Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

MATTHEW

I slam the shot glass down on the bar. My eyes blur and my body sways on the chair.

“Another.” I nod at Parker, the bartender. He eyes me curiously before he shakes his head. He’s new around here, and I don’t know him well. But he seems like a stand-up guy. I’ll continue to think that as long as he keeps feeding me drinks.

“I think you’ve about had enough, man.” Parker says, but he still pours the shot.

I pick it up and hold it out for a solo cheers. “Probably.” I toss it back, no longer feeling the burn from the whiskey.

Yeah, I’m drunk. I can’t remember the last time I drank this much.

I sit the glass down with a lot less force than the last time, silently hoping he cuts me off even though I want to drink more. I’m going to pay for this tomorrow. But right now I don’t give two shits. I want to drink so much I forget all about Jessica and the stupid fight we had earlier. Because it was the stupidest of stupid fights in the history of fights. I don’t even really know what we were yelling about. Nothing worth fighting over, that’s for sure.

So what, she didn’t tell me she was going to sell me the house. And why does it matter if I started looking for a new location to run my business before we got back together? Hell, she refused to sell me the house. What in the hell did she expect me to do? Squat forever like she didn’t say no .

Well, I fucked up good this time. I may have started that fight, but she sure as hell finished it.

I’m about to ask Parker for another drink when someone sits down next to me. I glance over to see Leann’s bright red hair framing her smiling face.

“Hey, big brother.” She pats my shoulder and chuckles. “What’s dragged your ass out on a work night?”

I drop my head in a slow nod and point at her. “I could ashk you the shame ting.”

A cough overtakes her. She waves her hand in front of her face as if to ward off a horrible stench and winces. “I come out to dance with my girls all the time. But I don’t drink. Not like this at least.” She waves her hand in an up and down motion at me. “Why are you shitfaced? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this before.”

I drop my head, letting my forehead hit the bar. “I had a fight with Jesh.”

“Oh yeah, what’s new?” she laughs.

I lift my head and glare at her. “Snot funny. Sheesh mad.”

“What did you do this time?” Leann leans back in her chair and crosses her legs.

“Don’t know.” I hiccup and tap my fist into my chest. “‘Beshides, doesn’t matter. She’ll never trush me again.”

Leann rolls her eyes and sighs. “Jesus Christ, will you stop whining? You sound worse than a girl.”

“Don’t care. I love her.”

She snorts. “Have you told her that?”

“She knowsh.”

She leans forward so she’s eye level with me, a stern look on her face much like the one Momma gives us when we’re in for a lecture. “You sure about that. The way I see it is men think they explain adequately to women how they feel when in reality they don’t say shit. If you haven’t actually said the words I love you, then she doesn’t believe you do. Especially after all the shit you’ve put her through.”

I stare at my sister like she grew two heads. It couldn’t possibly be that simple but what do I know. “Already told her I love her and everything ‘snot fine. ”

She chuckles and slaps my shoulder. “I didn’t say it would be, but it will certainly help. Might even get you laid.”

Now, I wince. “Don’t talk like that. You’re my little shister.”

“I’m also a grown ass woman. So get used to it.”

I sigh and lean on my sister's shoulder. She wraps her arm around me for a side hug and it’s the best thing I’ve felt all day. “I jush wan’er back, Leann. Tell me what to do.”

“Grovel. Embarrassingly sweet and sickening cute groveling. She’ll eat it up.”

“Or she’ll punch me.”

She laughs. “Yeah, that’s a possibility, too.”

I eye my sister before looking around the bar. Gracie and a few other of her girlfriends are on the dance floor having a good time. Yet here she is talking to me. “Why’re you shingle?” I ask instead of the question that was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to ask her why she wasn’t dancing with her friends.

She exchanges a few words with Parker that I don’t catch before she looks at me with a fierceness in her eyes I’ve never seen. “That’s a loaded question, Matt. Short answer, men are assholes.”

“Yesh,” I nod, “Yesh, we are. You should schtay clear of us.”

Her eyes soften and she smiles. “Hopefully, not forever. One day I’d like to meet someone that catches my eye and keeps it. I don’t really want to live my life alone.”

“And you shouldn’t. You desherve a nice guy. No asshholes for you.”

“Assholes like you, or the garden variety scum that has no clue how to treat women?”

“Both. You desherve way better than the likesh of me.”

“Matt, don’t say that.” She squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile. “You’re one of the good ones. As soon as you start believing that you’ll win her back.”

“How you know that?”

“Because she loves you, you big dope.”

When I look into Leann’s eyes, I see nothing but hope and promise. It loosens the chain currently twisted around my heart just enough that her hope slips in and gives my heart a flutter. “Did she tell you that? ”

“No, but she doesn’t have to say it. A fool could see all the love that woman carries for you.”

“Then what doesh that make me?” I narrow my eyes and give my sister my best wounded look. It must have come out all wrong because she laughs.

“A blind fool, brother, a blind fool.” She pats my back and nods to Parker. They pass a secret conversation that has me sitting up straight. “Come on, let’s get you home. You’re gonna need as much sleep as this night can afford. You’re gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.”

