Chapter 76

Chapter 76

Koda

"Nat's going to break soon."

My twin, Thorn, looked up from where he was making the morning coffees, the muscle in his jaw tightening.

"I know, but she won't fucking let us help."

"She's worried about the business," I replied.

"About the business, about our sleep, about the babies, about everything but herself." He raked his hand through his hair, then winced at the knots. Self-care had taken a backseat since the birth of the kids. "How many times did the babies wake up last night? Three, four?—?"

"Six." Alaric walked in looking perfectly pressed. He'd already showered and got dressed, his wet hair neatly combed back from his face. "At least I think it was six. I admit I lost count after a while."

"Is this what Mum went through with us? Because fuck…" Thorn shook his head. "She needs something way better than breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. Like roses. No, a whole rosebush. A garden replanted with her favourite roses."

"Or just help when she needs it."

Lars walked in and yawned so hard his jaw cracked, then went over and grabbed a coffee.

"Thank you, Thorn," my brother said in a mocking tone.

"Thanks, fuckface," Lars replied before drinking deeply from the cup. "So, it's time now? We're staging an intervention for Natalie?"

As if in response to that, we heard a wail from upstairs. That was quickly joined by our other son, the two of them engaged somehow in a screaming contest to get Nat's attention, when all they needed to do was let out a little peep. One heavy footfall, then another had us all converging by the stairs, then racing up to find the one woman we loved staggering towards the crib.

It couldn't keep going like this. Nat couldn't keep going like this. I watched her hopelessly from the doorway, seeing the way she moved. She looked more like a zombie than a mother right now. I rushed forward, collecting up Sven, and Thorn grabbed Kai, both of us holding them closely, which had everyone remembering why we did this to ourselves.

They were perfect. From the moment the twins were born to now, they were just the most beautiful kids in the whole world. Sven's blue eyes met mine, and for just a second, I imagined something was going on there. I smiled down at him, giving him one of my fingers to play with, but when he shoved it in his mouth and sucked, it was quickly discarded with a wail. I didn't have what he needed. That fucking killed me because the only one who did was Nat, and she was completely tapped out.

She collapsed into the nursing chair, Alaric forced to rush forward and set the nursing pillow around her. We moved forward with the children as she tugged her shirt up. I'd fantasised, sexualised, and stared at her breasts for far too long, but right now they just looked swollen and angry. I jerked my eyes away as soon as the nipples began to leak. We helped her get the babies into the right position, and then the satisfied little grunts of them feeding filled the air.

Almost masking the sound of her crying.

Dry sobs, with no tears, I'm not even sure she knew she was doing it, but her whole body quivered as they racked her. She was forced to suck in long, shuddering breaths, and that's what drew me closer. Nat didn't like us interfering when she was feeding. The babies could be incredibly fickle for little people that needed to eat every couple of hours.

That was the moment when everything changed for me.

Natalie was my wife, my love, my fated mate. There was no one else I loved more than her, not even our children. I cared for them so deeply it terrified me, but she was the other half of my soul, and right now hers was slowly disintegrating. She wanted to have it all together, to be the one who did the lion's share of the baby raising, but it was apparent this wasn't possible. She was the strongest person I knew, and if she was breaking, then shit was getting real. I glanced at the others and we all moved.

Lars grabbed a pillow and put it gently behind her head and Natalie looked up at him in both alarm and gratitude. Thorn and I moved in to take the kids the minute they were finished feeding, whisking them away despite her sounds of protest. Onto the changing tables we both went to work, taking off their nappies and cleaning them up, then getting them back into their wraps.

We both started to perform that strange little dance, part jiggle, part shushing, part rocking, trying to imitate the way it felt when they were tucked up inside my fated mate, close to her heart. The sound of her blood through her veins, her rocking movements, we needed to replicate it to get them back to sleep. Sven fought it, wriggling and making an angry sound and that got Kai perking up, but they couldn't resist the pull. The rhythmic motions had them settling, and that's when Alaric swept in. He picked up Nat like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and in some ways that was, but it was away from the marital bed, not towards it. He kicked open the door and then carried her down the hall.

"Alaric. Ric!"

I heard her cries but they were muffled by the walls, so we both set the babies down and followed him.

"No." Nat was like an animal possessed, the whites of her eyes showing. "No, Alaric, no, the babies?—"

"Are fine."

Lars was a prick, but he planted his feet now and stood in her way, unable to be moved by anything.

"They'll wake up." Did she hear how hysterical she sounded? "They'll wake up and I won't be there. Or worse." She went perfectly pale. "What if they don't wake up? What if SIDS?—?"

"No." Alaric stepped forward, hands outstretched like one might with a feral animal. "No, love?—"

"You're supposed to be at work." It was as if she saw him for the first time. "You've got that job…" She started to wave her hands around frantically. "The job! The job!"

I knew then that she couldn't remember which job or when, that time and space had stopped for her. That she was too tired to engage with concepts she'd been dealing with her whole life, that's how exhausted she was.

"Natalie." Alaric sounded exactly how I felt, like he was hanging on by a thread. "There's no job."

"There has to be." Her face fell as she stared at the lot of us in incomprehension. "There is, otherwise…" Her chest started to heave. "Otherwise why…?"

Why had she been doing this? We'd all asked ourselves the same question, and yesterday we'd reassigned all our work to other members of our team. This situation, it couldn't go on. Today was the first day of turning a corner, because I was terrified by what could happen if it didn't.

"The business can go to fucking hell for all I care." Alaric darted forward, pressing his forehead to hers. "It doesn't matter."

"But you?—"

"You do." I wove my way through the crowd and sank down at her feet, trying hard not to clutch at her hand. "You're the only one that does. Just you. The kids need you the most right now and we need…"

"We need you to be healthy," Thorn stammered out. "Happy."

"And that starts now."

Lars crossed his arms and stared her down, right as we heard a knock at the door. Nat stiffened. Beyond the initial baby rush, she hated people coming past, the whole experience exhausting, something we'd told the family when we'd talked to them.

"Who's here?" She was like a hound with a scent in its nose. "They're making too much noise. They'll wake the…"

Right on cue, twin wails cut through the air, and my mate collapsed in on herself. Just a small moment to shed a couple of tears and then she steeled herself, ready to get up and attend to them, but I shook my head.

"We've got this," I told her. "The babies have just been fed, so right now they need soothing."

Just like you do, I thought to myself.

"Come and have a lie down in here with me." Alaric was trying hard to sound confident and calming, but we all heard that shake in his voice. It turned out to be a winning combination. For him, she could curl up under the covers. For him, she could nestle down against his chest.

"You've got the tiddly winks," Lars told me and my brother. "I'll deal with the mothers." We heard a raucous voice. "And fucking Holly."

We had a plan, now we needed to put it into place.