23 A Step Too Far

23

A Step Too Far

It’s been one of the worst weeks of my entire life. As the days passed, with still no contact from Ash, it became increasingly hard to look Elizabeth in the eye without blurting out what I’d done. You can’t change someone’s mind for them, can you? What was I thinking? And then, late Friday evening the impossible happened. My phone pinged and it was a text from the man himself.

Sorry to be a pain as I know it’s late. Are you working tomorrow?

My heart skips a beat. I did intend to spend a couple of hours in the morning clearing some paperwork but there’s nothing there that can’t wait.

No, why?

It’s a big ask, but would you be willing to meet me somewhere halfway, so we can talk in private? It’s all been going around and around inside my head and there’s no one else I can talk to.

Yes! All is not lost. Well, not yet anyway. I feel like punching the air but instead my fingers get clicking.

That’s not a problem. You’ll have to suggest a place as I can’t think of anywhere off the top of my head.

Great, appreciated. I’ll send you a link to a little place I know your side of Taunton. It’ll probably take you about an hour and a half to get there. Is that OK?

Perfect. What time?

Say around eleven?

See you there.

Thanks. It’s just been a tough week.

Goodness, tell me about it! Well, I guess I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but the thought of meeting up with Ash tomorrow sends a little thrill coursing through me. How ridiculous is that? But one thing I do know for sure, is that tonight I’ll sleep well for the first time since we spoke on Monday.

I make my way inside the very charming inn known as Little Hollows. Considering that it’s a bit off the beaten track, quite a few of the tables are occupied. I hear my name being called and Ash jumps to his feet, waving me over as if we’re old friends. He’s chosen a quiet corner table.

As we greet each other, I notice there’s a pallor to his face that surprises me.

‘Thank you for coming, Sienna, I really appreciate it.’

‘That phone call I made … I didn’t mean to unsettle you.’

He indicates for me to take a seat as a waitress approaches.

‘Can I get you something to drink?’ She smiles at me and I glance at the coffee cup in front of Ash.

‘A cappuccino would be lovely, thanks.’

‘Make that two,’ Ash pipes up.

She picks up his cup, hurrying away.

The seconds tick by and he glances at me nervously. ‘I guess it did, a little. However, that day I waylaid you in Charlestown was unfair of me and I’ve been on a bit of a guilt trip ever since.’

‘Why? I was the one who caused—’

‘Let me stop you there. If I’d been in your shoes, thinking I was being helpful, I’d probably have done the same thing.’

I find myself anxiously chewing my lower lip. ‘Really? I’ll be honest with you and say that I didn’t really understand what caused the rift between Freddie and your father in the first place. I had some reservations about getting involved.’

The waitress returns, and in the silent moment that ensues, when my eyes meet Ash’s what I see makes my heart constrict.

The moment she’s out of earshot he shifts uneasily in his seat. ‘It was wrong of me to ask you to deliver a message on my behalf, it was the coward’s way out and I’m sorry I put you on the spot like that.’

‘Oh … please don’t apologise to me.’

A little smile plays around the edges of his lips. ‘OK, let’s say we’re even, shall we? We were both in the dark about a few things when we spoke.’

I can feel the colour rising in my cheeks, as I’m not normally that direct when it comes to talking to a stranger. ‘When you said your mind was made up about not making contact, I just felt there were things you should know. Elizabeth is a good person – Freddie was, too – and I refuse to believe that their son was any different, despite what happened.’

Ash looks surprised by my words so I decide to continue.

‘We all have problems – some we make for ourselves; others are created by the people around us. I know, because I’ve been there myself, but it was Freddie and Elizabeth who helped to pick me back up.’

I lift the coffee cup to my mouth, waiting to hear what he has to say. Ash’s eyes don’t stray from my face and my heart starts to hammer away in my chest when he starts talking.

‘What struck me was your reaction to some of the things I said. It was obvious you didn’t want to get pulled in any further and yet you stuck your neck out. In hindsight, it dawned on me that you had nothing at all to gain, so why bother? Why would you do that for a stranger? The only answer I could come up with is that you truly believed what you were saying.’

My hand trembles a little as I set the cup back down on the saucer. ‘You were right when you said that you don’t owe anyone anything, Ash. But two wrongs don’t make a right. Your grandmother is a wonderful lady who is grieving the loss of not only her husband, but her son. And, in a way, now, the loss of you, too.’

Ash places his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together as he leans his chin on them while staring directly at me. ‘You make a compelling case, Sienna, but I fear if you knew the whole story you might feel a little differently. And I’m looking at this from my grandmother’s point of view, here.’

‘Then tell me what you know. We didn’t drive all this way just to apologise to each other, did we?’

He gives me another of his ever-so-slightly cool and enigmatic smiles.