I look at Parker and he waves me off, silently telling me I’m good. Leann must have settled my tab. I’ll have to pay her back once my head is no longer fogged by whiskey and beer.

She tosses my arm over her shoulder, waves goodbye to her friends, and somehow manages to guide my drunk ass to her car.

The drive from Stocks and Stables to my house seems to go by in a flash. When Leann throws her car in park, and I shift my gaze to her. “I need to gesh Emmie.”

She chuckles. “Not tonight you don’t. She doesn’t need to see her dad fall apart like this.”

“But she’sh shpecting me.”

She sighs and squeezes my hand. “Did you forget she’s sleeping over at Momma’s. All you need to worry about right now is getting inside, up those stairs, and into bed. Think you can handle that?”

I nod.

“Good, now let’s go.” She hops out of the car, runs around the front, and opens my door. It’s awkward, and I’m as clumsy and heavy as a loose boulder rolling down the mountainside, but Leann manages to get me out of the car and onto the front porch. I dig in my pocket for my keys, but before I find them, the front door opens.

Jessica stands there in short sleep shorts and a lacy tank top. My eyes travel up the length of her legs and settle on the swell of her breasts. Her long blond hair is pulled around her neck to one side and rests just above her breast. The urge to pull her into my arms and kiss her like my life depends on it is strong.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Found this one at Stocks,” Leann answers. “He’s drunker than a skunk.”

I stumble as we walk through the door. Leann lets go of me, and I fall to the floor. I roll over on my back and groan.

“Just leave him,” I hear Jessica say. There are more words exchanged between them, but I can’t make them out. They’re whispering.

“What are you two talkin’ ‘bout o’er there?” I mumble.

Leann kicks my foot and laughs. “Just how much of a dumbass you are.” I look up at my sister and her grin is a mile wide. “Goodnight, bro. Good luck getting up those stairs.”

She gives Jessica a hug and I wish it were my arms wrapped around her. I glance behind Jessica and my heart drops when I see a pile of boxes in the front room. She did what she said she’d do and packed her things.

They exchange a few more words before Leann leaves. After Jessica locks up, she turns to me with her hands on her hips.

“Think you can stand?” she asks.

I nod and push up until I’m sitting. It takes a lot more effort to get me to my feet, but with her help I manage. I stagger and fall into her. I didn’t mean to but now that my body is against hers, I don’t want to let go.

“Pleash, stay with me?” I whisper.

She sucks in a breath and turns rigid. “I can’t. Not tonight.”

I release her and stumble back until I fall into a seated position on the bottom step. I probably shouldn’t have done that, because now that I’m down again, I might not make it back up until morning. I look up at her, and she’s wearing a scowl with her arms crossed over her chest. “Will you e’er forgive me? And I mean, truly forgive me?”

She sighs and drops her arms. “I do forgive you.”

I let my head fall to the side and hit the wall. “But I’ll ne’er earn your trush again, will I?”

Her shoulders sag and she sits next to me on the bottom step. “I honestly don’t know. But I meant it when I said I was trying. ”

“I can’t change what I did, Jessh.” I close my eyes because the room starts to spin. I should probably keep my mouth shut and wait until I’m sober for this conversation, but I can’t seem to stop talking. “All I can do ish try to do right by you now. I can affect the preshent and the future, but I can’t change the pasht. If I could, Lord knowsh I would. But you have to trusht me before thish can work.”

She lets out a low breath. “Listen, I think we rushed into all this too fast. We clearly aren’t ready for any kind of relationship yet. Look at you. You rushed out and got wasted. Today proved we both still have way too much baggage.”

When I open my eyes and focus on her, my heart breaks. She looks so defeated and sad. I lift my hand and brush her hair behind her ear so I can see her face more clearly. She holds her gaze on mine and the look of sadness shifts to something more like disappointment and that makes me feel even worse. “Pleash don’t give up on me. I love you. Alwaysh have. I don’t know how yet, but I will earn your trusht again. That’s a promish I won’t break.”

She clasps her hands together in front of her and tears well up in her eyes. She opens her mouth to speak but then closes it. The pain and anguish in her expression is too much, and all I seem to do is make everything worse.

I grab hold of the handrail and pull myself up. My body sways but I manage to remain standing. This entire interaction has sobered me some, but I’m still going to regret drinking this much come morning.

I turn to head up the stairs, taking each step slow. When I reach the top, I look over my shoulder. Jessica is still sitting on the bottom step staring at the empty space before her.

“Jessh.” At the sound of her name, her head snaps around and looks up at me. “Don’t let a stupid mishunderstanding get in the way of ush. All I need ish one honesht chance to prove to you that I deserve you.”

She just stares at me, her expression unreadable. I let out a long breath and turn toward my room. I shut the door behind me with more force than is required, but I don’t give a fuck. When my legs hit the edge of my bed, I let myself fall, face first, into my pillows.

As soon as my eyes close, sleep takes me.