Chapter 5

5

H adlee stared at the big shower in the guest suite of Indiana's home. Was it possible to be intimidated by a beautiful bathroom? Indiana stood beside her, dominating the room despite the vastness of the stunning space. She nearly leaned into the heat that came off his body. He seemed so warm, so strong and stable, whereas she felt so cold and frail. It was as though one stiff wind could blow her away.

"Shampoo, conditioner, soap, and shower gel are inside the shower niche." Indiana opened the shower door and Hadlee spotted the amber-colored bottles of beauty and hair care products sitting on shelves within the tiled walls. She glanced at him. He was well shaven and smelled good, but he definitely hadn't come across as a man who knew his way around nice personal products.

"Spare toothbrushes, razors, and deodorant are in the drawers." He gestured to the gray painted cabinets beneath the white granite countertops.

"Wow … do you have a lot of visitors?" she asked, trying not to sound overly curious.

A wry smile curved his lips as he gazed down at her. "Not as much as I would like. Even though I like to be alone out here, there are times when I wish these rooms had friends or family in them. Hell, I'd love to have a couple of cubs someday."

"Cubs?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away. "I mean kids. You know, sometimes I jokingly call them cubs, like little bear cubs." His eyes lit with a ginger-colored fire that made his entire face seem to glow with joy at the thought, despite his obvious embarrassment of talking about something that seemed so intimate.

"Oh, right, like Boy Scouts call the little ones Cub Scouts?" she asked.

"Yeah, something like that." He cleared his throat. "Take your time in the shower. I'll have dinner ready later tonight. Until then, all you need to do is shower and sleep."

Shower and sleep. Those words sounded like pure heaven. Hadlee was relieved at receiving his gentle orders. She still felt so scattered emotionally and physically. Having some direction given to her helped her focus on what she needed to do.

"Thank you, Indy."

He turned back to face her and cupped her chin in his hand as he looked at her.

"Honey, you have to stop thanking me. There are still good people out there. You are safe and you deserve to be safe. A woman should never have to thank a man for his protection or help. Being safe is a right you should demand, not one gifted by men who will barter for things from you."

She knew he was right, but they both understood that for far too long, society had let men set the rules, rules that had forced women to turn over their bodies, their freedom, even their lives to men, on the promise of safety with the irony that most women who were victims of assault were attacked by their own domestic partners.

Just like she had been…

Still studying her closely, he stroked his thumb over her bottom lip. "If you need me, I'll be in the den," Indiana said.

"The den?" she asked.

"Yeah, the big room with the leather sectional and TV."

"Oh, right." Hadlee nodded. He meant family room. She forgot that some people called that room a den. Den was such a cozy word, and she really liked it.

He gave her one more assessing gaze before he dropped his hand from her face and stepped back. He left her and closed the door to give her privacy. She waited a minute before undressing and turning on the shower. The process of removing her clothes was painful and she ended up slowly peeling off each item. Her body protested each movement, her ribs aching and her muscles twinging. She adjusted the water temperature of the shower.

A waterfall spray above her and angled nozzles on the sides of the shower created an all-encompassing feeling of water hitting her skin from everywhere. She adjusted the temperature, making it hotter, as her skin felt cold and clammy. Hadlee winced as the spray hit her cuts and scrapes. She knew Indiana had supplies and she could redress her wounds later. She moved slowly, feeling a heavy stiffness settle in her limbs from being injured. She was really going to hurt tomorrow.

Tomorrow . She used to look forward to the future, to what each new day could bring, but she no longer did that. The past held pain, and the future seemed bleak. All she could hold onto was the present. But even that was almost impossible without creating panic attacks.

Chad was dead. She would have to face his parents, maybe even his friends and coworkers. What about her job? Her boss, her friends and coworkers? Everything was going to get worse before it got better, assuming it would ever get better. Her chest suddenly collapsed, and she couldn't breathe. She sucked in a strangled breath and again her chest nearly caved in as her lungs ceased to work.

Can't breathe … can't think… She slumped into a ball on the floor in the shower, curling on her side, fighting for breath. The door to the bathroom slammed open and she jerked, lifting her head up enough to stare up at the hulking figure of a man on the other side of the expensive fogged glass.

"Fuck, Hadlee, I'm sorry but I'm coming in," Indiana warned in a low growl.

She was shivering, despite the warmth of the water and didn't move as he opened the shower door. He kicked off his boots and pulled off his socks, but he still wore his jeans and a dark-green T-shirt.

