Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

JESSICA

T he sound of light footsteps walking over gravel causes my entire body to stiffen. Even before turning around, I know it's not Matthew. My senses are too attuned to him. I know when he’s near, even if I can’t see him.

Caring for my horse this week has been a challenge. We never ran into each other, but he was near every day. I felt him. It disappointed me that I never saw him.

Every ounce of my being craves him, needs him. I can’t stop my body’s reaction to a potential run-in with him . But the stubborn voice whispering in my ear continues to tell me to be cautious.

I mostly want to crush that voice and put it to rest, but it has a strong hold on me. Too many years of living with it, I guess. That voice is the same one that has kept me sane for all these years. It’s helped me focus and grow my business into what it is today. And it’s the same voice that will guide me through this next phase of my life and create something wonderful with the vineyard.

When Emmie catches sight of me, she breaks out into a run. I crouch down to her level and open my arms to catch her as she flies into me.

“Well, aren’t you a little ray of sunshine this morning.” I smile at her, and find it’s natural, not forced. I’m looking forward to spending the morning with her.

She giggles and squeezes me tight. Every small—in this case big— affection from this girl steals a little more of my heart. I lean back and brush a strand of her hair out of her face. “You ready to go riding with me?”

“Yep.” She turns to Rosie and grabs her pack. “Grandma packed us some snacks.”

Rosie pats Emmie on the top of her head and smiles. “Just a few things in case you girls get hungry. Come here, sweetie,” she opens her arms to Emmie, “give me a hug before I take off.”

Emmie crashes into Rosie like her offer of a hug is the greatest gift in the world. And I guess, it kind of is. A little more of my defenses soften when Rosie lets go of Emmie and pulls me into a similar hug. I welcome it. It’s been so long since I had this—the affection of a family—and I don’t want to lose it now that I have it back.

“I’ll leave you girls to it. When you get back, just bring her up to the house.” Rosie points at my parents’ house next to the barn. Or should I say, Matthew’s house. Once he signs the papers, this will no longer be my home.

“We’ll probably be out a couple hours, I’d say.” I tug at a strand of Emmie’s hair. “Maybe a little longer depending on how this little rider does.”

Emmie’s smile grows and she claps her hands. “I can ride all day.”

“All right then, let’s go see what you’re made of.” We wave goodbye to Rosie before I turn to introduce Emmie to my horse.

“Emmie, this is Flight. She’s very gentle and loves little girls.” Emmie walks up to my mare and pets her shoulder because she’s a little too short to reach her mane.

“She’s beautiful,” Emmie whispers.

When I first decided to get a horse in Seattle, it was Flight’s reddish bay coat and deep brown mane and tail that first caught my attention. She’s a gorgeous horse for sure, but her personality is what ultimately won me over. She’s a sweetie with a giving, fun heart. She loves to play and snuggle, my favorite combination.

“Is she fast? Is that why you named her Flight?” Emmie asks.

“She is fast, but that’s not what earned her that name. You see, your da—” I pause, stopping myself from finishing that sentence. Emmie doesn’t need to hear what I was going to say about how her dad makes me feel, so I alter my words.

“It’s symbolic really.” I crouch down next to Emmie and squeeze her hand. “You know that feeling you get when something really amazing or great makes you feel like you’re on top of the world.” She nods, but I’m not sure she understands where I’m going. “Your insides feel light and free—like you could just take off and fly, because you feel so good.”

Her eyes widen and a huge smile takes over her face. “Like how I feel when I’m on my pony. Or how Colt makes me feel safe and happy.” She holds her snuggly stuffed horse to her chest and kisses it like it’s the only thing in this world that will make her happy. In that moment, I know she understands.

“That’s exactly it.” I stand and nuzzle my face into Flight’s neck. “That’s why I named her Flight. As soon as I met this girl, I was overcome with that lightness and hope. I was ready to fly again—to love and dream. And every time I need to be reminded of what that freedom feels like, I come to my girl, and she fills my heart up with so much joy I have no choice but to fly high and free.”

“Wow.” Emmie’s mouth is open, and she looks up at me with so much reverence it’s intimidating. “I can’t wait until Daddy lets me have my own horse so I can name her something that nice, too.”

I chuckle, recalling how I was at her age. I drove my daddy nuts over wanting to ride horses. It was all I thought about until I met Matthew. He’s the only person who managed to compete for my affection.

“Come on. Let’s get going before the morning gets away from us.” I take her pack and attach it to the side saddle before my mind keeps wandering down these dangerous paths. “I’ll get you up in the saddle first, then I’ll swing in behind you, okay?”

She nods and holds her arms up so I can lift her. I get her situated and hop up behind her. Once we’re both secure in the saddle, I navigate Flight out of the barn and onto the path that leads to the creek.

“I thought we’d ride out to the creek, maybe I could share one of my favorite spots with you. Has your daddy ever taken you out there? ”

She shakes her head. “He told me about it, but I’ve never seen it.”

I smile. “Good. I’m glad I get to share this spot with you first.”

She looks back at me with awe in her eyes. “Does this spot make you feel like you can fly?”

I tap her nose with my finger. “It sure does.”

