Chapter 81

Chapter 81

Holly

They hadn't told me how bad things had gotten.

Nat was never exactly a chonkosaurus, but now she was positively gaunt. The analogy about the dog? That was entirely accurate, because I was willing to bet Nat was this close to losing her hair too. I needed to talk to my grandmother. The old witch had lotions and potions for everything that ailed you, and she'd have a cure for this too. Probably some disgusting soup with goat's blood in it or something. I shoved that lovely thought to one side as Natalie emerged with bright red spots in her cheeks.

Shit, she was pissed.

Foot, meet mouth, that was my general M.O., but when I went to apologise she just held up a hand. Instead, she ran downstairs with alarming speed. I was forced to look down at Kai, and damn that baby was cute. Those chubby little cheeks, those big brown eyes, they seemed to see everything, including the fact that his mother was moving away from him.

"OK, OK…"

I held up a placating hand and then moved, having no freaking idea what to do with a crying child. Jiggle, shush, sing them a lullaby, sacrifice men to a volcano, it could be any of those things, but right now I was pretty sure mum was his main focus. Those weird little grunty noises stopped as soon as he caught sight of Nat. She was putting the baby sling around her like it'd personally offended her, adjusting it then adjusting again before Alaric stepped in.

I'd never get over the difference the sleuth made with Nat. She went still, all that fractious energy dissipating as she stared at him. He held Sven tucked into his chest, the little guy burbling in excitement about the idea of going for a walk.

Um, maybe not at this age.

But being laid into the baby carrier, tucked in close to his mum? Yeah, that did the trick. He made satisfied little sounds right as Kai began to arc up.

"It's OK, you little booger," I said in that weird, highly medicated voice that people use with kids. "It's OK. Mum's here and so is Auntie Holly. Yes, I am. Yes, I am."

"You're actually not completely shit at this." Some of my old bestie was there in her arch tone as she looked me up and down. "Maybe you should have some kids of your own?"

My fallopian tubes were tying themselves as we spoke, ensuring that nothing and no egg was popping free.

"Right, so hot girl walk?"

"How about broken girl walk?"

Not too far, not too fast, that was the advice of the mothers when we talked about how to tackle this. It was more to get some endorphins pumping in her blood and the air on her face. I'd have preferred she did that without the babies to remember that she existed without them, but everyone seemed concerned Nat wouldn't allow that.

"Broken girl walk it is," I said, opening the front door.

The way my bestie emerged hurt me. It wasn't super obvious, but if you knew where to look, you saw it. The way a line formed between her brows as she looked up at the sky, sucking in a long breath before pushing herself forward. The street was lovely and quiet, with oak trees growing on either side, but she eyed it like it was a jungle. A far off screech of a car's tyres had her arms going around Sven, protecting him even in his carrier.

"Just to the end of the street," I assured her. My tone was light, my smile ready, but she saw it. Neither of us had been able to mask a damn thing around each other, and we couldn't right now. Her eyes met mine, creasing at the corners as she stared, but then she nodded sharply, striding off and leaving me to scramble to catch up.

"Oh, are these the twins?"

"Ah!" I yelped as a middle-aged woman emerged from behind a rose bush, secateurs in hand. Kai's face began to screw up, but I frantically shushed him, swinging him back and forth.

"They're just beautiful," the woman enthused. "The spit of their fathers."

Which ones? I wanted to ask, but that was apparently not done in shifter circles. All kids were their kids, irrespective of genetic input.

"Um, yeah, thanks," Nat said. "Lovely to see you, Barb."

That was a brush off, even if it was a polite one, so the woman just waved her gardening tool and then went back to work, dead-heading the bush.

"Natalie…!"

Dear god, I was beginning to see why she was hesitant about stepping outside. A woman pushing a stroller waved and then crossed the road. "It's lovely to see you out." The woman's hungry eyes pierced the mesh of the baby carrier with ease. "And is that little Sven?" Her fingers wriggled in the air. "Can I have a cuddle?"

