13

At a point in time, not too terribly long ago, I was a respectable man.

What happened?

Hidden in the bushes, I hold on to this damn blow-up doll that could be my twin, reflecting on the questionable decisions I've made in life that got me here.

It's become a game between Theo and me. He left it at the studio after our initial "introduction," and I waited until the next practice to covertly hide it in his trunk. It wasn't until he went grocery shopping a few days later that my well-planned sneak attack was executed. It was a sleeper cell. A long con.

Theo sent me a selfie of his pouting face, holding Wante to his side while the ground underneath him was littered with the remains of his carton of eggs. He'd been so shocked when it popped out of his trunk that he dropped his bag of groceries. Rumor has it he screamed, too.

And by rumor, I mean Theo reenacted it, demonstrating in explicit detail exactly how loudly he hollered when I saw him the next afternoon. I swear, the vibrations of his voice rattled straight through my bones.

I want to feel bad, but I can't because I laughed too damn much. He only took a day to retaliate, stuffing the doll half-inflated into my mailbox. When I opened it, the rubber dick flopped out and the front end of the limp sex doll sprung forward like some perverted jack-in-the-box.

The mailman might've gotten the surprise of his life.

This leads me to the here and now, where I wait in the dark, aware that Theo will leave soon. When I asked if he wanted to hang out tonight, my intention was to sneak the doll into his apartment somewhere for him to find later. He told me he had dinner plans and took a raincheck, but I know where he hides his spare key.

So, here I am, crouching in the bushes as the sun sets, trying to hide the sex doll in my arms and waiting for the opportunity to strike.

I hear Theo's footsteps before I spot him, walking with another guy around his age. Someone walking a dog stops as Theo crouches, petting it with a manic grin on his face as the other guy looks on with a fond smile. He's a few inches taller and bulkier than Theo, and they are completely at ease with each other. My heart sinks as I watch them laugh and walk towards his car, and in that moment, I feel like the world's biggest idiot.

Why didn't it cross my mind that he might be on a date?

Theo is smart, and hilarious, and gorgeous. Guys are probably lined up in a queue, waiting for an opportunity to go out with him. Just because I said we can't be more than friends doesn't mean he's becoming a monk.

He has every right to live his life, even if mine is standing still.

Suddenly, I'm uncomfortable and the need to flee is overwhelming.

I drop lower to the ground, and in my haste, I snag the doll on a twig. Air rushes out with an ear-splitting whistle, shattering the silence around me and rustling the leaves of the bush. I panic, frantically searching for the leak before someone notices me.

"Dante? Is that you?" Theo calls, perplexed, and I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Lightning to smite me and put me out of my misery.

"No," I yell back, a weak attempt at a joke. Leaves rattle as Theo's smiling face peers at me from above, sitting here like a pervert with a deflating sex doll.

"What are you—OH MY GOD! What happened to Wante?"

Awkwardly, I stand up and brush off the leaves and dirt from my jeans, giving a vague gesture towards the doll. "I, um, accidentally popped him."

"What were you doing to pop him, huh? Getting frisky with yourself? Dante, you kinky motherfucker—I didn't think you had it in you."

The skin on my head and neck is flaming as I avoid the curious stare of Theo's date. The guy probably thinks I'm some sort of psycho stalker. "No, no, I was going to plant him in your apartment and kinda snagged him on the bush."

"This is fucking amazing," Theo cackles, taking the doll from me and watching as it gets more and more limp. "I'll have to patch the poor guy up. We can't let him die!"

I shuffle between my feet as I search for an opening to leave. "Well, you two probably want to go to dinner."

"Oh, my gosh! Sorry, I'm being so rude. Dante, this is Sam."

God, what a fucking mess. It's difficult for me to make eye contact, but I force myself to hold my chin up. "Nice to meet you, Sam. I'll, uh… I'll let you guys get to it." Theo's eyes find mine again, his head tilting in question as I toss my thumb over my shoulder, like I'm fucking hitchhiking or something. "I'm going to just… go." Before I embarrass myself further, I turn and walk towards my car.

Stupid, stupid, stupid . Fuck, I'm a goddamned idiot.

"Damn it, hold this," I hear Theo say, followed by the unmistakable squeak of Wante being passed to his date. Mere steps from my car, a hand wraps around my wrist and spins me. "Hey, what's that all about? Don't run from me." The obvious hurt on his face only adds to my guilt.