We ride at a slow pace, taking our time to navigate the narrow forest trail. It’s starting to get a little overgrown from years of limited traffic, but it would only take a few trips out to open it back up again. Emmie chats my ear off the entire way, telling me about her friends, her love for her stuffed horse Colt, and her dream of jumping just like I did when I was young.

The more she talks, the more of myself I see in her. I only met Emily that one time. It was brief enough that I have no reference of what she was like, but I can’t help but wonder if we shared a lot of similar qualities. I see too much of myself in Emmie for it not to be the case.

I shake the thought out of my head. It doesn’t matter if Emily and I shared similar qualities. She’s gone, and that’s Matthew’s past. I said I forgave him, now I need to truly do it.

I suck in a breath and squeeze my eyes close. Shit, Adam’s right.

I didn’t want to believe him when he said it, but I keep living in the past instead of letting myself absorb the present and dream about the future. I can be such a stubborn fool sometimes. I snort as I recall Adam saying exactly that to me as well. That’s something else I need to work on if there’s any hope of me finding happiness in this small town.

I open my eyes, and the creek comes into view. I steer Flight toward the tree close to my favorite spot. When we reach it, I slide off, tie her to a branch, and help Emmie down. I grab the pack of snacks and take Emmie’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go sit in my most favorite spot in the entire world.”

She giggles and skips as we make our way to my rock. “It’s so pretty out here.”

“It is, but that’s not what I love best about this spot. It’s so calming and peaceful. Anytime I was upset or just needed a breather, I’d come out here and this place would wash all my worries away. I think this creek has magical powers. The water flowing from the mountains rushes past and takes all of our troubles with it, leaving behind nothing but peaceful bliss.”

Emmie’s eyes widen and her little mouth falls open. She watches the water for a moment, then looks up at me. “I can feel it.”

I smile. “Totally magical.”

I open the pack full of snacks, and smile when I see brownies. “Your grandma knows the way to my heart. She packed my favorite.” I pull out a brownie and hand one to Emmie.

“They’re my favorite, too.” I smile and pull out the bottles of water Rosie included as well.

We eat our brownies in silence and my mind wanders back to my childhood. I had so many great memories on this rock, most of them included Matthew. “You know, I met your daddy for the first time right here at this spot.”

“You did?” Emmie’s eyes light up.

I don’t know why I tell her that, but now that I brought it up, I keep talking. “Yep. We were twelve. He tried to steal my horse.”

Emmie laughs. “Did he get it?”

“Nope.” I grin. “He’d never ridden yet at that point, and well, I was an expert rider. All I had to do was whistle and my horse stopped. Your daddy went flying over my horse’s head and landed on his back.”

Emmie laughs even harder. Matthew’s a great rider now, but back then, he didn’t have a clue. “I wish I could see Daddy fall. Were you mad?”

“Furious. I almost punched him.”

“But didn’t you?”

I shake my head. “He looked like he was already hurting enough. More his pride than his body, I think. After that, we became best friends. We were inseparable until we headed off to college.”

Emmie sighs and leans into my side, winning over a little more of my heart. She’s such a sweet kid. I hate that my problems with Matthew are making her life more difficult.

“I wish you were my mommy.” Her words cause me to freeze.

“What?”

“I know I shouldn’t think that. I had a mommy, but I never met her. She’s not real to me.” Emmie looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “But you’re real, and I like you. And I know Daddy loves you. If you loved him back, you could be my mommy.”

Something I don’t recognize tightens around my heart. Panic is the first emotion to wash over me, but that’s quickly squashed as I realize this little girl has been slowly weaseling her way into my life, and I don’t mind one little bit.

When I look at her, I no longer see everything I lost. I see everything I could have if only I’d choose to trust Matthew again. I no longer feel pain, betrayal, and heartache when I look into Emmie’s eyes. All I see is love and joy.

Something in my expression must upset Emmie because she lets her tears fall. “It’s okay if you don’t love my daddy.”

I pull her into my arms and let my own tears fall. “It’s not that. There’s just … a lot more to it than love.”

She sniffs and wipes her eyes dry. “I know he was supposed to marry you. But then I came along and ruined everything.”

I gasp. I grab her shoulders and turn her so she’s looking at me. “Who told you that?”

The urge to murder someone for even thinking about saying something like that to Emmie consumes me. How dare anyone make this sweet little girl feel responsible for how my life turned out.

“No one. But I have ears, and I’m smart. I figured it out.”

“Listen to me.” I rotate so I’m facing her. “You had absolutely nothing to do with why your dad and I broke up. Any pain between us, we caused ourselves. I don’t ever want you to question that. You hear me?” I stare at her until she nods in understanding. “And even if we never get back together, I still want us to be friends. You mean a lot to me.”

She nods but doesn’t look convinced. “Hey, tell me what you’re thinking. I can’t help make it better if you don’t talk to me.”

“He says we have to move. He said I’d get over it because I’m still young, and that he can’t take your house from you.”

I let out a low breath, drop my head into my hand, and rub my eyes. “I told him I’d sell him the house. I don’t want you to have to move.”

