Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Orla, aged 18. December 5 th

Orla climbed down the last few steps to Cranberry Cove and spotted Shay sitting at the back in their usual spot. Despite their Christmas tree twinkling happily behind him, she was too annoyed to be swept up in Christmas joy. She marched over to him.

‘Did you punch Ryan Kingsley in the face?’

‘Yes I did.’

‘Why?’

‘He was laughing at you for refusing to have sex with him, called you some not so pleasant names so I punched him.’

Orla sighed and sat next to him. She took his hand and ran her fingers over the sore looking knuckles. ‘I don’t need you to fight for me. I kicked his ass to the kerb several days ago when he got really arsey with me about sex, or rather the lack of it. He can say what he wants, I don’t care.’

Except she did. She hated that everyone knew her business and had their own opinions on it. She hated that the last two guys she’d dated and not had sex with had then gone on to tell all their friends. She felt like she was the town virgin and she would be paraded through the streets wearing a funny hat so everyone could laugh at her.

‘What’s going on, Orla? Who you do or don’t have sex with is none of my business and personally I think you can do a lot better than Ryan Kingsley, but he said you got all freaked out when he started undressing you and he was laughing about it, so I punched him for that too.’

‘How many times did you hit him?’

‘Maybe three or four.’

She sighed. ‘I just… can’t do it.’

His hand was still in hers and he slotted his fingers through hers. ‘Because of Kirk?’

She nodded. ‘It’s so silly, it’s been two years. After it happened, I was a bit shook up about it for a few days but I told myself I’d handled it, that I kicked him and I’d got the upper hand, despite being drunk. I didn’t feel like a victim I felt like… a warrior. And then I got revenge on him by telling everyone what he did, and it felt so good. Like I had won. But then whenever a man would ask me out after that I always said no, I didn’t want a relationship with anyone. I just didn’t trust anyone enough not to be a complete ass. I think Kirk laughing about it with all his friends at the party really bothered me. Laughing that he’d got me drunk and he was going to take me upstairs and show me a good time and they were all laughing and cheering him on. That’s disgusting, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘And I think the thought of being with a man and him telling all his mates after just really put me off, so I kept saying no. And then I realised that I was being silly – not all men are arseholes. Look at you.’

‘Oh yes, I’m the patron saint of decent and virtuous behaviour,’ Shay said, dryly.

‘Oh shush. You’ve slept with lots of women and I never hear you bragging about it. I never hear you telling me or any of your other friends how good or bad they were in bed.’

‘No, I’ve never done that.’

‘See. Not an arsehole. So I thought there have to be other good men out there too, so I started dating, but every time they brought up sex I bailed, even before it got that far. My girlfriends kept saying that sex isn’t a big deal and I just needed to get it over with. So I dated Ben and he seemed nice but when we eventually got around to sex and we were in his room and he started undressing me, I just had this flashback to Kirk, leaning over me, undoing my buttons and it just freaked me out. I didn’t want Ben’s hands on me, touching me, just like I didn’t want Kirk to touch me. I told Ben to stop and got out of there as fast as I could. And then he told all his friends what had happened. Same thing happened with Ryan, but at least Ben didn’t get angry with me like Ryan did.’

‘Any man who gets angry with you for refusing to have sex is not someone you should be with. You deserve so much better than that.’

‘I just feel like I’ve made it into a much bigger deal than it needs to be, I just want to get it out the way so I can move on with my life and not have Kirk’s bad memory have a hold over me. I go to London to start my nine-month chef’s apprenticeship in just over a week and then university in September next year. I don’t want to be the only virgin at university and I don’t want the same thing to happen when I’m there and everyone to laugh at me because I backed out again.’

‘You just need to find someone you trust, someone you can explain your concerns to and who’s kind enough to go slowly and patiently enough to stop if you get freaked out and try again another time.’

She swallowed. She’d practised this conversation in a hundred different ways but every time she got to this bit, she always cringed with embarrassment.

‘I trust you.’

He stared at her, clearly not comprehending for a few seconds before his eyes widened in shock.

‘Oh hell no. Orla, I’m not sleeping with you.’

It wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for, but then what was she expecting? For him to take her in his arms and make love to her here on the beach under the stars? They’d never had that kind of relationship, there’d never been anything romantic between them.

‘Why not, you have lots of meaningless sex with lots of different women. How is this different?’

‘Because you’re my best friend and I’m not doing that to you.’

‘It’s just sex, it’s no big deal. It would all be over in a few minutes and I can finally move on with my life and not let Kirk ruin it. We can do it here and—’

‘No,’ he stood up. ‘Absolutely not.’

With that he stormed off the beach leaving her alone in the dark.

There was a knocking on her door later that night.