‘The irony of the situation is that you’re the only person I can talk to. No one in my life now knows anything at all about my past. Our life began in earnest the day Mum and I arrived in Cornwall. I wanted us to meet up because what you said made me stop and think that maybe, just maybe, I was being a little rash. Something deep down inside is warning me that it was stubbornness that got my father into trouble. I don’t want history repeating itself.’

‘I am, and you don’t?’ I reply, a sense of hope flooding through me.

‘I told you … he wrote me a letter and that was my real legacy from him.’

Peter bared his soul to his son to make sure he didn’t make the same mistakes. That tells me he had a heart, and a loving one.

After our leisurely coffee, the inn started serving food at noon. It was obvious that this little get-together was going to take a while and over lunch it seemed only fair to let Ash quiz me about my past. If he were about to trust me with his own life story, how could I not do the same … warts and all? I didn’t leave anything out, even when his eyes grew dark when I told him about Liam having cheated on me. I laughed it off, saying that some things happen for a reason, but my instincts told me that he understood it was just my way of dealing with it.

By the time our dessert arrived, it was his turn.

‘Freddie and Elizabeth’s parents had bequeathed money to them and they decided to put a chunk of it into a trust fund for my father, who was in his early teens at the time. Freddie administered it and my father received a lump sum at the age of eighteen. When he turned twenty-one, he was added to the trust as a signatory.’

‘Oh … so money wasn’t a problem, then?’ Now I’m confused.

Ash shakes his head. ‘Oh, it was a problem, all right! My father admitted that despite a rather stern warning, he ventured into business with someone his parents had reason to believe was a bit of a shady character. It wasn’t until the guy suddenly disappeared that Peter admitted he’d put every penny he had into what turned out to be a fictious business opportunity. Even worse, he’d borrowed heavily to increase his investment in the belief that it would all come good and he’d prove them wrong.’

I draw in a sharp breath. ‘He lost everything?’

‘Everything he could get his hands on at that point, but it still wasn’t enough to clear his debts. He was desperate and he was also ashamed of the way he’d blatantly refused to listen to the warning he’d been given.’

‘That must have been tough for him to admit,’ I remark.

‘He said he wanted me to know he brought his woes on himself.’

Wow! That’s quite an admission to make to a son he’d never met. Ash was right, Peter’s legacy wasn’t just the money for the new start, it was a life lesson he’d learnt the hard way.

Ash pushes away his plate, collapsing back against his chair as I nibble away absentmindedly at the cheesecake in front of me.

‘But you’ve lost me … if he was left with nothing, how could he afford—’

His eyes flicker over my face as he sits there frowning. ‘That’s what the argument was about. Withdrawals from the trust fund required two signatures, so in effect the money was untouchable, but my father was demanding access to it. Freddie didn’t want his son wasting his grandparents’ hard-earned money, so he agreed to pay off the debts out of his own pocket. He made it clear his son would have to prove he’d learnt his lesson before he would let him touch another penny of the fund.’

‘I see. No wonder there was ill feeling between them.’

Ash’s frown deepens. ‘It also caused a major upset between his parents, too. His mother felt that he’d been through enough to have learnt his lesson but Freddie seemed to sense that he wasn’t telling them the whole story. And that’s what angered him.’

‘What a horrible situation to find themselves in. I can understand Freddie not wanting his parents’ legacy to be … misspent, but a part of it came from Elizabeth’s family, so she should have had a say in it.’

He tuts. ‘Well, the awful truth is that my father lied about the full extent of his debts and what Freddie ended up paying off was only a part of it. A few days later, my father forged Freddie’s signature and emptied the entire fund.’

My hand flies up to my face but it’s too late, and I let out a gasp. ‘And that’s how he managed to finance his new life and, eventually, provide for you and your mum.’

‘As you say, eventually. He left the UK owing nothing, as he didn’t want to bring that disgrace on his family, but it didn’t leave him with much. In the process of doing what he thought was the right thing, he only succeeded in breaking their hearts. They had no idea about the full extent of his losses and, as far as I know, still don’t.’

I’m reeling. ‘But … it was only money, no one died!’

Ash’s eyes widen. ‘My father committed an act of fraud. He not only lied about his financial problems but he stole from his parents when they were only trying to protect him from himself. That day I stood outside Silverberry Hall, I realised how broken my father must have been to know how badly he’d let them down. He fled because he was ashamed of the mess he’d gotten himself into, but they thought he left because he was greedy and had no conscience.’

My heart is hammering away inside my chest. To an honourable man like Freddie, who set the bar high when it came to standards and morals, it must have felt like the ultimate betrayal. And yet, I also feel sorrow for Peter, so desperate he felt he had no other option left.

‘Did your mother know the full story at the time?’

