is and show myself away.

“Just stop being such an arrogant ass for once in your life, okay? We’re sleeping in separate rooms.”

“No, we aren’t. That guest room will become the baby’s nursery. The office will remain my office. And this is going to be our room. End of discussion.”

“God, you really think you know what’s best all the time, don’t you?”

“Only because I’m usually right.”

I stand there, glaring at him, heart racing, wishing he’d cross over here and take me by the hair and slams his mouth into mine, and hating myself just a little bit for wanting that, before I finally storm out with my hands thrown in the air.

I curl up on the couch in a nest of blankets and pillows but everything feels wrong.

It’s not just the situation—that’s bad enough—but it’s also the apartment. The sounds are different, the ceiling is different, just everything is different , and no matter how many different breathing exercises I try, I just can’t fall asleep.

My Paris apartment was a little crap hole. It was tiny, cramped, way too hot, and smelled bad on trash day when the garbage piled up outside. But it was mine , it was comfortable, and I found a way to be happy there.

All of this is Alex’s and I don’t know how I’m going to fit in.

I get up and drift outside. The night is cool and surprisingly comfortable. The view is absolutely gorgeous—lights sparkle off the Delaware and I can see New Jersey not that far away. I tip a toe into the pool and consider turning on the heater, but instead opt to stand at the railing, looking out at the night.

This is my life from now on.

I’m not sure how I ended up here.

I was never Daddy’s favorite—that was Stepan, followed by Lev—but at least he treated me decently. I was allowed to play sports. I could have friends, and some of them were even boys. I had a car, a part time job, and a little bit of freedom. I always knew this might be my future, but back then it seemed like I might escape one day.

And then slowly it became clear that wasn’t ever going to happen.

I just desperately wanted someone to understand me—to see me as someone worthy of love and attention for who I am and not for who my father is—but now I’m not sure it’ll ever happen. Alex cares about me, but only so far as I’m the wife of his child. Beyond that? I can’t really tell.

Now I’ve lost Lev too. The last person that truly loved me. My brother’s going to hate me forever for this, and I can’t even blame him.

I try not to cry, but tears stream down my face anyway.

All this for a baby.

The door slides open. I jolt and look over my shoulder as Alex appears beside me. He’s in tight black joggers and a light gray t-shirt. His hair’s messy from lying in bed and he’s got a slight bruise on his face from where my father hit him. He leans his elbows on the railing and doesn’t sa anything, only stares out across the water, and the light dances across his square jaw and full lips, and I can’t look anywhere else.

He’s beautiful, especially out here in the moonlight. It’s almost ethereal and ghostly. He looks like an angel, but I know he’s more like a devil than anything else.

“Can’t sleep,” he says, still not looking at me.

“That’s strange. It’s almost like you’re in your own bed.”

I don’t know why I’m trying to antagonize him right now, but he doesn’t take the bait.

“I come out here sometimes too in the summer. It’s nice out here at night. There’s a breeze off the river and shipping containers unload on the docks. I like to watch those.”

I follow his gaze south and can see the port in the distance. “Is that why you bought this place?”

He smiles to himself and shakes his head. “You know the kind of family I grew up in. We never had any money, mostly because my dad gambled it all away. Well, when I started getting paid, it was like an entirely new world. This was the first nice place I saw when I was looking to buy, and I signed the lease on the spot because it was the most expensive listing on the market at the time.”

I smile at the image of a young and stupid Alex excited to spend money for the first time. “That must’ve been nice, getting your own place.”

“A clean, safe space does a lot for a person.”

“That’s how I felt about my Paris apartment. Did you know that was the first time I ever lived outside my dad’s house?”

“I did know that.”

“It was weird at first. I kept thinking I’d wake up and find Lev in the kitchen or Step in the bathroom. But then I started to like it.” Sort of, anyway. I liked having something that was all mine—but I didn’t like the loneliness and isolation.

“You can have that again, you know. Maybe not right now, but in the future. When things are safe and settled.”

I glance at him and for some reason that doesn’t appeal to me at all. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’m going to take care of you.” His dark eyes stare into mine with a deep intensity. “I promise, Natalya. I know this has been hard, and it won’t be easy anytime soon, but I’m going to take care of you.”

I look back at him and a thrill runs down into my toes. He’s going to take care of me , not the baby, not our family, but me , and I know it’s selfish to feel excited about that but I feel it anyway.

I want him to see me so desperately.

This is the Alex I know is always there, even if he’s hidden away sometimes. This is the kind, caring Alex, the man that would do anything for the people he cares about. Even if he’s a pain in the ass, I know this part of him is waiting right beneath the surface.

Sometimes I forget about it though.

“I know you will,” I tell him quietly. “I’m sorry you have to.”

“It isn’t your fault. I wanted this.”

“That makes one of us.” I force myself to look away. “I don’t know what there is for me. After, I mean.”

“We have a long time to figure that out.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“You’re smart, even if you are stubborn as all hell. You’ll find something that makes you happy.”

I nod a little but don’t meet his eye, because I’m not sure that’s true.

He pushes himself back from the railing and ghosts toward the door.

“Heading in?” I ask, not sure why it matters.

“Yeah, and you should too. Quit being stubborn and come sleep with me.”

“I’d rather be tired.”

“Your call.” He hesitates at the door before shaking his head and disappearing inside.

And there goes all my hope with him. I have a feeling this is going to be a long night, the first of many.