INDIGO

As Siobhan picks up the twins from school, I borrow an SUV from the farm and drive up to the hills. The dogs aren’t around when I pull up to Caveman’s house. I enter to find the place quiet. The doors are all unlocked.

I pack up my clothes and take the bag to the SUV. Out back, I find Tangina relaxing in the shade. I give her a little love and then whistle for the dogs. Rather than Grumpy and Sleepy appearing, Caveman exits the woods with Vanilla and Chef. He towers over the two children. His skin is golden while their pale skin leaves them looking like ghosts. They’re sporting new clothes, and I spot a tag hanging from Vanilla’s khaki pants.

“Abandoning us already, boyo?” Caveman asks as he arrives near the back porch.

“Siobhan wants me to stay with her.”

“My niece has no taste for solitary living,” he says and rubs at his beard. “Are you ready for such commitment?”

“I don’t know.”

Caveman smiles and wags his finger in my face. “You know.”

“I want to be with Siobhan.”

“Every day and night? That’s a lot for a man like you.”

“No, I never wanted to be alone. I just didn’t know how to get her to see me.”

“And now she does,” Caveman says and nods. “Siobhan got unlucky with Sync. I’m glad she’s found herself a better man.”

I smile at Caveman’s words. Maybe sensing he’s being too nice, he adds, “Plus, you can help her dumb daughters learn to multiply and fear bears.”

“Okay,” I say rather than arguing over his hangups. “Do you know where my dogs are?”

“Ran off with loose bitches, no doubt.”

I glance at Chef and Vanilla who watch me. “Where’s Farmer?”

Vanilla brushes hair from his pale blue eyes. “His dad got out of jail and took him home.”

“Well, Siobhan’s twins are always doing fun shit. Maybe I can bring you along for an outing, so you can play with them. ”

“You don’t have to be our friend now that you have a woman,” Vanilla says, scratching at a bug bite on his arm. “We don’t need pity.”

“Hey, now,” Caveman interjects and pats the kid’s blond head. “You’ll have plenty of time to pay your own way once you’re grown. For now, milk your cuteness for all the free crap you can get.”

Vanilla nods at Caveman’s bullshit like he’s listening to a really smart man. I used to do the same thing. Caveman might be peculiar about a lot of stuff, but he sounds confident. When I was scared or lost, he made the world seem simple.

“Thank you for letting me stay here,” I say, feeling a little sad to be leaving the hills. “If I could be two people at the same time, one of them would stay here and call you my president.”

Caveman looks touched. He rests his hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes.

“I will give you a thousand dollars if you say that again while Zoot is listening.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, his ego couldn’t handle it,” he replies, chuckling as he pats my jaw. “You’re doing right for yourself by chasing this thing with Siobhan. She’s got all the right qualities to make a man happy. Just hold on and don’t overthink a damn thing.”

Nodding, I look at Vanilla and Chef. She’s still wearing the same sad expression since her brother shot down the playdate idea.

“I’ll text Caveman with the day and time for that outing with Siobhan’s girls, okay? I can take one or both of you.”

Chef perks up immediately. Vanilla still seems unsure. I don’t blame him for being wary. He’s smart to distrust random generosity.

“If you ever need me around,” Caveman says, holding my gaze, “even if for only the length of a cup of coffee, don’t be shy, boyo.”

A lot of unspoken words pass between us right then. He’s thinking of me as a boy. I’m remembering him back when he was barely a man. I’ll never be able to repay him for everything he did for me. However, making Siobhan and the twins happy might be enough.

Breaking up our goodbye, Grumpy and Sleepy race out of the woods. They ramp up their speeds once they spot me on the back porch. Caveman smiles at the dogs’ enthusiasm.

“Be good,” Caveman says and pats my back before walking inside. The kids wave goodbye to me and follow him .

I kneel for the arriving dogs, nearly ending up on my ass when they slam into me. They lick all over my face, acting like I’ve been gone forever. I settle them down before bringing them to the SUV. Like most dogs, they love sticking their heads out the windows. They are absolutely chill by the time I pull up to Siobhan’s house.

Feeling uncertain, I remain in the SUV and worry about what happens next. They’re not bad dogs, but her house feels more delicate than the farmhouse where they’ve lived. I worry their wagging tails will destroy things, or they’ll get rough with the girls.

What if they don’t do well here? Can I give them up for Siobhan? Yes, but it’ll burn a hole inside me. Turning to look at them in the back seat, I find the German shepherd-labrador mixes panting.

When their brown-eyed gazes find me, I tell them, “You might be happier at Tack’s place.”

Grumpy responds to my voice by licking me in the eye. I flinch at his affection and wonder if stores sell treats to give dogs better breath.

They move toward the window where Siobhan approaches. I feel uncomfortable bringing them inside. They smell in a way that never bothers me but might annoy Siobhan.

As I lower the window, Siobhan offers me a smile capable of stealing my breath.

“How come you’re just sitting in here?”

“The dogs smell.”

“That’s okay. We have pet wipes for Bubbles. We can use them for your boys’ outdoor stink.” When I don’t turn off the SUV, her soft fingers graze my forearm. “Don’t be nervous. I’ve known your dogs since they were puppies. This isn’t new.”

I look at her and feel myself worrying too much. Caveman’s words return to me. What’s my heart saying right now?

I exit the SUV and open the back door. Siobhan welcomes the dogs like she always does. They’re old friends. Siobhan even helped Tack and me give the dogs their first baths. When they ran off, sopping wet, she gave chase, laughing at their crazy antics.

My lips seek out hers, craving a reminder of the last week. Driving up to the hills left me doubting how good I felt with Siobhan.

Now, as the dogs enter the house to the delight of squealing girls and the horror of a very annoyed cat, I walk with Siobhan cuddled against me. This life we’re building is real and unbreakable as long as I leave my heart in charge.