‘Not all of it. Their relationship had already ground to a halt as my father had become unreliable, turning up at her flat at odd hours and then having no contact for days at a time. She ended up telling him she’d had enough. It was only a few days later that he rang her to say how sorry he was that he’d messed everything up. He’d been drinking and ended up telling her that he’d done something very wrong and that his family would never forgive him, so he was heading to Italy.’

‘Ah … they weren’t together at that point, then.’

‘No. His erratic behaviour had become too much for her to cope with. She was worried about him but when she tried to call him back, the number she had was no longer in use. A short time later, out of the blue, he rang her in a bit of a panic. He’d heard from an old friend that his parents were desperately trying to track him down and he made her promise if they approached her, she’d say she had no idea where he was. He said it was for the best. He gave her a contact address in case she heard anything. He told her he would be changing his number again in order to cut all ties with everyone in the UK.’

‘That must have been harrowing to hear and worrying, too.’

‘Yes, because a part of her longed to turn back the clock. He was a different person before his life fell apart and that was the man she always loved, right up to the very end.’

It’s too sad to comprehend. ‘That’s why she wrote to him when she found out she was expecting you, and despite the risk, he kept the letter.’

‘Yes.’

‘What was his reaction?’ I find myself unwittingly holding my breath. This is edge of the seat stuff. I push my plate away, my appetite having evaporated a while ago.

‘He asked her to join him but … how can I put this? His life was in flux and they’d only known each other for a little over six months, two of which were while he was acting totally out of character. She had no idea whether their relationship would last the course, or the pressures of having a baby. There were no guarantees and for her it would have been a huge risk. While her family weren’t very supportive, the friends she had around her were.’

The eye contact between us is rather tense and I can see how painful it is for him to acknowledge, but in a way strangely cathartic I should imagine, to get off his chest. It’s just sad that the only person he’s happy to do that with is a virtual stranger, but someone he can trust because he knows I won’t utter a word of it to anyone else. ‘Was your father disappointed?’

‘Mum said that he was a man who simply didn’t want to make yet another mistake. She felt he was saying all the right things, but maybe it was a bit of a relief when she declined his offer. He wasn’t really in a position to settle down, was he? He’d recently invested in a small business and it probably took every penny he had left. But he promised her that when he was financially stable, he’d make sure my mother and I were comfortable.’

‘Which he did, eventually,’ I murmur, ‘and that’s when you made the move.’

Ash inclines his head. ‘He honoured her wish that from there after they’d have no further contact. It was the fresh start my mum deserved. As for my father’s will … that wasn’t a part of the agreement.’

‘The agreement?’ I almost wince. ‘That sounds so cold-hearted.’

‘Was it? My father had disgraced himself and he didn’t want my mum, or me, to be tainted by that. If she’d found out sooner that I was on the way, before he’d left the country, maybe things would have been different. Who knows?’

‘Different, how?’

‘My father made some poor decisions. Sadly, his own father didn’t understand how desperate he was to prove he’d learnt his lesson, but his options were limited and that changed everything going forward.’

‘It must have been tough for your mother managing all on her own in those early years.’

‘We got by. She wasn’t looking for him to support us on a daily basis, if that’s what you think. But she accepted his help when it came, because she said it was my due, that it was my inheritance.’

‘How does that differ from what he’s bequeathed you in his will? Doesn’t it mean anything, the fact that he never forgot you?’

Ash sighs, lowering his chin to his chest and for the first time what I’m sensing is raw emotion. ‘He wasn’t a bad man; he was wronged. But his father only saw things in black and white; he broke the law, and if he did it once, would he be capable of doing it again? As it turns out, he used that inheritance wisely; he built up a successful holiday rental business. He took care of his wife and the people he loved. The people that he’d had no choice but to leave behind.’

‘You and your mum.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Oh, Ash. If only Elizabeth could read that letter—’

‘It would heal her broken heart? The thing is, Sienna, isn’t it best to let the past go? I wouldn’t fit into her life. How would she introduce me? I live simply and I’m happy. As I said that day we sat together looking out over the sea, isn’t it kinder this way? I don’t know exactly how old she is, but she deserves a quiet life. That’s my gift to her.’

When we eventually part, he gives me a genuinely grateful hug and it makes me feel tearful. It’s as if he knows we’ll never meet again and this is his way of saying goodbye. And yet I feel I know him better than I do many people I’ve known for almost a lifetime. Parting makes my heart ache and I’m at a total loss to explain how truly devastated I feel. And it’s not just for Elizabeth, because for whatever reason Ash has touched my heart. But it’s more than that. He’s stirred up something deep down inside of me, something I’ve never felt before. Is it merely a level of compassion, that’s so deep it’s almost scary? The answer to that is I simply don’t know and I’m not sure how I feel about it.