SIOBHAN

I was the same age as my twins when I first saw my father trashed after a violent battle. My uncles, Dad, and the club guys rolled onto the farm. Some of them were bleeding heavily. Crying over my bloodied dad, I wanted Mom to call for an ambulance. She offered me a soft smile and promised, “We know how to take care of our own.”

Decades later, I feel as helpless as I did that day. I want to wrap Indigo in my arms and keep him from the world. We can be safe if we hide, except Indigo is in the mix of an impending war.

When my uncles visit us in the bedroom, I sense they can’t speak freely with the kids and me listening. I grudgingly leave Indigo’s embrace and guide Glen and Nora into the kitchen.

We find Carys chopping cabbage. The house is filled with the scent of barbecue ribs cooking. My stomach growls instantly.

My sister wipes her hands and comes to me. Her hug says what she can’t . Our men live dangerous lives. On a good day, they have targets on their backs. On a bad day, someone takes the shot. All we can do is clean their wounds and hold them close.

“Do you think Indigo can eat ribs?” Carys asks as Mom joins us in the kitchen.

“I don’t know,” I mumble. “His face looks so swollen.”

“He’ll eat what he can,” Mom says as she strokes Glen’s head and takes Nora’s hand. “What he doesn’t eat today, he can finish tomorrow. You’ll need to stay at the farm for at least a week.”

“I already gave away my maternity clothes,” Carys says and returns to her coleslaw. “I’ve sent a text to the club wives to round up what they can for you. If they can’t locate enough, you’ll need to wear the chunkier men’s shirts.”

My sister snickers at the thought while I roll my eyes and rub my belly. Glen stands between me and where Nora helps Mom with beans. I tug him closer and play with his hair.

“I need love,” I whisper when he gets a sheepish grin. “I’ve had a long day.”

“Me too.”

“We’re going to rest soon. But everyone is so hyper. Did you see how my dad was jumping around earlier?”

Glen smiles wider. Like most kids, he finds Elvis hilarious, especially when he dances. I remember how Indigo was very quiet when he first arrived. The first time I saw him laugh was when my dad started trying to breakdance.

My tears zap me of energy. I drop into a chair and cry into my hands. My mom sits next to me and hugs me to her body.

“You need to trust Indigo and the kids will be okay.”

Clinging to my mom, I feel exhausted both physically and mentally. I keep thinking someone will walk through the door and cause trouble for us. I was paranoid for a long time after what happened to Hunter. I had to dodge the local press and ignore gossipy hags around town.

When things died down, I lowered my guard. Even with the cops ticketing me, I wasn’t prepared for something like today to happen.

I cradle my belly and weep for Indigo. He’s so excited about the baby. His life is finally filling up with everything he needs to be happy. Today, those fuckers tried to tear him away from us.

When I see my paternal uncles heading for the front door, I bolt out of my seat and go to them. Horrified by my tears, Zoot literally flinches away from me. Noble is less afraid of a hysterical woman and hugs me.

“You’ll make them pay, right?” I ask, sounding like a scared kid.

Zoot mutters defensively, “Of course.”

“No matter the deal you hammer out with the cops, promise you’ll punish the man who hurt Indigo.”

“He’s one of the Brennan family.”

Still cuddled in Noble’s arms, I ask Zoot, “Is that code for you’ll set him on fire?”

Zoot reaches over and pats my head. “Sure, kid. Might not be able to ice Alec Brennan, but we can take out Tommy. No one gives a shit about that asshole.”

Wiping my eyes, I release my grip on Noble’s shirt. “I just need to know you care.”

“I care.”

“About me or Indigo?”

Zoot gives me a nasty glare. “I’m not choosing.”

“Both is an acceptable answer.”

“Okay, that one.”

“You’re so cranky,” I say, moving toward him while he sneers at me. “But deep inside, you have a big, sloppy heart. ”

When I force him to hug me, Zoot pets my head like I’m his dog. Finally, he stops glaring and offers a gentle gaze.

“I’m going to ruin a lot of people’s lives over what happened today,” he says in a tender voice.

Smiling, I step back and nod. “You’re a good uncle.”

“I know,” Zoot replies.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes while backing away. “I free you from my need for hugs. Go run back to your hug-free lives.”

Zoot doesn’t waste time mocking my words. He bolts out the door before I wipe tears on him again. Noble struts after him, unafraid of a little lady drama.

I notice Glen watching me. Though his expression is difficult to read, I suspect he’s upset I was crying. I walk into the kitchen and wrap my arm around his shoulders.

“My uncles are going to get payback for Indigo,” I say and kiss the top of his head.

Glen looks up at me and just stares. He’s craving something specific. Unable to come up with the perfect words, I kiss his forehead and hope he feels safe.

He flinches and shuffles closer to me when Caveman enters the house.

“You look ready to drop that pup soon,” Caveman says to me.

Carys snorts. “You’re a flipping poet.”

“Don’t I know it,” he replies, grinning at her as he moves toward me. “Vanilla, what are you doing in here besides holding Siobhan up?”

