Chapter 32

THIRTY-TWO

DOMHNALL

I’m still shook after last night.

We spent the day quiet. Snuggling. Watching movies. And getting ready for tonight.

I’ve just parked us at Carnal but suddenly my hands go white-knuckled on the wheel. We’ve been so safe in the protection of the mansion all this time. And I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect day than today.

Brooke was so delighted with everything I bought her. I glance over at her adjusting her outfit and can’t help grinning. She’s adorable in the little cat-eared tiara, nestled at the crown of her long, flowing hair. My collar glitters at her neck. It brings me a deep-down pleasure I can’t explain .

“How does my tail look?” she asks as she opens her door and bends over, lifting her robe with one hand and grinning over her shoulder at me. She waggles her bottom, the furry cat’s tail attached to a butt plug we carefully inserted a little bit ago swishing back and forth.

She’s been quiet all day, but like this, too—bouncy and happy.

My eyes track her swishing tail up to her round little?—

Fuck. Now I’m hard.

“You sure you still want to do this?” I ask for the hundredth time.

She glares at me, then barks, “Out of the car.”

She stands back up and reties the robe that’s softly lined inside but looks like a jacket on the outside when it’s closed. Knowing she’s naked apart from the collar, tail, and the little nude ballet shoes she’s wearing underneath doesn’t help my stiffy.

Until I remember what she said last night and immediately deflate. Just when I thought I was so in control, I totally lost my shit.

Or maybe you’ll hurt me again right when I give you my trust . I hear her voice in my head, and again, I feel the righteousness of the accusation in her words. It was only what I deserved after what I’d done and how I’d failed her. At least we were both finally acknowledging it.

Then, like always, there was his fucking voice, an unending echo I can’t ever seem to rid myself of .

Such an ugly, untrustworthy little bitch, aren’t you? You were born a dog, and you’ll die a dog, you little slut. You’re master’s good little bitch, aren’t you?

Lick my boot. Lick it like you love it.

Make me believe you love it.

Polish it, you little bitch!

Him shoving my head down until I choked. Because it wasn’t his boot.

I’d twisted away from her, then.

I couldn’t stand for her to see my face.

Fucking feelings, making me so fucking weak. Begging her to leave like that, right when she needed me to be strong. I just folded like a fucking bitch. I’m still so fucking ashamed. I don’t deserve for her to wear my collar.

Fucking feelings. I’ve been fighting to hold my shoulders up all day. To grasp at some pretense of control.

“Let’s go in!” Brooke says from the other side of the car, oblivious as I sit storming in the front seat. “I want to catch up with Quinn and Moira!”

I see she’s swooping down to look back in at me, so I swing myself out of the car.

And at her words, I also remember: my sister. Shit. I’ve barely thought about Moira all week, I’ve been so consumed with Brooke. Usually I’m checking the reports from everyone I have watching her to make sure she’s alright and they’ve all just stacked up in my inbox. Someone else I’ve been failing.

But Moira will be here tonight, and I can get a visual on her. How much trouble could she have gotten into in just a week, anyway?

I walk around the front of the car to tuck Brooke’s hand in my arm and— Fuck. Her beauty slams me full in the chest. She’s so goddamn gorgeous. I don’t fecking deserve her. Maybe tonight once we’re around other people, she’ll finally realize it, too. My chest feels like it caves in at the thought, but I don’t allow myself to let on.

Come on, little bitch. You’ve spent your whole life wearing masks. What’s one more night?

My large hand envelops her small one as she shifts her weight forward against me.

“Oh!” she gasps, smiling as our gazes catch. She grins radiantly up at me, and in spite of the terror at the thought of losing her that’s currently squeezing the breath out of my chest, I also have to admit, I’ve never been so fecking happy in me whole stupid life. It’s been a bitter cocktail all day—the wild joy drenched in shame.

Before I can lean down and kiss the woman of my dreams, though, she’s grabbing my hand and dragging me forwards. “Come on! I want to see everyone.”

I shut the car door and allow her to tug me forward. Even though I usually go through the back member’s entrance, I allow her to take me around to the front of the club.

It’s not flashy. Just a large black brick front with Carnal painted in white lettering across the glass entrance doors.

Next door is the swingers club, Tempt . It was one of Caleb’s best moves inviting the owner, Dakota, into talks to lease the space next door when she began inquiring in the area. Curious couples come for one space and migrate into the other. Then Caleb tempts the high dollar clients into ring membership here.