She shrugs. “He doesn’t care.” She looks up at me with so much sadness in her eyes. “Why can’t we all live together? ”

“Come here.” I pull her onto my lap and hug her tight. “Give me a chance to fix this, okay? This isn’t what I want, please believe that.”

She nods and lets me hold her until her tears dry. Once she’s calm, we load up and head back to the house. All I can think about is finding Matthew and changing his mind. I can’t be responsible for breaking little Emmie’s heart.

Emmie runs inside before me, leaving the front door wide open. Matthew and Rosie are in the kitchen arguing, and Emmie runs into the middle of it before I can stop her. I don’t catch enough of the argument to know exactly what’s being said, but I hear a few keywords that let me know the subject matter. Moving. House. Mistake.

“Daddy, I don’t want to move.” Emmie cries and I freeze at the doorway. I don’t belong in the middle of this conversation. This is Matthew’s family, not mine.

“Emmie, we talked about this. We can’t stay.” He sounds so exhausted. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and tell him it’ll be okay.

She stomps her little foot and balls her hands into fists at her side. “But she said we could stay. Why won’t you listen to her?”

“Emmie, enough.” His voice is firm, almost angry.

Emmie’s shoulders sag in defeat. “I hate you, Daddy!”

She turns on her heels and runs past me. Matthew’s eyes meet mine, just now realizing I’m standing here.

Rosie sighs and shakes her head. “Will you two please figure this out before you completely break my granddaughter? I’ll go get her and take her home with me. I don’t want to hear from either of you until this thing between you is resolved.” She turns to Matthew and pins him with an angry stare. “Do you understand me?”

He gives her a single nod, then she rushes past me. Neither of us make a move until Rosie has Emmie in her car and is starting down the driveway.

Without a word, Matthew rushes past me and heads up the stairs. A few seconds later I hear a door shut. My shoulders slump as the reality that he’s doing this for me washes over me. For the first time since we reached adulthood, Matthew is choosing me. Even over his own daughter’s happiness. He’s willing to break Emmie’s heart to give me what I always wanted—my home.

I can’t let him do this.

I slowly ascend the stairs and make my way down the hallway to the closed door at the end. I rest my hand on the doorknob and hesitate. If I open this door, it means I’m choosing him. Am I ready for that? To let the past go and welcome whatever the future has to offer. Because once I open this door, there is no going back.

I take a deep breath, and whisper, “Yes. Yes, I am.”

When I open the door, Matthew is sitting on the opposite side of the bed with his head in his hands. I make my way around the room and drop to my knees in front of him. He doesn’t move or give any indication that he knows I’m here, but I notice a slight increase in his breathing.

I reach for his hands, and pull them away from his face. His eyes are red, and his cheeks are wet with tears. My heart breaks all over again. Matthew and I have shared so much over the years, but I’ve never seen him cry. Knowing these tears are for me creates a shift inside me not unlike an earthquake opening the ground and changing the landscape.

I wipe his tears away before I cup his face between my hands. “Matt, don’t do this.”

He covers one of my hands with his and slides the other around my neck. He pulls me to him. Every ounce of my being trembles, but I welcome his embrace. “I’m not living in this house another day without you.”

His words are the final catalyst to completely break me apart. My entire world has been under constant pressure, just waiting for the moment an eruption so significant and powerful hits, that it changes everything. This is that moment. Every bad thing that happened over the past fourteen years was nothing more than warning tremors, minor disruptions in the flow that was my life. Everything inside me tumbles around before it settles into a new place. A better place.

I lock my eyes on his and lightly brush my lips across his mouth. “Okay. ”

His hand tightens around my neck and his eyes widen slightly. “Okay?” He repeats as a question.

I swallow hard, my nerves sending a lightness through my entire body that makes me feel like I’m about to fall. But Matthew removes his hand from mine and wraps his arm around my waist as if he knows. “I know we have a lot to work through. It’s going to be hard at times. But Emmie has stolen my heart.” His arm tightens around me, and he sucks in a breath. “And you,” I kiss him again. “You have always owned my heart.”

A sob escapes him, and more tears run down his cheeks. I pull him into my arms and hold him as close as I can. The quake inside me draws him in, takes all his pain and love and hope and combines it with my own. My own tears break free at the way this man is crumbling in my arms. We tumble together, letting it all go until our souls reunite as one. We hold each other, neither of us speaking, until our tears slow.

He lightly kisses my shoulder blade, then my neck, and upward until he finds my lips. It’s a slow, gentle kiss filled with so much love and intention. With every brush of his lips and light stroke of his tongue, he’s telling me how much he loves me. And for the first time in years, I welcome that love and the promise of the future it brings.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll nev—”

I rest my fingers on his lips. “No more sorries. From this moment on, we leave the past where it belongs, in the past. There is only today, and every tomorrow in our future. Got it?”

He nods, and takes my mouth with his in a hard, deep kiss. “I love you, Jessica. And I’ll earn every single tomorrow I spend with you. I’m never letting you go again.”

My breath catches and my heart flutters. “I love you, too. Always yours. Always mine.”

He presses his lips to mine with a smile. “Always, baby. Always.”