After her dad had finally moved out the year before, her mum had immediately got herself a boyfriend and spent most nights and weekends at his house rather than at home, which was fine with Orla, she liked being alone.

She’d already gone to bed and turned off all the lights, but she knew who it would be. She lay in bed not sure if she wanted to face him or at least not tonight. She was so embarrassed she’d asked Shay to sleep with her. She wasn’t really surprised he said no. He knocked again and she got up and pulled on a robe and padded downstairs. Sure enough, his huge frame filled the door outside.

She opened the door and he looked at her.

‘Hey, are you OK?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine. Embarrassed but fine.’

He sighed. ‘You shouldn’t be embarrassed and I’m sorry for reacting the way I did.’

‘You don’t need to be sorry. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.’

‘I’m going to do it,’ he blurted out.

She looked at him in confusion. ‘What?’

‘I want to do it.’

‘No, you made it very clear you don’t.’

‘No I do. When I said no when you first asked, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to, I said no because you deserve someone so much better than me.’

‘What? Why would you think that?’

‘It’s the truth, I don’t know why you’d want someone like me to even touch you let alone make love to you, I feel like you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel by asking me, but equally out of all the boys in Apple Hill Bay you could choose, I don’t know a single one that would treat you with the respect and care that you deserve, so I suppose it has to be me. The boys I go to college with, my friends from school, they’d all be bragging about being your first, you’d probably have a quick fumble in the park or in the back of their car which you wouldn’t particularly enjoy and most of them never use protection. I would take care of you.’

‘I didn’t want a boy, I wanted a man, someone respectful and kind, someone who would make me feel safe in every way. And I’m not scraping the barrel, not at all, I’ve chosen the very best man I know. And everything you’ve just said proves that. And I’m so relieved that you’re not horrified at the thought of sleeping with me.’

‘Far from it, I’ve thought of nothing else since you suggested it.’

Her heart leapt. ‘Really?’ That didn’t make sense. He’d never looked at her in that way.

‘Of course. And I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.’

She swallowed, nerves suddenly rushing through her. ‘So… did you want to come in? Mum’s at her boyfriend’s for the weekend, so we’re alone.’

He shook his head. ‘I want to make sure we do this properly and that you will never look back at your first time with regret.’

‘I could never regret being with you.’

‘If we’re doing this, we’re doing it my way. It’s not going to be some quick meaningless shag. I’ve rented Starlight Cottage for three nights, Friday ’til Monday on the weekend before you go to London.’

‘Shay, no, that’s too much. That place costs a fortune, I don’t need that, and I don’t need three nights.’

‘I want it to be special for you.’

She stared at him. God, she loved this man so much.

‘But what will we do for three nights?’

‘We can chill out, use the pool, watch movies. But I just wanted you to have the time to relax and be ready. We can take our time and if you get scared, we can stop and try again later. And if you don’t like it, we can try different positions to see if that helps.’

‘Different positions,’ Orla squeaked. One of her favourite magazines had a page in every issue called Position of the Fortnight, which detailed various different sexual positions and how to do them. She’d always looked at them in the same way you might view a contortionist, none of them looked viable or even that comfortable. The idea of Shay doing some of those with her was more than a little intimidating.

He smiled slightly. ‘Some positions are a lot more pleasurable for the woman than others. We can try a few to see what you like.’

‘A few? Did you plan to spend the whole weekend having sex?’

He stared at her. ‘If that’s what you want.’

She had no words at all. She imagined it would be a few minutes and it would be over. Now he was talking about having a full weekend of sex with a variety of positions. Why did she suddenly feel like a fish out of water?

‘You don’t need to worry, we’ll only do what you’re comfortable with.’

‘OK,’ she said, quietly.

‘I should go. I’m going on this training course tomorrow for the week, so I won’t see you now till Friday. We can get the keys for Starlight Cottage at three, so I’ll pick you up just before.’

She nodded. She watched him walk down towards the gate then he turned back.

‘If you’re nervous or you have any questions, you can call me while I’m away and we can talk.’

‘OK.’

He gave her a little wave and it suddenly felt awkward. They both knew that the next time they’d be seeing each other they’d be having sex. It barely seemed real, not after all this time. But if it was awkward now, what would it be like after they’d done it?

‘Shay.’ He stopped as he moved away.

She ran out to him, her bare feet getting wet on the dewy grass.

‘This isn’t going to ruin our friendship, is it? I don’t want to lose you.’

He shook his head. ‘There’s nothing that could ruin that. What we have is unbreakable.’

She nodded. He gave her a hug and kissed her on the top of her head and it was weird to think that the next time he kissed her it would be a lot more intimately.

He let her go and walked off down the hill and she went back inside, her heart racing at what next weekend would hold.

She saw one of her magazines lying on the kitchen table, she had some of the older copies upstairs too. Maybe it was time to do some research.