39. The Memory

Hunter

Being back home in Indiana filled Hunter with bittersweet memories of his childhood. The town was slightly different but, overall, the same. The barren town center, with its mom-and-pop shops, second-hand store, and ice cream parlor next to the pizzeria, was smaller than he had remembered. The tallest building, a mere three stories. Driving through the quiet, suburban streets made him think about the last time he saw Mr. Parker.

Eight years prior

A few months after their breakup… With no response from Logan, Hunter grew increasingly restless. He couldn’t sleep, could hardly eat, and nothing in his life felt the same. He missed how alive he felt when he and Logan were together and couldn’t remember his life before Logan. He loved him so much, and felt silly for doing so. The hardest part was not being able to share how he felt with anyone. No one was aware of how much he suffered inside.

It was Christmas day when Hunter knocked on the front door of the Parker family home.

“Hunter! My god!” Mrs. Parker answered the door with wide eyes. “Come in. Come in.” She threw her arms around him tightly and didn’t let go while rubbing his back. She must’ve been the only person who knew what he was feeling. He tried hard not to tear up as his heart did somersaults at the thought of seeing Logan again for Christmas. If he could just tell him how he felt and how sorry he was. Let’s give the distance another chance, he’d rehearsed. I’ll move out west.

“Merry Christmas,” Hunter said, hugging her back.

“Look who’s here,” she said to Mr. Parker.

Mr. Parker popped his head out of the kitchen. “Hunter! It’s so great to have you here, son. Come in.” He walked over and gave Hunter a long embrace, rubbing his back as he did. “I’m so glad you joined us.”

“I was stopping by for a minute. My mother sent you this.” Hunter handed Mrs. Parker a box wrapped in red paper and a golden bow.

“Wow, thank you,” she cheered, as if the unopened box was enough.

It was a framed picture of Hunter and Logan at their college graduation in their cap and gown with their arms around each other’s shoulders, replicating the picture they took together when they were kids in elf hats.

“Look at my boys,” she cried, almost in tears. “You’re both so handsome.”

“Logan will love that when he sees it. We’ll have to take a picture of it for him,” Mr. Parker said.

“Is he … not upstairs?” Hunter asked. The only reason he even came home that Christmas was for the possibility of seeing Logan again and telling him how he felt, face to face.

“Sorry, dear,” his mother said. “He’s with Amber’s family on Lake Tahoe this Christmas.”

“That’s his school friend?”

“His girlfriend,” Mr. Parker blurted.

Hunter felt his throat constrict and his heart break all over again. The room spun in slow circles making him blink hard before catching his breath. “That’s nice.” He faked a smile, fighting back tears.

“I, uh, don’t think they’re that serious. You know how Logan is,” Mrs. Parker said trying to reassure him. “You know, we should call him and let him know you’re here and he can wish you a Merry Christmas.”

“No—no, that’s okay,” Hunter said as he got up from the couch. “I should get going.”

“But you just got here … Here, Logan is on the video.” Mr. Parker flashed his phone in Hunter’s face. “Logan, guess who is here!”

“No, I can’t, I gotta go,” Hunter said, looking away.

“Hey!” He heard Logan’s cheerful voice, but it hurt too much to listen to.

Hunter rushed down the foyer, out the front door, and into his car. He hated himself for going there. He hated Logan for promising they’d be together forever and leaving as soon as things had become difficult. Most of all, he hated himself for having feelings for a man he could never be with, at least not publicly.

He turned the key in the ignition and was startled by tapping at his window. It was Mr. Parker. He rolled down the passenger side window.

“I don’t want to talk to Logan,” Hunter said, annoyed.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Parker. I’m going to go.”

Mr. Parker opened the passenger door and got in his car. “Can you give me a ride?” Hunter sighed in frustration. “Just down the street.” Mr. Parker hopped into the car and shut the door.

They drove around for a few minutes without saying a word, down blocks and blocks of familiar houses and past the small shops of downtown.

“Where do you want me to take you?” Hunter asked, breaking the silence.

“Back to the house is fine,” Mr. Parker said.

Hunter groaned. “Are you serious? Whatever. Why’d you get in my car?”

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t alone. I know what it’s like to lose someone you care about. You should know my son loves you very much. Things don’t always happen when we want them to. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get another shot at changing things. Other times you don’t, and all you can be is grateful for the time you had together,” Mr. Parker spoke in a calm, comforting voice.

“You’re saying … I need to let go.”

“No. Not at all. Make your own destiny. What you do is up to you. As long as everything you do is in your best interest and also healthy.” Hunter pulled up in front of the Parkers’ home again. “We miss our kids all the time. We miss having you around, too. Would you mind spending the night and having a big breakfast with us in the morning? It’s Christmas.” Mr. Parker gave Hunter a warm smile.

Hunter’s initial instinct was to say ‘no’. He shut off the ignition, and Mr. Parker opened his arms wide. Hunter hesitated before reaching over the center console and hugged him back.

“I love you, son,” Mr. Parker said sweetly, giving Hunter a kiss on the cheek while he held him tightly. That was all it took. Hunter choked up again and all he could do was cry.