I open the door for Brooke, and she gives me a small smile before stepping inside. Like she’s trying to reassure me when I should be doing that for her. Fuck, I’m failing her again if she can see I’m off my game at all. I’m better than that.

We’re greeted by the club’s other bouncer, Derek. He’s newer, but he gives me a lift of the chin in acknowledgement as he steps out of the way for us to pass down the long hallway to the main part of the club.

I stand taller and solidify my outward facade. I’m at the club. I’ve been here a thousand times, and I know how to act. Shoulders back. Don’t give a damn attitude. Bored and aloof expression.

Except how can I stay aloof when I’m being dragged along by a bright-eyed, gorgeous, kitty-ified Brooke who seems delighted by everything she sees?

The night is already in full swing. A lot of familiar faces are engaged in play on the various apparatuses around. Gemini’s in the raised human-sized birdcage, their owner sitting in a chair, occasionally giving them a little swing with his booted foot. On center stage, a sub is on his knees, arms encased in rope against his chest, sucking his dom’s cock.

Quinn has her sub over the flogging horse, landing practiced lash after lash across his ass and back with a wicked-looking rubber whip. Only the real pain pigs seek her out and this little piggie’s squealing in distressed delight with every blow.

Thankfully, the atmosphere steadies me. Some, anyway.

I lead Brooke towards the lounge area by the bar. No one’s allowed to drink before they scene, but if you bring in your own alcohol, the bartenders will mix drinks after you’re done playing.

Regulars sit in the large, comfortable chairs scattered around, along with some newbies. I nod to a couple of them, my hand possessively on Brooke’s lower back.

No one touches what’s mine.

Everyone here knows better. Consent is king and required before any touch. Caleb hovers at one end of the club. Isaak is at the other, keeping watch over everything, always ready to enforce the rules.

We bypass the lounge and head towards Caleb. As we get closer, I see he’s chattering with Moira. Thank god. The relief I always feel at seeing my sister safe, unmarked, and in one piece floods through me.

Okay. See? Everything’s under control. Last night shook me, sure, but even the best doms have their off days. Tonight, I’m in my element and I can bring everything back to rights.

Moira’s the first to notice us. She looks right past me, her whole face lighting up at seeing Brooke.

“Brooke!” she exclaims, throwing her arms out wide and almost smacking Caleb in the face. He moves back just in time as my sister sprints in her Catholic school-girl outfit towards Brooke. She all but leaps into Brooke’s arms. “We were so worried! Are you okay?”

I would roll my eyes at my sister’s confidence in me. Except I think it actually means that as much as I’ve tried to hide my darkness from her, she’s seen it, anyway. She knew what I was capable of. Fuck. She doesn’t look at me, eyes only on Brooke.

“I’m good,” Brooke smiles, hugging Moira back. “Really good. How’ve you been? I’ve missed movie nights. Oh, and I finally saw Titanic ! The good part anyway. And look at you, so cute!” She tugs at my sister’s pigtails as she pulls out of the hug. Moira really committed to the whole schoolgirl kink tonight, knee socks, short skirt, and all.

“Hell yeah, more movie nights!” Moira exclaims. “You’re coming back home to the apartment now, right?” She looks expectantly at Brooke, and I can feel the weight of Caleb’s eyes on Brooke, too.

My entire body goes tense, waiting to hear how Brooke will answer. Yes she’s wearing my collar, but this was always part of my terror at bringing her here. I pull back from the girls, only then realizing I’m holding my breath.

Here, all she has to do is ask anyone else in this room for a ride. I meant what I said last night. I likely will hunt her to the ends of the earth if she tries to disappear again. I wouldn’t be able to help myself. But she was very, very good at hiding from me the first time.

A single flip of the coin and our lives could diverge again.

Just then, she reaches back for my hand, squeezes, and tugs me forward until I’m standing beside her.

“Oh thanks,” she says. “I’ll definitely have to come over for more movie nights. But, um, I think I’m going home with Domhnall.”

She looks up at me shyly and the flood of tension in my chest releases as I step forward, my hand sliding easily to possess the small of her back again.

Finally, finally, I breathe in. “Of course,” I murmur in her ear. “I always want you at home where you belong. With me.”

Her entire body relaxes into my side, and I finally begin to believe that maybe, just maybe, in this fucked up world of violence, burden, and sorrow, a thing such as happy endings might still exist.