Chapter 31

THIRTY-ONE

brOOKE

I first look up at the collar with the sparkling jewel, gasping loudly.

But what shocks me even more is Domhnall, who’s climbed down on one knee in front of me on the carpet. Making himself my equal. And positioning himself as if this is a proposal.

It’s not the collar he locked me up in the dungeon with before. This one is beautiful and soft, and it looks meant for someone he treasures. I don’t miss the large diamond, either. My mouth goes dry.

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.

“Yes, but it’s more than just decorative. It symbolizes that you—” He swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, “—that you belong to me. If you put it on, you’ll be mine .” The last word is all but a growl that sends tingles straight to my sex.

Why does this feel even more meaningful and permanent than the marriage proposal earlier today? Either way, he seems determined to put a ring on me.

I nod, swallowing back emotion. It takes me a moment to manage words. “I’d be honored to accept.”

I turn slightly so he can put it on me. He’s careful as he settles it around my neck, fingers whisper soft against my skin as he fastens it. It’s loose until I suck in a quick breath of air and feel the confines of the soft leather around my throat.

Fuck, I love the strange feeling of safety it gives me. I am owned. I am his. I belong . Immediately, every muscle in my body relaxes.

I knew this was the right way. All the fears from my nightmare are gone. I just need wholeness in Domhnall. He’ll protect me from the darkness. He always will.

I lift a finger tentatively to the large front jewel, not quite daring to actually touch it. “I can’t wait to show everyone at the club later today.” I beam up at him but he frowns.

“We don’t have to go to the club to prove anything anymore. I’ll take you to see Moira or Quinn whenever you want. We can go after breakfast, if you like.”

“Oh.” Now I’m frowning. “But I thought?—”

“What?” He helps me up off the floor, standing and reaching one hand down to pull me back into bed with him.

“Domhn…” My voice is quiet as I finger the leather of the collar. I feel comforted by its weight around my neck. It’s not heavy, but its presence is a reassuring reminder of belonging.

He looks at me, and our eyes catch in that endless feedback loop we get in sometimes.

Even though I can’t remember what happened in the nightmare, the fear and coldness from it still linger deep down in my bones and I shiver. I give a tiny shake of my head. “I’m not sure if you’re real. I don’t know how to trust…”

“Me,” he finishes for me, nodding as if assuring me he understands what I mean.

But that’s wrong. He’s misunderstanding.

“No.” I shake my head, frustrated. “ Me . I don’t know how to trust me . I don’t know how to trust my perception of what I see. Of what I feel . Sometimes things get hazy and I think maybe you…” I look all around us and make a sweeping gesture, “…and all this, aren’t real. Or…”

“Or what?” he ask, shoulders straightening as if he’s forcing himself to hear something that will be hard to hear.

And maybe it will be. But if we’re going to do this—really do this—and I’m going to give myself to him completely, I have to be able to tell him the truth about what I’m afraid of. At least the things I know I’m afraid of, when I’m awake.

“…Or,” I finally manage, “maybe you’ll hurt me again right when I give you my trust.”

He nods over and over, and I can tell my words slice him deep .

I hate that. But I think this is what real people do when they care. They say the hard things and try to listen to each other.

He just nods, so hard, eyes dropping and face washing with shame in a way that tells me he’s misunderstanding what I’m saying again. Or hearing some other sorts of demons in his head that have nothing to do with me.

He twists away from me and his back heaves up and down like he’s breathing really hard. Then he takes a step towards the door as if he’s going to leave.

I panic. “Domhn. Donny!” I jump up to follow, skirting in front of him and blocking the door but not touching him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it!”

Fuck good communication. We’ll try that later. I just need him to stay with me right now.

His nostrils flare and his face is red.

“You did, don’t say you didn’t,” he barks, then pulls back and looks frustrated as if realizing how much that sounded like an order. He heaves out a pained breath. “I mean, obviously you can say whatever you want. Look, Brooke, this is too fucked up. You’re right to be second-guessing shit. You shouldn’t trust me. I wouldn’t let my sister within ten feet of a fuck like me.”

He reaches out like he wants to cup my face but then doesn’t, dropping his hands instead. And his features twist as he begs, “ Run . Brooke, you should have run as far away from me when you had the chance. ”

Is he serious? He’s saying this shit right after he collared me and called me his ?

But he just keeps on, “You need to get the hell away from me, so you have a chance at normal?—”

“I’ll never be normal,” I shout, shoving him in the chest.

He looks down at me, stunned.

“You keep saying I can do whatever I want, but then you want to tell me what to do. You’re such a fucking asshole!”

He nods along with me. “Yes, exactly. I’m an asshole.” Then he clamps his mouth shut as if forcibly trying to make himself not say more. Works for me.

“Yes,” I agree vehemently with him agreeing with me. “And whoever said I wanted normal? I’m not normal. That ship sailed a long time ago. God knows who I might have been if normal had been an option. It wasn’t. This is who I am, whoever the fuck that is. I want to find out with you. I’m just trying to tell you there might be some stops and starts.”

“Oh.” He just nods, sounding a little choked.

“Yeah. Oh,” I say, still on a roll. “And what I want is to go to the club tonight and do a scene. Is it a big deal if I pull a safe word there?”

He switches to shaking his head. “Not at all. I hope you’ll feel even safer there with everyone else around.”

“You idiot.” I dare shoving him on the shoulder. Just a quick touch and then gone again. “I’m not afraid to be alone with you.”

He just stares at me a second. And then he throws his arms around me and squeezes me to his chest. I sink against him and for a second she’s back—that hovering ghost. We both remember this. My body remembers him. It has this whole time. I’ve known him and the heart of the boy that still lives inside the man. Even when he couldn’t remember it, I still could, amnesia or not.

Donny I’ve got to tell you something .

I gasp and pull away from him.

“What?” he asks, concerned. His eyes search my face.

“Nothing,” I say, still a little short of breath. Was that an actual… memory? But now that I try consciously focusing on what I was just thinking, it’s disappeared like a wisp on the wind.

So I smile and wrap my arms around Domhn’s waist. “I can’t wait to see everyone at the club.”

He just shakes his head at me and looks down with eyes so full of affection I could drown in them. “How is your spirit so strong? Fuck I’m so glad you don’t want to leave me because I don’t think I could let you go. I’d chase you to the ends of the earth.”

He pulls me back into his arms and I sink against his chest, loving the strong, sure pound of his heart beating against my ear.

“Good,” I breathe out. “Because you’re stuck with me now.”