Chapter 19

Nineteen

Diamond tastes like cirque—dark, decadent, and a little bit magical. As he takes control of the kiss and his hand tightens in my hair, I give myself over to him completely, wanting to know what it feels like to be consumed by him. Sex and intimacy have always been associated with pain and disappointment in my life before now, but something tells me it won't be like that with Diamond. It'll be something monumental, life-changing, and the urge to taste that is so strong, I try to move closer. I don't care about anything except eliminating the space between us. Diamond is currently kissing the life out of me. Perhaps that's what this is. Perhaps Diamond is a reaper and this is his way of sucking out my soul. If that were true, would I even care?

No. I think I'd happily give it to him.

Diamond's tongue sweeps along my teeth and dances with mine as he deepens the kiss. I moan against his lips, desperate for more. My fingers clench his muscles, feeling the strength there. I want him. I've never wanted someone as much as I want the man holding me. The desire racing through my blood is so strong, I choke on it, as if he has awakened my every darkest fantasy and is using them against me all with a kiss.

Just as I'm about to push him down onto my bed and go further, my tent flaps fly open. I jerk back, but Diamond's hands still hold my hair, preventing me from moving too far. He breaks the kiss, but he doesn't look away from my eyes, forcing me to see the darkness there as I pant. Part of me is embarrassed, but the other part tells me to continue and let whoever just walked in watch.

"Well, had I known what fun was happening in here, I would have come sooner," Heart teases from the entrance.

"What is it?" Diamond asks, still not looking away.

"Oh, it's Hilda. She needs Ember," Heart replies, shrugging.

"Can it wait?" I ask, glancing at Heart from the corner of my eyes.

"I wish it could." Heart sighs. "I'd love to watch the two of you fuck."

My cheeks flush at his words, and this time, when I try to look over at him, Diamond lets me. "What?" I rasp.

Heart grins. "Don't worry, Queen. I'd fuck you too."

My thighs clench together. It's vulgar and improper, but I'm thinking about it now, about the two of them and the others joining in too. I must turn bright red when my thoughts head in that direction because Heart whistles.

"Would you look at that?" he says. "I think our queen likes the sound of that."

"I . . . What does Hilda need?" I croak, trying to speak despite the raging desire simmering low in my belly. It was there before from kissing Diamond, but now I'm seeing all sorts of imagery that makes it worse. Later, I know I'll touch myself to the thought of it, whether it's a real offer or not, but for now, if Hilda needs me, I should go.

"She saw something in the cards," Heart says with a shrug. "She seemed really upset."

I sit up, my eyes widening. "She seemed upset?"

Hilda is one of the calmest people I know. I've never seen her do anything other than speak with a cool and collected tone. If she saw something in the cards that bothered her, then it must be bad.

Heart nods and presses his fingers against the tent flap, tilting his head like an animal while something dark lurks in his gaze. "Yes. Have you ever thought about how easy it would be to strangle someone with a circus tent?"

I blink. Perhaps now isn't the time to ask what he means by that. I glance at Diamond. "I should go see what she saw."

Diamond tilts his head. "You don't have to wait for my permission, Ember. You're free here."

I didn't realize I was doing just that, waiting to make sure he was okay with it. We'd been busy, after all, so I assumed . . . but that's the old Ember talking. The new Ember doesn't have an abusive husband who controls her. The new Ember doesn't need to ask for permission or apologize for things she can't control.

"Of course," I murmur. Before I think better of it, I press another chaste kiss to Diamond's lips, making his eyes widen in surprise, then I stand and head for the tent flap.

"One for me, Queen?" Heart teases with a grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows. It's a dare. He doesn't think I'll do it.

New Ember isn't afraid. New Ember doesn't care what people think of her.

I lean toward him and press the same chaste kiss to his lips, shocking him into silence. I don't think I've ever seen Heart so surprised before. His expression almost makes him look innocent, but the wicked smile that pulls at his lips right after shatters that illusion.

"Well played, Queen," he purrs as if it's a game. "I'll remember there are no rules in this game we play."

That sounds dangerous, but instead of dwelling on it, I wink at him and say, "I'll be back later," before leaving.

I rush toward Hilda's tent, expecting her to be chaotically yelling about something she saw in the cards. Instead, I find her sitting on the floor in the middle, her fingers sunk into the plush rug beneath her as if she needs to ground herself. Her pale white eyes are closed, but as I step inside, they open and something flashes in her gaze that I can't place. It's difficult to read Hilda's emotions on a good day, let alone when she consciously hides them.

"Heart says you saw something in the cards," I begin, going over to take a seat in front of her. I cross my legs and wait, knowing she'll tell me in her own time.

She hums a tune I don't recognize under her breath, but it sounds old and foreign. It feels like deserts and palm trees, an oasis in the middle of the sand. Every part of her vibrates with energy, and I watch as the cards come down from the table one by one, fluttering until they land face up between us.

"Your kindness will be your downfall, Ember," she says, her voice echoing. It's as if more than one person speaks through her, and the sound sends chills up my arms. "Happiness is not guaranteed, and the cirque must be protected at all costs. They must be protected."

"Who?" I ask, leaning closer, but she doesn't answer.

The cards catch on fire so suddenly, I jerk back, my eyes wide at the sight. The flames turn blue and then green as the cards shrivel and burn.

"He's coming." Hilda moans as her eyes roll into the back of her head. "He's coming."

"Who's coming?" I ask, afraid. "Hilda, who's coming?"

She blinks, and the flames suddenly go out. This time, when she meets my eyes, there's only the kindness I see every day. She looks confused about why she's sitting before me.

"I . . . What are we doing on the floor?" she asks.

"You said he was coming," I repeat. "Hilda, who did you mean?"

She frowns. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Ember." Her eyes catch on the burned remnants of the cards, now unrecognizable after the flames. "What happened to my cards?"

I have no answers for her. I have none for myself. "You told me to come in and said that my kindness will be my downfall. You saw it in the cards. Then you said he's coming."

Her eyes widen, and she studies the cards again. "Which cards were they?"

I blink. Had I even looked at them? I was too distraught over what happened. Pressing my hand to my head, I try to remember but I'm not sure. I'm still learning, so I don't know how to read the cards yet. Foolish. I should have looked.

"I . . . I don't know," I admit. "I don't know."

Hilda stands. "I'll search for answers. For now, go rest." She shoos me away, and I stand, my eyes on the remnants of the cards. Somehow, as I look at them, the ashes seem to form the word "nightmare," but as I look closer, the wind from the tent flaps scatters them until they form nothing at all.

I must have imagined it. Hilda will figure it out.

Everything will be okay.

I lie to myself the whole way back to my tent, until I'm convinced I blew it out of proportion. It was nothing. Nothing at all.

I forget all about it when I enter my tent and find Diamond and Heart gone.

My disappointment outweighs my fear.