"You—you'll ruin … your clothes," she said through chattering teeth.

"Shit, my clothes don't matter," he muttered as he stepped into the shower. He eased his large frame down beside her. Then he reached over and lifted her up, pulling her onto his lap so he could cradle her. His strong arms banded around her. He rested his chin on top of her head and enveloped her within a manly cocoon. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered she was naked on his lap, but it didn't matter compared to the agony of her lungs and brain screaming for oxygen.

" Breathe for me," he whispered in a low, slightly rough voice. Something about his tenderness broke the cement wall that had encased her lungs, and she started to sob, which let in heaving lungfuls of air.

Little by little she breathed deeper, and the shivers began to fade. She inhaled his scent. He smelled like the trees, earth, and fresh rain. Her mind moved away from thoughts of death and pain and focused on the scent of rain. How could he smell so wonderful?

Petrichor… That was the word he made her think of. It was the bacteria in the soil that blossomed after rain. Only humans could smell it—a trait humans had developed over thousands of years of evolution. Where humans smelled Petrichor, there was fertile soil to plant crops and water to drink.

Her mind drifted, suddenly picturing raindrops falling in slow motion all around her to land upon leaves and earth. She saw moss and mushrooms blossom. She glimpsed rabbits and deer licking the rain off leaves and blades of grass. Rainbow glints of trout in the cold, crystalline waters of the stream and the dark shiny surfaces of river stones… The rumble of a distant storm moved through her bones, and she felt the wind move through her thick fur…

Fur ?

Hadlee blinked and she was back in the shower. Naked in Indiana's lap.

Oh my God... She tried to move but he held onto her tightly.

"Easy, honey," he said. "Easy, you're still coming down from that rush of emotions. Just?—"

"Let me go!" she demanded, her voice pitched to a frantic level.

He released her immediately and she scrambled off his lap and stood, trying to cover herself with her hands and failing.

"Good, you're breathing again," he said as he got to his feet. He kept his gaze averted from her. "Now that you're okay, I'll go."

"Wait!" she blurted out without thinking. He halted, his hand on the shower door. "Just wait," she said again. She didn't want him to leave. But what did she want?

The smell of him was making her a bit dizzy but not in a bad way. That smell of rain and something more … human filled the space within her, creating a molten heat inside her body that had nothing to do with the hot water. Indiana's T-shirt was molded to his muscled frame, and she was so very aware of how strong he was. His body was corded steel, and even the area round his groin featured a hard bulge pressing against his jeans. He was turned on … by her? Rather than terrify her, the fact filled her with a shivery excitement she hadn't felt in so long. She tried to focus herself back on the conversation she was supposed to be having with him.

"Sorry. I'm just a little freaked out. But I…" She bit her lip. "I want you to stay. I want to forget him. I want to feel something again and make sure I'm not broken."

At her embarrassing confession he turned around, his eyes staying on her face rather than dropping to her naked body. Why didn't he make a move?

"Tell me exactly what you want, Hadlee. That's how this has to work. When it comes to sex, you call the shots on everything we do."

Hadlee licked her lips. "Kiss me?" It came out a question.

"You sure?" He frowned as he slowly backed her into the walled corner of the large shower. His gaze strayed from her eyes, finally dropping down to her lips. She saw primal hunger in his face that gave her delicious shivers.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she whispered. "But you need to do it. I've never been the one to make the first move with a guy."

"I can do that." He stepped even closer, cornering her fully against the wall as he reached up to cup her chin and tilt her head back so he could gaze down at her. "Tell me to stop at any time," Indiana said before he lowered his head and kissed her.

His lips were soft, warm, and so perfect as he moved his mouth over hers. She parted her lips, flicking her tongue against his, and he growled in encouragement. Then he deepened the kiss, pressing her tighter to the shower wall, her bare breasts rubbing against his wet shirt. Above them the hot water rained down like they were caught in a tropical storm with heat and steam curling around their bodies.

He tasted good . She'd almost forgotten that a kiss could be pure magic, that it could set her soul flying. She clutched his shoulders and lifted one leg, curling it around his hip to get even closer. Her pelvis rubbed against his jean-clad thigh. The slightly rough texture of the denim excited her clit as she pressed against him. Zings of pleasure went through her so unexpectedly that she gasped against his lips. He suddenly braced his hands on the tile on either side of her head and continued to kiss her as he moved his hips in a slow roll into her body, letting her ride his thigh the way she so desperately needed.

"That's it, honey, you take what you need," he murmured before kissing down to her neck and then his teeth grazed her shoulder.