I force a smile. "Don't let me hold you up. Have a good time at dinner, okay?"

"Dante, Sam is my brother. "

My emotions shift from jealous to elated to mortified so quickly it gives me whiplash. "Oh, holy shit, I met your brother… in a bush… with a blow-up doll in my hand."

He cackles so loud a few heads turn in our direction. "You sure did."

"And… and… fuck me, that sex doll looks just like me." What's past the ninth circle of hell? Because I'm pretty positive that's where I am.

He's getting endless pleasure from my humiliation, and it's clear in his enormous, wicked smile. Clearly, I'm dealing with a demon. "It probably made his entire week."

"Shit, I am so embarrassed," I groan, dragging my hand over my face.

"Did you think I was on a date?" he asks gently.

Annoyed at myself, I sigh as I nod, turning my face up to the darkening sky to avoid looking at him. "Yeah."

"And you were jealous?" He scoots closer and leans into me.

"Perhaps," I mumble, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"You think I'm gorgeous… you want to kiss me…" he sings, and I snap my eyes down to his as he does an obnoxious dance in front of me.

"Jesus, Theo."

"You want to hug me… you want to love me…"

"This isn't Miss Congeniality!" My voice raises as his grin spreads further, and his brother walks towards us, shaking his head.

He only sings louder. "You want to smoooooch me… You want to hug me…"

A small audience is staring as he dances, and my skin is flushed so dark I'm surprised I haven't turned purple. Sam is grinning as he approaches, unbothered by his brother's shenanigans. "So, you're Dante, huh?"

"I feel like maybe I shouldn't admit that right now," I say as Theo continues to shimmy around, humming, and Sam laughs with a familiar mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Nah, man, my brother's been talking about you for years. It's great to finally meet the man of my brother's obsession."

"Traitor!" Theo gasps, smacking his arm, but Sam ignores him, shifting Wante to his left hand and offering me his right in a handshake. His carefree disposition is effortlessly charming, much like his brother.

Already over the betrayal, Theo beams between the two of us before curling into my side. "What were you planning to do with Wante?"

"He was going to be waiting for you in the shower."

"Oooh, with a hidden camera?"

My eyes widen as I stare down at him in shock. "What? No! Of course not!"

"But it's a good idea, right? I'd pretend I didn't know it was there and strip in front of him while you watch the show. It could be a thing."

My hands run down my face again. "That's not… a thing, Theo."

"It could be! We should invent it… sex dolls with hidden cameras. We would call them… Guy Spy! Ooooh, wait… Manny Cam!" Sam cracks up as he looks between us, obviously no help in convincing his brother that he's clinically insane.

Theo rests his cheek against my chest and smiles up at me. "You're cute when you're flustered."

"You're always cute," I respond with a soft kiss to his hair.

"Even when I embarrass you?"

"Eh…." He smacks at my stomach as Sam and I laugh. "Yeah, Theo. Even then." I hug him once more before stepping back. "You guys are probably hungry, and my little bush adventure held you up."

"That sounds like the name of terrible straight porn," Theo says as I burst out laughing again. He's reluctant to leave, so I give him another smile. "I expect Wante to be fixed and operational by tomorrow."

"Guy Spy included?"

I shake my head as he grins. "Please don't."

He runs forward and gives me a tight hug, pressing up on his toes and inching his lips to mine before I stop him. "Theo," I scold in a whisper, mouthing his name more than saying it.

"Fine," he sasses, like a petulant child, and he pops a quick kiss on my cheek before taking a step backward. Sam claps me on the shoulder before they walk off towards Theo's car.

A flash of movement near the corner of the building catches my eye, and I frown at the head of blonde hair that disappears down the walkway. My sense of humor vanishes as I jog towards the man, but I can't spot anyone familiar among the few people in the courtyard and parking lot.

Just as I'm about to convince myself my eyes are playing tricks on me, I see the tall blond leaning against a car and facing away. I jog over, heart thundering as I approach. "Hey," I growl, right behind him, and the man turns around with wide eyes, palms facing me.

"I-I'm not looking for any trouble," the man who is definitely not Jesse stutters, and I cringe as I back up, putting a healthy distance between us.

"Sorry," I mutter, shaking my head as I take another sweep up his body. The resemblance from behind was uncanny, but his face couldn't be more different. "Thought you were someone else." He gives me a strained smile as I apologize again and walk to my car, silently yelling at myself for being paranoid.