When the boy shrinks next to me, I frown at my uncle. “Why are you hassling him? He’s had a hard day, ya boiled potato.”

Caveman grins at my insult. He reaches over and rubs Glen’s head. “He can speak for himself.”

“No, he’s only a child. He needs me to yell at you.”

“You call that yelling?”

“No, but I’m trying not to startle Indigo.”

Caveman frowns and looks in the direction of the bedroom. “I’ll go talk to him and be back to make sure Vanilla is happy with your clingy shit.”

As my uncle walks away, I ease into a chair and sigh. “He’s so nosy. We’re doing fine, right?”

Glen nods wildly. “I want to stay with you. ”

“We’re putting a bed on the floor in the room. You’ll need to listen to me snore.”

His panicked expression flips into a grin. “I don’t care. I snore, too.”

Stroking his cheek, I imagine Indigo being this small and confused about his place in the world. Getting emotional again, I hug Glen against me.

“I’m just so crazy about you,” I explain as I smother him with my affection. “You’re my boyo.”

As Glen laughs at my clinginess, Nora hurries over to get a hug. I’m surrounded by blond beauties when the twins enter the house.

“They’re scared of Indigo’s face,” Sync announces rather than sugarcoat his words. When I frown at him from where Kiera joins our hug huddle, my ex shrugs. “Is Indigo awake?”

“He’s talking to Caveman.”

Sync kneels next to a teary-eyed Deirdre. “Want to put a Band-Aid on Indigo’s face?”

Once Deirdre looks at me for the right answer, I say, “Remember when Pork Chop got stung on the face by the bee? His face went back to normal.”

“No, he’s actually hotter now,” Carys announces, winning an eye roll from Sync who shows Deirdre a box of Band-Aids.

“Let’s go fix his face.”

“Caveman might be having a private conversation,” I say, wiggling free of the cuddle huddle.

“Then, he should have locked the door,” Sync replies as he takes Deirdre’s hand. “It’s getting late and the girls need to settle down.”

I follow after Sync and Deirdre with the other three kids close behind me. Caveman sits next to Indigo, speaking to him in nearly a whisper.

“Indigo needs Band-Aids,” Sync explains to Caveman before lifting Deirdre onto the mattress. My baby starts breathing too fast when she sees Indigo’s swollen eye. “It’s okay, baby. He’s going to be fine. Right, Indigo?”

Offering her a smile, Indigo nods. She crawls closer and touches his face.

“He hit you.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“No one should hit you. ”

“I agree.”

Deirdre takes the Band-Aid handed to her by Sync and carefully presses it to Indigo’s eyebrow. She starts breathing fast again until Indigo hugs her. Cuddled up against his chest, she smiles at me and then Kiera. Her sister wants love, too, and joins them on the mattress. Caveman catches the hint and gets up. Unfortunately, he turns to me, clearly ready to meddle.

“I was telling your boy how he ought to marry you before the baby comes.”

“No way. My due date is in less than a month.”

“Just do it here on the farm. Tomorrow, maybe.”

“Is your brain filled with mashed potatoes?” I demand. “Look at him,” I say and gesture at Indigo and then point at my stomach. “And look at me.”

“Don’t be shallow, Siobhan. Marriage isn’t about looking your best.”

“Profound words from the lifelong bachelor.”

“I’ve gotten plenty of wisdom stored up from watching others,” he says and then nods at Glen and Nora. “I have much insight to share.”

“Everyone knows Indigo is my forever man,” I declare and raise my arms in the air for some reason. Letting them drop down, I add, “I don’t need to get married to prove anything. Besides, marriage seems like an old-fashioned thing for the elderly.”

“Uh-huh,” Caveman mutters, standing over me and trying to seem intimidating. “Don’t you want your son to have his father’s last name?”

Indigo and Sync chuckle at Caveman’s bullshit. I ignore the O’Malley thing and use logic.

“I want all my babies to be born out of wedlock,” I state like I’m taking a strong stance for the bastards of the world. “It’s like my thing. Carys has her kids while married and names them after the ‘Aliens’ movie. I have my kids out of wedlock and give them Irish names. Why would you want to mess with our things?”

Caveman grins. “What’s your boy’s name again?”

“Callum.”

Losing his smile, he grunts, “No.”

“Cillian.”

“Don’t fuck with me, lass. ”

“I’ve already explained we’re naming him Finn because of my love of fish.”

Caveman gives me a dismissive frown. “You better use the name I gave you.”

“Or what?”

“I don’t know, but it’ll be gross.”

Laughing at his bullshit, I climb on the bed next to Indigo. “Baby Liam will be here soon, and I plan to be single when that happens.”

“My sister only birthed a single good daughter,” Caveman mutters and storms out.

As Indigo, Sync, and I laugh at his rage, I gesture for Nora and Glen to join us on the bed.

“Family time,” I announce. “Sync, you’re a part of the family, too. Feel free to lie across the end of the bed like a dog.”

