Chapter 37
Thirty-Seven
Ihaven't seen Diamond since last night, and I'm concerned. Even after spending an amazing night in Club's arms, my thoughts go back to our surly ringmaster and the devil I saw in his eyes. For some fucking reason, I want to be the one who releases his beast.
I find myself in the big top midday when everyone else is resting for tonight's show, searching for our illusive leader to no avail, but then a whistle cuts through the air. My head jerks up, my eyes widening when I see Heart. He grins at me, hanging upside down from his trapeze wire. One knee is bent over it, and the other leg is near his head. There's no net or safety precautions below him as per usual.
"Queen," he purrs, "welcome to my web of fun. Want to play?"
I should say no, I should find Diamond, but something about the dare in his voice and the taunt in his eyes makes me think he expects me to and that it would alter something between us. Flirting and being with Heart is like walking . . . well, a tightrope. One wrong move and I'll fall, and he won't be there to catch me.
You have to be brave enough to love a monster like him and strong enough to prove it.
The thrill and danger is exciting, pushing me to be better than I was, and maybe I need that right now. I'm feeling a little raw after last night, so maybe I need to remind both of us that I'm no fragile flower.
I'm a queen.
"Queen, do you dare?" His whisper wraps around me, and I can't help but smile.
I turn away without giving him my answer, and I feel his disappointment wash over me, but when I reach the bottom rung of the ladder and kick off my shoes, his inhale fills the air. I don't look at him as I grip the metal rungs. The ladder goes straight up, more of a pole with handles, and it stretches to the very top of the tent where the platforms are attached.
Taking a deep breath, I pull myself up and start to climb, not looking down or back. I don't let myself think, just feel. My hands grip the metal rungs one after the other. I can feel his anticipation, can hear him on the wire, so I turn to see him. He's on his feet, his head tilted as he watches me, and when I meet his gaze, he flips forward, landing on his hands, his feet in the air as he starts to walk toward the platform across the thin wire. My mouth drops at the stunt, and I reach up to the next rung without looking. My hand misses, and I gasp, slipping, my arm hanging down as I lose grip with my feet. He hears and rights himself, watching but not helping.
Gritting my teeth, I yank my arm up and grip the next rung, and he nods in approval, running effortlessly across the rest of the wire and then sitting across from me in front of the platform.
Using all my strength, I quickly ascend the rest of the ladder, and when I pull myself up onto the wooden platform, I meet his eyes, not looking down. Fear makes my heart pound, along with anticipation. My whole body shakes from adrenaline and terror, but when he lifts his hand, holding it out to me, I step closer, heading his way, our gazes locked together. My toes hit the wire, my hand stretched to reach his, and he slides backwards. His hand is still held out to me, his lips tilted up in a smirk.
"Well, Queen?" His seductive whisper makes me swallow. "Will you go backward or forward or freeze out of terror? I can taste it. Can't you?"
Refusing to be weak, I slide my foot onto the wire, taking a deep breath as I slide the other on after. I wobble, my eyes widening as my stomach plummets, but I spread my arms wide like I saw the others doing. It helps keep me upright, and even though I sway from side to side, I don't fall.
His grin only grows, and he slides back again, making it look easy, his hand still held out to me. He rides the air like a bird, effortlessly, and I can't help but slide closer.
"Good girl," he praises. "Look at you. Our bodies weren't built to be trapped on the ground, Ember." He slides back the entire time he speaks. I follow, focusing on his words like a lifeline, even as terror makes my legs shake. One wrong move and I'll fall to my death. "We're meant to soar, to feel the highs of this world. We're not meant to be safe at all times. That isn't living. That's just another form of death. Don't you think?"
"I've felt death," I murmur, moving closer still. "I don't want to feel it again for a very long time."
He stills then, waiting. "So then prove you're alive. Show everyone right now you're free."
I keep going until my hand hits his, and he grins wider. "Look at where you are, Queen. Look at how far you've come." I glance back, my eyes widening when I realize I've traveled over half of the tiny wire hanging in the air, and we stand hand in hand in the middle.
I know I shouldn't, I know it's stupid, but my head turns, and I look at the ground below. The distance from here to there sinks in. The way I'm taunting death sends me off balance. Fear freezes me, and I start to fall.
He releases my hand, letting me.
In slow motion, my feet slip from the wire and I free-fall, my scream erupting from my throat as my heart and stomach plummet.
I catch the wire with one hand at the last second. My entire body screams as my weight hangs on that one limb. My other floats below me as my feet kick, my screams filling the air.
He crouches above my hand, peering down at me.
"Help me," I beg.
"Help yourself, Queen," he orders darkly. "I'm not your savior. You are your own ruler. Take it. Save yourself."
"I can't," I rasp. I turn my gaze back to the ground below and my certain death.
"You can and you will. You're strong enough, Ember. It's time you realize that. Come to me, Queen. Come to me in all your glory. Look death in the eye once more and tell it you aren't his, that your soul is yours and yours alone. Your life is yours to lead." I drag my gaze back to his, tears squeezing from my eyes as my heart pumps triple time, my fingers starting to slip.
I'm going to fall.
I was such a fool.
"Do it, Ember," he roars. "Save yourself or fall. If you can't be strong enough to grasp your life, then you haven't changed from the woman we met all those nights ago and you might be better in death's embrace." He straightens, moving back over the wire, making it clear he'll watch no matter what happens.