Heat exploded through her as he lightly bit down, like some animal holding his mate still. Just the idea made her climax so suddenly and so hard she screamed. The raw, throaty sound echoed throughout the bathroom and beneath it was a rumbling, pleased sound coming from Indiana. She'd never heard a man make a sound like that, so primal, so animalistic. The sound conjured up images of being bent over and fucked hard, of her taking him deep, hard and fast and not being able to walk afterward without feeling him between her thighs. She shook hard, her legs shuddering as her body reacted to the mental image as powerfully as it had to the climax she'd just experienced.

Panting, she clung to him, moving her hips in wild, desperate circles over and over against his leg as she rode out the aftershocks of the climax. It felt so good, this wave of pleasure that continued to roll through her like the tide coming in over and over.

It had been four months since she'd felt this way. Four months since she'd felt anything but a duty to satisfy someone else's needs. For the first time in forever, she remembered she had desires, she had needs, and that a man could fulfill them.

Indiana's warm breath on her neck felt good. Something wet dragged along her shoulder. His tongue? Why was it weirdly hot that he was licking the sore spot between her neck and shoulder? Her body clenched again, and she let out a little moan as he kissed his way back up to her lips.

"You okay?" he asked as he finally pulled his head back to look at her.

"Uh-huh." She nodded, feeling slightly dazed.

Water droplets caught on the tips of his long dark lashes, and she stared at his eyes, utterly fascinated. His hands held onto her gently, and she could still feel that undeniable electric charge between them. What they'd just done had only briefly tempered the need for more .

Please kiss me again , she thought with a quiet, desperate longing that tore into her very soul.

His gaze seemed to flare with an almost silvery shimmering light as he swallowed hard and gave his head the minutest of shakes. He spoke in a hoarse but determined tone.

"Let's get you cleaned up." He had to reach around her to pump shampoo into his hands and she turned, offering her back to him. He moved closer behind her, a soft growl escaping his lips. Was he angry with her? She peeped at him over her shoulder, but she saw the farthest thing from anger one could see in another's eyes. Yet she dared not give it a name.

He gently shampooed her hair and rubbed body wash over her. She let him touch her everywhere and he cared for her bruised limbs and scraped skin as if she were a fragile little bird that had been battered in a storm. He didn't try to use her, he simply cared for her.

After he turned off the water, he dried her in a large, fluffy, white towel. Then without a word, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her into a bedroom. But it wasn't the guest bedroom. Was it his room? The large sleigh bed had a blue, gray, and green flannel duvet cover accented with silvery gray pillows. He pulled back the covers and nestled her, still wrapped up in the towel, under the blankets.

There was no way she could sleep like this. She felt like a human burrito.

"Indy…" His name came out in a yawn.

"Yeah honey?"

"I don't…" She paused, snuggled deeper into the bed. His scent, strong but welcoming, was all over the pillow.

"Never mind," she whispered and fell blissfully into the gray world of sleep.

Indiana watched her slip into a deep and untroubled sleep. Earlier she'd slept with a furrowed brow as she'd curled up in the Adirondack chair on the back balcony, but now her face was smooth and her expression serene. He leaned against the door jamb, watching her for a long minute before his wet clothes started to bother him. He closed his bedroom door and stepped into the master bathroom. Thankfully her scent wasn't in this room.

Her sweet natural perfume and that honeyed arousal filling the air had made his skin tingle with the need to let his bear free. She had brought out the animal in him. For the first time ever, his bear wanted a female, but she was human. Even if he could have her in his life, he could only share his human side with her, not his wild one. His bear grumbled and huffed in protest, but Indiana knew he was right. What if he showed her his ability to shift and she freaked out, or worse, went to the authorities and told them what he was? He couldn't reveal the existence of shifters to humans. It would put so many innocent lives in danger.

Indiana showered quickly, wrapped a towel around his waist, and passed back through his bedroom where Hadlee was still sleeping soundly. Then he headed out to the kitchen, put Jones's dinner in a bowl, and set it on the floor for the dog before he retrieved his cell phone from the counter. It took Indiana only a moment to find the number he had saved in his contacts. He hit call and held his breath.

"Dane here," came a clipped, rough voice.

"Dane, it's Indiana."

"No shit." The other man chuckled. "Been wondering where you ended up, cub."

Indiana smiled at the affectionate way the other man called him cub. He had been young when he'd passed through Dane's clan. He'd been barely seventeen.

