Chapter 9

This felt like a dream, having Pierce’s hands on me while I knelt between his legs.

I’d been afraid at first. Embarrassed, even.

But now… now I just felt content.

There was something undeniably freeing about giving him control and trusting him to see me through this. When he’d started talking about training and teaching me, I’d melted.

I want that, I thought. I want to learn everything from you.

It was a fantastical notion, one I’d lost myself within.

I’d barely heard my brother speaking. His words had processed within my mind, then fluttered off into the wind. Because they didn’t matter. Nothing did. Only Pierce.

And his palm.

His fingers.

That lingering touch.

“Jenica,” he whispered.

I hummed, leaning into him.

Adalyn had become a completely different person when he’d arrived. She’d said something about his ring and how he was a member, and she’d lost her usual sarcastic flair behind a mask of submission.

Or perhaps the sarcastic part of her was the mask.

I wasn’t really sure. It’d been a bit shocking at first.

But then Pierce had told me to kneel. He’d taken charge. And it’d been all too easy for me to just let him lead.

It had provided a freedom unlike any I’d ever experienced before. A freedom I reveled in now, trusting him to just let me exist.

“Fuck,” he cursed, drawing my gaze up to his face. His eyes reminded me of a rainforest, all dark green leaves with a hint of sunlight making them glow. I could lose myself in that stare for days. Months, even. He cupped my cheek again and I sighed, his touch exactly what I craved.

His thumb traced my lower lip, sending a shiver down my spine.

I parted my mouth on instinct. More.

I had no idea what he was doing to me or why I’d given myself up to this freedom, but I didn’t want it to stop.

“Jenica.” His gentle tone stirred a deep warmth within me that left me breathless. No one had ever made me feel this way.

“I like this,” I confided in him. “I like you touching me.” It was something I’d dreamt of a million times, but never quite in this manner. Him being soothing yet dominant, caring yet in charge.

“You need to go before your brother comes back.” He removed his hand, leaving me cold in his wake.

I started to lean again, seeking his heat, only to realize he wasn’t there to catch me.

The world twisted, my vision crossing as I began to tip sideways.

His palm caught my shoulder, righting me again. “Jenica. I need you to snap out of it and go.”

Snap out of it?I blinked. Snap out of what?

“This isn’t you,” he told me. “You’re not…”

I’m not what?I met his eyes once more.

He wore a tortured expression, his forest-green irises swirling with a myriad of emotions.

“Did I do something wrong?” I wondered aloud, my voice oddly choked. “Have I…?” What was it Adalyn had said?

“If it would please you, Sirs.”

I’d felt the approval radiating from Pierce when she’d spoken. His relief at her words.

I wanted that.

I wanted him to feel that way for me.

So how did I accomplish that?

“Will you teach me?” I asked him. “Will you…? Will you teach me how to please you, Sir?” The words sounded foreign on my tongue, yet right. They sounded almost like a tease. A game. A way to seduce.

And the flare of his nostrils told me they were working.

His grasp on my shoulder tightened.

His pupils dilated.

His jaw set.

“You’re Jax’s little sister.”

“I’m Jen,” I corrected him. “Tonight, I’m Jen. And Jen wants orgasms.” I had no idea why I’d voiced that out loud. It should have embarrassed the hell out of me. Especially since it stirred a shocked laugh from him.

“I don’t even recognize you right now.”

“That’s because you don’t know me,” I whispered, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. “All you see is Goldilocks. But I’m not a kid anymore.” My gaze dropped to the ground, my shoulders rounding as the hurt of the last few weeks settled through me.

Something about this place, about this position, left me feeling so exposed. Like I’d just put all my cards on the table for him to see and knew how easily he could take advantage of that.

How could I be so stupid? Allow myself to be degraded like this?

All the warm parts of me chilled, the world spiraling out of control around me once more. Pierce was no longer in charge, no longer directing me.

No. He was still directing me.

He wanted me to leave.

How had this all gone wrong so quickly?

I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. To weep. I felt lost.

The evening had started out so promising, just to take a turn when he’d arrived, and now… now I couldn’t even remember why I’d agreed to come here with Adalyn.

To forget.

But how could I forget the male sitting right in front of me? Touching me?

A tear escaped my eye, my heart breaking all over again.

I felt worthless. Na?ve. Angry.

How much time had I wasted on him? Why couldn’t I seem to escape him?

Why can’t he see me?

Does it even matter anymore?

I felt too exposed here. Too other. I needed to run. To hide. To never see him again.

My legs shot an ache up through my spine as I started to move, attempting to stand. This damn dress made it difficult to move properly. So did my shoes. And his knees weren’t helping. I refused to touch him. Refused to let him help me.

He’d abandoned me.

He’d thrown my title back at me, reminding me of my place and dismissing my needs.

Some foreign part of me hated him for that.

I’d shown him my vulnerability, submitting to his control… and he’d twisted it. Cursed at it. Degraded it.

I would never forgive him for this.

“Jenica,” he breathed, his hands going to my shoulders as I fought to stand.

“Let me go,” I said, despising him more than I’d ever thought possible. “I hate you.”

He reared back like I’d struck him. “Jenica.”

“Don’t.” I needed to run. To hide. To not let him see me cry.