Nat's whole body stiffened, and that had me moving, putting myself between my bestie and these strangers.

"We're just heading out for a walk right now. Maybe later?"

She looked me up and down and her eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn't know. You could shoot me all the princess bitchface looks you liked and it would have exactly zero effect on me. My assistant, Nicky, had been trying to skewer me with his gaze since the moment he started working for me.

"And you are?" she asked.

"Going." I locked arms with Nat and hauled her further. We stumbled up the road, jostling the kids, which had them spluttering and me wondering at the wisdom of this, all of this, when I heard a sound I wasn't sure I'd ever hear again.

A giggle.

Not because the babies were so developmentally ahead of their peers they were cackling like old ladies. Nope, that came from Nat. I halted mid-drag and spun around to face her.

The smile was there, gone again, then came back, like some kind of strip tease. I had a crack at a wobbly smile myself and that seemed to embolden Nat. A real smile, a genuinely goofy one with all the damn teeth, spread across her face.

"You know I'm never going to hear the end of that," she said. "Daphne is like the queen bee of the mum and bubs group."

"That's who you have to hang out with when you get away from the house?" I peered past her to where the supercilious cow had turned and marched away, nose in the air. "Fuck, no matter you look depressed."

"Depressed…"

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'd done it again. Opening my damn mouth and shit just came flying out.

"I look depressed?"

Sven started to fuss, and she collected him up in her arms, rocking him back and forth, but of course that got Kai going too. He seemed particularly offended that I'd try to soothe him, forcing me to remove the baby carrier and pass him over. Each child was like a millstone dragging her down, but a big grinding stone could be pushed away, cut free of. Nat could never do that with her kids. She loved them, you could see that on her face, but she was also so bloody tired. We'd barely made it a couple of metres up the road and she was having to soothe them both.

"Not depressed," I said, watching her work, settling each child back down by increments. "Just… overwhelmed. Of course you are." I moved in, helping her adjust the baby carrier straps to get them sitting better, her arms going around the children's bodies as she patted their butts rhythmically. "I was overwhelmed when Mum got me that goldfish, remember?"

"Goldie?" She snorted, reminiscing as she kept swaying back and forth. "Didn't he die because you forgot to feed him?"

"He was supposed to teach me responsibility. Instead, I learned a whole lot about fish burial rituals, but…" My eyes dropped down in time to watch the babies' expression shift to something much calmer. "I'm imagining that raising two kids is much harder."

"Much, much harder," she breathed.

"Right, so, what do we do if we have something really hard to do?"

"Quit?" Her wry smile gave me hope.

"You've never quit anything in your life," I said, moving forward and grabbing Sven's carrier from around her neck, praying the kids kept their chill. So far, so good, I thought as I eased the neck strap over my head. "Not even that deadshit?—"

"Don't say it." Her hand gently covered the space where Kai's ear was. "Don't ever mention him in front of my children."

"You nearly had a complete idiot for a daddy," I told Sven, his eyes going wide as his little arms quivered. "Yes, you did. But instead, you ended up with four guys who'd walk over hot coals and fight a pride of lions…" I looked up and met Nat's eyes. "Are there any lion shifters?"

"We have plenty of people who've emigrated from Africa in Australia." Nat shrugged. "So, maybe?"

"Who'd fight a pride of lion shifters to protect you." Sven seemed curiously pleased by this, his arms moving faster as his hands clenched tight. "They'd do anything in the world to keep you safe and happy…"

My eyes met hers and it was then I realised it wasn't the fresh air or the street that Nat needed, but this.

"Anything at all," I said, much more firmly. "They're just trying to find a way to step in and take the load off you."

Her cheeks flushed bright red and her eyes grew suspiciously shiny as she stood there, nose growing pinker by the second. Blink, blink, then a tear ran down her cheek.

"They would, wouldn't they?" That wasn't even a question, and she nodded before brushing away the tear. "OK, let's go back and see what they can do."