Chapter 80

Chapter 80

Natalie

Waking up used to be like one big stretch, but this? It was like a heavy weight keeping my head below water, but somehow I knew I had to fight back against it, so that's what I did. Clawing back awareness, then consciousness until I gasped awake, blinking blindly, unable to make out where I was. Alaric, that's what my brain told me, and as I blinked, I saw him.

His hair had half fallen over his face and his jaw was slack as his breath came whistling in and out of his nose. I smiled in response, feeling both a fondness and envy all at the same time, because part of me just wanted to nestle back against him and let my exhausted body go limp.

But the more dominant part pushed back against that.

I had a million things to do, the terrible list of them unrolling inside my head, but all of that was shoved aside as fear stabbed into me.

The babies.

Being picked up and carried in here, breathing with Alaric, crying, my memories were a rapid flutter as I threw myself out of the bed and then rushed down the hall.

"Well, look at you."

I froze in the doorway because the bedroom was full of people, too many people. Meryl had Sven and was bouncing him in her arms, my son making pleased little gurgles in response. Jane had Kai and was patting him on her shoulder, forcing me forward.

"If you don't put a cloth down…"

Burp! To my chagrin, Kai vomited milk down her shoulder, because with air came whatever was left in his belly.

"Oh, that's better out than in, isn't it?" Jane was a picture of placid energy as she patted Kai's back, allowing him to let one more little burp out before Ingrid moved in to wipe the mess away.

"You're like your father," she said, booping Kai's nose. "Lars used to vomit on every piece of clothing I had. Yes, he did. Yes, he did."

For a moment I just stared, trying to work out what the hell had happened and why everyone was here when I heard footsteps lumbering up the stairway.

"Make way, coming through, Thai food delivery." It wasn't an Uber Eats driver coming up my stairs, but Holly. "Awesome, you're up." She walked in briskly, toting a steaming bowl of red curry that smelled so damn good my stomach rumbled. "You feed the kids and I'll feed you."

"What…?"

Whatever question I had to ask was cut off by the babies' cries. Sven caught sight of me and started to wail, so Kai needed to cry in solidarity. My hands slapped down on my breasts as my milk started coming, realising I was only standing here in a thin nightdress.

"Baby fun time is now over," Holly said in an official sounding voice. "Please return the children to their mother and exit the area."

"Here you go, back to mumma," Meryl said, bringing Sven closer, and I barely resisted the urge to snatch him from her.

His grandmother was a lovely person who never overstepped, but some primal instinct was ruling me now, not good sense. I collected Kai as well and went to the nursing chair, my teeth gritting as I waited for everyone to leave. They did so quickly, all but Holly.

"You need to go too," I said, knowing that was rude, but milk was starting to soak my shirt.

"Bitch, flip your shirt up and do what you have to," Holly retorted. "I've seen you at every stage from perfectly flat chested to boobilicious, and I never gave a shit. Anyway, I'm not here to satisfy some weird urge to understand how breastfeeding works." She hefted the bowl. "You need food." It was then that she looked me over much more closely, and a line formed between her brows. "Fuck, Nat, you look like shit."

Any shyness I might've experienced evaporated then. I sat down in the chair and moved quickly to situate the twins, Sven lunging for the breast when he got close. They were tucked into my side when Holly approached.

"Sure you want to get close?" My tone was far darker than I'd ever dared use with Holly. "Apparently I look like shit."

"Worn down," she corrected. "Exhausted. Like a flower that was pressed between the pages of a heavy book and all the veins in the leaves are on display. Crushed." She nodded then, obviously having settled on the right dire adjective to use. "But you know that's not your fault, right?"

"Who's is it then?"

I met her gaze with my own.

"Life." Her wry smile hurt more than what I assumed was judgement. It made clear she wasn't hating on me, but worse, pitying me. That explained why she knelt down beside me and collected up a spoonful of food and pressed it to my mouth. "Now fucking eat some of this amazing curry, because remember Nan's old dog that had way too many puppies and then all her fur fell out and she couldn't stop shitting on the carpet? You look worse than Kayla did, Nat, so please, for me."

That little waver in her voice was what had me opening my mouth. Holly was brash, opinionated, in your face, and annoying, but sad? Never. Taste exploded on my tongue, and I almost groaned at the sensation. Of course any moment I experienced pleasure had me freaking out. I swallowed and then asked, "Are all the ingredients breastfeeding safe? I don't want the kids getting chilli in the milk."

"I checked every ingredient with the brain's trust and then consulted with Doctor Google. You're good. Now, be a good girl and have another bite."

I lost all sense of time as food was shovelled into my mouth and the children fed from me. I'm sure there was some cycle of life metaphor to be made here, but I couldn't make it. I was consumed by the whole process until finally the kids pulled free and started to fuss.

That's when I knew how bad things were.

Holly set the bowl aside and then with great trepidation, approached a squirming Kai.

"Come to Auntie Holly…" she said, with all the enthusiasm you might use when calling a rat closer.

"What are you doing?" I asked, putting Sven on my shoulder to burp but one pat of his bottom told me his nappy needed changing again. "Do you even know how to change a nappy?"

"Duh, I've got lots of little cousins."

But she didn't sound so sure, laying Kai down and watching his legs kick in incomprehension as Alaric stumbled in through the door.

"What's Holly doing here, and what's she trying to do to Kai?" he rumbled before moving forward and taking over.

"I was creating a wee shield," she said, waving a new nappy around. "Little boys are buggers. They always wee on you when you change them."

"You need to be fast." Alaric showed her how it was done and he'd never looked hotter than he did then. Muscles flexing, his hands moved like lightning to whisk Kai's nappy off, then replace it with a fresh one before bringing my son back to me and retrieving a squirming Sven. "The change in temperature means they'll often pee in response."

The now clean baby was hoisted up on his shoulder, a clean cloth put on his chest as he started to burp the baby. When I tried to do the same, Holly took over. She only grimaced a little as she settled Kai against her.

"OK, shower time, and can I suggest washing your hair twice?" Holly said, looking me over. "Take your time. We've got the kids. Their bellies are full. They're being burped…" Kai made a horrendous sound as he belched. "There it is. You sound just like every other bloke in Australia now." She focussed back on me. "Go, go…"

I wasn't about to argue, even though it took everything I had to walk free of the room, because when I pushed my hair back from my face I felt the greasy strands. I washed in record time, scrubbing viciously at every inch of me until I emerged pink and damp.

"Feeling better?" Holly asked, meeting me in the hall. Kai was now ensconced in the baby carrier I rarely used. I couldn't help but move closer, checking how he was lying, whether or not his neck and airway was being compressed, but my bestie just shot me a smug smile when I was forced to step back. "Put some clothes on that are fit to go outside in."

"What?" I took a step backwards. "No."

"You need a stupid walk for your stupid mental health before the very loving family downstairs calls in a favour from a psychologist friend to help them stage an intervention."

That was the thing with Holly. In amongst all the bullshit was the hard, unvarnished truth. If she was saying that, then…

I'd failed.

Sven let out a little wail, but was quickly soothed quiet again, and I realised I needed someone to settle me as well. Instead, I went into the room where I stored all my clothes and shut the door behind me.