"I'm in Colorado. Little place called Aspen Falls. How is your clan?"

"Oh, you know, same as usual. We're having a mating moon in a few months and you're welcome to come see if any of the females might be a suitable mate for you."

"About that…" Indiana drew in a breath. "I have a question for you. Hell, make it a dozen questions."

"Oh? About one of our females?"

"No, about mating. You know that my mother and father were the last of their clan. I never knew much about the rituals of mating, or anything about true mates beyond the childhood tales my mother told me. They died before we could really talk about that. Could you … could you tell me?"

Dane laughed, but it was a warm sound. "What, you want the birds and the bees talk? Or should I say the birds and the bears ?"

"Fuck," Indiana grumbled. "This was a mistake. You don't have to tell me anything." He was about ready to hang up. He already felt like a fool having to ask about mating at his age, but he needed answers.

Dane stifled a chuckle. "Wait. I'll tell you everything I know. Shifter matings are unpredictable. Most of the time you have a mate who is the same species as you. But there have been a decent number of times where a bear has formed an irresistible mate connection with another kind. One of our males ended up with a mountain lion. One of our females chose a tiger."

Indiana's heart sank a little. "So no one has mated to a human then? My mother said it could happen, but she never went into any details." He tried to hide the disappointment in his tone.

"Humans? Sure, of course. The difficulty with mating with a human is that the human must fully seal their bond to you. That's the only way they will be allowed to shift into the same animal as you. There's also the loyalty issue. If a human doesn't fully bond to you, they can still desire other people, whereas once a shifter claims their true mate, they crave and desire only that mate."

Humans could shift if they fully bonded to their mate? His mother had never mentioned such a thing was possible. The realization of what could be filled his heart with a leap of joy, but he forced himself to check his emotions.

"A human can really shift? I didn't know that was possible." That more than anything gave Indiana a surge of hope. If he was lucky enough to find his mate and claim her, and she bonded to him, they could shift together, and his bear wouldn't be alone.

"It's rare. Humans have less ability to be certain of their affections enough to bond. They aren't used to the idea of true mates."

"Oh." Indiana sighed and leaned against the marble island.

"Does this mean you found a human mate?" Dane asked, his voice softening with understanding.

"Maybe. What are the signs of a true mate?"

"Well," the other bear shifter began. "They will pull you toward them like a magnet with their sheer presence. You'll feel protective and possessive. You might even sense or hear their thoughts. Once you're fully bonded, your thoughts and hers will be open to one another. You can learn to shield, of course, for privacy when you need it, but there will be a natural openness between you. Most mates don't learn how to censor their thoughts until after a completed claiming."

Indiana stared out the windows at the woods, thinking. "Is it possible to hear a human's thoughts and not be a true mate to them?" he asked.

Dane was quiet a long moment. "No, I don't believe that's possible. If you are hearing a female's thoughts and you're certain that it's her thoughts and not another nearby shifter, she's a possible true mate to you. Fate and destiny can give us more than one possible mate, but if I were you, if you are hearing her thoughts, whoever she is, she's your destiny."

My destiny. My mate.

"Thank you, Dane."

"I suggest you claim her now, Indy. Don't wait. Humans are notoriously fragile. Their lives end so swiftly and so easily," Dane warned. "Mates make us whole. Don't miss your chance."

Indiana thanked him again and hung up. Jones finished his dinner and whined for a treat from his Milk-Bone jar. Indiana fed the dog one of his bones and Jones wagged his tail enthusiastically as he scarfed it down. Indiana scratched Jones behind the ears as he took in everything Dane had just told him.

His mate would be asleep for a long while. It was time to shift to and let his bear have a few minutes outside again, since it might be a some time before he could shift without fear of hunters coming after him.

Indiana dropped the bath towel and walked out of his front door and down the steps. A moment later, his body twisted and reshaped into the bear. He dug his claws into the earth and then scented the wind. The wildness called to him, whispering the secrets of the trees and the ancient dreams of the ferns that formed the underbrush in the woods ahead of him.

Nature's language had a thousand beautiful dialects, and he was fluent in every one, from the cry of the fox to the babble of water over river stones. It was easy not to feel lonely if he let himself feel and hear the world around him moving, living, and breathing. Yes, one was never alone when one remembered they were a part of this wild, wonderful world. But it would be something else to share this feeling with another of his kind … his mate . Could he have that with Hadlee? She would have to trust him and trust herself. But she was damned brave. If anyone could do it, he believed she could.

All he had to do was let her discover the wild within herself.