He won't save me.
It's up to me.
He's right. It's time I fight for this life. They saved me all those nights ago and have protected me ever since. If I can't save myself now, then am I truly any stronger than I was?
Yes, I know I am.
That Ember is dead, and this new one is a fucking queen. She won't die here, not like this.
I yank my other arm up and grip the wire, gritting my teeth as I try to lift myself, but my muscles burn, and I drop back down. The wire bounces, almost causing me to let go, but I hold on tighter. Sweat trickles down my temples, and I bite my tongue until I taste blood before I swing. My bottom half moves like a pendulum. I can't rely on my upper-body strength alone, so this is the only way. I swing until I come up and over the wire, wrapping my leg around it, gripping it as it continues to bounce.
It's not pretty or elegant at all, but I'm on it, and when it finally slows, I sit up, panting. Blood drips from my lips, and my heart is pounding, but I grin. Heart watches me with pride and hunger in his gaze.
"There you are, my beautiful queen." He drops to his chest, sliding along the wire until he's before me. "I knew you could do it." He sits up, copying my pose. "Now, let's play." He flips to his feet. I'm not capable of that, but I climb to mine a lot less gracefully, holding my arms out for balance. He flips to the other platform, holding his arms out as he waits for me once more.
Taking a deep breath, I run across the wire, laughter tumbling from me at the floating sensation. It feels like I'm flying, and when I run into his arms, he twirls me before slamming me against the wooden platform, grinning down at me.
"Now it's time to really play, Queen." He forces my head to the side, and I gasp when he bites down on my throat. I slap his shoulders, but as the pain melts inside me, I curl my fingers into them, pulling him closer, my thighs falling open as he lies above me. His tongue soothes away the sting as he licks up my neck and across my cheek to my lips, tasting my blood. "You bleed so prettily for us. Watching you fly like that made me harder than ever." He grinds into me, letting me feel it through the thin, skintight pants he wears for practice. "You would have looked so gorgeous floating down to the ground."
It's fucked up, he's talking about my death, but I slide my hands down his sculpted back to his ass, gripping the firm cheeks and tugging him closer. I grind into him as my clit throbs, desire coursing through me with my pounding heart. All my adrenaline and fear transform into hunger.
"Just as pretty as you look under me. Shall I make you fly again, Queen?" he whispers into my lips, his hands hitting the wood on either side of me.
"Yes," I beg, rolling my hips, needing him inside me more than I need my next breath. I can feel his racing heart matching my own as he rubs his solid chest against mine, and then he lifts up, ripping my shirt and pants off, leaving me bare.
His greedy eyes rove over my body. "You look so good on my wire, ready to tumble for me." His eyes look crazed as he reaches down and pinches my nipples until I cry out, digging my nails into his ass to pull him closer.
"Heart," I implore before I realize what he wants.
He wants me to take control of my life, of my desires and my body. He doesn't want Ember; he wants his queen. He wants this bright, alive performer, not a scared woman chained to the floor. He wants to soar with me.
Gripping the stretchy material of his pants, I shove them down and wrap my legs around his waist. My mouth falls open on a moan as he bites my neck again, making it hurt.
"Make me fly," I order, raking my nails down his back until it bows as he snarls. "Make me fly for you, Heart. Show me how it feels."
His hands slide down to grip my hips, and in one smooth movement, he buries himself inside me. His eyes pin me in place as he forces himself deep inside my slick channel. The pleasure and pain make me sing my delight to the rafters as he fucks me.
He pulls from my pussy and slams back in. The force pushes my body higher up the platform, toward the edge, and my eyes widen as he smirks and does it again and again, until I'm hanging from the edge. I start to panic, but I grip his shoulders and stare into his eyes, then I let go.
I relax into him, showing him my trust and devotion.
I might die, but it would be worth it.
He pushes me farther, until my ass reaches the edge of the platform.
My head hangs down, blood rushing to it as my upper body practically levitates in the air. My hands remain on him, trusting him to keep me safe.
"Heart." My back arches as I lift my hips to meet his wicked thrusts, and my nails dig into his shoulders, making blood pool and drip from him onto me. Neither of us care as we fuck harder, our bodies slapping together as he pounds me into the wood.
"You're mine, Queen, my little soaring bird," he states.
"Yours," I respond, closing my eyes as ecstasy pounds through me with each stroke of his cock.
Flipping me, he slams back into my body, gripping my hips as he pushes me farther off the platform until I'm looking at the ground. I jerk my head up and look at the air around us. "Arms out," he orders. "Fly for me."
I do as I'm told, spreading my arms so I feel like I'm flying. He keeps me from falling forward, the spark of danger, of falling, making me cry out and clench around him.
His hands bruise my hips, his blood smears on my skin, and when he pushes me forward until I almost fall, I come with a scream. His roar of satisfaction echoes through the tent as he fills me with his release, keeping him on the edge of falling as ecstasy rolls through us, our bodies locked together.
I slump, and he holds me, his lips brushing my ear in a gentle kiss as his voice wraps around me. "You fly so prettily, Queen. My wire will be here whenever you need to be reminded of who you are and what you're capable of."
Tugging me back into his arms and away from the wire, he curls around me as I pant and smile, closing my eyes in relief and happiness.
My heart still soars like he told me it would.