Chapter 84

Chapter 84

Thorn

"Perhaps we should turn the TV off," I said, my hands forming fists at the bullshit playing on the TV. Conscious effort allowed me to release them again. "Nat and the babies need peace and quiet."

"And where will they get that?" Ingrid was always so damn blunt, and she just stared at me with a sardonic smile. "Nowhere, that's where."

"Ingrid—" Mum cautioned.

"Look, life is noisy and messy and is that woman yelling at the other woman because she slept with her husband?" Ingrid asked, peering at the TV.

"So, so many husbands…" Holly mumbled, munching another handful of popcorn. "But Ingrid's right. Mum used to play top 40 radio at full volume when we were kids. I thought Guns and Roses were kid show hosts." She shrugged. "You can't keep the world quiet, so you get the kids used to sleep despite it."

But I wanted to. Some deep need in me was sure I could cordon off the street, redirect all of our mail to a mail box, shut the entire world out, if that's what it took to keep Nat sleeping, so when she snorted and then shifted on the couch, I shot the lot of them an accusing look.

"Sit with her," Ingrid said, handing me the TV remote. "Your presence will be more soothing than mine. Watch the damn cricket or something."

"Ew, no." Holly wrinkled her nose. "If you're gonna do that, I'll go and polish the doorknobs or something."

I wasn't sure how it happened, when it happened, but everyone else faded away, just leaving me and her. I sank down onto the couch and stared at the woman I loved.

I needed Nat to know how well she was doing. Everything Mum had told me made clear how tough twin babies could be. My mate got up every day, every hour, making sure to meet our children's every need. Restoring old slate roof tiles or stripping newel posts of their lacquer was nothing on this.

And I wouldn't do any of that until we were out of the woods. Honestly if I didn't pick up another tool for a couple of years, I wouldn't miss it.

Not like I would Nat.

Post natal depression and anxiety. It felt like I knew the signs and symptoms of the conditions by heart. I'd read up about them before hand, wanting to make sure Nat never suffered in silence and yet here we were. My love slept like she'd passed out unconscious, barely moving, my eyes tracing the rise and fall of her chest, reassuring me she was still breathing.

When Natalie woke up, the children would need her again and again, because that's what children do. They didn't understand that their mother was on the edge, fraying to pieces. The kids were just tiny little beings trying to survive and Nat had to meet all of their needs.

So we needed to meet all of hers.

"What did Nat used to like doing?" I whispered when Lars came over with a cup of tea. He left it on the coffee table, the steam rising in lazy curls. "What did we used to do for her to make her happy?"

The fact I didn't know, couldn't remember terrified me. My memory wasn't the best most of the time, but it was like a whole chunk of my brain went offline the minute the twins were born. If I was experiencing that, what was she feeling? My mind raced until Lars met my gaze.

"Coffee in the morning." She'd stopped drinking that, fearing the caffeine would taint her milk. "Breakfast in bed. Long sleep ins on the weekend. Lazing in bed reading those bloody books of hers." Holly brought up box after box of vintage smut books each time she drove up to see us. "Massages, baths and?—"

"A bath." My mind grabbed at that, remembering now. We used to go into the city and buy bath bombs from this place that sold heaps of them, the perfumes stinging the bear's sensitive nose. She loved them though, grabbing each one and putting them to her nose, sucking in the scent before turning to the next one. "Do we still have some of those bath bombs?"

"Yes," he grumbled, because he hated the damn things. "They're under?—"

"The sink. Stay here."

Lars wanted to protest, because of course he did. Something in him needed to contradict everything I said. Of course that's when he looked down. I wasn't important, but Nat…? Yeah, he'd stay real quiet as she slept. Knowing that no one and nothing would get close to my mate now, I ran upstairs, raking through the cupboards, pulling out shaving gear and soap, until I found this.

Sleepy time, that's what it was called because apparently the bath bomb was infused with lavender oil. I didn't know if that was legit or some hokey bullshit, but growing up with a hippy mum, I needed to give it a crack.

She wasn't awake yet, so I shouldn't have been running the bath already. I had no idea if she'd want one after already having a shower, or if this was a scent she still liked. I didn't know if stripping some of the dried lavender from the stems Nat had set up in the bathroom was a good thing or not, but if some lavender was relaxing, more was better, right? I found her favourite face washer, her loofah that had dried up into something hard and wizened but I placed that beside the bath as well before pulling out a couple of the nice towels, the ones with a really thick pile and that would wrap around you twice and then rushed downstairs. Lars was just staring at her, but something had her stirring. Her eyelids flickered and then she looked up at me.

"Hey…"

That soft voice, that little smile, it filled me with hope. I felt like I had my old Natalie back, even if just for a second. I didn't even necessarily need her. Becoming a parent had changed all of us, but… I wanted some of that serenity, that peace back.

"Hey baby." I shot her my best smile. "Want to have a nice hot bath with me?"

"Is that a euphemism or…?"

She looked me up and down with a crooked smile.

"Thinking about my dick again?" I said, before moving in to scoop her up. "Can't blame you, but no, that's not what this is about."

I carried her upstairs, then pushed the bathroom door open with my foot before setting her down near the bath.

"Lavender…"

That pleased little sigh was everything, though I stepped in when she went to undo her clothes. I peeled every layer off with some reverence. This wasn't the same body that came to my bed before the kids were born. No, she'd been transformed like a soldier that had gone through battle. Each scar told a story of the fights she'd been in, but right now… I stripped down and stepped into the bath, bringing her with me.

"Oh yeah, this is nice."

Nice was too small a word, inadequate to describe what I felt as her body pressed back against mine. Hot water lapped at our skin and I hoped her muscles were unwinding, just like mine did. Some part of me thought they did as she went limp against my chest.

"Thank you." This was little other than a whisper, but I heard it anyway. Natalie knew I would.

"No need for that," I said, wrapping my arms around her. "You're taking care of my kids since the moment they were born and now…" I pressed a kiss to her neck. "I'm gonna make my entire focus taking care of you."