But it was already too late.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. “You never saw me at all,” I whispered brokenly. It felt like a decade of pain had just slammed into me at once.

He’ll never understand.

It was hopeless.

I twisted from his grip, only to lose my balance because of my uncooperative legs.

He caught me again, his hands on my hips as he lifted me into the air. I wanted to fight him, to scream, to pound at his shoulders and demand he release me, but I had no strength left.

I felt weak, like all the air had been sucked from my lungs, my limbs lifeless and incapable of movement.

It was terrifying.

“I need a room,” I heard him saying. “Now.”

I shuddered, the dominance in his tone seeming to ground me once more. But only for a moment because the club started to spin again around me.

I couldn’t feel my legs.

It was as though I were walking on air.

Well, not walking. Floating.

He’s carrying me.

I tried to frown, but I couldn’t. Maybe because I was already frowning. My cheeks were damp, my lips dry.

I hate you,I thought. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

“Shh,” Pierce hushed.

Did I say that out loud?

Oh, who cares!

He needed to hear it.

Except now he really would think I was a child, throwing a tantrum in the middle of a sex club. Fuck. What is wrong with me?

“I’ve got you,” Pierce said.

What does that even mean?

Cool air whirled around me as we moved.

Gold. Velvety red. Black. The colors all swirled together, the sounds of the club seeming to disappear.

In the next instant, I was surrounded in blissful silence, wrapped up in a minty scent of masculine aftershave. Pierce’s arms resembled bands of steel around me, holding me against him in a way I longed to loathe yet intimately craved.

“You’re safe,” he whispered against my ear. “I have you.”

I wanted to protest, to tell him that wasn’t true at all. He didn’t have me. He barely knew me. All he saw was a little girl who loved to color. And I hadn’t been that girl for many, many years.

His lips ghosted across my forehead, the heat searing my skin and intensifying my focus. He was still holding me. We were on a bed in a luxurious room decorated in modern black and white colors. Silver furnishings finished the look, providing an undertone of opulence.

I swallowed, my heartbeat seeming to slow as I studied my surroundings.

It wasn’t calming. It was just different enough to pull me out of my head. At least until my gaze found Pierce watching me.

I flinched, my desire to flee rising once more and shooting my pulse into overdrive. He’d done something to me. Snapped a fragile part of me. Made me distrust his intentions.

I… I had asked him to teach me. I must have phrased it wrong because he’d responded with a reminder of who I was to him.

Jax’s little sister.

My throat worked, my instinct to squirm away from him taking hold as I tried to escape his touch.

But his arms tightened instead, trapping me against him.

This wasn’t where I wanted to be. Not anymore. Not after he’d essentially rejected me.

I’d seen his interest when I’d asked him to teach me. But then he’d shut me down with four words.

“You’re Jax’s little sister.”

“Let me go,” I said, trying to shove him away from me, my panic swirling out of control again. I’d been so warm. So safe. So… so… content.

And then he’d shifted.

He’d told me to go.

To leave.

A stark rejection.

All because of something I couldn’t change. I would always be—

“Jenica.” A hint of a command underlined his tone, stilling me. I’d been in the process of trying to shove him away from me, my mind seeming to have lost complete control of my body.

“I don’t even recognize you right now,”he’d said.

Yeah. Well. I didn’t recognize myself either.

I was confused.

Lost.

Content one minute and wandering the next.

“What did you do to me?” I demanded, my voice borderline hysterical. “You… you…”

“Broke your trust,” he interjected, making me freeze once more. “I’m sorry, Jenica. I didn’t realize… but I should have realized. Fuck, it all makes so much sense now.”

I hung on his every word, my mind solely focused on his deep voice. “Didn’t realize what?”

“That you weren’t faking it.” His forehead touched mine. “I thought you were playing along, Jenica. But I should have realized where your mind had gone. You were submitting and relying on me to take care of you, and I failed you.”

I blinked. “What?” Is that what I’d been doing? When I’d felt safe? Giving up control to him? Had I been submitting? My lips parted, understanding taking root inside my mind.

Was this why I’d never been able to find what I’d needed from my previous boyfriends?

I’d thought it was because of Pierce. And maybe it had been. His dominance and presence had always called to me, making me want to follow him around and beg him for attention.

But I’d never been good enough.

No, that wasn’t right. I’d never been old enough.

Yet he’d spoken to me tonight in a voice that I longed to hear again. He’d stroked my hair, calming me inside, and protected me from discovery.

It had made me feel safe.

Cherished.

Warm.

Until he’d taken it all away by telling me to leave. By reminding me of who I was to him. Jax’s—

“Jenica.” My name on Pierce’s lips pulled me back to him. “Have you ever submitted to a Dom before?”

My brow furrowed. What is he asking? No, why is he asking me this? To chastise me? Take on the brother role and try to tell me never to grow up?

“Communication, sweetheart. It’s important. I need to know how experienced you are.”

“Why?” I whispered, wary.

“Because I’m going to give you what you need. But I need to know if you’ve ever done this before. I can guess, but there is no room for guesswork during a scene.”

“S-scene?” I repeated, not understanding him at all. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about dominating you.” His fingers clasped my chin, pulling my gaze up to his. “I broke your trust once, and I won’t do it again. Now, I need to know if you’ve ever done this before.”