INDIGO

Caveman’s advice isn’t easy to follow. My negative thoughts are strong and familiar. However, every time one of them gets loud, I focus on my heart.

I’m in love with Siobhan. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with her. She makes everything better. No woman is as beautiful as Siobhan.

My heart tells me to buy her flowers. I know she loves lilies and soft, pretty colors. I decide to pay for delivery to avoid possibly dropping the flowers on my way over.

Siobhan gets freaked out by the delivery man. Her expression is all over the place, from nervous to joyful. She takes the flowers to the kitchen and returns to smile at me.

I think she wants me to kiss her. Or she expects me to say something romantic.

Back when she was with Sync, they kissed whenever they saw each other. That’s how normal people behave. Though my brain might be sabotaging me, my heart knows it wants me to kiss her again.

Unlike the night at the clubhouse, I can take my time and savor her lips. Siobhan grips my shirt, leaning into the kiss. My hands slide into her soft hair. The heat of her tongue against mine is almost too much. I’m not used to pleasure.

Siobhan eases her lips from mine and smiles. “How are you such a good kisser?”

“I practiced on my hand.”

“Really?”

“No, but that’s what Tack said once, and the girl laughed.”

“So, let’s say you have a natural talent and leave it at that.”

I stroke her cheek before pulling away my hand. “Caveman said I shouldn’t let my defective brain make decisions.”

Siobhan frowns and shakes her head. “No, he’s wrong. Just ignore him. You’re smart.”

“He said my brain was wired wrong, but my heart knew the right answer.”

“Oh, in that case, listen to my uncle. He’s really smart.”

I smile at her goofy grin. “I can touch you, right? What’s too much? ”

“Don’t think,” she says and strokes my furrowed brow. “I plan to act like I would on any date with a man I’m attracted to.”

“Are you attracted to me or—?”

“No ‘or,’” she says and covers my mouth with her hand. “I’ve been curious about us since I knew there could be an us. These feelings aren’t about the baby. If I lost it, and I might since it’s early and those things happen, I still want to give us a shot, okay?”

“Because you’re lonely.”

“Yes, and you’re sweet and sexy,” she says, taking my hand and sort of bouncing around. “You and I might make sense. But we won’t know until we spend time together like a couple. You might realize I’m more interesting in your head or as a friend.”

“No.”

“You can’t know.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, so I know.”

“Well, I don’t know. I need to test you out by rubbing all over you a lot. We need to go on dates and cuddle on the couch. Oh, and we should kiss a lot. Can you handle that?”

Siobhan’s acting weird like she does when she’s on edge. Yet, her eyes are bright, and a joyful smile warms her face.

I let my fingers skim her soft cheeks. My thumb slides across her smiling lips. Siobhan’s gaze goes supernova bright as I explore her face.

I’ve long wanted to be able to touch her. Not trusting myself around her, I often shoved my hands into my pockets to keep from losing control.

Now, I can caress her beautiful face. Siobhan runs her fingers across my forearms. I feel the mood shifting toward fucking. Or maybe this is what people feel when they’re dating. All I know is her touch is making me rock hard.

When I step back, Siobhan glances down at my crotch as if she knows exactly what’s happening. Her gaze returns to me, and a smirk slides across her lips.

“You think I’m hot.”

“I know you’re hot.”

“Don’t forget that when I feel sick or have an ugly day,” Siobhan says and walks to the kitchen. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re so beautiful. Did you pick them out by yourself or did someone help you? ”

Leaving the foyer, I join her in the kitchen overlooking a breakfast area and the family room.

“I picked out the flowers. Are they the wrong kind?”

Siobhan turns to me and says in a lovestruck way, “They’re perfect.”

We watch each other for a minute. I probably ought to say something smart, but I only want to look at Siobhan.

“We best go so we can get to the theater in time to watch the trailers,” she says, patting my chest. “I like talking shit about the bad ones.”

Siobhan reaches for her purse and hands me her truck keys. On the short drive, she asks me about the kids staying with Caveman. I’m not usually chatty, but Siobhan’s interest gets me going on about the kids and my dogs. I don’t shut up until we’re in the concession line.

The movie is garbage like Siobhan hopes. She whispers complaints to me throughout. I love how casually she speaks to me. We’re not awkward at all. I don’t pay much attention to the screen. I focus on her hand in mine. The warmth of her breath against my ear when she whispers snarky comments. The scent of her hair as it brushes across my skin. Everything about Siobhan feels electric tonight.

During dinner at the upscale steakhouse, she shares everyone’s drama over my decision to stay in the hills.

“Zoot misses you,” Siobhan announces while enjoying her steak. “He won’t admit it, but he owns a big sloppy-ass heart filled with love for his club family.” Siobhan snickers at how she rats out her uncle. “Do you miss the farm?” she asks when I’m quiet for too long. “Do you want to stay in the hills?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t know about the hills or don’t know if you miss the farm?”

“Of course, I miss the farm. It’s my home.”

“But when things got stressful, you went to the hills.”

“It’s where I lived with my mom and brother.”

Siobhan’s bright expression softens. Still smiling, she reaches over to stroke my hand.

“You were a good big brother.”

“How do you know?”

“You told me about how you taught him to ride his bike. You took care of him when your mom couldn’t. ”

“I told you that, huh?” I mumble, hating how my ugly past digs its way into my current happiness.

“Do you ever talk to him?” Siobhan asks, and I instantly want to ignore the question. “He must remember how you took care of him.”

“He doesn’t care.”

“Or maybe he’s in denial.”

“No.”

“Hear me out,” Siobhan says as her fingers stroke my knuckles. “People will sometimes block out bad memories and rewrite their histories to benefit their sanity. But eventually, they’ll need to face what happened to them.”

“How do you know?”

“I went to therapy after Sync and I ended. I wanted to face the reason I stayed with him for so long.”

Losing interest in my food, I rest my hands on the table and ask, “And what was that reason?”

“I thought I could mold him into becoming like my dad. Elvis is cool and fun. I love everything about how he deals with the world. I saw some of that in Sync and figured I’d fix the rest.”

“If you want a man like Elvis, why would you want to date me?”

“I don’t want to date you. I want to fall in love with you, Indigo,” Siobhan says, and her honesty kicks me in the balls.

“But I’m nothing like Elvis.”

“You’re a good man who’s patient with kids and animals. You’re also loyal. You have many of Elvis’s qualities.”

Her praise breaks through the nonsense in my head. She’s chosen to treat this thing between us as normal. I don’t need to feel guilty about lusting over her. With Siobhan smiling at me, I feel like I have a real shot at claiming her heart.