The twins giggle and point at the end where they want their dad to sleep.

“But I’m sleeping in your room, remember?” Sync tells the girls.

Deirdre looks at me, seeming confused. “Where will you be?”

“In here with Indigo, Glen, and Nora.”

Kiera gasps dramatically, and Deirdre stares at me in horror.

“We want to stay with you,” Kiera insists and then looks on the floor. “We can fit right there.”

Sync grins at her pointing to a corner. “You aren’t a dog. You can’t just curl up.”

“Where are the dogs?” Deirdre asks Indigo.

“At Tack’s house.”

“They can sleep right there,” she insists.

“I think we should do what we already planned,” Sync insists. “I’ll sleep in your room upstairs. Siobhan and Indigo will be down here. You can see them before bed and when you get up.”

“No,” Deirdre says and hugs me. “You said we need to stay together.”

“I did say that.”

“You don’t want to sleep on the floor,” Sync tells the girls.

The twins look at their father with the big brown eyes inherited from him. With anyone else, he’d stick to his guns. Only his daughters have the power to rip away his common sense.

“I don’t like this,” he tells me .

“I’m too pregnant to care,” I reply.

Sync looks to Indigo who shrugs and mutters, “I’m high on drugs and can’t see out of one eye, so your complaints aren’t registering right now.”

“How about,” Mom says from the doorway, having spied on us like a good mom tends to do, “you all sleep in here tonight except for Sync since I don’t know where we’d put him?”

“In the closet, perhaps,” I suggest, snickering with Indigo.

“Then, tomorrow, the twins can sleep in their room.”

“No, thank you,” Kiera tells her grandmother. “I want to live in here forever.”

“Okay, so we’re just hitting all the extremes now,” Sync says and stands. “I give up. No one wants to sleep in a room with me.”

“ Hello? I already said you could drape yourself across the end of the bed,” I explain while Indigo chuckles. “Or cuddle up in the closet. You’re the whiner who wants a real bed for himself.”

Mom grins at Sync before announcing, “Dinner is ready. The kids need to eat in the kitchen. Siobhan and Indigo can eat in bed.”

“I want to stay,” Kiera whines.

“I know, but your grandfather needs you to pay attention to him,” Mom says, offering me a sweet smile. “And I suspect your mom and Indigo need a few minutes of quiet.”

The four kids frown at my mom. She only smiles until they fold under the power of her good mood. Once Sync leads them out of the room, I finally enjoy Indigo to myself.

Rolling off my side and onto my knees, I reach for his face and offer him a tender kiss. He rests his hands on my belly. Our son is in a rowdy mood, kicking the shit out of me. Indigo breaks the kiss to laugh at how wild Lorcan is acting.

“I love you,” I say when his gaze leaves my belly.

All my fear from today rises in me. My tears burn hot, and I can barely find the words.

“You own a part of my heart that no one else can touch,” I say through tears. “I didn’t even know it existed until you made your claim on me. Today, I felt like that part of my heart was in danger. Like those fucking pigs would tear it out of me and destroy something I need to be happy. I can’t shake that feeling. I still think I’m losing you. ”

As Indigo kisses me, he adjusts my body so I’m resting against his. “I won’t waste time promising I’ll be safe. You know how club life works. My promises would only be lies.”

Nuzzling his jaw, I know he’s right, but lies might be enough to soothe me.

“I know you think getting married is just legal stuff. But a piece of paper is more than Sync got,” he says, surprising me with his interest in a formal marriage.

“Is this because of Caveman?”

“Not really. He doesn’t care about having kids in wedlock or legal shit. But he knows what Lorrie’s life was like. My mom never had a real address as an adult. No man ever claimed her in a real way. She gave birth to Bubby and me in an off-the-grid clinic. I didn’t have a birth certificate until Caveman got involved in my life. Lorrie never had one at all. She has a death certificate but no record of her birth. In those legal ways, her life felt less meaningful.”

Cradling his battered face, I whisper, “I never knew that about your mom.”

“Lorrie grew up off the grid like many people in the hills. She never went to school. She had a fake driver’s license. I don’t know how she got the car she drove, but she had no insurance. When I became an adult, I wanted her to feel real. I barely had any pictures. As much as I hated how she died, at least, she got a death certificate. Otherwise, I’d barely be able to prove she ever existed.”

“That’s why you want a piece of paper proving we love each other.” When Indigo sighs, I shake my head. “I really wanted to have my thing be the out-of-wedlock baby deal, but I can’t tell you no.”

“You could say no.”

“No, you had me the moment you said you wanted something. I need to give you anything and everything. You’re the man I’ve always craved, and I never want you to forget how happy you make me.”

Indigo offers me a relaxed smile as if he wasn’t put through the wringer today. I don’t know how he can cut himself off from pain like he does. I’ve never needed to be as strong. I grew up surrounded by rough people, yet I was allowed to have a tender heart.

I would probably be better suited for a boring man with zero danger in his life. Yet, to live a safe life would mean giving up the people who matter most to me.